Even in a crowd, you are alone inside your own head.

-Anonymous

Anne walked into her new homeroom very nervously. Everyone had already found a seat and the only one left was against the wall in the back next to a girl with blond hair that had the last four inches of her hair dyed pink. She wore a very fancy sweater with the School logo on the left side and under it is said “Cheer”. She was very pretty and judging by the way the diamonds in her earrings sparkled, she must also be fairly rich. Anne walked over and sat down and set her bag next to the desk. She then turned and looked at the girl. “Hi, I’m Anne McFarland. She said, waving. The girl glanced at her, did an up and down movement with her eyes and turned back to her phone. Anne let her greeting hang there for a few moments before it fell flat. She then sighed and turned to face forward. After a minute a notification appeared on her phone. It said Air Drop requested from 570-777-1234. Having no idea what an air drop was, but also not knowing enough not to open anything from a strange sender, she clicked accept. A message appeared. “Hi, you really don’t know who I am?” Anne glanced to her left and saw the blond girl look at Anne’s phone and then back at hers. “No.” Anne replied. The girl looked sideways at her for more than just a quick glance, as if she was studying her, then she looked back to her phone. “Hi Anne, my name is Brittney Shaffer.” She sent along with her contact info. Anne clicked the info icon and added Brittney’s contact info to her phone. She then texted her. “Hi Brittney, it’s really great to meet you.” Brittney looked at her phone and then looked at Anne again for a long moment and then went back to texting. “You still really don’t know who I am?” Came Brittney’s text reply. Anne shook her head as she replied. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t. I’m sorry.” She replied, actually starting to feel bad that she didn’t know. Brittney turned and looked at her and smiled. It was a friendly smile, not condemning. Anne caught the undertones of the smile and relaxed somewhat. Brittney went back and started texting again. “I’m sorry Anne, I didn’t mean to keep harping on that, it’s just really rare to find someone who doesn’t know me by my name.” “It’s okay. I was just confused because I hadn’t heard of you. I don’t remember you from St Carmelita’s elementary, and I thought maybe I had missed something.” “I guess, well, would you rather know why I kept asking, or would you rather know me?” “I’d rather know you, I don’t need to know the other thing till you're ready to talk about it.” Brittney stared at her phone for a long moment, then she put her phone down and turned to face Anne and leaned towards her. Anne put hers down and leaned in also. “Do you really mean that Anne?” Anne nodded her head and smiled. “Yep, I’d rather get to know who you are, not what people know you as.” Brittney smiled. “Wow, that is very rare, especially in my life. I…”. She stopped and looked at Anne as if she was deciding something. “I can be in a room full of people who know my name and know who I am and feel like I’m completely alone. That I’m the only one who knows who I really am.” Anne reached out and took Brittney’s hand. “I’m very sorry Brittney, that must be so hard, I’d love to know the Brittney that you see instead of the one others know.” Tears started to leak out of Brittney’s eyes. She turned and grabbed her purse and quickly pulled out some tissues and dabbed at her eyes. She picked up her phone and texted again, “Wow, so sorry, totally lost my cool there, it’s just, there has really ever only been on other person who ever approached me like you did, my best friend Megan. You definitely have something different in you Anne. I’d love to get to know you better. There is a back to school pool party at my house this Saturday, it be awesome if you could come and hang out. Megan will be there and I know she’d love you meet you too. You seem very cool.”

Anne was floored. She had never been able to make a friend so quickly before, and never been invited to a party cold like this. “Wow, that is so kind of you Brittney, I’ll ask my parents but I’m sure they won’t have a problem with it. What time is the party? Where do you live?”

“It starts at noon. I live off Shaffer Road. In the Shaffer estates neighborhood. 2345 Shaffer road.” She said, “Bring your swimsuit, we haven’t closed our pool yet and so we’ll have one last chance for fun in the sun, lol.”

“Lol, sounds like so much fun. I should be there, I don’t think my parents will give me any trouble. What is your favorite thing to do?”

Brittney glanced at Anne, and again Anne felt like she was evaluated how far she could let her in. She then looked back at her phone. “I love riding my horse Ulysses. My dad owns a bed and breakfast that is also a horse farm. It’s about 30 minutes from here and that is where I feel most alive, when I’m riding the trails, just me and Ulysses. What about you?”

Anne glanced at her and smiled. “I love sitting in the woods near our house and writing poems in my journal. I can’t believe you have your own horse, I think horses are so beautiful and cool. I never got the chance to ride one yet, but hope to one day.”

Brittney got a large smile on her face too. “No way, you have to come out to the B&B with me. You can ride Pepper. Ulysses is her dad and she is very gentle and kind. No one has ever wanted to come out there with me. Megan is deathly afraid of horses and so it’s been just me and Ulysses. It would be great to have someone to ride with. Could I read one of your poems?”

Anne hesitated and glanced at Brittney doing a similar evaluation of her as she did to Anne. Her Poems were where she let her heart out on the page. It didn’t take her long to decide though, Brittney had trusted her with a lot, so she thought she could trust her with her poems. “I’ll bring my journal with me tomorrow and you can look at it.” Brittney smiled and was about to respond when Mr Reies’s voice rang out. “Alright class, let’s settle down. Please put your phones away. I have some announcements.” Brittney’s mouth closed and she smiled. She texted quick as she put her phone away. “I’ll talk to you more next chance we get.”

Anne smiled and texted back “definitely Brittney, I’ll talk to you then.” As Mr Reies read the announcement’s Anne’s mind wandered to something Brittney had said. “She said she could be in a room of people who knew her, but feel completely alone. I think I get what she means. I keep most of myself back from everyone. Let them see the Anne that they need or want to see, or the one they think should be there, but the real me comes out on the pages of my poems. Maybe that is why I promised to let her see them, because she might understand what is there, me.”

She tucked those thoughts away for later digestion. A title for a new poem even jumped into her head “All alone in the Crowd” Soon images of that art room swam in her head. She had recognized the Lady of Shallot right away as she had read the poem a number of times, and the Ancient of Days, which was really wasn’t about God, but a work based off of one of the god like beings thought up by the poet Samuel Taylor Coolidge. She loved poetry. The rhythm of the rhyme and meter, the cadence was like a heartbeat. It was where her heart beat was, in time with the words. She devoured words and their meanings like they were choice foods. The right word, with the right meaning, always made the most powerful poems.

“Since this is the first time for all of you at St Pious, I’d like to welcome you all to our school family and to say if you need any help with anything don’t hesitate to stop by my desk.”

A few minutes after he finished the Bell rang for the first class. Anne gathered her things and stood up from her desk. Brittney smiled at her. “Do you want to walk to reading with me?” Anne smiled back. “Definitely, thank you Brittney.” They left the room and looked both ways. “Which way do we go? Said Anne nervously. Britney smiled and pulled out her phone and clicked one of the apps. After a few moments she smiled and turned her phone towards Anne. Anne saw a layout of the hallway and a line directing her to the right and three doors down on the right. “They have an app?” Anne said feeling like she should have known that. Brittney smiled. “Yep, here, let me see your phone.” Anne opened her phone and clicked on the app store then handed it to Brittney. She took the phone and tapped on the keypad. A minute later she handed the phone back. There was a new app on her phone that had the St. Pious the X school symbol on it. She clicked it and it asked her to enter her information. She took a few moments to do so and when she was done all her class schedule and other information appeared on the screen. “Thank you Brittney.” She said feeling a bit better about getting around. Brittney smiled and turned to head down the hall. Anne moved to catch up to her. When they got to Mr Bernard’s room a boy their age was running out of it. “Oh hey Brittney.” He said a bit faster than Anne thought was normal. Brittney smiled and waved. “Hey Bradly.” She motioned to Anne. “This is Anne. Anne meet Bradly Lockman.” “Totally cool to meet you Anne, got to run, Mr Bernard helped me get my app downloaded but now I’m late for Math. See ya later.” The words tumbled out of his mouth as he ran down the hall. Anne watched him go. The torrent of words had made her uncomfortable at first because she was so used to an ordered flow, but she noticed a meter to his words and they were all correct, just fast. Something about this made him stick in her head and this was new as she hadn’t ever thought much about any boy, except trying to keep her Brother from despairing. Brittney walking past her brought her out of these thoughts and they receded.

She followed Brittney and paused at the open seat next to her. “Is it okay to join you here too?” Anne asked in an unsure voice. Brittney nodded her head. “Totally. You're okay Anne. You can sit with me in classes throughout the day if you want.” Anne smiled. “Thank you Brittney, you're totally awesome. I never really make friends this easily.” She said as she put her things down and sat in the seat. Brittney looked at her and nodded. “I make friends real easy, but I don’t make good ones easily at all. So what kind of music do you like?” Anne turned and looked at her. “Classical Orchestra music.” Anne said, waiting for the usual laughter that followed when she said that. Brittney didn’t laugh though, she just sat there with her mouth slightly open. “Who…who do you like.” Anne’s mouth dropped open slightly too. “….um…Bach, Choppan, and well, my brother is a Star Wars fan, so definitely John Williams.” Brittney smiled at the last part. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone your age around here that even knows who Bach is, let alone could tell you about any of his work?” Brittney said and then laughed. “Well, I’m pretty sure you do know. I can’t believe we have so much in common.” She said in a soft voice. Anne nodded her head. “I know, it’s crazy, what School did you go to last year?” She asked. “Well, last year I spent the spring Semester at Endless Mountain. Before that I was going to a private School in England. My father had extended business there and so I did 4th and part of 5th grade in England.” Anne’s mouth dropped open, then she shut it quickly. “Wait, so you got to go to England? No way! Did you get to stand in a crowd and see the Queen’s car pass by, or Prince William’s?” She said excitedly. Brittney sighed, but then smiled. “Actually, I got to meet the Queen and Prince William and Princess Katherine and, well, everyone. My Father got invited to a state dinner and was able to take my mom and brother too.” “Shut up!” Said Anne emphatically. Brittney smiled, having been here at this point in the twenty questions to know what comes next. “Are you still wanting to know the real me, or the me who met the Queen?” Anne smiled and shook her head. “I want to know you Brittney, the you that had to figure out a way to do well at a school that was in a different country.” Brittney stared at her. Looking intently at her as if trying to read her mind. “You mean that don’t you?” Anne nodded. “Yep, remember, I know what it is like to be alone in a crowd.” Brittney was about to say more but Mr Bernard spoke just then. “Okay class, let’s settle down and take a look at the first book we will be looking at this semester. “It’s called the Boy who fell from the sky?” He said holding up a book.

Soon it was lunch time. When they got to the Cafeteria. Anne went to the left as she saw Keri and Olivia placing their bags at the farthest table to the left. Brittney went the other way to the right where she saw the kids from the A Tables putting their bags at a table just next to the normal one. Both Anne and Brittney stopped as they realized the other wasn’t following them. “I need to…” said Brittney as she motioned toward the A table area. “My Brother and his friends….” Anne said as at the same time she motioned toward Keri and Olivia. A strange look crossed both their faces as it began to sink in that they were actually in two separate social circles. Brittney seems to be waging a war with herself, finally she shook her head and smiled. “Let’s talk in the next class after lunch.” Anne swallowed hard, really fearing that this was the end of what she thought could have been a great friendship, but hanging onto the fact the she wanted to talk about it, Anne nodded and said. “Okay, Brittney, I’ll see you then.” Brittney smiled and nodded, then turned and headed towards the A table. Anne sighed and moved over toward Keri and Olivia.

When she got there Keri looked at her with her eyebrows raised. “Hey Anne.” She said. “ Do you know who that was that you walked into the Caf with?” Anne nooded. “I know, but…well, she is more than her Father's money.” She said simply. Keri looked shocked, Olivia looked confused, but Anne merely set her bag down and pulled out her phone. Keri placed her hand on Anne’s. Anne looked up and saw her smiling at her. “That was a really not normal thing to say, I like it.” She said and then turned to Olivia and leaned into whisper to her. After a few moments Olivia’s confusion seemed to fade away and she smiled at Anne and gave her a thumbs up. Anne had grown to really like Keri. There was such a deep intellectual mind in her, and a heart that ran much deeper. She still couldn’t quite read Olivia. There was something different in her that Anne hadn’t been able to sort out yet. Olivia seemed to have a confidence that no one else in their little group had, although she had been starting to see in in Jaius and Ali too. It’s like they all had something that she and the others did not have. At this moment she noticed that Keri had a new sweater on that she didn’t have on this morning. “That is such a pretty sweater Keri. Where did you get it?” Keri smiled at the compliment and then looked down at the Marron fabric. She told Anne the story of what had happened and how she got it. Anne began to tear up. “I’m so sorry Keri, Jaius could totally beat them up if you want.” Keri raised her eyebrow, as did Olivia. “Jaius?” They both spoke at the same time. Which made them smile. “Yep.” Anne told them about what happened between Jaius and the two older boys after they left the classroom.

As if thinking about them had brought them into the room, Jaius, Ali, along with Jim and Trudi all came and sat down and waved at everyone. Anne greeted everyone. Jaius gave her a high five which she slapped his hand. Ali came over and gave her a hug. Anne noticed in that moment how much of herself Ali throws into, well, everything. It was like all of who she was was going into that hug. Anne hugged her back, and then Ali squatted down and looked at her. “How was your first morning at the Dungeon?” She said with a smile. Anne smiled. “It was really good Ali. Mrs Shaffer’s room is even cooler than you described. I think I may have also made a really good friend, who might have to be a secret friend, but that is pretty good for a first morning.” Ali seemed to get confused when Anne mentioned a secret friend. So Anne looked over at the A table area at where Brittney was sitting talking to a girl with long brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. She had the same sweater as Brittney did, in fact, all the girls over there had one. The familiar way the girl was talking with Brittney made her think that maybe that was this Megan she mentioned. Alianna followed her eyes and then turned back to Anne, sympathy clear on her face. “That is not an easy road Anne, but I definitely understand. Be careful though, that game that they play can leave your heart in pieces.” Anne nodded. “Thank you Ali, I’ll remember to be careful. Do you know anything about Brittney Shafer?” Alianna looked at the girl with blond hair with pink coloring at the ends of her hair. “I don’t know her except that her dad is the richest man in this area. I do know who she is talking with, however…”. Alianna just stopped talking, her eyes seemed locked on the girl with long brown hair. After about thirty seconds, Anne was about to ask her if she was okay when she just shook her head and finished her sentence. “Her name is Megan Trendale. She’s…Ali…the sister of this year's Queen.” Anne caught the pause and change Ali made, but knew a little bit about the situation so she didn’t ask about it. “What is Megan like? Is she nice?” Ali looked at the girl with long brown hair in a ponytail and sighed. “She was always nice and sweet, and always ready to help out. She gets emotional and excited quickly though.” Anne looked at Alianna and smiled. “Thanks Ali. I’ll see what happens next period.” “I’ll be praying for you Anne.” Said Alianna as she stood up and sat down. Soon a big event began to transpire. Some of the girls from the A table went out of the Cafeteria, Megan was one of them. One girl remained behind at the main table. She had long chestnut colored hair also pulled back in a ponytail. “I guess ponytails are in this year.” She thought as she pulled her dark hair forward. “By the time I grow this out long enough it will be out of style.” She thought ruefully. Anne had never been much of one to worry about style, but then her eyes fell on Bradley Lockman and a thought crossed her mind. “I wonder if he likes ponytails.” She shook her head as if some foreign object had just landed in it.

When she looked up again the girls who had left the Cafateria came back in escorting other students who looked like Juniors and Seniors. Keri leaned in and told them what was happening. That it was the High School Queen and her court who had come down to talk with the Middle School Queen. She pointed out the Queen, a girl named Jennifer, and her Heir, a girl named Julie, who was also Jim’s sister. Before Anne could really take the scene in, Jennifer and Julie disengaged from the procession and headed right for them. Jennifer went right up to Keri and hugged her. Julie came over to them and hugged Jim and the Olivia and then Alianna. She knelt down and talked with her. Anne looked at Jaius who merely shrugged. Julie then got up and squeezed Jaius’s shoulder and he introduced her to Anne. “Hi Anne, I’m Julie Kurtz.” “Hi Julie, so good to meet you.” “Definitely good to meet you too Anne. You three should join us for youth group at our Church.” She said, indicating Alianna, Jaius and her. They all looked at eachother and nodded. “We were thinking of coming on Wednesday.” Said Jaius. “Awesome!” Said Julie. She then moved over to stand next to Jennifer. Jennifer then invited them all to a Bible study here at the school. Everyone around her asked for a ride from one of the seniors. Anne had never read the Bible, let alone study it, but she also didn’t want to be left out. So she raised her hand too. Jaius looked at her and then a big smile came to his face. The fantastical story that he told her about where he and Ali had been for four months crossed her mind. He had seen the Garden of Eden and Jesus and has tried to talk a lot about him to Sis and her. Maybe she could find some understanding at this Bible study. Her thoughts were disturbed by one of the Girls from the A table who had red hair proclaiming loudly that everyone should stand for the High School Queen and her court. Everyone in the cafeteria stood up, even at Anne’s table, so Anne joined them. In walked the group of girls from the A table along with Jennifer, Julie, a very tall blond haired girl and a tall boy who looked like a senior. Anne noticed for the first time that Jennifer, Julie and the tall blond girl all wore bandannas on their heads covering their hair. When the pomp and circumstance needed they had all sat at the normal A table and they began talking, then what looked like praying, then talking again. Anne shook her head wondering at how devout everyone was at this School, she felt a bit lacking.

Soon the group from the High School got up and left, escorted by the four girls that had remained at the normal A table. Once the procession left the Cafeteria the normal chatter around the room began. Phones either stopped recording or came out and a flurry of texts were being sent also. Anne looked at the rest of the group Olivia still looked confused, Jim looked at Keri and Trudi. Trudi’s mouth was hanging open in shock and and shook her head. Keri was busy dabbing at her eyes. “Keri, are you okay?” Said Alianna. Keri smiled and nodded her head. “Yep, just can’t believe the gift that Jennifer just gave us.” Jim nodded and so did Trudi, everyone else looked confused at this. Keri looked at Alianna. “Just by coming over here, let alone hugging us, Jennifer and Julie just let the whole middle school know that we are their friends. They basically sent a message to everyone here that if they mess with us, they mess with their friends. Alison and her table are going to have a lot harder time targeting us. They did a great job hiding it, but I could tell that Alison had no idea that that was going to happen.” Olivia smiled. “Wow, Jennifer and Julie are both so great, especially after what happened this morning.” Alianna looked at her.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“What happened?” She said looking with concern at Keri as her cheeks got red and she shrank into her seat. Olivia told them all what happened and Anne’s heart broke for Keri. “I hope Brittney didn’t have anything to do with that.” She thought to herself already determined that she couldn’t be friends with her if she did. She remembered the glimpse of the real Brittney though. The girl who loved classical music and horses and who had opened up to her so easily, that image just didn’t connect with someone who would be behind such a mean stunt.

The others helped her get to her next class. It was religion. She saw Brittney who smiled at her and nodded to the open seat next to her. Anne smiled, and sat down. “Hey.” Anne said softly. “Hey”. Said Brittney. Brittney turned to her and Anne turned also. “I…I know lunch was akward, I guess I didn’t put two and two together. I saw you sitting with Jaius and Alianna. McFarland, your Jaius’s sister.” Brittney looked at her, and Anne could see the sincerity in her eyes. “I’m really glad that they found them and they’re back. My brother Trent is like the closest person in my family to me and I kept trying to imagine what it would be like if he disappeared over the summer as I read the news reports. The news said that Jaius had two sisters, I kept trying to put myself in your shoes, and it terrified me. I’m so sorry for what you went through Anne.” Anne was floored. Of all the things she thought might come up, or what she wanted to come up, Brittney consoling her and trying to commiserate with her over what she went through this past summer was not even on her radar. Thinking of all the emotions she went through this summer brought them out. Brittney was out of her seat in a flash and knelt down next to Anne, turned her away from the rest of the class and let positioned herself so she was blocking the rest of the class from seeing her. “I’m sorry Anne for bringing it up, please forgive me.” Anne had buried her face in her hands. She hadn’t cried like this since Jaius got home, but she also had not apparently dealt with the trauma she went through this summer, it wasn’t just Jaius she almost lost. She looked up at Brittney with tear streaked face and red eyes. “I’m sorry Brittney for losing it like this. I guess I still haven’t dealt with everything that happened this summer. It wasn’t just Jaius I almost lost, I almost lost my older Sister. She tried to hurt herself. I…I was the one that found her.” Brittney looked at her with such sorrow and empathy. She gave her a hug. “Wow, Anne, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Look,I’m going riding this Saturday morning, if you want to join me I’ll pick you up and we can go? I’ve found ridding Ulysses to be the best therapy ever.” Anne smiled and nodded her head. “I’d like that. I’ll make sure with my mom and dad tonight and text you.” Anne opened her mouth to say more but stopped, unsure of how to lead into her question. “What is it?” Anne took a deep breath and just waded in. “You said lunch was Akward, I understood what you meant. Kinda like we’re on two separate sides of a chasm, but I also understand why, and I’m okay with that, even if we are secret friends, I still want to be your friend. I needed to ask you one question though.” “Anything.” Brittney said. “The ambush that happened to Keri Bellows and Olivia Parker this morning in the hall, with the kids in Masks, did…”. She took a deep breath and let it out. “Did you know about it?” Brittney looked confused for a moment but then shook her head. “I didn’t know about it or have any part in it. I don’t know what took place, or who did it. I know it’s open season on Keri and anyone associated with her, but I haven’t been part of it. From what little I know of the game right now though, what Queen Jennifer and Heir Julie did at lunch is going to make it very hard to do anything to them or anyone with them.” Anne nodded and sighed with relief. “Anne, I promise, I’ll do everything I can to try to keep them safe.” Anne smiled . “Thanks Brittney. Just then a very aged priest walked into the room. “Attention class, let’s get all eyes up front here and let’s begin. I’m Father Max”. Brittney got up, Smiled at Anne and then moved back into her seat. Her phone buzzed when she sat down. She opened it and read what Anne texted her. “Thank you for being a friend to me today when I needed it.” Brittney smiled, hearted her text and replied. “Thank you for wanting to get to know me, and not my money.” Anne hearted it back, and then they both put their phones away and listened as Father Max began telling them about the first Pope, the apostle Peter. Both girls felt a little less alone in the crowd as when they got to school this morning.

——————

Jim gave Jaius a salute and then walked arm and arm with Trudi up to Mrs Carson’s home room. Outside he was all cool, inside a war raged. He liked Jaius. With the movie quotes Julie had made him learn to be good at the game, him and Jaius had hit it off. Plus’s, Jaius seemed to be all of a sudden good at sports. It would be a great friendship, except for Alianna. He had hoped beyond hope that the day he had visited her in the Hospital had gone differently. It had gone better then he had feared it would, but when she had indicated that if that terrible day in the cafeteria hadn’t happened there would have been hope for them, he had lost a lot of hope, because that day did happen, and he had wrecked her heart and then she disappeared with Jaius and even though they couldn’t remember where they were, there was a serious deep connection there. Jim had become pretty sure that Jaius was aware there was something with Alianna and him also, but to Jim’s surprise Jaius didn’t shun Jim, instead he made every effort to connect with him. It still tore at him. On one hand he was very grateful that they were both back and that Keri was alive, but being that close to her with how he felt about her was really hard.

“You okay?” Trudi asked him as they were climbing the steps to the main level. Jim looked up at her, the cool mask fading. “Is it that obvious?” “Only to me.” He shook his head. Trudi had always had this crazy way of being able to read people. “Just a little war going on in my heart.” “Alianna?” Jim stopped. “Oh no, is that that obvious too?” Trudi laughed. “No, I just saw you sneak into her hospital room two weeks ago and figured there was more going on than wanting to wish her well. Does she know how you feel?” Jim nodded sullenly. “Yeah, I let it all out on the table in the hospital room, but it pretty much stayed there. Some of the things she said seemed to indicate there were still crusty feelings for me, but I think I broke a large part of her heart last spring. Not sure if I can ever build it back up.” Trudi got a sad look on her face. “Keri and I really feel terrible about that Jim. We’re sorry for lying to you about her.” He placed his hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay Tru, it wasn’t either of you. That one was all me. Something was telling me, deep inside, that the girl that I thought was Emily, really was Alianna, but I ignored it. It’s just hard, cause

at times I can be hanging out with all of you and feel trapped and alone by thoughts of her.” He let the rest just hang there. Trudi looked at him. “Just keep showing her the you that lies behind the mask of the game Jim. You also have to get to a place where you are okay if it does turn out to be her and Jaius, or her and someone else. We got five more years till graduation, a lot can happen in that time.” Jim nodded and looked up at her. “Thanks Tru, you're the second person that said that to me. Olivia told me something similar in Mrs Shaffer’s room earlier.” Trudi nodded. “She has got some mad skills in advice and wisdom. I was talking to her that day by the creek last week. I was sharing how alone I felt sometimes because all people see when they see me is my weight or my face or my hair, but she looked at me and said. “Trudi, there can be springs of life giving water coming from inside you. She looked like she was going to say more, but then stopped. I’d never heard anyone talk like that before. ”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, and she’s pretty good on the piano too. She told me she writes songs also, which is crazy. I always gotta give a lot of credit to people who can write the songs. I can play them, just never had the knack to write them.”

“Well, you play the songs really well, maybe you two should team up.” Said Trudi. Jim caught the subtle, deeper, tone when she said team up. “That will be enough of that matchmaker. I got to deal with this mess in my head with Ali first, or else I won’t be good to anyone else.” Trudi shrugged. “It might help and not hurt Jim. If you get so fixated on this, that could end a lot worse, then trying to get to know someone new. I mean honestly Jim you basically only got to know Ali for a day before she disappeared, just trying to help you put the mess you got going on in your head in a better place.” Jim opened his mouth as if to argue with her, but then closed it as the simple rationality of what Trudi just said hit him. “There ya go, messing up my wallowing again.” He said with a grin. She laughed. “That’s what friends are for.” He laughed to. “I want to get mad at you Tru, cause I feel better now and I was enjoying wallowing.” He said laughing.

They reached the main floor and opened the doors into a mass of moving bodies, some going one way and the rest the other. They moved their way in and seemingly out of nowhere these two masked faces appeared. the masks were white with slanted black eyes and a thin mustache and smiling. “You shouldn’t have come back Godzilla, you and your sister aren’t welcome here.” Came a girls voice from behind one mask. “Yeah, you got a lot of guts showing your face with Godzilla here traitor, you were warned, now you're gonna get what they get”. They both quickly turned with their cameras out, took selfies with Jim and Trudi behind them. In the camera Jim could already see the tears forming in Trudi’s eyes. Jim reached out for the boy but he was quick and dodged Jim and grabbed the girls hand and they ran off ducking their heads, and Jim wasn’t able to see where they went. Trudi had tears coming down her face. He took her by the arm again. “You okay?” He said. She nodded and pulled out a tissue and wiped her eyes. “Yeah, it's just been a while since that has happened. I’d forgotten how much it can hurt.” He nodded. “This is different though, usually they don’t hide their faces.”

“Yeah that was weird and kinda scary. What do you think they will do with that selfie?” “Not sure, but pretty sure it’s being sent to Jake right now.” Trudi sighed and nodded. “Yep, I’m preparing to see Godzilla with my head on it.” He squeezed her arm. They got to Mrs Carson’s room and went in. Some people looked up at them, Mandy and Tiffany in particular, gave them disapproving looks. They sat in the front row right corner and put their bags in the two seats behind them for Jaius and Ali. Jim then went over and told Ms Carson that Jaius and Ali would be a little late. Trudi sat there by herself for a few moments and considered how everything had turned one-eighty in her and Keri’s life. A year ago she was sitting over there with Mandy and Tiffany laughing and commenting about Alianna. Now, just twelve months later, she was saving a seat for her. She had always been in Keri’s shadow, but she never became bitter about that. She wasn’t able to change what she looked like due to a condition she had, and so she never faulted her sister for how pretty and popular she was, but it still stung when the other kids made fun of her. It had also been a very lonely year. Even though she had been Second at the Table, which usually denotes the second most popular girl in middle school, she only held the position because she was Keri’s sister, and everyone knew it, and so even though she sat at the table, she felt like she was eating alone. Keri had always given her a lot of attention, but this past year she was so focused on protecting her that Trudi hardly saw her. Now though when she hung out with Alianna and the others, they actually talked to her. Especially Olivia. They had talked a lot over the past two weeks and it had actually made Trudi very nervous at times. She never really had good friends outside her sister and so was afraid she would say or do something to mess it up.

Mrs Carson began taking role, and then the announcements, and then the door opened and in stepped Ali and Jaius. Ali smiled at her and waved and Trudi smiled and waved back. Jaius exchanged this salute they had been greeting and leaving each other with, Jim only nodded, a large part of his brain trying to keep his cool as he saw Ali walk in. Mrs Carson welcomed them and said how glad she was that they were back with the class. They sat down and Mrs Carson finished the announcements.

On the deep down, inside of himself, Jim tensed and got even more nervous when Ali sat down catty-corner to him. Years of training for the game by his sister had given him the skills and techniques to keep his true feelings hidden, but deep inside he was a mess whenever she was around. That was his lonely place, where the real Jim hid behind all the strategies and techniques he had learned. He could be surrounded by so called friends and not one of them had ever really met him. The Jim who loved the poetry of the lyrics of songs more then the music. The Jim who really liked T.V. and movies. The Jim, who really liked math, a lot. He had heard that musical notation was very mathematical, and he knew he could learn to read music, but he had never had time to learn it. Julie had told him he didn’t need to, because he could play by ear, but he had always wanted to learn. This was the Jim that sat behind the walls of the cool Jim, that no one ever saw, the one he wished Ali would see, but at the same time scared to let her because he was pretty sure she liked the cool Jim better.

Trudi’s heart really went out to Jim. She couldn’t imagine all the different hurts he was going through, but she knew she had to keep pressing him out of that locked room in his head that was covered with pictures of Alianna. There was so much life ahead of him, she couldn’t let him stay locked in that room staring at pictures that he wasn’t even really sure were her.

Through out the day Trudi watched as each teacher recognized Ali and Jaius and she notes that as the day went on the more eyes began to roll as each teacher said their names and acknowledged them. She hoped they weren’t seeing the eye rolls but in the later classes she could see a little more red in Ali’s cheeks then she had before. She thought they deserved the accolade. They had done more for Trudi and Keri than anyone save their parents. She did feel a sting of Jealousy though. No one had ever recognized her or called her up to the front no matter how well she did in the class she was always overlooked , like she wasn’t even there.

When they all met in the art room later on that day. Ali looked really frazzled. But before she could say what it was a terrible video of Keri throwing up appeared on her tic toc. Then once they had helped her regain herself their phones busszed with the pic of the two kids in the Vendeta masks with Jim and Trudi behind them except Trudi looked like Godzillla and Jim had a wooden sign around his neck that said Traitor. Keri wrapped her arms around her sister and so did Ali and Olivia and Anne and they all said encouraging words to her. Trudi felt her heart soften. She’d never had any actual friends , and definitely none who would help her and encourage her. “Thanks.” She said through tears and a voice deepened by emotion.

Jaius went over to Jim who was just staring at his phone. “You okay?” Jim took a moment to realize someone wa stalking to him. He looked up at Jaius with an unreadable expression on his face. “I don’t know. I mean, this hasn’t ever happened to me that I can remember. How, how did you live through it?” Jaius shook his head and looked at him. “I ran away to movies to escape the pain. I wouldn’t recommend it, it’s a stairway to nowhere. It numbs the pain for a minute but then it all comes flooding back.” Jim opened his mouth and then stopped and nodded. “Yeah, I guess running from it is not a stairway to heaven.” Jaius grinned. “Now that reference I know.” They both laughed a little.

Julie looked up from her Bible as the front door opened. Jim walked in and she smiled and waved at him. He waved back and slightly smiled and went up to his room. Julie sighed, said a quick prayer and set her Bible down and went up the stairs after him. As she approached his room she expected to hear his guitar but when she opened the cracked door she saw him at his desk opening a text book. “You okay?” She said with a smile. “I’ve known you all your life Jim and you’ve never done your work this early.” She looked up at her a grinned alittle which let her know he wasn’t as bad off as she may have thought. “We’re meeting at Jaius’s tonight to work on this idea for a olay that he had. It was actually pretty cool, he’s calling it a Play on Words, using quotes from every form of media to make the script.” Julie’s eyes lit up. “Wow, that does sound cool.” She took a deep breath and let it out. She moved in, sat down next to him and looked at him. “I know you are battling a lot of stuff on your own, Jim and it feels like you're fighting a battle all by yourself even though there are people all around you, none are helping you. Like you're completely alone in a crowd, but I want to help you at least a little with one of the areas you're fighting.” He studied her for a moment wondering how she knew him so well even though they had been distant for years. As if she was reading his mind she sat back and looked at him and smiled. “I’m your sister silly, I may not have shown that I was watching you all these years, but I was.” She let that hang in the air for a minute. “Anyway, I am gonna be talking with Alianna this Saturday and I wanted to know where your feelings were before I did. If you still like her as much as you did over the summer I can try to ferret out how she feels , maybe even help her see the real you, maybe help you out in that way. If you don’t like her still then, I don’t need to worry.” Fear came across his face. “Wow, Jules, hold on. Don’t be going all Yenta the matchmaker on me, it’s complicated enough without you you doing a love potion number 9 on her.” The terminology for the game assailed her as she had not been expecting it and a part of her almost slipped back into her old Queen mode, but she was able to push it back. “I’m not Jim, I am just going to talk to her and see where she is, what she feels, I just wanted to know if you still liked her.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them and looked at her. “I do stil like her, a lot. She’s in my head and I can’t get her out. But it’s the girl from last spring that grabbed my heart, and now that she’s back, I’m not sure if she is the same girl anymore, which would be worse because the. My mind would be obsessing over someone who isn’t there anymore and I feel like that would be worse than never being with her. She’s changed Jules. Her and Jaius act like two people who have been stranded on a deserted Island somewhere and grew close by relying on eachother. Everyone keeps telling me to just show her the Jim on the inside, the one no one sees, which sounds good and wise except, if they really were trapped somewhere together then I have nothing to compete with that. I told her thank you today when she tried to protect Trudi, and I saw the little flutter of her eyelid, I know what that means and I wish I hadn’t seen it, but it did. So a part of her still likes me but I’m afraid it’s the same illusion of a person trapped in her head that she likes and not me, and it’s probably the same way for me, I just can’t get rid of it.”

Sympathy flodded Julie’s face. “Bro, you know I’ve been here before, I told you about many boys that I had the same problem with, and what did I teach you about how to get out of this trap?” She said looking at him.

He sighed, “find someone else to go after to get the

Other person out of your head for a while and maybe make them jealous, but who?”

“The winter formal is coming up, did anyone ask you?” “I told Keri I would go with her this year.” Julie’s eyebrow went up. “Who knows Jim I mean you and Keri have been friends almost your whole life, maybe there is something there?” Jim looked at her oddly. “I thought you didn’t like Keri?” Julie’s face fell somewhat. “I regret saying that Jim. Deep down I never didn’t like Keri, I was just Jealous of her. Her drive, her brain, I felt like she was a threat to me even though there were a number of years between us. Anyway, ever since Jesus got a hold of me, I don’t hate her anymore.” Jim’s face scrunched up with confusion again when she said that, but he let it go. “Anyway, I’ll be going with Keri, and J will be going with Ali, and who knows maybe just that will work her out of my head.” Julie smiled and nodded, but didn’t show the doubts that were cropping up about this plan.

Trudi lay in her bed that night thinking over the day and what had happened. It had been hard to endure those slights after not having it done to her for a while, but she’d rather have the new friends and relationships that she had gained then to have the lack of being made fun of. Thinking of the things those kids had said and done did however open up the old wound, the one that bled all the time, even when she was around people, but they couldn’t see it. Even though she had friends now, and her sister is still with her, they are all still prettier then she was. Keri, Ali, Olivia all outshone her, and it hurt, and she couldn’t do anything about it and it was a room filled with pain in her head that she kept tightly locked because she loved them all and would never want the to see this. In moments like this, when it was just her, she unlocked that door and let out some of the flames so that they didn’t burst out at the wrong time. “Why can’t I be pretty too!”

Billy Poke lay on his bed and stared around the room at all the pictures of her. That moment this morning when she came around the corner of his bus seat and drew him out from being alone in that crowded bus coursed through his brain. He lay there dreaming of the day that they would both stand safe and alone in the middle of that crowd.