Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,

‘ Tears from the depths of some divine despair

Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, In

looking on the happy autumn fields, And thinking

of the days that are no more.

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

That first week went by in a flash. There was one more masked attack on Keri and Trudi. They hadn’t targeted anyone else as yet though, although someone continued to put weird messages in Alianna’s locker, then it changed to inside her desk, sometimes on doorways as she exited class. They still were no closer to understanding what they meant. But then Friday was over and the week turned into the weekend.

Anne’s alarm went off at 6:30 am. She looked at her window and saw the sunlight beginning to filter in around the shade. Excitement touched her eyes as memory flooded in to replace her sleepiness as she recalled that today was Saturday, the day Brittney had invited her to go riding. They had talked a lot over this past week, and had developed a blooming friendship, even though it was an odd one. They had to be secret friends. Anne felt it might hurt Her brother, Keri and Ali, and Trudi if they knew she had a friend at Alison’s table, and Brittney was pretty sure Alison and Megan wouldn’t take too well to her hanging out with someone so close to those who they were sworn to persecute. Anne had always had friends, but not anyone who seemed to understand the real her, or even sought to. She felt so bad for Britney, for the more they had talked it seemed more and more that Brittney was trapped inside a room made of money and she couldn’t get out of it.

She got up to head to the bathroom. When she opened her door she looked across the hall at Jaius’s room. She froze, overwhelmed for some reason by sadness. a tear trickled down from her eye. She couldn’t move, her eyes locked on Jaius’s door. Then, what was happening slowly filtered in. She remembered the days of sadness this past summer when she would come out of her room in the mornings and see his shut door knowing that it was not going to open, because he wasn’t in it. She would collapse in the middle of her door frame and cry so loud she would wake everyone up. It happened every morning for months. Every time it happened Sis would open her door, see her laying there bawling and her door would shut, only later on would Anne discover that Sis had been cutting herself after she shut the door. Anne hated herself everyday during those months when she realized she was the one causing her sister to hurt herself. She still felt waves of guilt about it now. As if thinking about her summoned her, Sis came quietly up the stairs and stood in front of her. She still couldn’t move. Her sister knelt down and took her hands in hers. “Hey, you okay?” Her sister’s voice seemed to cut away her paralysis. Anne looked at her and shook her head. “I thought so, but as soon as I opened the door this morning I had waves of Deja vu from the past couple of months. I guess it was the time I woke up, and then seeing his door closed….” Tears started to fall on her sister's hands. Anne fell to her knees and ran her hands over her sister's wrists. “I…I am so sorry Sis that I made you do this.” The turmoil she had undergone the last few months flooded her facc. Her sister's eyes became very intense and she placed both of her hands on either side of her cheeks, forcing her to look into her eyes. “Anne Marie McFarland, do not lie to me right now, have you in anyway, great or small, been blaming yourself for what I did to my wrists?” The intensity of her sister's voice cut through her guilt and defenses and she nodded her head yes. Tears streamed out of her sister's eyes and suddenly she found herself enfolded in her sister's arms. “Annie, there is nothing, not one minuscule thing that is in any way your fault or that you caused in regards to what I did to myself this summer. You let go of that guilt right now Anne, because none of it belongs to you. I had a hurt in me Anne that I couldn’t even give a name too. It was buried so deep, from when I was young. I had no words to describe what was happening to me back then, and so I couldn’t talk about it when it happened and by the time I had the words, I had lost the memories. But my heart remembered and it kept shooting out waves of pain that I couldn’t heal from. It wasn’t your crying every morning Anne that made me cut myself. It was the pain that I was trying to get out of my heart. That day you found me, I thought that if I cut deep enough and far enough the pain would all come out. I am so sorry Annie that you saw that, but you also got mom and that saved my life.” She squeezed Anne tighter as she began to cry really hard. “You didn’t hurt me Annie, you saved me.” “I…I thought I had lost you too Sissy. Oh God, Sis there was so much blood.” Now it was her sister's turn to cry very hard. “ I’m so sorry Annie, please forgive me.” “Only if you forgive me.” Sis looked at her with puffy eyes. “Anne, I told you you had nothing to be forgiven for, it wasn’t your fault.” Her sister said in exasperation. Anne shook her head. “No, for not coming to visit you in the hospital. I…I thought you were going to die, and I got so scared that I couldn’t go. I didn’t blame you or hate you Sis, I was just soo scared.” Her sister smiled and embraced her warmly. “It’s okay Annie, I never had any bad feelings towards you, I just felt so guilty that I was so selfish to try to hurt myself like that, and caused you such pain when you found me.”

Suddenly there were strong arms around them both. “You both okay?” Said Jaius. He must have stepped out of his room and they hadn’t heard him through their tears. They both placed their hands on his arms. “Yep, just having some sister talk.” Jaius looked at her a bit more seriously. “Just sister talk?” Sis sighed and looked up at him. “We were just reliving some sad days lil bro, and forgiving each other.” She said, giving Anne a small smile. Anne returned the smile and then wanting to change the topic, looked at Jaius. “Did you hear anything from Father Michael about the contest yet?” Jaius shook his head. “It looks like we will have to wait till Monday. Whether we win or not it was a fun time working on it.” Anne smiled and nodded. “Totally and Ali’s idea for a band sounds so cool, I can’t believe there is so much musical talent in our group..” Sis looked at them both. “What are you guys talking about? Is Father Michael starting a band?” She asked with a confused look on her face. Jaius laughed and shook his head. “Not that we know of, but he did put out a contest to see who could write a play that he would want to put on this winter for the school. I had an idea for one and so all of us gathered together here on Monday night and wrote a proposal for a play called “A Play on Words.” “So that is what you all were doing here on Monday when I got home?” She said with a slight smile. As Sis moved her arm off of Jaius’s Anne saw her Apple Watch and the time read 7 am. “Oh no!” She moaned. “Brittney is going to be here at 7:30 and I still need to shower and get dressed.” She pouted. Sis helped her stand up. “What outfit were you going to wear, I’ll grab it and some towels and bring them in.” Anne smiled a little. “Thank you Sissy. The jeans with the pink flower on the pocket and brown button down shirt and my black blazer.” Sis raised her eyebrow. “ That's kinda formal stuff, Are you going to a party?” Anne popped her head back out of the bathroom door and gave her sister a disapproving look. “She’s taking me riding at her own horse farm Sissy, I just don’t want to look too out of place.” She then went in and shut the door. Sis looked at the closed door and smiled and just shook her head. Jaius was turning to go back into his room when Sis touched his arm. “Hey J.” He stopped and turned to look at her. “What’s up Sis?” “Do…do you have a little free time after breakfast?” “Sure, what’s up?” “Would you want to take a walk around the neighborhood with me, I..I wanted to ask you about something.” “Definitely Sis! Let me get dressed and I’ll heat you up a breakfast burrito and we can go.” She smiled and nodded. “Thanks J.” She then went into Anne’s room and started going through her closet and dressers.

After Anne ran out the door, Jaius pulled out the burritos from the microwave, and two juice pouches from the fridge and went over to sit next to his sister on the couch. She put her phone down as he handed her the plate. She thanked him. When he handed her the juice pouch, however, she raised her eyebrow at him and laughed a little. “A capree Sun? Really J?” She looked at him in wonder. “What?” He said defensively. “It was all that was in the fridge, Mom is at the store right now.” She shook her head and smiled. “Well, I think it has officially been a decade since I’ve had one, but here goes.” She held hers up to his. “cheers.” And just like that he had a flash back of when she was six and he was theee and they were sitting on their couch in Pittsburgh and she held her juice box out to him and said “Cheers, J.” She had been unable to say his name right when they were young so she had called him J. A tear left her eye, yet the smile on her lips indicated it was a happy one. “You remember, don’t you?” Jaius said with a smile. “Yep, there we were on that ugly lime green couch that mom loved.” She giggled. They both laughed at the memory, but then slowly they grew silent. “What’s in your mind Sis? What did you need to talk to me about?” She took a big bite of her burrito, which he knew meant she was thinking hard. “I…I need a firm foundation J. This summer cracked me in places that I didn’t even know existed. I’m crumbling and I need help. You found it, I’ve watched you these past weeks, handling all the reporters and tests for school and everything and, I…I need what you have, what your friends Alianna and Olivia have.” Jaius looked deep into his sister's eyes and saw the truth of what she said, he took a deep breath. “Well, what we have is simple, yet very complex. It’s what I told you up in your room when we got back in the hospital. The Bible is true, absolutely, and God is true, and Jesus really died for our sins. I know you have heard all this your whole life, about Jesus dying on the cross, and how our sins can be forgiven, but the question comes down to, do you believe it in your heart. That because of His death and resurrection, all your sins are clean and you have been changed.” She looked at him intently, her eyes pleading for more. Jaius felt more nervous now than he had in months. He so desperately wanted his family to come to know Jesus as he had, if Sis believed he was sure Anne would and then Mom and Dad would have to believe all of them. “Lord, please open her heart to your truth.” He prayed silently in his head.

Sis sighed and shook her head. “That sounds easy enough, but what if you are already condemned to hell, is there any hope then?” She said as tears began to come down her cheeks. Jaius just stared at her in confusion. “Sis, what do you mean? Why do you think you're condemned to Hell?” She looked at him and he had never seen such a look before. It was one of absolute terror. “I…I…I told…”. She took a deep breath rasped by emotion. “He…he said ….If I…I told…I..I would go to…Hell.” She finished the last word in a whisper. She started to tremble. Jaius reached out and wrapped his arms around her. He could feel her whole body trembling. “Jen.” Her breath caught and for a moment the trembling stopped. He couldn’t remember ever calling his sister by her real name, but he had betted on that by saying it it might bring her out of her panic attack, he didn’t waste the widow he had earned. “We’re all going to Hell Jen, there are no good people, so you aren’t cursed, at least not more than any other human. You’re human Jen, which means you are born under sin and can’t get out of it on your own. You do have hope though , because Jesus, the Son of God had no sin, and He died in our place and took the penalty for our sin. His blood can wash us clean if in our hearts the belief is there that it is true. You know the story I told you Jen, the Bible is true, Adam and Eve, the Garden, it’s all true, God is real and Jesus really did die and rise again. You aren’t any more condemned then I was Jen, but the same truth of salvation in only Jesus that saved me can save you, if that belief is in your heart. Jen I love you and I would never lie to you.” She pulled away quickly and looked at his eyes. She looked very intently and then slowly nodded. “You aren’t lying.” She said and closed her eyes. Then she heard his voice. “If you profess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the Dead, then you will be saved.” She had always believed the story of the resurrection but for some reason it had never hit her heart, in that moment though some deep down part of her heart said “I believe” In an instant her heart exploded in light. All the darkness of her depression was destroyed in that light and she knew in that moment she had been changed. Gone was the little girl that had been so devastatingly hurt, and in her place, was someone new. She opened her eyes and looked at him with wonder. He had felt it, it felt like a nuclear bomb had just gone off but instead of bringing death, it brought life. “J…I’m, I’m free, I’m saved.” She got down on her knees and started to cry for joy. She began thanking Jesus profusely. Jaius got down on his knees next to her and laid his arm protectively over her, unable to speak and barely think. He started praising God with her. It was one of the more profound moments in his life. He didn’t remember what he had said to her or if he had even spoken at all, but somehow she had heard the gospel and been saved. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done.” She just blurted out. Then began to run through a litany of her sins out loud. When she was done she looked at him with the largest smile on her face that he’d ever seen. “J, I’m free from it, from the saddest day of my life, actually from a decade of saddest days.” She hugged him and jumped up and down. “Can I go to church with you and Ali tomorrow?” He hugged her very tightly “Absolutely!” The only thing he regretted in this moment was that Anne hadn't been there.

At 7:30 a very large Escalade with tinted windows pulled up and Anne got a text from Brittney that she was here. Jaius gave her a high five at the door, their usual way of greeting and parting. “Be careful Anne, it’s great that you both have a friendship going, but she also is learning how to play the game. Keri thought that it was a good bet that Brittney will be Queen of the table in two years, just don’t get hurt.” “I’ll be careful Jaius, I really think there is more to Brittney then all of that though.” “I‘ll be praying for you, that it is a good time.” She paused when he said that and then smiled. “Thanks. I’ll see you at 1pm.” She said and waved and ran out the door. When she got near the car, a man stepped out of the passenger side, he wore a suit and tie and had sunglasses on. He opened the door for her and looked in every direction except for her. Anne slowed and kept her eyes on him as she stepped around the door and looked inside. There was Brittney dressed in her riding outfit. Anne immediately felt embarrassment rising to her face. She had tried to find an outfit that would be good for riding, but she didn’t have anything that came close to what Brittney was wearing. Brittney dosolved her worry though as she climbed into the car. “Anne, I love your outfit! It’s very classy yet relaxed.” She sounded completely genuine and so Anne allowed the red of embarrassment to turn into a blush. “Thanks Brittney, yours looks so cool too, and def more appropriate for riding.” She smiled and looked down at herself. “It's a force of habit, I rode so much when I was in England that I just put it on automatically when I go to ride Ulysses.” Once she was inside the door shut on its own. Anne put on her seat belt and smiled. “Hey, is everything okay?” Brittney asked, her concern sounding genuine. Anne’s smile faded. She opened her mouth but nothing came out, and despite her best efforts a tear leaked out of her eye. Anne felt so embarrassed, she had made a cool friend on the first day at a new school and now she was about to spaz and ruin it. Brittney surprised her again by grabbing her hand and squeezing it. She looked over at her and found only compassion in her eyes. “I’m sorry Brittney, it was a very hard morning. I had a big flashback to the hard days that I went through this summer and it’s still swirling inside me I guess.” Britney looked down and then back to her. “Oh Anne, do you mean when your brother was gone?” Anne nodded her heard. “Yeah, I opened the door to my room this morning, and his room is right across the hall from mine and his door was closed and something about the who scene took me back a few months to when I would wake up every morning to his empty room, and be reminded, even before I became fully awake, that he was gone. So I would collapse right there in the hall and begin to cry, and my older sister would come out of her room, see me and then go right back to her room. She…she would cut herself after she would go back in. One day, one day I got up from where I was crying after my mom got me to calm down and went down the hall to Sis’s room. I knocked on the door but there was no answer, and so I opened it. When I got in she was sitting on her bambo chair with her arms on her knees and there was blood pouring from them. She had cut them very deeply and I could already see her becoming pale. I screamed so loud that my mom came. She ran downstairs and got some suran wrap and towels and my dad called 911, but it was our next door neighbor who was an ENT that saved Sis’s life. He heard the screams, came in and was able to keep her from dying.” As she finished everything she just said got replayed in her mind and she began to go pale and red at the same time. She looked at Brittany with horror. “Oh Brittany, I am so sorry. That was so not cool of me to lay that all on you, please forgive…”. She saw tears running down Brittney’s cheeks and felt that she had just ruined everything, except Brittney proved her wrong again. “Call me Britt, Anne. I feel so honored that you brought me in this far and I am so sorry that you had to see that. Wow, like I can’t even imagine what you and your family must have been going through this summer. What do you need right now?” She said looking empathically at her. Anne started at her in amazement. “Just everything that you've already given me…Brittney…I mean Britt.” She said with a slight smile. Brittney smiled a little too. “Everyone in my family was a mess all summer long. I..I guess I was so busy trying to be what they needed me to be that I never got to deal with my own stuff.” Brittney nooded. “I understand that part at least. I can be there with my parents and that instead of acting out, or trying to get their attention, I just try to be the best, dutiful daughter that I think they want me to be.” Anne squeezed her hand back and Brittney smiled and wiped at her eyes. “I want to know the real you Anne, not the one who changes to fit the needs of whoever she is around, but the one who is behind all the faces.” Said Brittney and Anne’s mouth dropped open. “How, how did you know that was what I did?” Brittney shook her head and looked at her. “Because I do it all the time too.” Anne smiled and pulled her notebook out of her bag. It had light brown leather, for a cover and in the cover was a poem. It was from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings.

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king.”

Under the cover were leaves of paper whose ends were feathered as if large teeth had cut them from their mother sheets all at once. This was where she wrote her heart, all the thoughts that she could not speak because everyone needed her to have others. She handed it slowly to Brittney who took it and held it carefully and smiled at her. Brittney gently lifted the cover and began to read. Anne didn’t need to look at which poem she was reading, she knew each page by heart because each word was etched into her heart.

The Leaf by Anne McFarland.

The wind blows, it swirls. Off the branch I fall, on the lightness of air I can feel my edges curl. Up, over, and down again, I fly, I flit, unfurl. The world unfolds beneath me, summersaults around me, rays of sun enfold me. All too soon though the ground comes near, nearer, nearer, clearer clear. And all my adventures on the wind escape into the past and I touch the earth, which gives birth, to anonymity among all the other leaves lying there. Day turns into night and night today, now all I can see is the branch from which I fell as all the other happy leaves stare down at me, reveling in their color and the soft touch of the breeze.

Tears began to run down Brittney’s cheeks and she took a deep breath and placed her hand over her mouth. She started at the first page for what seems like forever, but it was just a minute. Then she turned and looked at Anne. “Oh, Anne, that is so powerful. Wow, if I didn’t know this was your book, I would have thought it was Tennyson or Thomas, but Oh, Anne you have some amazing talent. I feel really honored that you let me read that.” When Anne was sure she was being serious, she allowed the red to hit her cheeks. “Beside Jaius, you are the first person to read that poem. I…I haven’t shown him any others, but you can read them if you want.” Brittney beamed and mouthed the words “wow”. She gingerly turned the page to the next.

The Man on a Bench by Anne McFarland.

I see a man alone, on a bench, inside his own head. Emotions beaten down, bloody, red. Worn thin by all the people that have been to him all the things he did not wish to contend within. I had to turn away for his eyes were singularities sucking out my empathy and sympathy with impunity. I could not escape from him for a bond of blood joined us within. It weighed my heart with chains of guilt to know there was no door in the cage round him they built. I want to free him but at the same time leave him which tears me into warring twins and so my angst spins. He is my dearest friend and dreadest fiend but when he looks at me only pleasant smiles are seen.

Brittney closed her eyes and then looked at her. “Who…who is this poem about. At first it sounds like a stranger, but as you read on it becomes more and more like someone you know really well. Is…is it your dad?” There was something in the way Brittney said “dad” that seemed to give Anne a glance into her soul and a deep hurt that lay there. She had never shared this poem with anyone, even Jaius, but Brittney had let her see inside her soul so Anne felt a need to open herself more to Brittney. She took a deep breath and then looked out the window as the trees flew by. “No.” She said softly. “It’s about my Brother, Jaius. At least the Jaius that was there before he disappeared. He’s different now, no longer trapped by the bullies or his own fears, and he and Alianna and Olivia have this crazy peace about them like they aren’t afraid anymore or something. I…I don’t understand it.” She said as she turned back to Brittney with a tear running down her cheek. Brittney stared at her and then looked down and reached out and pressed a button on the side of the door. A dark plexiglass screen rose up from the floor and separated them from the men who were driving. Then she looked up with tears on her cheeks. Anne reached out and grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. Brittney smiled slightly. “Thanks. I’m sorry Anne, I try not to cry too much. I have so much, it feels almost wrong to be sad about anything, but this poem put to words a pain in my heart that I couldn't really express. For me the man on the bench is my dad. I love him so much, and I know he tries to show me love by working hard and giving me whatever I want, and I am very grateful for all I have, but I guess within the last year I’ve become aware of something missing from my heart and I guess this just really hit home with me seeing that I love my dad so much but I also hate the fact that he is away so much, and even when he is here, he isn’t.” “I’m sorry Brittney, I wasn’t trying to cause any hurt by showing you the poems.” She said sadly as she reached for the notebook. Brittney wore a confused look as she watched Anne’s hand reach for the notebook. Then she seemed to figure out what was going on, she grabbed Anne’s outstretched hand, shook her head and smiled. “No Anne, just the opposite, this poem especially gave me a way to express a deep hurt in my heart, it actually freed me just a little. Thank you Anne for sharing this.” She said with a genuine smile on her face. Anne smiled and withdrew her hand. “I’m glad it was helpful.” She said meekly. Anne looked at the plexiglass divider. “Did…did that go up so they couldn’t hear us? Who are they?” Brittney looked like she wanted to keep going on that conversation, but caught on that Anne needed a break and she looked at the partition and shook her head. “The driver is our chauffeur, Frederick. He’s been with our family since before I was born. The other man is Brent. He’s been with us since we were in England. He’s the head of my dad’s security detail. My dad had received some concerning emails while we were overseas and he was recommended to us by one of the ministers my father knows well. While my parents are away my Dad asked Brent to make sure nothing bad happens to me. The barrier basically keeps Frederick from hearing what we say, Brent has this back seat bugged so he knows, but I just didn’t want Frederick to hear what I said about my Dad because he tells him everything.” She said looking down. Anne reached over and grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I understand Britt, you give your dad the daughter he wants in the hopes that he will give you the attention that you need.” She nodded and began to cry softly. Anne placed her arm around her and Brittney laid her head on her shoulder. They spent the rest of the ride trying to encourage eachother and learn more about one another. When they got there the bed and breakfast was a long two story building with a two story addition in the back and two other houses right near the main one. They drove past the B&B and up a gravel road to where a number of barns sat. Below the road to their left was a training ring for the horses and Anne had seen many fields lining the road, some of which had horses standing in them grazing. When they got out of the car immediately the quite and peace of this place fell over Anne. She took a deep breath and let it out. Wow Britt you were right it is very quiet here and peaceful. I think I’m really going to like it.” Brittney smiled and took her hand. “Come on, you haven’t seen anything yet. Wait till you meet Ulysses and Pepper.” She said as she let Anne over to the largest of the barns, a large Red one that had seen some years. She led her into a side door and as they turned a corner past the office Anne heard a large “Meow.” She looked down and saw a black cat sitting in its haunches looking up at her. She knelt down and began to rub the back of her hand along the side of its head and the cat immediately tilted its head to that side and rubbed its head against her hand and began to purr. “Oh my goodness you are so cute.” Said Anne as she reached out and pulled the cat up and cuddled it to her chest. The cat snuggled in and sat on her arms purring. Once the cat was settled she looked up and past the wall she could see a number of stables ahead of her. There were many rows of stables going off in every direction. She saw Brittney standing before one of them with her arms around the neck of a very large black station. His head seemed to be bigger then Anne’s whole body. Next to that stable was a smaller mare with a salt and pepper white mixed with grey coat. Anne walked over and stood near Brittney. After a few moments Britney looked over, while still resting her head against the horses and smiled at her. “Anne McFarland, meet Ulysses. Anne stared at the very large horse somewhat with fear at the size of the creature. She also noticed a complete change in Brittney. As her new friend smiled at her Anne could see the smile touching her eyes in a deep way. It was like it was the first time she could say Brittney looked truely happy. “It’s okay Anne, he looks all large and tough, but he’s got the gentlest heart.” Anne took a deep breath and then moved slowly towards them and even more slowly reached out her hand. The very large head of Ulysses moved towards her hand and he sniffed it. Then he bobbed his head a few times and nickered softly. Anne smiled and then let her hand rest on the side of the Ulysses’s head. Brittney continued to smile as she lifted her head off of Ulysses and grabbed Anne’s hand. “ annnd….this is Pepper.” She said and she led Anne over to the salt and pepper dapple horse next to Ulysses. Pepper definitely looked smaller and more gentler especially when put next to the massive Ulysses. The mare was a bit less open then Ulysses was, Anne and pepper both eyed eachother up as if seeing if they could trust one another. Anne reached out slowly and Pepper seemed to be eyeing her hand with apprehension but as they looked into each others eyes, something was reconnected by both of them and immediately Pepper relaxed and So did Anne. Her hand touched the side of Pepper’s head and the horse moved its head in to nuzzle her hand and whinnied softly. Anne smiled. “Hi Pepper, I’m Anne, it’s so nice to meet you.” Pepper looked into Anne’s eyes and started to nod here head up and down. Brittney squealed with delight and jumped up and down a little bit and clapped her hands. “Oh Anne, I just knew you and Pepper would become friends. This so so cool!” Anne just kept smiling and looking into Pepper’s eye. “You two keep getting acquainted, I’m going to go get the saddles and gear.”

Twenty minutes later they were riding out of the barn and then up the main trail. The day was bright, warm, and beautiful. They road the trails for hours and eventually they crested the top of one of the hills that overlooked the property and they stopped to rest the horses. Anne looked out on the valley below and the beauty of that scenery had lines to poems pouring into her mind. She was overwhelmed and so bent forward, rested her head on Pepper’s neck and wrapped her arms around, hugging her. Pepper nickered with appreciation. Brittney looked at Anne and smiled. She had seen that click of connection between her and Pepper and was completely elated that it had happened. “ Anne.” Said Brittney. Anne leaned back into a sitting position and looked at her. “Anne, you and Pepper have definitely made a connection, and for that I am so happy. Pepper always seems sad when I come up here and Ulysses and I go out alone. I always try to ride her when I’m here, so she doesn’t feel completely left out, but I know she would rather be out there riding alongside her dad.” Brittney dismounted and walked over to them and took the reins that Anne had let hang down so that Pepper could graze. She lifted the reins and handed them to Anne. Anne looked at them and took them with a bit of sadness crossing her eyes. “I guess we need to head back huh?” She said sadly. Brittney smiled and shook her head. “We will soon, but that isn’t why I did that.” Anne looked confused. “Then why did you hand me the reins?” Brittney continued to smile. “Because, silly, I am giving you Pepper as your very own.” Anne’s mouth dropped open. After what seemed like forever she shut it. “Brit, what? I mean you can’t be serious? Are you serious?” Brittney smiled even more and nodded her head. “Shut Up! No, you are serious? Please be serious, please don’t let this be a joke or something. How…how can you give me Pepper, doesn’t your Dad own everything?” Brittney nodded her head. “ Daddy owns the land and barns and houses, but he places each horse in my name, I own them and take care of them, and get to decide what happens to them.” When Brittney mentioned taking care of them, Anne’s face fell. “What is it?” Brittney asked her smile fading somewhat. “I…I….I can’t afford to take care of a horse, I know

My dad can’t either.” Brittney let her breath out and. Shook her head. “No Anne, you don’t understand. Pepper can stay here at no cost to you, she will continue to be well taken care of and you can come see her and ride her whenever you want. All I ask is that when possible you come riding with Ulysses and I, so they get some Daddy, Daughter time.” Again a door opened and Anne saw right into Brittney. She saw the hurt and void that Brittney hid deep inside her. Anne saw right away what was going on, all Brittney wanted was her father to spend some time with her, to ride with her, but he was always away even when he was here. Anne couldn’t bring herself to let Brittney know what she saw, so she simply smiled a most amazing smile, dismounted and hugged Brittney. “I don’t have words to say what this means To me Britt. I’ll Cherish Pepper, and come out here whenever I can, and I’ll definitely ride with you whenever you want.” Brittney hugged her back and then pulled away and smiled, even as a tear leached out of her eye. “You are a very good friend Anne, I…I wish you could join me at Alison’s table, but I totally understand why you can’t.” She said quietly trailing off, as if the words she spoke had changed flavor in her mouth. Anne smiled. “I would love to sit with you too Britt and I totally understand why we can’t right now, maybe someday, but right now I’m really happy just to have a good friend again and so beyond amazed at you giving me another one today. Thank you doesn’t even cover it.” Brittney smiled and shook her head. “Yes it does.” She sat down and looked out over the valley. Anne sat down with her and looked out over the breathtaking view. Every once in a while Pepper would nuzzle her ear and she would giggle and turn to look into those big brown eyes.

Alianna’s alarm went off at 7:30 am. Shine by the Newsboys came rumbling out of her phone. She had thought it was an appropriate morning wake up song. She laid there and listened to it for a few minutes letting the peace that came from her new life in the Lord wash over her. “Thank you God for today, thank you for the chance to meet with Julie today and to get to spend that time with Olivia tonight.” She said softly. She felt a peace she couldn’t describe wash through her. She got out of bed and rubbed her eyes and looked around her room, everything looked the same but for some reason felt totally different. This feeling had grown each day since Jaius and her came home. This was the same room as when she left, same books, same bed, same Mr Bear, yet everything seemed to have a different feel, except for Mr Bear, he still felt the same. She looked next to her bed and saw her Bible sitting there. Julie had given it to her on Tuesday at School. It read NASB study Bible on the stem. She had been reading it each night before bed, and each morning. She had made it through Genesis and was starting Exodus. It had taken her a while to get through the first 6 chapters of Genesis because they held so many names and people that she remembered. Julie had also given her tabs with all the books of the Bible on them so she could label the start page of each book. She had spent an hour last night placing them on the first page of each book of the Bible. The reason it had taken her so long was that since she was little the Bible had been been presented as something that you can’t mar in anyway, it was Holy, therefore no writing, not ripping or burning or sticking things to its pages. It had taken her fifteen minutes just to place the tab for Genesis. Once she had gotten over that hurdle thought the rest were accomplished in a shorter amount of time. She smiled at how organized her new Bible looked and then opened it and moved the thin pink ribbon that acted as a page holder out of the way. She found her place and continued reading how Moses fled from Egypt and became a shepherd, he married Zaphorah and they had two sons. Then her mind exploded with imagery as she read how Moses looked up at the Mountain and saw a bush that was on fire, yet not being burned. It reminded her of the flaming sword her and Jaius had seen guarding the Garden. When he got close, a voice told him to remove his candles, for this was Holy ground. For some reason Alianna had the overwhelming feeling that she needed to take off her slippers. She wasn’t sure why, but she did it anyway. Then she read how Moses asked God who he should tell the Jewish leaders it was who sent him. God replied, “I AM WHO I AM.” She stopped there and looked up. “I AM.” She said to the empty room. “That is your name Lord, I AM.” She bowed her head and closed her eyes and let that name ring through the silences. “Lord, please let my conversation with Julie go well, and that I can be a great friend and encouragement to Olivia and her family tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to a sleepover except at Ali’s and so I’m a little nervous. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.” “Do not be Afraid.” Came the faintest whisper. Alianna got off her bed and bent down on her knees and closed her eyes. A peace she couldn’t describe washed over her. She laid there until she heard her brother and Sister began to cry and then she got up, put on her clothes and went to help her mom with the twins. She had seen the shocked looks her parents had been giving her these past few weeks as she had just started doing her chores, and homework and even helping with the twins without being asked. She didn’t do it perfect every time, but she really was trying. She wanted to honor God by honoring her parents, and she actually felt peace and joy when serving them. This new

Life that Christ had given her was beyond amazing.

She went down the hall and her mom was changing Simon so Alianna went over and gave her sister a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Awie!” Sarah said with delight. “Good morning Half-Pint.” She said with a smile. She had started reading Little House on The Prairie again and that is what Laura Engle’s Pa called her. Sarah smiled and tried to say it. “Hif Pint.” She said giggling. Alianna giggled too and then set about changing her sister’s diaper. As she was carrying a freshly changed and dressed Sarah towards the door her mom bent down and opened her arms and embraced them both. “Ali, thank you so much for all the help you’ve been giving me and your dad these past few weeks. You are such a blessing to us and we all love you very much.” Her mother said her voice full of emotion. Alianna squeezed her mom with her free arm. “I love you and dad so much too Mom, you both are the best parents ever and I just really want to help you.” Peace washed over them all like a strong wind, even Simon who was about to let out a loud cry for being left out of the group hug, shut his mouth and didn’t utter a noise. When Alianna pulled away she could see turmoil in her mother’s face. “What is it mom? Why are you worried?” She said sitting down and setting Sarah on her lap. Sarah immediately laid back against Ali’s chest and began to suck her thumb. A tear trickled down her mother’s face as she watched her. “I…I just have this feeling of dread Ali, like my heart knows you're going away again and there is nothing I can do to stop it.” She said as she placed her head in her hands and began to cry. Ali knelt forward and wrapped her free arm around her mom, while still holding Sarah in the other. “It’s okay Mom, I can’t imagine how terrible these past months were for you, but it’s over and just think of how God saved us all through it.” Her mother nodded and pulled away and sat on her heels and looked at her. “I know dear, and I am eternally grateful , there are just times when I look at you that I can almost see you being taken from me, and I don’t know if I’ll get you back.” “I’m not going anywhere Mom, I’m right here and I’m here to stay.” Alianna said with a smile. Her mom tried to smile, but the ability escaped her. She sighed heavily and then shook her head and changed the subject. “So, what are your plans right now?” She asked. Alianna pulled out her phone and looked at her calendar. “Well, Julie is picking me up at 8 am, and then tonight I’m sleeping over at Olivia’s, she said they would bring me to church tomorrow.” She said gleefully. Her smile faded and she grew a bit more somber. “Right now though, I’m headed to the back yard. Ali texted me and asked if we could talk. At least there, in that tree, we can be just Ali’s again.” She said with a slight smile. Her mom just looked at her and sighed. “Is it okay with you if I take your place at the tree?” Alianna’s mouth dropped open, after a few moments thought she closed it and nodded. “Sure Mom, are…are you positive you want to do this?” Her mom shook her head. “No, but I need to do it and so I must.” Alianna could see the weight her mom was carrying and her heart went right out to her. “When is she coming?” Alianna looked at her phone and then at her mom. “In about five minutes.” Her mom nodded and began to stand up. “Ali, would you…” “…take Simon and Sarah downstairs and get them some breakfast?” Her mom opened her mouth but then shut it and shook her head and smiled. “Yes dear, that would be most helpful. I love you Ali.” She said as she bent down and hugged her. Alianna hugged her back with her one free arm and then her mom strengthened up and left the room.

Emily Oaksen went through the dining room, into the addition and out the back door. She walked purposefully toward the hollowed out pine tree and sat down with her back to the trunk and her arms stretched out behind her, in the same position she had seen both her girls sit in for the past eight years. She prayed like she never had before. Pouring her heart out to God, seeking the strength to forgive Alison. She felt His peace on her moments before she heard footsteps coming toward her along the treeline. When the footsteps got to the open tree they stopped suddenly and she heard a bag hit the ground hard. A minute passed and what seemed like an eternity after that but slowly, cautiously, the footsteps resumed movement and slowly someone slid down the trunk behind her, on the other side and two smaller hands clasped hers.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “I hated my daughter, so deeply did my anger towards her run, like a river of fire. She had betrayed her sister, and her parents and had hurt us all so terribly.” She began to hear faint whimpers from behind her and the smaller set of hands trembled. “But, I was so very wrong and misguided in how I treated her. I had no right to hate her, as I learned that I was just as detestable, just as horrible a person as I thought she had been. I hated you without justification, and for that I am so terribly sorry Ali. I love you with all my heart and I always will.” Crying from behind her became audible and grew in volume. The smaller hands clasped hers with a firm grip. She was about to let go and go console her but out of the crying came a very emotion filled and raspy voice. “I…I betrayed you and hurt you. I threw a knife into your heart and ruined us and I can’t undo it, I threw away what I had in order to try to obtain what I couldn’t get and I lost everything. Now I sit in a closet of my own making and I hate myself for it, for what I did. I can’t leave now either because Meghan would suffer if I did. I am so sorry for hurting you and Ali. I don’t know how you could forgive this, but…” she began to whimper, Emily could almost hear a five year old voice coming from behind her. “…please forgive me mamma.” Emily couldn’t hold it back anymore, Ali needed her. She moved quickly around the tree trunk and caught Alison as she fell forward sobbing into her shoulder. “I forgive you my dear sweet girl. Please forgive me for what I said to you that day.” Alison could only nod her head in the affirmative and cry. Suddenly a second pair of arms enveloped them and there was Alianna kneeling down facing Alison. Emily looked over her shoulder and saw Jonathan playing with the Twins in the backyard. She smiled at him and he smiled back. She extended her arm around Alianna also. She knew she needed to give him a chance to talk with Alison also, but she held on for a while longer to a moment that had not happened in too long. She was able to hold her girls in her arms again. She seared this memory into her mind, holding on to it in every way she could think of. Eventually she leaned back and lifted Alison’s eyes to hers. She tried to put her head back down, shame keeping her from looking into those eyes, but Emily, with a firm but gentle hand kept Ali’s eyes looking into hers. “I love you Ali, and I always will.” Tears began to pour out of Alison’s eyes, but Emily held her there with a firm hand, the only thing keeping her from dissolving again. “Now, there is someone else who wants to say something to you.” She said looking over her shoulder. Alison slowly followed her gaze and saw Jonathan Oaksen walking towards them. Alianna had gotten up at some point and gone to relieve her dad from twin duty and he was walking slowly towards them. He was so tall and strong. Alison hadn’t had a dad around when she was growing up, and Mr Oaksen had just naturally back filled that role. She had never had a dad’s arms to run into when she needed protection, but now, in this moment, this overwhelming urge to do just that came over her. She looked at Mrs Oaksen, almost as if asking permission. Mrs Oaksen smiled. “Go”. She mouthed the word to her. Alison smiled slightly and then jumped up and ran out of the tree towards Mr Oaksen. A smile split his lips and held open his arms. She leapt up into them and felt those strong arms wrap around her, protecting her. “I’m so sorry.” She bawled. He just merely tightened his arms around her and whispered. “It’s okay Ali, I love you and everything will be okay now.” “I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” She cried out. He knelt down so his wife could embrace them too. For the first time in an eternity Alison felt safe, like nothing could touch her in the wall of love. “Ali.” Came Mr Oksen’s soft but firm voice. Instinctively, like she had for years when he spoke like this, she stopped crying, and looked at him. “We are so sorry Ali for what we said that day, and we forgive you, if you can forgive us?” She stared into his wise and gentle eyes and nodded as she wiped at her eyes. “I forgive you, but how can you both forgive me though, Ali said she did too, but how, how is it possible I betrayed you all, ruined you…how?” She cried out, tears cascading down her cheeks. He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. He could see the void there, the emptiness and it chilled him and rent his heart. “Because Ali, we offended someone in and even worse way and He forgave us, he gave up his life for us.” “Wh..Who?” She stammered. Emily Oaksen looked up into Alison’s eyes and cupped her hands on either side of her face. “Jesus, Ali, Jesus forgave us and washed our sins away.” There, again, that name flashed inside the void, and it did not fall into it, but stayed where it floated. She even began to muse that it actually had not left from the last time she saw it there, she had just lost sight of it. “I…I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. I go to a Catholic school, and we have Mass once a week there, I’ve gotten baptized and stuff, that means I’m okay with God right?” Alianna came over and knelt down with her arms around the twins. She looked into Alison’s eyes. “That’s what I thought too Ali, that I had done all the things I needed to and if I was just a good person I would be okay, but I was shown just how not a good person I am and that the only way I could be rid of all the bad in me was through accepting that it was actually Jesus who is the good person and if I accepted that and belived in His Death and Resurrection then, and only then, was I safe.” Alison stared into Alianna’s eyes, searching for the understanding to what she was saying, and somewhere in the deep recesses of her heart she did begin to understand, but she tore her eyes away from Ali’s, not able to look into what she saw there in that moment. She stood up and looked at them. They stood also. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand, I want to, but…I…I need to go, I need to be there for Megan.” She said softly. Mr Oaksen came over and hugged her, and she clung to his strong arms as if they were life preservers. “We’re always here for you Half Pint.” He said. Eight years of memories flooded her mind. That was his nickname for her. Ali and her had watched DVD’s of Little House on the Prairie, and Pa Ingles had always reminded her so much of Mr Oaksen that she had started calling him Pa, so he called her Half Pint. She buried her face in his shirt and more tears fell, but these were more happy ones. Then she pulled away and smiled slightly. Then Mrs Oaksen pulled her into a hug and she let herself be drawn in. Her heart started beating again, like a withered husk that finds moisture. “We will always be here for you my dear, my Ali.” “Thank you Mamma, thank you for not giving up on me.” Then Mrs Oaksen let go and took the twins from Alianna. Alianna held out her arm and Alison put her through and they walked back to the tree together. “So…what did you need to talk about?” Alianna whispered to her. “Is it cone of silence worthy?” Alison stopped and looked at her and smiled. She shook her head. “No.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s Megan, she…she’s been having some anger issues. She tries to hide them, but I’ve know her her whole life and I know when the kettle is boiling. It really just started this summer, but I’m not sure what triggered it. It got even worse a few weeks ago. I was going to go into her room and the door was cracked and I saw her driving her scissors into her desk. She was grunting and screaming and so I just went back to my room. I’m worried Ali, I can’t figure out what she is so angry about. I thought at first that she was mad at me, because I haven’t been paying as much attention to her, but I began to really dig deep with her again, yet she is still angry.” She said, worry clear in her face. Alianna reached out and hugged her, it was her go to response when someone was distressed. “It’s going to be okay Ali, Meg has always been the bright bubbly one, and now she’s a teenager her brain is probably being fried just like ours is. We’ve all changed over the past few years Ali, she’s probably just going through the same crazy emotions and loss of rational thought that we are all dealing with.” She said softly into her ear. Ali hugged her back. “Thanks Ali, you're probably right, that’s probably what it is, I feel like my brain is melting down it seems like constantly, so I’m sure that is what is going on.” Alianna drew back and smiled at her, despite all the heavy emotions coursing through her, Alison could help but smile back at her. “There you are.” Said Alianna. “That’s the same Ali that was smiling at me two years ago.” Alison shook her head and smiled. “Maybe, but you're definitely the same Ali. You have this peace and confidence that I can’t explain, that I wish I had, and where did you learn to sing, I know you always liked to, and your voice was always pretty, but Ali, that song you sang me, it was amazing.” Alianna blushed and shook her head slightly. “That…well, that is a very long story Ali.” She looked over at their tree and hesitated, then took a deep breath and let it out. . “Definitely a story that needs the tree…if…if you want to hear it?” Alison looked at the tree for a long moment, but then hung her head and shook it. “I really want to Ali, but Megan was really laying into her desk when I left, I need to make sure she is okay.” As she spoke they both looked at eachother and they both noticed it. The change that started to come over Alison. Almost as if they could both see the shadowy, inky, cold regalia of the Queen floating down upon her again. A tear leaked out of Alison’s eye and she felt her heart hardening again. Just then Alianna reached up and put both her hands on Alison’s face. “Ali, I know you need to leave and become Queen again and what that means, but what we said to you today is all true, you have a place here and you are always welcome, I love you my sister and that won't change.” Alison stopped and looked deep into her eyes, and the hardness and the person of the Queen stopped too, and from that moment on, they never fully regained their hold on Alison’s heart, and the void became just a bit less empty. Tears freely falling Down her face Alison smiled. “I love you too Ali and even if things are different at school here, it’s just you.” Alianna smiled. “…and me…”. She said. “…and the Tree.” Alison finished and this time she pulled Ali in for a hug. “Thank you Ali.”

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After a few more minutes Alison was opening the gate that led to the Ally and just like the other day she ran right into Jaius. She was at first startled as was he. She reflected again on how solid he was, definitely not the same pudgy kid they picked on last year. “We gotta stop bumping into eachother like this.” He said with a grin that looked a lot like the one Jim used. She blushed despite herself and then shook her head there had been too much of the old Ali on the surface and not enough of the Queen to prevent the red from hitting her cheeks. “Yeah.” She laughed slightly. “It seems that we’ll need to coordinate our Ali schedules.” This time he laughed and shook his head. “Anyway, hope you have a good Saturday.” He said and gave her a salute with two of his fingers and then turned back to the gate. “You..you too.” She said in a way totally characteristic of Ali, but completely uncharacteristic of Queen Alison. “What’s happening to me?” She whispered as she watched him go through the gate. There was something about him that kept her looking at the gate he had gone through. It was that same peace filled confidence that Alianna had and her parents had. That confidence that he had exposed the gaping void inside her and it was all she could do to not grab ahold of the fence and screen as it really felt as if she were about to fall into it. She held it together though. For the rest of that day however, Jaius MacFarland kept intruding into tvher thoughts. This intrusion began to highlight how now there were two opposing Ali’s inside her. The Queen and old Ali. One wondered who this Jaius really was who had so caught Alianna’s heart, the other wondered how she could use that against her if needed. This tore at her for the rest of the day.

Jaius shook his head as he reached for the gate. “She must be visiting Ali a lot, I keep bumping into her. It doesn’t make any sense, how can you dislike someone enough to betray them and then and then all of a sudden come back around and be like secret friends or something.” He said softly. Then a dark thought entered his head. “What if she is setting her up for something , something worse then what Keri had planned to do to her last year. He turned to look back at Alison, anger beginning to ignite deep inside him. When he looked up however, the furnace inside him shut down. He saw her stumble a bit and grab onto the chain link fence that lined the ally, and she seemed to be clutching it as if it were keeping her from falling. He could almost see the internal torment that was going on inside her, and he felt compassion for her. She clung to the fence for a while and then stopped and shook her head and let go of the fence and walked a bit more confidently down the Ally. He turned away and went through the gate and walked down the line of trees toward Ali’s clubhouse tree. He caught sight of her parents and the Twins going into the house through the back door. As he expected he found her sitting on the ground inside the pine tree typing on her phone. He crouched down infront of her with a smile on his face and waited. Aftter a few moments a smile split her lips and she looked up at him, her smile dancing in her eyes, like it always did when she saw him. He wore a similar one. “Hey you.” She said warmly and reached out and gave him a hug. He hugged her back. Whenever he held her all the memories of being in the past with her flooded through him, the good and the bad. She had told him that the same happened to her, but it wasn’t something that kept them apart, if anything it kept bringing them closer together. They were the only ones that could both confide in about the hurts and pains they still felt from their time there. Eventually they seperated, but the smiles remained. “You okay? I saw Alison leaving again.” He said gently. Her smile faded just a bit but she nodded. “Yep, A okay. Alison and I are good again, friends again, at least, here in this tree. My mom and Dad even made up with her.” He smiled, but inside that same fear crept in, that Alison had plans to hurt her. “Jaius MacFarland, what us bothering you?” She said putting her hands on her hips. His internal trouble must have been evident on his face. He sighed. “I’m just a little worried for you, with getting close to Alison again. She is Queen of the table and she already betrayed you once to become more popular, what makes you think this isn’t some kind of set up to do it again?” She smiled a little and shook her head. “I love that you are always looking out for me Jaius, but I know that the Ali I knew has come back. The Queen is still in there, but so is the Ali I knew, that’s why I’m taking the risk because the Queen hasn’t completely killed off my friend and so I know there is hope.” He looked at her, searching her eyes for any sense that she wasn’t seeing this clearly, after a few moments she though he smiled and nodded. “Okay, as long as you are sure.” She smiled and nodded then her phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at it. Initially her eyes lit up, but then she began to frown. “What’s wrong?” Jaius said squatting down and taking her hand. She smiled when he did that, like she did every time he did this the myriad of snapshots in her mind of all the other times he grabbed her hand rushing through her. She blushed and squeezed his hand and looked at him. “I’m okay, it’s just, I’m going out to breakfast with Julie, Jim’s sister, then I’m sleeping over at Olivia’s, I’m sorry Jaius, I didn’t know you were coming over.” She said sadly. Jaius squeezed her hand back and smiled. “It’s okay Ali, actually your Dad wanted to talk to me, he asked me to come over this morning.” Fear covered her face, and embarrassment, she had some idea of what her dad was going to talk to him about. “Hey, it’s okay Ali, I’m pretty sure I know what he is going to talk to me about. Pastor Arron got me connected with Tim, from the worship team, and he’s been helping me understand what our relationship should look like.” She sighed heavily, and looked at him with a sea of emotions swirling in her eyes. “Olivia has been talking to me about it too. I’m so confused Jaius, I love you, and in the past, if we had stayed I know we would have been married, but here, now, it’s years away.” A tear leaked out from her eye which he slowly reached out and wiped away. “I know it’s hard Ali, but we faced a lot of tough situations in the past and were able to get through them, and now we have God with us to help us.” Just as he said that a peace and fullness filled her heart and she felt the truth of what he said and knew deep down that peace had been with her through these past few weeks. She looked up and saw him smiling at her. She felt the red rush to her checks, but she smiled back at him. Then she saw his eyes flick up, back toward the house behind her. She turned and saw her father standing inside the back door waving at them to come into the house. Ali looked back at Jaius the same time he looked back to her. “I guess we better go.” She said with a sigh. He smiled as he reached his hand out to help her up. She smiled despite herself and let him pull her up. They walked back to the house and she embraced her dad, who hugged her back. When she pulled back he smiled at her and cocked his head back over his shoulder toward

The front of the house. “Your friend, Julie, is here.” Her face reddened with embarrassment and she looked at her phone. She had two missed texts from Julie and her heart sank. According to the time stamp on the time stamps on the texts she had been outside for ten minutes. Flooded with embarrassment she gave Jaius a hug, whispered “I love you”, and took off up the stairs to get changed quick and grab her bag, all the while sending a flurry appogies and reassurances to Julie that she would be right out.

Jaius hugged her back, and just had enough time to tell her he loved her too before she lit off to the other side of the house. He stood there as Mr Oaksen watched his daughter take off through the house and pound up the stairs. Right now Jaius felt more nervous than when he was fighting Maleric. He really liked Ali’s parents, but he also had a pretty good sense what they were going to be talking about. After a few moments Ali’s dad turned and looked down at him and smiled. “Hey Jaius, glad you could make it. Have you ever built a deck?” Jaius looked shocked but recovered quickly. “Ah… no Sir.” “Well I got some work to do at a friends house and wanted to see if you would give me a hand.” Jaius was caught completely off guard. “Su..sure, that would be great.” Mr Oaksen smiled and clasped his shoulder.

Alianna rushed out the door and down the steppes and flew to the car. She opened the door and dropped down in and shut the door and turned sheepishly to look at Julie. “I am so sorry Julie, that was so rude of me, I how you weren’t waiting long.” She said her cheeks reddening. Julie shook her head, her red hair swishing back and forth as it existences from beneath the bandanna she had on her head. When she looked at Alianna a warm, deep smile was on her face. Alianna felt something, a subtle connection to her, one that was deep, almost familial. “Alianna, you definitely have nothing to be sorry for. This is a day or rest, no schedules or pressure. So, ready to go?” Feeling much more released Alianna nodded and smiled. They did the customary introduction questions, “What things do you like to do, favorite coffee or snack, etc.” after about 20 min they arrived at the perking meter. They went inside and Alianna stared around at the old wooden floors that had been meticulously redone and restored, and all the furniture from the 1960’s era when this had been a bus depot. The name came from all the parking meters still outside where people would park their cars while they took the bus to Wilkes-Baree, or New York or Philadelphia. They got in line and Aliann ordered a London fog and a chocolate chip muffin. Her mom had given her twenty dollars for this morning so she thought she would treat herself. After she ordered Julie ordered and then finished her order by saying. “We’re on one tab.” The barista smiled and nooded but Alianna’s mouth dropped open. “You really don’t have to do that Julie, I have some money.” She said a bit embarrassed. Julie looked down at her and smiled. “Let me bless you little sister, I’m just really glad we have this time to get to know each other.” Aliann was about to protest again but something Julie had said hit her in the middle of the heart. “That’s right….we’re sisters now, eternal sisters like Olivia explained to me.” Julie froze and stared at her and the. Knelt down and gave her a hug. “I never thought about it that way, but you are so right Alianna, we will be sisters in Christ, forever.” A huge warmth flooded Alianna’s heart just then. “Ali, call me Ali, if we are sisters then we are friends too.” Julie pulled back and smiled, tears twinkling at the corner of her eyes. “Okay Ali, please call me Jules, it’s what my friends call me.” She smiled and stood up and paid for their orders. The barista gave them metal placard holders with a playing card stuck in the holder and an owl on the back of it. Julie took it and walked over ver to a corner near the front where there was a rectangular booth cut into the corner and it was mostly his from view of the rest of the coffee shop. After they sat down, Aliann gave Julie a large smile. “Thank so very much for paying for me Jul..ah. Jules.” She smiled and blushed. “Ali, it’s really okay. I’m just glad we got this chance to talk.” She sat back and smiled. “So, how are you doing after returning, how are you doing really?” It was the “really” that really pushed through her defenses. She had been on a super High, her new relationship with Jesusbeing back with her family, and seeing Jaius everyday and reconnecting with Alison, but deep inside her something roiled, an anxiety that she couldn’t explain, except that she knew it derived from what the Herald had done to her. Jaius had freed her from herself, and she felt so much peace with being saved, but she could still feel it a weakness in her mind that she couldn’t patch. She was about to answer when the Barista brought their order to the table, she was not the same one who waited on them. This girl had reddish blond hair and around her neck she wore a necklace with a red crystal dangling from it. Right then Ali’s whole world fell apart, she lost all sense of what was going on around her as terror coursed through her. Suddenly she felt arms around her and a soft voice whispering in her ear. “.....your peace oh Lord, in Jesus name.” Peace did begin to overwhelm the terror and made the darkness receed. When she opened her eyes, sweat was pouring down her cheeks and Julies arms were protectively around her, She was looking down at her with compassion and concern mingling together in her eyes. “Oh…Oh Julie, I…I don’t know what happened, did I black out?’ Julie smiled when she heard her speaking, but shook her head at the question. “No, Ali, the barista brought the order to the table and when you looked at her you began to brake out in a cold sweat and began to hyper ventilate, and you kept saying, no, no. Did you know her? She was very confused, I told her it wan’t anything about her and that you would be okay, you just needed to eat. I told her you had a sugar problem. I…I am not sure thats what it was, and I hope i didn’t lie, but…I…I didn’t know what was happening.” Red filled Alianna’s cheeks and she bowed her head. “I’m so sorry Julie, I…I don’t have a sugar problem that I know of, it..it was..the necklace she wore, the red crystal, I…” She swallowed hard. “Oh, Ali, I’m sorry, it was a trigger wasn’t it, the crystal triggered a memory of trauma. You had a panic atack, I…I’ve had them before too.” Ali looked at Julie and saw the truth of what she said. She could see the recognition, the understanding in her eyes. “I’m here Ali, of you want to talk about it, but definitely understand if you don.t.” Alianna so desperately wanted to talk about it with someone who could understand the deep fear. Jaius knew, and her parents, but they didn’t understand the deep terror that pooled deep down inside her, but maybe, just maybe, Julie could. “I…I want to tell you Jules, but can…can I… Tr…” Julie’s eyes flooded with sincerity. “Ali, you can absolutely trust me, I won’t tell anyone.” Alianna took a deep breath and looked at her. “I believe you Jules, ijust pray that you can believe me.” She took another deep breath and began. “Last April, I ran away from School, I..I was going to end my life, and probably would have if Jaius had not been following me. He caught up to me and tried to stop me, while he was talking an immensely strong wind tore through the clearing we were in in the woods by my house, when the wind stopped blowing, well, Jaius and I were not in Kansas anymore, I mean, Pennsylvania.” Over the next hour Alianna told her story to Julie. Tears flowed from Julies eyes when she told her about the Hearald and what happened at her house. When she told her about Adam and Eve and the garden though her mouth dropped open. And she finished with how her and Jaius saw the Garden of Eden and how she met Jesus in her visions, and came to understand that it was He alone, and his sacrifice on the cross that had taken away her sins.

Tears were running freely down her Julie’s cheeks and she just stared at her once she finished. Fear crept into Ali’s heart that Julie didn’t believe her, or even worse she did believe her and was going to tell some professor who would pick her and Jaius away forever doing tests on them. Instead Julie moved closer and put her arm around Alianna. Aliann leaned into her and Julie squeezed her a little tighter. “Oh Ali, that is so amazing and yet so hard at the same time. I…I didn’t go through torture, but I..I do understand trauma.” She took in a deep emotion filled breath. “That is such a special gift of a testimony Ali, you really should tell more people, at least more believers. I know God’s word is true, but to know it is that true is so amazing.” She looked down and took a long sip of her coffee. Alianna could still feel her hands shaking and breathing somewhat heavy still. “I..I hope, I hope this means I wont spend the rest of my life an jittery anxious mess?” Julie looked up and laid her hand on Alianna’s and gave it a squeeze. “That won’t happen Ali, see, when Jesus saved you, you became new. Not a better version of your old self, a whole new person. The bible says that the old person has passed away and the new has come. That girl who was tortured by that evil woman died that day on the cliff, and now it is Jesus who lives in you.” Alianna looked into her eyes, looking for more understanding of what she just said. She knew she was quoting the bible to her, she could feel the words resonate in her soul. Then, in an ever so distant part of her soul she felt the truth of the words resonate. She clouds till feel the ocean of terror inside her, but she now knew that it wasn’t infinitely deep, but there was a bottom. She looked at Julie and Julie smiled back at her. Julie sat back and smiled. “One more verse just came to mind. Perfect love casts out fear. He will remove your fear Ali.” Alianna took a deep breath and could feel her hands begin to stop shaking. “Julie, thank you so much for being here. I needed someone who understood this fear. You don’t have to tell me but…” “How do I know about triggers and trauma?” She took a very deep breath and looked at her. Alianna could see water twinkling at the corner of her eyes. “I just recently came to know the truth about Jesus, before that, I was so far away from him, even though i thought I knew Him. Last year, well I was doing everything possible to become the High School Queen and, well, I…I fell…” through tears and many pauses and a couple of long hugs from Alianna Julie told her all that had happened. Julie pulled away and wiped at her eyes. Alianna looked at her with compassion flooding her eyes. “God has given me so much healing, I just don’t know if, if I’ll ever be a mom.” Alianna squeezed her hand. “All things are possible with God Jules.” Julie smiled and wiped at her eyes again. “Thank’s Ali I…” Julies eyes went wide and her hand slapped over her mouth. Alianna’s eyebrow shot up and she moved back against the back of her seat. Julie slowly lowered her hand, which was slightly trembling and looked at Alianna. “Ali, I…I think God just spoke to me. I heard a small voice inside me say “She will be going back.” Alianna felt confirmation deep in her heart of what she said. A single tear leaked form her eye, but behind it came waves of peace. “It was Him Jules, and It was hard to hear at first but I think I’ve known since we got back that it wouldn’t be the last time we would see that time and those people, and I…don’t think I will be alone.” The words actually made Julie flinch. She closed her eyes and shut them tight for a minute, then opened them slowly and looked at Alianna and mouthed “Jim?” Alianna nodded. A tear leaked out of Julie’s eyes but then she smiled. “It will be worth it if the Lord draws him to salvation through this.” She took a deep breath and then looked a bit more serious. “Ali, I need to talk to you about something, and what just happened makes it even more important.” She took another deep breath. “ Ali, how do you feel about my brother?” Alianna had expected this to be brought up, but now that it was here she was afraid, she didn’t want to lose Julie as a friend. Her fear must have been evident on her face because Julie reached over and squeezed her hand. “Ali, nothing you say will make me mad at you, it’s just I want to know the situation because it has really affected Jim and I just want to help him.” Alianna took a deep breath and let it out. “Thank you for saying that Jules, I feel better hearing it. It was back in the sixth grade. I saw him playing soccer. His game was before mine and I watched him at midfield and just the way he handled the ball with complete confidence and how he set up the forwards with such skill. Well, I play forward on my team , and a dream formed in my head of him setting me up for an awesome goal and it was that dream that started it. It made a connection to something that I cared a lot about and it looked like he did too, and, well the crush branched out from there.” She stopped talking and her cheeks got really red. “I’m sorry Jules, that was probably the stupidest reason you’ve ever heard for a crush.” She looked down at her drink. When Julie didn’t answer Alianna glanced up at her. Julie had her eyes closed and was praying. Ali blushed even more and closed her eyes and waited. A few minutes and she felt a hand touch hers. She opened her eyes and saw Julie smiling at her. “Honestly Ali, that was probably the most valid explanation of why a crush formed. You’ve changed since the spring though. Is Jim still there, inside?” Ali closed her eyes again and tried to think of Jim and the crush she had on him, but the only image she saw now was Jaius leaping through that window. She opened her eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry Jules, I really am, just right now all I can see is Jaius.” A tear leaked out of her eye. “I understand if you don’t want to hang out with me after this, as it might hurt Jim, I just really appreciate you taking this time with me though, it has meant a lot.” She looked down. Julie’s hand squeezed her’s. “Ali, I most definitely want to be seen with you. I just needed to know where you were so I could best help you both. Now, two things, three actually. You are my sister in Christ and I love you and I hope we can meet like this regularly. Two, my brother will be okay. I just needed to know where to put my energies in helping him with dealing with this box he has made for himself in his head. And three, please be careful with your feelings for Jaius. From what you told me I totally get why they are so deep, but there is nothing you can do about them right now, at least nothing that will end in anything good.” Ali opened her mouth to protest, but Julie held up her finger.” I know that I don’t understand and I probably don’t understand it fully, but you remember my story right? I don’t want you going down the same road as me Ali, please listen, I know that you need to know how you are to keep your and Jaius’s relationship form going farther, and I don’t have that exact answer, it I know the one who does and so do you, all I can recommend is that you go home, search the word, and pray out your heart to God and lay this all at His feet. If Jaius becomes your deepest love then you run the risk of falling into losing your first Love, and I think you know who that is. A tear leaked out of her eye. At first Ali felt the fire of her anger build inside her. “Everyone keeps telling us that we can’t be together, that it will end bad, how do they know!” But as Julie went on and she basically told her everything she was thinking she had the overwhelming sense that it wasn’t Julie talking to her, the words resonated deep in her heart, like the words that God spoke to her by the Garden. She looked at Julie and tried to smile but only managed a slight grin. “I…I know Jules that what your saying is true, as true as what Olivia said, but you saying it seems to be different. Both times when you each said it, I felt like it was someone else talking to me and not you or her. I think it was God saying it to me. I don’t want to lose my first love, I just found him. I don’t know what it will look like for Jaius and I to limit ourselves, but I’m gonna try.” Julie smiled and placed her other hand over Alianna’s. “You will not be doing it alone Sister, I’ll be right there with you.” She then shook her head and looked at her. “But the testimony of two witnesses, truth is established. It wasn’t just hearing it from Olivia, but God also used

Me to confirm it.” Alianna smiled and moved over and threw her arms around Julie who returned the hug. Thank you God, thank you Julie.”

Alianna waved as Julie pulled out of the driveway and she waved back. She went inside and there was Jaius and her dad talking on the couch. Jaius was asking him what else something called a saw-zaw could do. She froze with fear at what her dad might have told Jaius. They looked up at her when she came in and they both smiled. Her dad stood and strode across the room and gave her a hug. “Hey sweetheart, did you have a good visit with Julie?” She hugged him back. “Yes dad, Julie was great and helped me a lot.” “I’m glad Ali. I’m gonna relive your mom with the twins for a while so she can take care of some things. She said Olivia’s mom let her know that you can come over for dinner tonight and stay over

after.” A broad smile touched her lips. “Ah, thank you Daddy, I’m so excited, this is my first sleepover since…”. That hung in the air for a moment. Before she could let the tears out her dad picked her up gave her a hug and butterfly kisses and swung her around, which despite her best efforts to the contrary. “Thanks Dad.” She smiled as he put her down. He turned to wave at Jaius and gave a slight nod of his head and Jaius smiled and nodded his head in return. Her dad then turned and went toward the kitchen. She took a deep breath and turned and before she could move, there her was giving her a hug. She fell into it. The confidence to do what she needed to do slowly wanting to slide out of her. She fought it, she knew she had to be the strong one here and bring up the topic, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to. Then, before she pulled away and spoke, he surprised her and pulled himself away and looked at her. “Ali, I want to talk to you about our relationship. I’ve been talking a lot to Tim and Pastor Aaron and today your dad, and we need to find ways to put the brakes on how deep we are going. I don’t intend to stop being around you, or being near you, but we need to put some walls up for now so that we can grow at a slower, more healthy pace over the coming years. I love you Ali, and that isn’t going to change, but we need to set some barriers now, so that in the years to come we have a really good and healthy relationship. So, some of those walls that I think are beneficial, and I want to hear your thoughts too, are that I don’t think we should be alone that often. We should really try hard to meet with the group and spend time together among others. I don’t believe we should kiss again until we can set about to courting when we are older.” He stopped there and she was about to respond when he smiled and raised his finger. “One more wall.” He pulled a little box out of his pocket and handed it to her. She looked down at it and it was a jewelry box. She looked at him, tears already beginning to inch their way into her eyes, smiled and then looked down and opened it. Inside was a white gold ring laced with gold with the word Promise on one side and A&J on the other a chain of whitegold was threaded through it.. Tears flowed openly now as she looked up at him. “J….Jaius….I…” “Its a promise ring. There are two promises that I will make you. First, I promise to take the next few years and really learn about and grow in Knowing Christ, so that I can be a very godly man for you when we get old enough, two, I promise to pursue our relationship, in a healthy way, until that time. If you want this Ali, atleast if you want to follow these promises with me, then the necklace is yours.” All the words she was going to say to him about their relationship had fled her mind, she couldn’t recall a one of them. She gently reached donw and pulled out the ring and the chain and held it out to him and with he rother hand pulled up her hair and exposed the back of her neck and she turned with her back to him. “Wou…Would you.. put it on for me?” She said very quietly, her voice full of emotion. She could feel his smile, even though she couldn’t see it. She felt his arms around her and then the chain against her skin. She burned this memory into her mind knowing this moment would be with her the rest of her life. Jaius had solved all their problems with the relationship and she felt so at peace and safe right then. She felt his hands let go and she dropped her hair and turned and hugged him. He hugged her back. “Thank you Jaius, thank you for taking hold of all my uncertainties and fears about this and making a way forward. I promise to take the next few years and pour into knowing and understanding the Lord so I might grown into a Godly woman for you. I also promise to pursue our relationship with these guidelines no matter what. She kissed him gently on the cheek. Then pulled away and smiled the biggest smile she could make for him. He returned one just as large. “Can you stay?” She asked, feeling the answer before it came. He shook his head. “ I want to Ali, but my older sister just accepted Christ this morning, I’m going with her to introduce her to Pastor Philip and his Wife and, well, I really want to make sure it’s true, like, I’ve never told anyone about Jesus before, and I just wanna make sure I did it right.” She wanted to get disappointed because she. Hadn’t gotten to spend that much time with him today, but when she heard the reason why he couldn’t stay. She started bouncing up and down, squealed a little and hugged him. “Oh Jaius, that is so wonderful, now you both can team up on your parents and Anne and then they’ll get saved too.” He hugged her tight then let her go. “I pray it happens like that Ali.” She smiled. “Well, I’ll be praying too.” He looked at her with complete sincerity and smiled. “Thank you.” She blushed. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek which of course sent a huge flutter through her entire world. Then he got up and smiled at her. “Ill see you tomorrow at church, have fun with Olivia.” She got up took his hand and walked to the door with him. “ Thank you” she said. “It’s been so long since I’ve been on a sleep over I’m a little nervous.” Jaius squeezed her hand and smiled. “Ali, People are unable to not love you. I’ll see you soon.” She blushed and and squeezed his hand back and then let go and waved. He waved back. He started to walk out the door, but then turned back and bowed. “One more thing my Hyress, the Son of Maleric would humbly make a request of the Hyress, that she would grace him with the honor of going to the winter formal with him?” It took another ten minutes of squeezing and hugging and yeses, before she let him leave.

She spent the next few hours in her room, looking at the ring on the chain around her neck. It was beyond beautiful, and she couldn’t even begin to think of how he was able to get it. She played the scene over and over in her head. She had no idea how much time had passed except that her mom. Poked her head into her room. “Ali, sweetheart, it’s almost 4. Olivia is expecting you at 5.” Alianna let the ring drop and turned to her mom with a little panic. “Oh, now, I gotta shower and get my bag and clothes and….” Her mom shook her head. “Your bag is out here in the hall honey, and I already got your bathroom bag in there. You just need to get your shower and get the clothes you want.” Alianna beamed and ran over and hugged her mom. “Oh thank you mamma, that saved me so much time.” Her mom hugged her back. “You have been such a huge help Ali, and I thought Jaius’s gift would be occupying your mind for a while, so I got some things ready.” “Thank you mamma.” An hour later she was showered and packed and walking the few yards to the house next door and knocking on that door. The door opened and Olivia was standing there with a huge smile on her face. They had dinner then went to Olivia’s room, Alianna told her everything that happens today, and Olivia was so happy that it all worked out with Jaius, and she thought the ring was so cool and appropriate. At about 8pm they were sitting at Olivia’s vanity where Olivia was showing Ali the latest makeup trend that her mom had shown her when Olivia’s door opened. They both turned and Olivia’s mom was standing in the doorway. “Hey mom, I was just showing Ali that new technique you showed me.” Said Olivia with a huge smile and she got up and started walking towards her mom. Alianna was smiling and almost got up with her, but her improved eyes caught the look on Mrs Parker’s face. She’d seen that look before, her mom had wore it the day that Nana had died. “Oh, no, Olivia.” She thought as she stood and slowly walked up behind her friend. Mrs Parker tried to talk a few times, but nothing came out. “Mom, what is it? Is something wrong?” Said Olivia, the weight of something heavy emerging to set on her heart even though she didn’t know what it was. Alianna slipped her hand in Olivia’s and squeezed it. Olivia looked at her with concern and then back to her mom. Alianna’s motion broke Mrs. Parker’s paralysis. “Olivia, please sit down dear.” She said her voice braking with emotion. Alianna led Olivia to the bed and sat down with her. Mrs Parker knelt down and set her hands on Olivia’s legs. Tears began to leak out of Olivia’s eyes. “Mom…l. She said in a broken voice. “Dear, I…I just got off the phone with your Grandmother. Your pap…He had a heart attack. They tried so hard to bring him back, but…but..honey He’s with the Lord now.” Tears poured out of Olivia’s eye, her lip quivered as she began to shake her head back and forth. “No…No…No! Not my Pappy!” She let out the same cry Alianna made that day her Nana died. Mrs Parker enfolded her daughter in her arms as Olivia screamed and cried. It took all of Alianna’s strength to not brakedown right there as all the memories of that day flooded her minds. By God’s grace she held it together and reached out and began to rub Olivia’s back.

An hour later Alianna sat on Olivia’s bed with Olivia’s head in her lap as she lay there whimpering. Alianna had be praying harder then she ever remembered praying. She had texted her mom right away and her mom came over to help Ellaine. She had texted Jaius to pray, and he said he would and had asked if she needed anything. She had told him no, but to let the others know so they can be supportive to Olivia at school on Monday. Now she was sitting their running her hand through Olivia’s hair and singing softly. Eventually Olivia stopped whimpering and turned her head to stare up at Alianna. “I..I’m sorry Ali for screaming and crying like that…”. Ali placed her finger over Olivia’s lips. “Olivia, you have nothing to apologize for. When my Nana died, I made those sounds too. Your safe here with me. I can stay or I can leave, whatever will help you the most.” The pleading need she saw in Olivia’s eyes gave her her answer. She continued to run her hands through her friend's hair and sing. A little while later Olivia sat up and looked at her with red eyes and her cheeks stained by many tears. “Thank you so mcuch for being here tonight Ali, and for staying with me, I…I can’t imagine getting this news alone.” Alianna took Olivia’s hands in hers and held them. “I am here for you anytime you need me sister. When I lost my Nana the only way I made it through was that I had a friend, a sister with me too.” “I’m so grateful to God that you stayed Ali, My pap, he meant so much to me. He… it was him that led me to the Lord. I would go over there once a week on Saturdays and ask him questions about God and the Bible, and he always had such great Answers, now who will I go to to ask those questions? Saturdays used to be my favorite day of the week, now it feels like it will just be a long line of sadderdays.” She said mournfully. Ali hugged her and said. “We will find the answers together sister, and I know I can’t replace your Pap, but we can spend our Saturdays together, so they won’t be as sad.” Olivia hugged her tighter and cried, but with not as much of a mournful tone. As Olivia lay there listing to Alianna sing she began to find that the words to a song were beginning to filter into her mind. “Who knew that a string of wonderful Saturdays, would lead to a myriad of Sadderdays….”

Everyone was really supportive of Olivia on Monday. She showed Jim the song she was working on and said she wanted to play it at the funeral. Jim asked if he could help her with it and she agreed. By the next day the new band they had created had all volunteered to help. They all stood with and supported Olivia and her family the next Saturday for the funeral. Then they performed the song that Olivia had written for her Pap. Alianna’s hauntingly melodic voice brought tears but also the message of hope in Christ that was in the song seemed to touch many in the crowd. They also performed her Pap’s favorite song Amazing Grace. There was a peace that fell over the whole funeral and a comfort that surpassed understanding. They all felt a deep connection of friendship after the funeral that hadn’t fully been there before. All thanks to a song called Sadderdays.