It was now evening and Ziibi had returned to the oak tree. A breeze stirred. Her nose wrinkled and she sniffed the air. She caught the scent of Ajijaak. She looked down river. Olga’s canoe was coming. Ajijaak sat in front of him. The instant she saw Ajijaak in his uncle’s canoe, the seed of bitterness and blame she had sewn in her heart for her sister blew away. Ajijaak was safe, he was alive, that was all that mattered now.
In the prow of the canoe Ajijaak held himself erect. He was thinner and his body and hair were dirty. The sight of him brought her fresh fear. He always was so well groomed. Not now. What had happened to him? What if his quest had broken him, what if his head had gone funny? The old women told stories of young men who had lost their wits searching for their dreams.
In deepening fear, she waited. She watched the canoe glide to a halt near the shore. Ogaa and Ajijaak got out and pulled the canoe onto land. A blade of sunlight ripped through the trees and illumined Ajijaak’s eyes. In that brief instant, Ziibi saw that his mind was clear. She offered a hasty prayer of thanksgiving. When his eyes swung in her direction Ziibi hid herself behind the trunk of the tree. She must not risk being seen. If she was seen and her father found out, she would be punished. By being here she was bringing shame on herself and disobeying her father. At the moment she did not care. Ajijaak was safe. He had lost weight, but he was safe.
Ogaa and Ajijaak passed the tree. Ziibi quickly swung around so she could watch them go up the trail. How tall and straight Ajijaak walked. The stoop of his shoulders was gone. Had he at last found his manhood? Such a finding had and would further separate him from Ziibi, but she did not know that. All she knew was that he had come back and she prayed with all that was in her that he would never leave their village. She might never be able to love him, if only he would stay, she could be content. The recollection that she would be the one leaving even if he did stay tore through her.
When her womanhood came it would not be fitting for her father to teach her. Impulsively she prayed, “Do not let me become a woman for many more seasons. Give me time, please give me time to watch over him.” This was a prayer of disobedience. It would not be granted. It was selfish and wrong to ask the Great Spirit to change the flow of life for selfish infatuation. Though Ziibi knew this, she did not repent. She was too overwrought and confused by the rush of her emotions to be clear-headed or clear hearted. Without her realizing it she felt into the same trap that had bound Ajijaak to Miinan. It was a cruel trap and it whispered lies.
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*
The wind was low and the night birds were beginning to awake. Ziibi sat by the river with her knees tucked under her chin. Her backside hurt. Her father had found her in the tree and she had been punished for running off. She had been scolded and told she was bad.
With tears still streaming from her eyes she watched the water. Was she bad? Was love bad? Why could one not follow the desires of one’s heart? Why was that wrong? Though she knew she must stay away from Ajijaak, she would never loose her devotion to him. He would be her spirit’s partner for life even though he would never belong to her body.
*
Another morning, four days later, Ziibi was again hiding. This time she was not in the tree, but in a rock hollow. She had over heard her father tell her Noko that Ajijaak was leaving this morning. Quiet tears slipped down her face. Her father said Ajijaak was going on a long journey, across the great sea. It hurt to learn that Ajijaak would have many adventures she would never know about. If she could she would go with him, but she knew he would not want her company. Her heart was breaking because he had not spoken to her since his return. In the past four days he had not gone anywhere beyond his own home, so there had been no opportunity to meet him on the trail or in the forest.
There was a flap of great wings. Ziibi turned to the sound. A crane landed in the shallow water. He gazed at her with his yellow eye. She felt the stillness of his spirit. His beak was the color of the sun. He dipped its head into the water. Rings of water flowed out from his submerged head. When the crane raised his head, a fish thrashed in his beak. Expertly he tilted his beak and swallowed it. Ziibi turned her attention back to center of the river.
Ajijaak would come this way. She must be patient. He would be here soon. She knew she would be in so much trouble when she got home. At the moment, no one knew where she was, but it would not take her father long to figure it out. Dual sensation swirled inside of her. Ajijaak must hurry before she got caught and if only he wouldn’t leave at all. She wanted to say good bye to Ajijaak, or at least see him go. She was not sure she would actually say anything to him. Just knowing she was watching him, waiting for him might anger him. What if it amused him? Neither was a reaction she could cope with. So she sat hunched in the hollow of the rock. She wished Mikwam was with her, but she had not seen him since Ajijaak came back from his dream quest. Perhaps it was because she was being disobedient, perhaps it was because she was defying the words of those women who told her to leave Ajijaak be. Those two women that she would be forced to live with one day.
In the distance she heard the sound of a paddle. She peeked over the rock and saw Ajijaak’s canoe. His eyes were focused strait ahead. He did not see her. The ripples from his canoe were lost in the waves. She saw him dig his paddle into the water and push hard against the current. Everything in her wanted to cry out to him, but she found herself paralyzed by her own silence.
The crane that had been fishing along the shore suddenly rose into air. It gave out a great cry. The sound of it echoed in the trees. Ajijaak turned to the sound. His eyes followed the flight of the crane, but he did not see Ziibi. She stood and watched him paddle away from her.