“I always found our group so amazing, how their relationships with their siblings so greatly defined the course of their lives, some days I envied them, but there were also many days when I was very content to be the only Parker child.”

Musings of an Only Child by Olivia Parker.

Alison sat on her bed looking over notes she had compiled about kids that were coming into the sixth-grade this year. Her sister Megan had made the list for her after talking with friends she still had in the fifth grade that would be coming to Saint Pious in the fall. Cheer Camp was just weeks away and she needed to let the girls know so they could register. They had a decent number of eighth and seventh graders returning to the table this coming year. So, she had it narrowed down to four new sixth graders. She held up the pages she had compiled for two in particular, Britney Shaffer, and Bradly Lockman.

Brittney came from a very rich family and was just a little taller than Lotti, and so would allow them to have two pyramids this year. Bradly was Tiffany Lockman's younger brother. Thinking that she could win some points with Tiffany, Mandy's best friend, by bringing her brother on to the table in his first year. Brittney especially was crucial for her plans for the coming year to succeed. Just then her thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock at her door.

“Ali, can I come in?” came Megan's voice from the other side. “Its open.” She said, turning her eyes back to the papers. The door opened and her sister practically bounced into the room. “I am sooo excited for Cheer camp, I never thought I’d get to use all those years of gymnastics and ballet. Thank you thank you thank you for picking me for the team, you are the best big sister ever.” She jumped over to her and hugged her. Alison hugged her back but then grew annoyed as Megan kept jumping up and down on the bed as she hugged her. “Meg, stop, your messing up my papers.” Megan stopped right away and looked down. “Oh my gosh ,so sorry.” She got off the bed. “I've already started packing but I wanted to see which outfits you thought would be the coolest to bring. I'll be right back.” She bounced out of the room and Alison sighed. “Sisters.” she said under her breath as she began re organizing all her papers. That word however echoed through her head. Against her better judgment her eyes glanced over at her book shelf and saw a book there labeled Diary. It was Alianna's diary, which she had used to hurt her this past year in order to get to where she is now, Queen of the table. Ali had been her sister too. A tear rolled down her cheek as she let herself think about her. She had been missing for three months now, the police had given up the local search and had turned their attention to a national and international search.

They had found a child's bike near where they thought she entered the woods, witnesses had seen that boy Jaius peddling after her, rumors had spread for a while that he had done something with her as he was missing too, but there were too many people who came forward with testimonies that countered that, especially this girl from Wilkes-Barre who had been on the phone with him right before they disappeared and he said he was trying to help Ali. The police reported that they believe both had been taken in the woods near where they all lived.

She resisted getting off the bed for as long as she could, but eventually all these thoughts about Ali drove her into motion and she got off the bed and went over to the bookshelf. She grabbed the Diary and moved mechanically back to the bed, her eyes locked on the cover. It had the picture of a Medieval lady handing a handkerchief to a man in armor.

Whenever they had filled up their Diaries, they tried to find ones with a Knight and Damsel motif. They would give the old ones to Alianna’s mom for safe keeping. They had found these on Etsy and their parents had gotten them for their 11th Birthday, but they didn’t start using them until the start of Sixth grade. She opened up the cover, and there on the inside of the cover was a special sticker that could be removed many times and not hurt the sticker or the book. Underneath the sticker were the nicknames they used for eachother.

When they started the A.L.I. Club they needed a way to differentiate themselves and so they made up nicknames to use for each of them. One was Ali Waly because it rhymed and the other was Ali Sally because Sally was their favorite Peanuts character. But they wanted to switch the names back and forth between eachother and so they made a promise to write the names on the inside of the front of their diaries, and whenever they would exchange them with each-other they would put a gold star that was the same type of reusable sticker as the large one that covered the names and put the star next to the name of the one that currently had the diary and would use for that time period then they would switch back names when they handed them back to each other. Over the past year she had forgotten which names they each had had last time they switched. She couldn't remember which name either when she told Keri about it, Keri didn't care about the story or the game, she just picked Ali Wally to call Alianna because it sounded more like a name you would call someone if you were making fun of them.

Try as she might, she could not remember who had which name last time they switched. She almost reached for the sticker to lift it and see what name she had had, but she stopped and closed the Diary. “I don’t have any right to that name anymore, whichever one it was.” She thought as her great and ever increasing sadness tried to overwhelm her.

Megan rushed down the hall but something made her stop at Ali's door before going in. She looked in through the partially opened door and saw Ali staring at a book. She squinted and recognized the gilded cover and pages and knew it was Alianna's Diary. A flare of anger sparked inside her. When they had started that Ali Club, they wouldn't let anyone join whose name didn't start with Ali, and so they didn't let Megan in, they included her whenever they went anywhere, but she was kept out of that deep secret bond the two Ali’s had formed. So Alianna got to be a part of her sister's world that Megan had no access to. From Megan’s point of view Alianna had become more of a sister to Ali then she was. How Megan had longed for the Oaksen's to move away so that she could be Ali's only sister again and so that Ali could be her only big sister and that would be that. The fact that Alianna had always considered Megan her little sister too, was just the burning thorn that inflamed her angst against her. She shook her head. “This is too exciting a time for that little wannabe to ruin it. I'll just get Ali’s mind back on me.”

The door opened quickly and her sister was there again with two outfits, one in each hand. As the door was opening she quickly shoved the diary under her pillow.

“So, do you think the green one, or the yellow one?” Megan said excitedly moving one outfit in front of her body and then the other. Alison looked at them and they both were cool, but the one looked like one of the outfits that she was taking that was also yellow, and it wouldn't do for her sister to have a similar outfit as hers.

“Definitely the green one,” Alison said. She saw right away the subtle facial movement that indicated that the green one wasn't Megan's favorite and that she had hoped her sister would choose the yellow one. “It really brings out your hair and makes your eyes pop.” Said Alison quickly. Megan looked down at the green one as she placed it in front of her and then turned and looked at herself in Alison's mirror. She turned this way and that and then smiled. “Wow, Ali, I think you are right, so awesome. Thank you sis, that really helped me out.” Megan said, turning to her with a smile. Alison smiled back. “That’s what sisters are for. Meg, I've made a definite choice on two of the sixth graders for the table this fall and Britney is one of them.” Megan's eyes got big and she started jumping up and down again. “Wow, wow, so cool, that is so awesome Ali, she is going to flip out, can, I tell her, please, please, please.” Megan bent close to her and gave her her best pleading look. “Yes Meg, you can, but before you launch out of here and tell her please sit down a minute.” The excitement faded a bit from Megan's face as she stopped jumping up and down and sat down on the bed. “What's up Ali?”

“You've heard me talk to you about the game right?” Megan nodded. “It takes a lot of finesse and skill to play it well, and if you don't play it well it will ruin your rep.” “I know Ali, you've taught me a lot about it and I am so grateful.” Alison took a breath and looked at her sister. “Megan, I'm about to tell you about the most precious commodity in the game. It is trust. Trusts are broken all the time, its how the game is played. Those that are good at it can brake trusts and never get caught, those who are bad at it get caught and get punished. I'm about to spend a whole lot of trust on you Megan, you are my sister and I trust you, but I just want you to understand the weight of what I'm entrusting to you right now.” Megan's eyes got wider. “I totally understand Ali, you can so trust me with anything, and I'll take it to my grave.” she said making a crossing motion over her heart. “I have no other choice” Ali thought to herself.

“Okay, so the truth of the situation at the table is that I do not have a lot of allies. Definitely not as many as Keri had. Mandy has a good number of the kids at the table who are totally in her camp and none of them like me very much because of how I won the election and Mandy lost. Jim is gone and so my friends at the table are not as many as Mandy's and that could be a big problem in the coming year. That is why I picked Brittney. She is the same size as Lotti and so will definitely be helpful on the team, but the main reason was because you and her are good friends. I need support at the table Meg and so I need her to be on my side. When you tell her make sure that she knows that I hand picked her and that it was largely because you campaigned for her so hard. We need her to be on our side Megan. Especially since you're going to be sitting next to Mandy at the table in September.” Alison paused waiting for the eruption. But Megan just stared at her looking confused. “Remember what I told you about what each seat position at the table means?” Megan's eyes turned up and to the right as she tried to remember. Then her mouth drooped. “Wait...get out, are you serious! Next to your Second that means I'm your pick for Queen next year, right?” She stared at her with her mouth open and her eyes bugging out.

“Right, I would put you forward for my suggestion as queen next year. Lotti would be your only real point of contention next year, but she is losing Mandy and Tiffany’s support as they will be going up to High School with me, and with Brittney and a few others I’m working on bringing into our camp you shouldn't have any serious problems. We just have to work hard this year and set things up so you won’t have any major problems to deal with next year. You can start by hinting to Brittney that you are thinking of making her your heir when you become Queen.”

Megan nodded with understanding and then threw her arms around her and began hugging her while jumping up and down. “Meg..Megan..my...” Alison gasped as her sister was squeezing her too tight. Megan stopped and looked at her with her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. “Oh no, Oh Ali, I'm sorry, I just spazzed out and I'm sorry.” Alison straightened her hair to give her a minute to regain her composure and then looked at her sister.

“Its okay, I just need to keep these papers straight. Why don't you go over to Britney's and tell her, just make sure she knows that this is coming from me and because you really kept campaigning for her, and to hint at where she could be next year if she supports you and me.” “You got it sis, you are the best sister ever.” She squealed a little and then grabbed her outfits and rushed to her room. Alison cringed a little bit as the door slammed shut, but shook it off and looked back at the other paper, with Bradly Lockman's name on it. She took a deep breath and then pulled out her phone. She began a text to Tiffany, Bradly's sister. “Hey Tiff, can you FaceTime me?”

Megan bounced down the hall to her room and shut the door. She flopped down on her bead with visions of sitting next to Mandy Ferlon this fall and how everyone would know what that meant. She had gone from being a nobody sixth grader to being the heir apparent for the Queen of the middle school. Just then something fell on her face. She freaked out and swiped it away onto the floor. When she calmed down she looked down to see what it was. There was a picture on the floor of Alison and Alianna and her. It was taken at the park three years ago. Ali and Alianna had their arms around each other with big smiles, and Megan was a bit off to the side with an awkward look on her face. “Always the tag along, the token Little Sister !” Anger started welling up in her again. She looked up to see where the picture had come from and saw a space in the collage hanging above her bed. “I thought I burned all the pictures with her in them when she went missing.” She jumped off her bed and grabbed a pair of scissors from her desk and grabbed the picture and folded the one side of it so it separated Alianna from Alison. “I'm so glad your gone.” She said through gritted teeth. “And I pray you never come back. She is my sister not yours and that is how it is going to stay from now on.” She then cut out the section of the picture that had Alianna in it, and held it up to her face as if she were actually talking to Alianna. “You ruined my relationship with her, and you made our mom think we didn't love her, you and your perfect family. Mom would always cry when Ali went over to your house, she stayed there all the time, you never let her leave. You made her call your mom, mom, which really hurt my mom and it made our mom not like us as much, but all that is finished now, and I hope so are you.” She said very slowly as she placed the picture of Alianna on her desk with a loud slap. She then took the two remaining halves of the picture and taped it together so that it seemed like it was a picture of just her and Alison. She then looked down on the smiling Alianna that had been cut off from the picture.

“I am her sister, not you, understand!” She said as she drove the pointed scissors into the smiling face. Tears started burning in her eyes. Tears of anger, hate, and fear, all mingled together as the memory of that terrible week came back to her. “She’s the one who was there for me that week, not you!” It had been a week of darkness and such awful loneliness. The week before that one, Megan had gotten caught by her mom sneaking Ali her tablet under the door to that horrible closet in the basement, while Ali had been locked in there. Megan’s punishment had been to be the next one to be locked in there. The only bright light during that time was when Ali would shove mini tootsie-rolls under the basement closet door to her along with encouraging notes. Tootsie -Rolls were her favorite, and that is how she knew it had been Ali sneaking them past their mom to her. She had thanked Ali profusely after she got out. Ali pretended not to know what she was talking about, but Megan knew she was doing that to keep from being found out by their mom that Ali had helped her. She had saved every note from that week. She pulled out one of the notes and read it. “Stay strong Meg, I love you and wanted to give you something I knew would make you smile. -Ali”.

She smiled at the little hearts that stood over the lowercase “i’s” in the note. Alison usually dotted her i’s with a diamond, but Megan knew she was doing it differently on these notes in order to encourage her. She held the note to her heart and closed her eyes, love for her sister filling her heart. When she opened them they fell on the picture of Alianna. She placed Ali’s note back in her memory chest, and sneered at the picture of Alianna.

“You will never have the connection to her that I do, you were never there for me like she was!” She whispered menacingly as she sneered at the picture. A knock at the door broke that terrible moment. “Meg, I'm heading to the gym, do you want to come along?” Came Alison's voice from the other side of the door. Coming out of her daze Megan looked at herself in the mirror and saw her red face and puffy eyes and swore under her breath. “I'll be down in a few minutes, just let me get dressed.” She said as she hurriedly changed into her workout clothes. She grabbed her bag and as she picked up her phone she stamped her foot. “Crap, I forgot about Britney.” She opened her phone and said “Siri, call Britney.” Siri responded that she was calling Britney. The phone rang a few times then picked up. “Hey Meg, what's up?” Came a perky voice on the other end. Like a light switch being flipped Megan's demeanor completely changed. “Britt I got some awesome news for you.” “What, what.” Britney said excitedly. “ It's a lot to tell and I am heading out the door, this has got to be face to face. Are you free in a few hours?” “Totally, my parents are in Europe so just shoot me a text whenever. I'll leave the patio door open.” “Awesome, I'll see you at 5.” “Sounds good, see you then.” Megan ended the call and hurried out of the room and down to the front porch. The only evidence of her earlier outburst was a cut off picture of Alianna and a pair of scissors pinning that picture to Megan's desk.

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Jim was sitting on his bed with his back against the wall. He strummed a few cords and sang “I see a red door and I want to paint it black...” Some tears started to leak from his eyes. He really wasn't a crier, he could count on two hands the number of times in his life he had really cried. The last few months weighed too heavily on him and he couldn't hold them back anymore. Trudi had called him today in tears. She told him that Keri had gotten too week and so even if they found a donor she wouldn't be able to survive the procedure.

They were trying different things to make her strong again, but Trudi said she had overheard the Dr mention Hospice to their mom. Their mom had refused, but Trudi didn't know how long that would last. Alianna and that Jaius kid had been gone for three months. He knew now, after many hours of thinking about it, that it had been love at first sight with her, Emily, who was really Alianna. He wasn't able to stop the tears in time as the knock on his door indicated someone had heard him crying. The door opened slightly.

“Jim, its Julie, can I come in?” Came his older sister's voice softly from the door. Jim shook his head slightly, Julie had never spoken softly to him in his life. She had taught him how to be cool, how to be the best at the game, but she also demanded perfection. She was hard on him, really letting him have it when he messed up, but the result had been that he had been the coolest boy at St. Pious Middle School. That had all changed in the blink of an eye, and apparently so had Julie. She took his lack of response as an open invitation. She opened the door slowly and looked at him and he swore he saw compassion in her eyes. “What is going on? The whole world is falling apart.” She walked over slowly, sat down on the corner of the bed and gently eased herself up until she was next to him. “Hey” she said in a light tone. “Hey” he replied in a dreary one. “It must be something big to keep you from playing, what has you so upset?” He looked at her. She was wearing a long dress with a T-shirt and a bandanna covering the top of her head. About four months ago she had all of a sudden changed. She started dressing more properly, she had dumped her boyfriend Fred and was going to church every week and other events that had nothing to do with parties, hanging out, or playing the Game. She also always had her bible with her. When he didn't reply she looked down. “Jim, I'm so sorry that I have not been a very good big sister to you. I really wasn't there for you when you needed me, I was so focused on the game that I never really saw you, I just saw you as another piece in the game. I'm so sorry Jim, please forgive me. I know I can't fix all those years past, but I'd like to try to be a better sister to you, if you can forgive me?” He shook his head and looked down at his guitar. She sighed and began to move off his bed. He reached out and grabbed her wrist. She stopped and turned to him. “I wasn't shaking my head no Jules, I just can't understand what has happened to you. You never did anything like this, unless it was somehow related to the game, I guess it's just hard for me to understand or believe.” She lowered her head and sighed and slid back to sitting next to him. “I know Jim, and that's why I am so sorry. I was so selfish and didn't care who I hurt to get what I wanted. Mom and Dad were always the best at everything they did, and I had to match that, they were counting on me to carry on the Kurtz tradition of being the best. I found out though that I am not perfect and am not able to do any good at all. That I needed Jesus to take away my sins, because nothing I could do could get rid of them.” Jim also had noted that she had also been talking a lot about Jesus to him lately. He raised his eyebrow at her and gave her the same response he had given a thousand times. “Jules, I'm Catholic, I know about Jesus.” She opened her mouth to say more, but then shut it. “I know Jim, I just can't keep it in, I just need to talk about what He has done for me.” She smiled and shook her head. “There I go again, talking about me, I came in here for you, what's going on bro, maybe I can help?” He looked down and almost got out the words to ask her to leave, but something tugged at him, something pushed it all out of him. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. “Well, I met the girl of my dreams, only to find out that she was pretending to be someone else and so I yelled at her and made fun of her, and then to learn later it was actually her true personality, she had only lied about her name. Then my best friend gets cancer and I just found out today that she is most likely going to die, and also I get the boot from the table and, well, no that's pretty much it, but I'll let you know when the next calamity happens.” He said with more harshness than he intended. “I'm sorry Jules, I didn't mean it to be that harsh, I just don't know what to do with all this.” He pulled his legs up to his chest and laid his head on his knees. Julie could see his shoulders shaking slightly. Compassion welled up inside her, which was still so amazing to her because she had never felt it before. She reached out and put her arms around him and after a minute he put his arms around her and she just held him as he cried out all the hurt of the past three months. After a while he let go and wiped at his eyes.

“Than..Thanks Jules, I guess I didn't know how much I needed that.” She smiled. “Anytime bro, I'm here for you whenever you need me, not going to be distant anymore.” He looked at her with that same raised eyebrow, and she shook her head and laughed awkwardly. “So, who was she? The girl you mentioned?' His face clouded over for a moment but then he looked back at her almost pleading with her with his eyes. “Alianna Oaksen. She's the girl that has been missing for three months.” She laid her hand on his. “Oh Jim, I'm sorry. I know her parents are still looking for her, but the authorities have given up. I've been praying a lot that they would find her.” “Doesn't look like He's listening.” Again he shook his head. “Sorry Jules, my mouth doesn't have a lot of filter right now.” “It's okay Jim, I totally understand. What happened at the table, why aren't you going back?” He took a deep breath. “I wouldn't support Alison on the first big thing she had to deal with and so she told me not to come back. Its okay, when I saw everything going down with her and Mandy I knew there might not be a side that I could land on.” Julie looked down and sighed. “The game is really terrible sometimes. I saw the video of Keri. I'm sorry Jim, I know that it must have been hard to stand up for your friend like that, but I'm proud of you. I never liked Keri, because she had a deeper drive inside her then I did, something deeper then the family reputation, but now all I feel for her is a love and compassion and a need to pray for her. I was planning on going there and asking her to forgive me for how I treated her. I’ve been praying for her everyday, God can do anything Jim, even save a life.” He looked dubiously at her but didn’t say anything. “I have my theories about what happened, with Alison, Mandy and Keri, but they're just theories, but if they're true...I just can't believe Alison would go that far.” Jim looked up at her. “How do you know Alison that well? I've never seen you hanging around at the middle school table.” Julie shrugged. “She's been in gymnastics since I can remember, we've talked from time to time through the years. It's why the girls have more influence at the table. All the girls at the table are on the Cheer squad and the Cheer squad goes to the same gymnastics center as does every other school’s cheer team. There is just a ton more networking that goes on with the girls at the table then with the guys. It also allows a Queen to identify potential table members by watching the Elementary school girls at the Gym, to see which ones have cool potential and which ones do not. It also allows her to connect with the other Queens from the schools in the area.” Jim just shook his head. “Man, the game is more complex than all the stuff you taught me.” She laughed. “Well I wasn't going to teach you the stuff on how to be Queen of the table.” He was almost offended, but then the humor of what she said set in and he began to laugh too. “Yeah, I guess I wouldn't need that.” “There ya go.” she said with a gentle shove on his shoulder. “There's that laugh that I haven't heard in a while.” He sighed with the recognition that the depression he had begun to get used to had abated a bit. “Thanks Jules, I did need a laugh.” “What are big sister's for?” She smiled. “Hey, I have an Idea. I'm going to hang out with some new friends, and some old ones at youth group tonight, if you want to join me?” Jim rolled his eyes a little. “Common Jules, the youth group at our church just goes on trips, they don't do anything over the summer.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It's not our church's youth group, it's at another church nearby. I've been going for a few months now and it is really a lot of fun. They have a band that plays music in the beginning and sometimes we play games or the youth pastor gives a lesson, and then we pray for each other. We also lost our guitar player to summer camp and...” she eyed up the guitar in his hands. “...we could use one for a while.” She said, smiling innocently. Jim looked down at his guitar and then back at his sister and tried to find a valid excuse not to go, but he couldn't find one. Deep down he wanted to go. He was used to being out almost every night at practice or a friends house or a party, being cooped up here at the house was driving him nuts. Resigning himself to a car ride with his sister talking about nothing but Jesus, he played a cord and threw his hands up dramatically. “Okay Jules, I'll go, I'm not promising I'll have fun though.” “Awesome!” she said, jumping up and down a little. “I know you're going to love it Jim, everyone is great and Pastor Aaron is so cool.” Jim hadn't seen his sister jump up and down since they were little. “I wish I could take a little of whatever happy pill she is on.” He thought to himself.

After dinner they headed out in Julie's little white beater car. She didn't mention Jesus, but she had the radio on to what he guessed was a Christian radio station. “What's this song?” Jim asked as a particular guitar rift perked his interest a little. “Its called Shine, by a band called the Newsboys. They are so cool. Amber took me and another girl from the table back in March to see them at the Mohegan Sun arena in Wilkes-Barre and it was the best concert ever. I'm going to miss her in the fall, she was the best Queen ever. Well, I mean, Jennifer is totally cool too, I know she is going to make a great Queen this coming year.” Jim shook his head again. In the course of a year his sister had gone from being excited about seeing Taylor Swift to now the Newsboys. He tried to change the subject. “Are you going to try for Queen again when your a senior?” He asked. She glanced at him and then back to the road and sighed. “I honestly don't know. I mean, I love the new initiatives that Amber has started to bring to the table this past year and Jennifer plans to continue them. They are both so knowledgeable about God and how to be a Christian, I'm just not sure I'll be able to be as confident in just one year from now. There is just so much I need to learn about God and grow in my faith.” Jim raised his eyebrow. “Jules you've been going to Church your whole life, you must know as much if not more as they do.” She shook her head. “No Jim, I don't. I've learned so much about God and faith these last 8 months, more than I ever learned in 16 years in the Catholic Church, and there is still so much I don't understand. Pastor Aaron has been so cool in that area though, he is able to make the Bible come alive in a way I had never seen it before.” Before he could respond she pointed to her right and said.

“Oh, Oh here it is. Christ the King Church.” Jim looked to his right and saw a long building with a triangle shaped roof and there was a large metal cross on the side facing the road, but there was no image of Jesus on it, and there was no steeple or bell tower. As they pulled into the parking space Jim looked at his sister. “I thought you said this was a church.” She looked at him in confusion. “It is a church, Christ the King Church.” He looked at the building again and then back to her. “It doesn't look like any catholic church I've ever seen.” She smiled as she began to understand his confusion. “That's because it isn't a Catholic church, it's part of the Christian and Missionary Alliance. They are really big in carrying the Gospel out to the world.” Jim looked a little concerned. “Isn't it a sin to go somewhere that isn't Catholic?” He said. “I don't know a lot about it yet Jim, but I can tell you it is absolutely not a sin to go to a non Catholic Church. Come on, it will be fun.” She got out and shut the door. Jim looked once more at the odd building and then sighed and got out and grabbed his guitar case and slung it across his back and followed her to the doors. Inside was a small entry area with some coat racks and a couple of chairs. There was a stairwell straight ahead with one flight going down and one going up. Julie went to the stairs leading up and started heading upstairs. Jim followed her up and at the top of the stairs there was a hallway leading off to his right where the bathrooms were and some other rooms further down along the right wall and some exit doors at the end. She walked past the hallway into a large lobby. There was an area labeled Welcome Desk right as they went in. It was a large curving structure like you would see at a hotel check in. Behind it was a coffee bar and then what looked like an office. She headed to the right and he followed. To his left were four heavy wooden doors with small windows in them, but there were no lights on and so he couldn't see what was behind the doors. He still couldn't figure out how this was a church. There were no statues, no rows of candles, not little bowls filled with Holy Water. He saw her disappearing up some steps and shelved all those thoughts and hurried after her. He followed her up a narrow flight of stairs and then into a large room with seats that had a bunch of kids talking to eachother while sitting in them, a stage with a drum set, keyboard and microphones and speakers and returns, a sound booth and a bar in the far corner with bottles of soda on the counter with more kids standing at it drinking soda and munching on chips. There was a man behind the bar who looked to be in his 30's. On the wall behind the stage were the words “The Mez.” Julie turned to look at him. “Welcome to the Mez bro.” She said smiling brightly. “Jules” came a girls voice from the area of the seats. Julie turned, and Jim looked past her to see who it was. A tall girl with long straight blond hair with a bandanna covering the top of it stood up, walked quickly over to Julie and hugged her. “It's great to see you Amber, I was afraid you had left for college already.” The girl pulled away and shook her head and smiled. “Nope, two more weeks and then I'm off to Virginia and working at a summer camp near the college and then I'll be going there in August. I can't believe it's this close already though.” “Are you nervous?” he heard his sister say. He didn't really listen to the rest. The girl Julie was talking to looked familiar, as did a few of the other girls that were seated together. Then he remembered. Amber Littleton was the Queen of the High School table last year, and he recognized Jennifer Benton, the new Queen. He also saw Amy Reeder from his own table, sitting with them. Amy gave Julie a hug also and Julie seemed very excited that she was there. She talked to Amy for a little, and then turned to Amber. Amy went over to the bar. Feeling really out of place, he went over to where she was. At least she was someone he knew.

“Hey Amy.” She choked a little on her drink but recovered quickly. “Jim, wow, I didn't know you came here, wow. How are you doing?” “Okay I guess. This is my first time here, Julie has been begging me to go and so I finally caved.” She looked over his shoulder where his sister was talking to Amber and Jennifer. “Yeah, me too. Jennifer has been inviting me to come since school ended and tonight I just felt I really needed to come, I wanted to make a good impression on her before Cheer camp next week. I hope I'm good enough to make the High School team and table.” She took a drink of her soda and then looked up at him. “How are you doing, really, Jim?” He looked at the ground, ran his hand through his hair and then looked at her. “Pretty rough I guess. My best friend has terminal cancer and I have no Idea what's going to be waiting for me at the Dungeon come September.” She looked at him with compassion. “It wasn't right for Alison to do that to you Jim, it..it also wasn't right what she did to Keri.” She said the last part in a whisper. He raised his eyebrow, but then nodded. He had noticed a change in Amy as the last school year drew to a close. She played the game almost as well as Keri did, but she seemed to lose her love for it right before Keri got sick. He was about to respond to her when the man who was behind the counter came over to them.

“Well hi there. I don't think I've seen you both here before, I'm Pastor Aaron, but you can just call me Aaron if you want to. What are your names?” Jim was caught off guard and so Amy answered first. “I'm Amy Reeder..” She said more shyly then Jim had ever heard her speak. “Its nice to meet you Amy.” Aaron looked over to Jim. “Uh..sorry, Um Jim Kurtz, My sister Julie invited me.” He reached out to shake the man's hand and Aaron took his hand and shook it with a very firm handshake. “Well it is very nice to meet you both, and you are most welcome to join us, we are going to have a really good time of worship tonight. Especially since we may just have a replacement Guitarist.” Aaron said looking over Jim's guitar. “Would you want to help out our band Jim?” he said. Jim looked at the stage where one of the boys had sat down at the drum set and was twirling the drumsticks in his hands, and a girl with dark hair and red highlights had stepped behind the keyboard and was playing an odd chord here and there. A boy and another girl were standing behind the microphones talking like they knew each other well. “It has been awhile since I've gotten to play with anyone.” Jim thought to himself. He looked back at Aaron. “Sure, but I'm not sure I know any of the songs.” “No worries there Jim, I'll introduce you to Tim. He's the young man at the microphone. He can get you some sheet music.” Jim looked down and back at Aaron. “Um.. I don't really read music, I just listen and can play it.” Aaron nodded and smiled indicating no disappointment. He looked over at the stage. “Tim, do you have a second?” The boy at the mic looked up and nodded. Jim caught sight of Tim reach out and grab the had of the girl next to him and give it a quick squeeze and the girl's eyes lit up and she smiled at Tim. Jim smiled slightly noting them in his head as a couple. Julie had taught him early on to always be aware of what was happening around him in a social setting and to find out everything you could about each person in the room without asking them any questions. Tim smiled back at her and then let go of her hand and walked over to the bar. “Hey Aaron, what's up?” “Tim, this is Jim Kurtz, Julie's brother. He is open to playing with us, but he plays by ear. What were you planning to lead off with?” Tim looked at Jim and reached his hand out. Jim took it and shook it. “Nice to meet you Jim, I'm Tim Williams.” “Good to meet you Tim, Jim Kurtz.” Tim nodded. “Anyway, I heard Shine by the newsboys on the radio coming over and thought we'd do that.” Jim's mouth fell open a little. “I heard that song coming over too, I remember the rifts and think I could keep up, if you want me too that is.” “Totally, come on, I'll introduce you to the others.” Jim nodded. He turned back to Amy. “Good to see you again Amy. I hope it goes well at Cheer camp for you.” She smiled “Thanks Jim, you too in the fall with the table and everything.” He nodded and went to turn around when she caught his arm. He turned back to her. “Jim, would..would you do me a favor?”

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“If I can.” He said somewhat apprehensively. “Would you tell Keri I said Hi when you see her, tell her I hope she gets better.” The sadness threatened to brake through again and he had to focus everything he had on pushing it back. “Sure, Amy, but I think it would mean more to her if you went and visited her.” Her face fell and she took a drink from the cup again. “That's true Jim, just with Cheer camp and everything coming up I'm not sure if I'll have time to see her.” Jim looked at her, seeing the fear in her eyes and nodded as the trappings of the game sprung up around them both again, and Jim found that the response coming out of his mouth betrayed his own game related machinations still holding on. “Sure Amy, I understand, I'll tell her.” He couldn't afford to burn this bridge. Amy might be a way back to the table for him once he got to High School. Relief flooded her face. “Thanks Jim, you're the best. Go break a leg.” He nodded and turned and moved toward the stage. He remembered that Alison had said that the punishment would extend to anyone who stood with Keri. Amy had been there when Alison had said it, and he was pretty sure that was where her fear came from. The only people who had visited Keri were him and Trudi, and apparently Alison. Everyone else was too afraid of crossing Mandy and Alison to visit her, the ugly side of the game turned his stomach to ever want to jump back into it again, but his fear of floating through High School completely socially cut off kept him from completely severing himself from the game.

Tim introduced him to the rest of the band and they greeted him warmly. Matt on drums, Olivia on Keyboard, Tim and his girlfriend Selena were the singers. They all said hi to him but since he was behind the singers near the Keyboard Olivia was the one to reach out to him first. “Hi Jim, I'm Olivia Parker.” “Hi Olivia, its nice to meet you.” She looked closely at him. “I don't' remember seeing you before, did you just move into the area?” Jim shook his head. “Nope, we've lived here my whole life. My sister Julie invited me tonight.” Olivia looked to who he was pointing to in the audience and smiled and waved at Julie.

Julie waved back at Olivia and then smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up. He then saw her mouth to Amber “that's my brother.” Amber looked at him and smiled. Jim smiled back. And looked back to Olivia.

“Wow, that is so cool, Julie was like the first person to welcome me here and she has been making sure that I get connected and has helped me through the transition of moving here. She has been so nice and I really appreciate everything she has helped me with.”

“Are you new to this group too?” Jim asked. “Yep, we've been coming here for about a month. We used to live in Wilkes-Bare but my Dad lost his job there, but my mom's best friend's husband offered him a job and we moved out here. This church is a lot like the one we went to in Wilkes-Barre which helps.” Jim nodded. “Welcome to Black Canyon. Are you planning on going to School round here in the fall? I go to St. Pious IX. We call it the Dungeon, but its pretty cool.” Her face turned very sad and he could see tears start to form in her eyes. “Hey, I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.” She quickly wiped at her eyes. “I'm sorry Jim, Its just that I had just made a really great friend back in April, and then..then she went missing and has been gone since then. She went to that school you mentioned and it just brought back all the memories of the past three months.” All the emotions threatened to brake out again, but somehow he was able to keep it together. “Was her name Alianna?” Asked Jim in a quiet voice. Olivia's eyes widened. “Yes, Alianna Oaksen, so you know her? I'm sorry, if you knew her well that is.” then Olivia looked at him oddly, she then looked at his guitar and placed her hand to the side of her face. “Oh my goodness, you're Jim.” He arched his eyebrow. “All day every day. “ He said a bit too sarcastically. “Oh my goodness, I'm sorry, I know your Jim, I just...” And then her mouth clamped shut as if she had said too much. “What?” Jim asked trying to figure out what she was saying. She began to ring her hands a little bit. “Its okay, he told her, no worries, it was nice to meet you.” He said as he started to turn back to his guitar. Her hand touched his arm and he turned back to her. “I'm sorry Jim, I wasn't trying to be vague, its just ...” She took a deep breath and it sounded like she said a prayer under her breath. “Its just that I realized that you are the Jim that Ali kept talking about the night we met. She called me because she was so nervous about going to picture day at School the next day. My Mom had styled her hair and did her makeup and her mom got her contacts and all she could talk about is what you would think of the new her. She totally adores you Jim.” A tear crept its way out of Jim's eye as what Olivia told him hit him. The memory of that day crashing into him. Alianna adored him? He had been so terrible to her that day.

He knew that most of the girls in the middle school wanted to date him, he had been the coolest boy in the middle school, but there was something different about what Olivia said. He had gotten to meet the real Alianna, the carefree smiling, funny, cool, beautiful Alianna, and hearing Olivia say that that this girl adored him made his heart ache. He took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh and ran his hand through his hair. All the years of Julie teaching him to control his emotions, keeping his cool, paid off in that moment. Inside he wanted to run off, find a corner somewhere and cry his eyes out, but outside the sigh was the only thing he showed. “Oh no, I'm sorry Jim, I said too much, I always do, I can't seem to stop my mouth from opening.” Said Olivia as she stomped her foot lightly with frustration. Jim looked up and gave her his patented smile. “It's really okay Olivia, I appreciate you telling me. I better get my Guitar tuned up, could you play me a C chord?“ He said, no trace of the hurricane of emotions going on inside him. She looked very relieved and nodded her head. “Sure, sure Jim, one C chord coming up.” She went behind the Keyboard and waited till he got his guitar set up and when he nodded she played a C Chord and then an F, a G, a B and on until he nodded again.

Aaron came up and gave some announcements and then prayed a prayer to begin the night. He prayed like no one Jim had ever heard before. It sounded like he was talking to his best friend, instead of the president of the united states like the Priest spoke. Everyone had their heads bowed, some with their palms open toward the ceiling. Jim closed his eyes not knowing what else to do. After the prayer the drummer counted off with his sticks and they began to play. Jim caught the rhythm of the drum and remembered what he had heard on the ride over and reproduced it. It went well and then they played a few hymns that he had heard at his Church before and so it was a pretty good set and he was able to get through it without any problem. After that Aaron asked everyone to open their bibles to a book called Luke. Jim looked around to see if there were any laying around. After a few moments one was being handed to him. He looked up and saw the drummer, Matt, handing him a bible. “You rocked that guitar Jim, your alright. Here you can use mine, I got a bible app on my phone.” Jim took the book and looked up at him. “Thanks Matt.” “Anytime.”

He went and sat down next to Julie. He looked at her with confusion when Aaron mentioned the book of Luke. She smiled a warm smile and opened his bible and flipped a number of pages to where it said Luke at the top. He smiled at her then looked at Aaron. Aaron read a part of the page. It was a story about a woman who had been caught in adultery and the religious leaders brought her to Jesus to see what his judgment on her would be. Jesus just bent down and wrote in the dust. He then said to them that the one without sin should cast the first stone. All the leaders dropped their stones and went away, for they had all sinned. Aaron looked out at the group of Kids.

“We have all sinned like the men and the woman in the story. We all deserve to be stoned because of our sin, but look at what Jesus does here. He was a teacher and a Rabbi, and he would have been within his rights to cast the stone at her. But did he? No, he pointed out their Hypocrisy to the men and then turned and he forgave the woman of her sins. He forgave her. See, with Jesus there is forgiveness of all our sins, no matter how terrible they are. Jesus died on the cross to be the perfect sacrifice for our sins, and then he rose form the dead which proved that he had the power over death and therefore also over sin, for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. See, salvation is a free gift, we can't earn it in any way, but God freely offers it if we believe and receive the truth of his son Jesus, if this message has touched any of you don't leave tonight without talking with me.” Jim was struggling to understand what Aaron was saying. Nothing like this had ever been mentioned from the priest when they went to Mass.

His thoughts were disturbed by the sounds of weeping coming from right next to him. He looked over at his sister and saw that Julie was ugly crying. She was covering her face with her one hand and her other hand was pressed over her abdomen and it was trembling. Amber timidity looked over at her the same time Jim did. She seemed to notice Julie’s trembling hand first and her eyes betrayed some form of understanding that eluded Jim. She then reached out right away and put her arm around her and rubbed her shoulder and said some soothing words to her. Jim was frozen, he had never seen his sister cry like this. He knew he should be the one comforting her, but their relationship had never been like that. He didn't know what to do. Then Jennifer was kneeling on the ground looking up at Julie. Jim saw her touch Julie's hand to try to keep it from trembling, and she said her name gently. “Julie…. Jules, it's okay we're here. Do you want to come with me and we'll get some water.“ Julie calmed down a little, lowered the hand that was over her face and slowly nodded.

Jenifer smiled at her and stood up and helped Julie up. Amber stood also with her arm still around Julie. Amber looked up at Aaron and Aaron nodded. They led Julie back by the bar. Amber guided her to one of the stools while Jennifer went behind the bar and got a bottle of water and some tissues. They helped her calm down and get cleaned up. Then they leaned in and put their heads together. Jim looked around and pretty much everyone had their heads bowed and seemed to be moving their lips. Amy seemed to be the only one looking up. She saw him and shrugged. After a few minutes Amber looked up and looked toward Aaron. Jim turned back toward the bar and saw Jennifer cradling his sister in her arms and rocking her as she cried softly. Seeing Aaron was praying Amber got up and walked over to him. She touched his arm and when he looked up she leaned in and whispered in his ear. He looked at her with such sorrow and concern on his face. He nodded and followed her back toward Julie. He stopped halfway there and turned to Tim. He touched Tim's arm and leaned in to whisper in his ear. Tim looked up and nodded and then Aaron continued to the back of the room. Tim got up and began touching people's arms and whispering to them. When he got to Jim he bent down and whispered. “Hey Jim, Aaron asked if we could take this down to the sanctuary just to give Julie some privacy, I'll show you the way. They got way better sound equipment down there. We can go over some new songs if you want.” Jim looked over at his sister then back to Tim. “Sure...Is..is Julie okay?” “She should be, I think the message Aaron gave musta brought something up in her heart that was buried deep, don't worry Aaron's great and so are Jen and Amber. She's in good hands.” Jim looked back at them once and then nodded and got up, grabbed his guitar and followed the other kids downstairs.

He soon found out what was behind the four doors he'd seen earlier. It was a large room with four sections of Pews and a large stage in the front. The stage had a piano, a drum booth, a keyboard and a bunch of sound equipment. The kids all sat in the front pews, and the band took their places on the stage. Matt the drummer went to the back of the room and went behind a raised platform. Soon the sound system sprang to life and Jim went to the back where he saw a guitar board and plugged in his guitar. Tim came back to him. “Thought we'd play something soft. Do you know Amazing Grace?” Jim was relived to hear it was a another one he knew. He nodded. “Awesome.” Tim cupped him on the shoulder then went back to the front microphone. Matt entered the Drum booth and they began to play Amazing Grace. About an hour later Aaron came through the back doors followed by Jennifer, then Julie and Amber. Julie's face was all red and her eyes were swollen and she was leaning heavily on Amber's arm. Aaron turned to everyone. “Thank you for your prayers and your patience everyone. I think we will stop here for the night. It was so good to see you all and I'll be praying for a good rest of the week. We'll meet here Sunday night for our youth service at 6:30. God bless you and keep you all till then.” He smiled then turned and moved to where Jim was. “Jim you play very well. Our normal guitarist got drafted for summer church camp as a counselor and it was good to have a full band again. You're welcome to join us Sunday night too if you want.' Jim looked past Aaron to Julie who was wiping at her eyes. “Sure, maybe, If Julie is coming.” “It will be great to have you with us again if you can make it. Now, Amber is going to drive you and your sister home in Julie's car and Jennifer is going to follow you home so she can take Amber back here. It was very good to meet you Jim.” Aaron said shaking his hand. “Yeah, good to meet you.” Aaron smiled and then went over and stopped Amy before she could sneak out the back. Jim went over and sat down in the pew in front of Julie. “You okay Jules?” he said. She looked up at him and he could see deep deep sorrow in her eyes. She tried to smile at him, but it didn't quite make a smile. “ye..yep, I'm five by five.” She said in a week voice. Jim looked at Jenifer. “She'll be okay Jim, I think she needs some sleep.” Jim nodded. Amber smiled at him then looked at Julie. “Julie, can we pray over you before we go?” Julie looked at her with fresh tears forming in her eyes and she nodded. Amber pulled her in and hugged her close and Jenifer nodded and laid her hand on Julie's back. Jim didn't know what to do so he just watched. Amber closed her eyes and spoke. “Abba Father, we come before you and lift up to you our sister Julie. We thank you Lord so much for Julie and how much of a blessing she has been to this group and to our table. Lord we ask you to be with our sister now in her time of grieving and that you would send peace to her heart and let her feel your loving arms around her. We ask this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.” “Amen” said Jennifer. “Amen” said Julie in a weaker voice. “We should get going,” Jenifer said to Amber. Amber nodded and helped Julie up. Jim started to get up but Jennifer stayed behind as his sister and Amber left the pew. She looked at him. “Jim, I know we haven't really met, but I've gotten to know Julie really well this past year. She told me what happened at the middle school table at the end of the last school year. I'm sorry you had to go through that Jim. Amber and I have been to visit Keri. We asked if we could pray for her, but she didn't seem open to it. Please tell Keri we love her and are praying for her. Also, about Alison. I'm going to come down and talk with her and Mandy on the first day back at school.” Jim's face must have betrayed his horror, because she reached out and touched his arm. “Don't worry Jim, I was planning on doing this before Julie told me what happened last year. I won't mention you specifically. We're making a lot of changes at the High School table and I want to bring them up to Alison and strongly encourage her to make the same changes at the Middle school table. If she's on board with it, it will make things easier for you in the fall. Anyway, it was great having you with us tonight, you really play the guitar well.” She smiled at him and then turned to follow Amber and Julie. Jim stood there for a minute trying to process everything that had happened tonight and then sighed heavily and went out of the building to Julie's car.

When they got home. Jim thanked Amber and Jennifer, and then helped Julie inside. He helped her to her room and opened the door. Before saying goodnight he hugged her. “It will be okay Jules, whatever it is, I'm here for you.” She hugged him back. It was literally the most tender moment the two of them had ever had together and that realization seemed to shake them both because as they pulled away there was an odd confusion on both their faces. “Thank you Jim, that really means a lot to me, you've grown a lot this summer, I think being freed from the table and that awful game has been good for you. I know you're dealing with a lot too and I don't want tonight to make you think I can't be here for you either. I'm here for you too Jim, my door is always open.” He shook his head.

“Man Jules, you have changed completely, and it all seems like a good change, but the difference is like night and day. I can't figure out what it is and how it changed you, but a lot of it definitely seems better than life at the table, just give my door a knock if you need anything.” She took his hand in hers and looked intently at him. “You can have this change too Jim, you just need to come to understand who Jesus is and what he did for you on the Cross.” Jim shook his head again. “That's what I'm not getting, I'm Catholic just like you are, but it sounds like you're saying that that isn't enough.” She looked like she wanted to say more but then stopped. “I'm very new to all this Jim, I know the Catholic church teaches that all you need to do is be in the church and follow what they say and they say you will go to heaven eventually, but Jim, I found out that it is not the church that gets you to Heaven, it is believing in Jesus that He died and rose again and defeated sin. It's through belief in Him alone that we are saved.” Her bloodshot eyes pleaded with him. He knew she wanted him to do something, but he didn't understand what. “Jules, I don't understand what you need from me. I get confirmed next year, then everything will be okay.” She seemed to deflate when he said that. “I'm sorry Jim, I'm not saying this right. Please forgive me.” He touched her arm and she looked up at him. “Jules, you haven't done anything wrong. I had a good time tonight, thanks for the invite.” She perked up a bit and some light came back to her eyes. “Really? Oh Jim that's so cool, I'm so glad you had fun, even with your sister making a complete spaz of herself?” Jim shook his head and gave his sister a hug. She hugged him back. “It was definitely okay Jules, and I had a good time playing with that band.” He was about to say goodnight and let go and go to bed but then thought about making sure she was okay. “ Did you need to talk about it, about what happened tonight?” She pulled away and he could see fear and what looked like shame in her eyes. “Thanks Jim, but I...I can't talk about it now. Maybe someday soon, but not now.” He heard the emotion flood back into her voice as she said that. He looked at her trying to determine what the reason was, but he didn't try for too long. “Sure Jules, I'm just in the next room if you need me, just throw the old shoe against the wall.” He heard her laugh a little and she hugged him again. “Will do little bro, and thanks.” He hugged her and then turned to walk back to his room. As he put his hand on the door he heard her call his name. He turned to her. “I love you Jim.” She said and waved and then turned to walk into her room and shut the door. He stood there stunned, She had never said those words to him before. After a moment he went up to her door and said loud enough to hear. “Love you to sis.” He then went back to his room and got ready for bed.

The next morning, Jim was sitting on his bed strumming his guitar, the events of the previous night still running through his head. There was a knock at the door. “Hey bro, are you up?” Jim hit a loud c chord on his guitar. He heard Julie laugh. “Okay, I guess that was a dumb question, do you want some bacon and eggs?” Jim's stomach growled and he looked back at the door. “Totally, what's the special occasion?” He asked as he put his guitar in its stand. “Can't a big sister make breakfast for her younger brother?” Jim laughed. “Sure, I'll be right down.” “See ya at the table.” He looked at the door as he heard her walk away. In years past he would have chalked this up to her trying to butter him up and lay the groundwork for making sure he never told anyone what happened last night. But, that was the old Jules, the Queen aspiring to be Queen. This Jules, he actually believed she made him breakfast just...because. He shook his head and went downstairs. As he passed the front door the doorbell rang. It was so unexpected he jumped and looked at it like it was a poisonous snake. He stared at the door for a few moments. “Jim, who is it?” asked his sister. Her voice shook him out of his shock and his cool returned. “Not sure.” He went to the door and looked out the peephole. There was a man and a woman standing next to each-other. They looked more like his parents' age. There was a younger man who looked familiar, it was the pastor Aaron from last night. “It's pastor Aaron and another older man and a woman.” He heard a container drop and his sister say “Oh no”. She poked her head slowly around the door frame from the kitchen and looked at the door as if it was on fire. She sighed and said. “Go ahead Jim, let them in, I'll make some extra eggs and bacon.” He looked a bit concernedly at her, but eventually modded and unlocked the door and opened it. All three people smiled at him as he opened the storm door. “Jim, so good to see you again.” Pastor Aaron said as he extended his hand. Jim shook it and said. “Good morning Pastor Aaron, good to see you too.” Jim then looked at the other two. Aaron was already on it. “Jim, this is our head pastor Philip Cantor and his wife Sophia.” The older man stepped forward and extended his hand. “Good to meet you Jim, I'm Philip and this is my wife Sophia.” “So good to meet you Jim.'' Said the older woman as he shook her hand also. “Nice to meet you all. Julie is making breakfast if you would like to come in and eat with us?” “We'd be honored Jim. Thank you both very much for such a welcome blessing.” Said Pastor Philip.

Jim stepped back and held the door for them as they all entered. As soon as he shut the door Julie came meekly around the corner with a shy smile on her face. “Okay, my sister has been replaced by an alien.” he thought as she was acting in a way he had never seen her act before. Meek and shy were not words in her world. “Good morning Pastor Philip, and Mrs Cantor, and Pastor Aaron. You are more than welcome to join us for breakfast.” She said simply. “Please Julie call me Sophia.” Mrs Cantor said as she walked over to Julie and gave her a hug. “It is so kind of you to offer us some home made food. Thank you dear.” Julie hugged her back, and held it a bit longer than Jim thought normal. Mrs Cantor didn’t seem to miss a beat, she hugged Julie for as long as she needed and then whispered something in her ear. Julie nodded, wiped at her eyes and then drew away. “It will be ready in just a few, please come in the kitchen and we can sit down.” Jim looked at this odd group as they entered the Kitchen. The pastor and his wife reminded him of his grandparents, but there was this odd feeling of peace about them, and Pastor Aaron too. It was the same peace Jules had been radiating these past months.

“What is it that they all have? An I don't'?” He shook his head and followed them. They all sat down and Jim poured them all Orange juice and sat down next to Pastor Aaron. After a few minutes Julie finished up and she set the table and served everyone's plate. The other three thanked her after she loaded up their plate and Jim also thanked her when she finished his. She made herself a plate and then sat down next to Sophia. They all looked at her. She blushed and looked at Pastor Philip. “Pastor, would you say grace?” Philip nodded. “I would be honored to.” Their guests and Julie all bowed their heads, as did Jim, he knew all about saying grace. But the prayer Pastor Philip prayed wasn't the “Give us these blessings that we are about to receive” prayer. Philip prayed “Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day and for all the things that you have richly blessed us with, especially this time that we have to share with Julie and Jim. We praise you Lord for this food and ask that you nourish our body's with it and grant us strength for the day ahead. Bless this house and this family Lord and our time together and may your peace follow us through this day. We ask this in the precious name of your Son Jesus. Amen.”

Everyone else said Amen right after, except for Jim, he was stunned by this prayer, he had never heard such a prayer before. It sounded like something that came from the heart and not a line from a script like the prayers in the Mass sounded. “Where did he learn to pray like that?” Jim wondered, and then said Amen very much out of sequence. They all looked at him and he could feel some red hitting his cheeks. “Amen Jim. Said Pastor Aaron with a smile. They ate breakfast and talked about general things, then Julie cleaned up the dishes and Sophia helped her. Jim led the two men into the living room and sat down. “So Jim, Aaron tells me you play the guitar very well. How long have you been playing?” Jim looked up and to the right for a second then back at Pastor Philip. “I think since I was about four years old. My dad played and so he taught me all he knew and then I just picked things up as I listened to them. I've been playing ever since.” Philip nodded. “That's really great Jim, I am looking forward to hearing you play. Aaron said You helped the Youth's worship team out a lot since they didn't have anyone to play the guitar. We have the same need for our churches worship team for service each Sunday, if you would be able to help us out once in a while that would be a big blessing to us?” Jim looked at him and then at Aaron who was nodding in affirmation. “Well, I always love to play, but I would need to ask my parents.” Philip nodded as if that was what he had wanted to hear. “Definitely Jim. If you are interested, check with them and Julie can let us know either way.”

“Know what Pastor Philip?” Said Julie as she and Sophia came into the living room. He smiled and him and Aaron stood as the women entered the room. Jim felt like he had really missed something and stood also, except awkwardly because he wasn't sure why the men were standing.

“I had just asked your brother Jim here if he would want to play for the church's worship team, as we could use another Guitarist. Rightly so he said he needed to ask your parents, which I would agree is the best first step, but I was just saying that you would be able to let us know either way.”

“Oh, yes, I'm sure my parents will say yes.” She said sitting down on the couch, Sophia sat next to her. “We'll ask them tonight and I will let you know.” Philip smiled and the men and Jim sat down also. “So, what brought you to our house today Pastor Philip?” Asked Julie, hesitation strong in her voice. Pastor Philip's demeanor became more serious, but it wasn't a heavy seriousness, but one filled with compassion. “Well Julie, Aaron, Sophia and I just wanted to check in on you. Pastor Aaron had mentioned to us that you were having kind of a tough night last night. We wanted to make sure that you were okay.” Julie's face grew sad and she started to sink back into the couch as if she were trying to disappear into it. Sophia was right there though, as if she had known ahead of time how Julie would react. She placed her arm around Julie and drew her in close as a mother would a sad child.

“It's okay dear, you're perfectly safe here with us. We love you Julie and want to walk with you through this time.” Said Sophia in that gentle voice that only mother's can produce. Tears started falling from Julie's eyes and she laid her head on Sophia's shoulder. “I'm..I'm so sorry...” was all she could get out before the cries came and she dissolved into Sophia's shoulder. Her shoulders shook and Sophia placed her other arm around Julie, comforting her with soft words. Pastor Aaron closed his eyes, and so did Pastor Philip and Jim could see their lips moving slightly. After a few minutes Julie calmed down and sat there weeping quietly as Sophia cradled her in her arms. Philip opened his eyes and got up and knelt down in front of them. He took Julie's hand and looked up at them. “Julie, I don't pretend to imagine the pain that you are going through, but I want you to know that you do not need to go through it alone. Pastor Aaron told us briefly what was going on, but if you are up to it maybe you can bring it all out into the light where it can be healed, but we definitely understand also if you aren't ready to.” She opened her puffy eyes and looked at Pastor Philip. She looked scared and ashamed, but the longer she looked at the Pastor, the calmer she became. “No Pastor, I want to bring this out, and not keep it hidden anymore. I need healing so bad, and I don't know how to find it, but I know there is healing in the light of Christ.” Pastor Philip nodded as did pastor Aaron. Jim had no idea what they were talking about, but he was getting a sense that he wasn't part of whatever was going on. He moved to the edge of his seat and started to get up. “Um, maybe I'd better go downstairs and let you all talk about this, you probably don't want your little brother here right now?” he said looking at Julie. She shook her head and looked at him pleadingly. “No Jim. Please no, I need you to be here for this. I can't tell mom and Dad this, but I need someone here that knows, someone I can lean on. I need you Jim, please don't go.” Her voice was so broken as she said this, it tore at him. He'd never seen anyone in this much pain before, let alone his sister.

Something deep, a connection to her that had long grown cold sprung back to life and he got up and moved over and knelt down next to Pastor Philip and took her other hand. Relief flooded her face and she mouthed the words “Thank you.” to him. She looked at them all and then took a deep breath and let it out. “So.” Another deep breath. This past school year I was a sophomore and I wanted to try to get ahead at the High School popular kids table and one of the coolest guys in the High School Karl Bumount was single and so I won him over and we started dating. Well my standing at the table did improve and I thought I was well on my way to becoming Queen again. He was a rising star on the Football team and with me being on the cheer squad we had a lot of time to spend together. Well after a few months he began to pressure me to take our relationship further. I played the Game and led him on thinking of ways for him to think it would go farther but never actually letting it get there. Well, he turned out to be craftier at that game than I was. We had a huge fight, and he broke up with me. I couldn't handle it. I was always the one deciding when the relationship ended, I was the Queen, and I couldn't deal with someone else ending it. So, I went after him, pursued him, and got caught in a trap that I helped create. I…I ended up giving in, and letting the relationship go to that next level.” She was crying now at this point again, the tears streaming down her face and emotion choking her voice. She looked at him, and he could see past the facade of coolness that he always had seen when looking at her eyes, into the eyes of a broken, scared Sixteen year old girl who seemed to be grasping for something to hold on to. He looked into her eyes and said. “Jules, it's okay. I love you, and nothing you say will change that.” Gratitude and relief flooded her eyes toward him. “Oh Jim, I love you too, thank you.” She took another big breath and let it out. “I...I became pregnant.” She said struggling to continue after that. The last nine months flooded through Jim's memory and he remembered the fights and yelling on the phone with Karl, and then a time when they seemed to be back together, and then a time of more fighting and yelling. A particular day stood out from that time, a day that Julie skipped school and made him swear not to tell. Then the number of months since that day stood out to him and the fact that his sister was showing no signs now of being pregnant, he began to become aware of what she was about to say.

“As..as you all can see, I am not nine months pregnant right now.” Her face became pale and she scrunched up her face and shook her head back an forth. “I...I told Karl that I was pregnant and he flipped out and said it wasn't his. I told him it was and I had some of his hair for a paternity test. He said neither one of us wanted this, and something inside me agreed with him. My cheering days would be done and so would any hope of being Queen. He said he would pay for an abortion and drive me there. And, so...so I went with him. We both skipped school and went to a clinic downtown and I...” Her voice was choked off as this pitiful noise came from her throat. Pastor Aaron knelt down on the other side of Pastor Philip and placed his hand gently on Julie's shoulder. “It is okay Julie, there is only love here, not judgment.” Her head bowed forward, her hair covering her face, but his words seemed to break her silence. “I had an abortion.” She whispered. And then the real crying came, she bent forward and began rocking back and forth crying, even whaling. Jim had never heard sounds like this before. A grief so deep there weren't words to describe it. Sophia place her arms around Julie and held her tight, but with gentleness. Pastor Philip placed his other hand over hers and held it tight. Pastor Aaron left his hand on her shoulder.

A thousand thoughts played through Jim's head while his sister cried. Shock, horror, anger, revulsion, but at the tail end of it all was that connection to Julie that had been dead for along time. They had been closer when they were little, she looked out for him and they both deeply cared for each other, and at the end of this string of thoughts was just deep love for his sister. He stood up and walked to the other side of Sophia. Pastor Aaron saw him and nodded and moved back away from Julie. Jim sat on the other side of Sophia and placed his arms around Julie. Sophia also let go and Julie collapsed into his arms and he held her. He felt as though he was actually holding her together, that if he let go she would fall apart. She continued to cry, but something changed. His acceptance of her had softened her cries. Eventually she looked up at him and her eyes were full of gratitude. “I'm here for you Jules, no matter what.” She smiled. “Oh Jim, Thank you for not hating me.” “No one hates you dear.” Said Sophia, and the Pastor's nodded also. “Julie” came Pastor Philips' gentle voice. Julie raised her head and looked at him. “You have brought this into the light and there is definitely healing in the light. First John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, He, He being God, Is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. You have already confessed what happened Julie, and by this promise in the Bible, this has now been washed away. Do you accept what the Word says here? He has cleansed you my dear child. Guilt is of the enemy, conviction is of the Lord, and what we have seen here is definitely the Godly sorrow that Paul talks about in Second Corinthians. It is the sorrow that brings new life. Can you accept all of this?” Julie looked at him, confusion and sorrow flooding her face. “How Pastor Philip, how could Jesus forgive me for what I did. I killed a child. How can he forgive that?” She said, fear in her voice. “Because He loves you my dear, with a love so great that He endured the wrath of God in our place. Julie, you have accepted Jesus as your savior and Lord, of that we can all attest to, as your baptism was witnessed by us and the whole church. You have become His child and He loves you so greatly, and the price He paid for your sin has covered this as well. Receive His mercy Julie, you are his child and he loves you.” She didn't speak, her eyes were shut tightly, and Jim actually thought she wasn't breathing. Then she took a deep breath and her eyes opened and a peace seemed to wash over her. “Oh Pastor Philip, I felt it, I felt His Love for me and his forgiveness. I really am clean.” Then she turned to look at Jim and she said. “Jim I'm clean, Jesus forgave me, His blood really does take away our sins.” Jim had no idea what anything meant that they were saying, but he just looked back at her and smiled and said. “That is awesome Jules, definitely no judgment here, just love.” She relaxed into his arms, and he held his sister. There were tears coming from everyone's eyes.

He had no concept of what to do with this entire encounter. He had never been apart of something like this, and didn't know what to do. After about a ½ hour Julie was doing better and the other's said they needed to go, but Sophia invited Julie out to coffee on Tuesday and she readily agreed. Pastor Philip shook Jim's hand as they were leaving. “Let us know about playing on Sunday Jim, and if you want to get together for coffee sometime also, or have any questions, reach out to me and we'll get together and talk.” Jim took the piece of paper he handed him with his number on it and nodded. “Sure. Thank you Pastor Phillip, it was nice to meet you and Mrs Cantor, good to see you again Pastor Aaron.” Said Jim as they were leaving. They both turned to him and said that it had been a pleasure to meet him also. After they left he sat down with his sister and just let her talk. She still looked frail and broken over this, but there was definitely a lot more peace coming from her. It was also the longest they had talked with each other since they were children. Jim had his sister back, and he wasn't going to let their relationship fall apart again.

_____________

Trudi opened the door to Keri's room. The room was dark except for the lights from all the monitors. Each beep and whine of the machine's grated on her as each time it reminded her that she could lose her sister any day. She moved over to the bed and sat down in the chair next to it. She reached out and placed her hand in Keri's. Tears started down her cheeks as they always did when she looked at that hospital bed. Keri was completely bald now and she looked like she weighed 80 lbs or less. Frail and growing more pale each day. The Dr's had actually been amazed that she hadn't passed yet. They continued to mention Hospice to her mom but her mom couldn't bring herself to do it, yet, but Trudi feared that she would cave on that front soon. Then they would bring Keri home and she would die. She tried to imagine her life without her sister, but any scenario she came up with always ended badly for her. Keri had been her defender, her only friend and above all, her only sister. She had always been there when Trudi needed her. “Now when you need me, I can't do anything to help.” She whispered sorrowfully. Trudi had demanded that they check her blood at least three times to see if she could donate her bone marrow, but each time it had come up negative. Even then she had demanded that she still be able to donate it, but the Dr had told her that if the bone marrow wasn't an exact match in this case it wouldn't help Keri. “I couldn't even protect you from Alison” She said softly. She had called in every favor she still could call in to try to get that video deleted from social media. She had had some success, but it went viral too quickly for her to sqaush it completely. It had gotten so popular, people started making Meme's out of it. She couldn't stop the selfish thought that crept in at that moment. “What happens to me when your gone, everything from that video will fall on me.” The tears really came at that point and Trudi lowered her head and laid it on Keri's hand. After a few moments Trudi felt a slight pressure on her hand and looked up. Keri's eyes were open and looking at her, a tear starting to fall from her eye also. Keri slowly opened her arms and Trudi moved over and laid her head down and Keri wrapped her frail arms around her. Keri had always been her protector, and even now, in this state she was still trying to prevent the world from hurting her. Trudi fought back the despair of knowing this might be the last hug she got from her sister, and just soaked in the memory of the moment.