In a solid twenty, we stood outside the mine entrance together, a few of Lord Legs' soldiers standing behind us, obviously terrified. Kalbir looked nervous carrying her hunting bow, but we assured her we wouldn’t judge if she ran away in cowardice. Inside was a small atrium containing equipment and a rest area.

“Everyone get hard hats. Falling debris is more dangerous than the undead spiders or whatever else is down there. Read the sign,” she motioned to a poster on the wall.

It was a depiction of Hardy the Construction Hare. Obviously they didn’t have the money for a Haddy the Hare poster, but then again Haddy's a character that was shoe-horned in just to make money off of miners when Hardy the Hare was perfectly fine for all dangerous physical labor and him being confined to just construction related labor safety advice now is kind of bullshit. The Hare wore a hard hat and was saying “Wear your hard hat!” and so we did indeed listen to Hardy’s helpful safety recommendation.

As we geared up, spooky sounds filled the mine below. A small railing beside us opened to a deep abyss, a small dot of light here and there from candles littered through the mine. A steady, cold breeze filled the cavern and sent a chill up all our spines, my hard hat nearly falling off as I quivered. The others joined me in looking over the mine’s hole, a cacophony of overzealous or terrified faces.

With all our weapons out and ready, Lord Legs motioned us to move, and so we did, following her at a cautious pace. It was difficult to see in the darkness, and the cave didn’t share the same warmth Burmaise had. It was a gut wrenching experience helped only by the terrifying sounds from below.

“What do you think is down there?” Rose worried.

“They said ancient magic, so I’m guessing it’s an old spell that went wrong. That’s what most magical artifacts are anyways,” Cole informed.

“Oh yeah, like that amulet of Drahadahool. Didn’t it kill like thirty readers before it was buried?” Kalbir added.

“Ha, that one was a riot! You heard about the ring of Kavera?”

“The ring of— actually don’t even go there. All they had to do was shave that sheep but it had—”

“—prize winning wool!” they said in unison, dying from laughter.

Rose gave me a confused shrug and I returned a nervous grin, having no idea what Cole and Kalbir were going on about. I was quickly distracted by Lord Legs however, as she gave a motion to stop.

“Something’s wrong here, I can feel it.” She knelt to the ground and grabbed a handful of dirt, shoving a fistful into her mouth. “No, it can’t be…”

“What is it, my Lord?” said one of her soldiers.

“It’s HIM! Great, the undead spiders were bad enough.”

“Wait,” Rose injected, “I thought it was undead and spiders? Undead spiders may be more than I signed up for.”

“Don’t worry, they’re weak. I’m more worried about my ex.”

“Your ex?”

“Yes, he’s a devil I tell you. If he’s here that means bad news for all of us.”

“What’s so bad about him?” I inquired.

“What isn’t bad about him is a better question. He’s just a jerk. He’s emotionally distant, objectifying, a real prick. He also messed around with old magic once and is now ‘possessed’ by an evil spirit that only grows more powerful with every passing day. It’s really gone to his head, that’s the most annoying part. ‘Hahah yeah I slaughtered an entire village with my insanely powerful dark magic! I’m so feared and strong!’ No buddy, you’re just a dick who took a magical dildo up the ass.”

“How powerful is he exactly?”

“Oh he’d tell you he could make the world burn if you make him angry, but I’ve seen more magic in an acrobir gimp! Some good old steel could set him right, don’t worry. I’ve been wanting to stab that bastard since he stole my pet canary. Poor Janet…”

“I’m going to prepare some scrolls. Even if he’s not dangerous, I won’t let him get the upper hand,” Cole said, juggling a stack of scrolls all while unraveling them, purposefully and not.

“The only upper hand he ever had was on that twink’s dick!” Lord Legs yelled and broke a dish on the ground.

“You want a hug honey?” Rose asked quietly.

“No…. Yes.”

Rose stepped in with her amazing hugging skills and hugged the anger out of Lord Legs, bringing her to a soft calm. Or as soft as Leggate could be.

“Thanks, I needed that. Hey, you wanna hook up after this?”

“Lord Legs, I think you took that the wrong way. Keep your head up though.”

“Of course. Let’s move on. Keep an eye out for that bastard.”

The party moved again to our relief and we finally made headway, winding down the cavern through narrow paths carved into the side. Several wooden structures held the crumbling stonework and looked as if it was all about to fall. Maybe the undead spiders weren’t the scariest thing down there…

“We’re close, I can hear their footsteps.”

One final turn and a hall opened up to a massive atrium. The ceiling stretched far above us, making room for an impressive looking magical artifact and the complex network of webs that contained the undead spiders, which were real and terrifying. We all went silent as we watched a body get spun up twenty meters in the air, soon to be lunch if the spiders even ate.

“Cole, cover us with a fire spell. We’ll go in once the flames start and finish them off. If you see my ex, this goes for everyone, do not engage. I’ll take care of him personally.”

Cole nodded and slipped an elegant looking scroll into their long fingers, unrolling it dramatically. A short whisper of the script and a blaze engulfed the entire room, killing everything in there, even the fish in the corner high as shit on cocaine. Our jaws dropped and Lord Legs held back her troops, watching in awe as Cole did our job with a simple whisper. After the spell ended, Cole beamed and did a magical twirl.

“How’s that for cover fire!”

“Wait, we’re not done yet…” Lord Legs glared back into the atrium.

We watched in horror as a creature’s barrier spell wore off. It stood three people tall and was a misshapen, blackened, tumorous, horrid wretch. Its long, spindly arms ended in claws and stretched to the floor, meeting its similarly horrifying legs.

“It’s him. I’ve got this,” Lord Legs stood up.

“Wait,” I stopped her, “that’s your ex?! He’s not even human!”

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“Yeah, obviously! He got possessed by an evil spirit and he looks like this now. I was down with it until he started to stink and then MURDERED AN ENTIRE VILLAGE!! AAAAAAH!!” Lord Legs charged in, halberd brandished and swinging wildly at her ex boyfriend, who let out an enraged gurgle as he clambered towards her. Sinew and other bits fell to the ground behind him as he stretched his arms out for another attack.

“Legs! Watch out!”

My shout was too late though, and her ex blasted her with a magical attack that launched her into the atrium wall.

“Get out there and protect her! Cole, do whatever magic you can to stop that thing!”

“Right on it!”

They flamboyantly whipped out another few scrolls and ran in with the rest of us. Steel flashed through the narrow skylights in the ceiling and blood sparkled through the air as Legs’ ex cast more deadly magic. With each gurgled word he spoke, the artifact behind glowed, its magical runes shining through the foggy cavern.

“We need to destroy that artifact!” Cole took a break from their reading to shout.

“No! We can’t, it’s too valuable!” Lord Leggate Legs returned from her blow. “If you can’t handle this bastard then leave! I have a mission and he won’t stand in my way!”

Lord Legs ran to her ex as he prepared another spell, gurgling the ancient words behind him. He didn’t finish his sentence however, as Lord Legs thrust her halberd into his head, killing him with a loud cry of pain. Seconds later, her ex began to expand, sinew and tissue popping off until he finally exploded, sending all of us into the wall with his pent up magic.

Rubbing my head, I slowly opened my eyes again to see another wave of soldiers die; the monstrosity was still alive! Lord Legs shook her head behind me and stood for a second time.

“I see you’ve grown in power! Your dick game will always be weak though!” Lord Legs shouted to the abomination.

Her ex whipped to face her and he let out an angry warble, shaking violently until more tendrils fell from him. Magic glowed through the lines of his flesh, twisting every way until it literally dripped from his body. He had the drip, and his shoes proved that. If it wasn’t for his really neat sneakers though, he would be unrecognizable as anything human. We prepared for another attack and the creature moved to defend, anticipating our full strength.

“Seriously? Cover me, I need to look for a scroll!” Cole commanded next to me.

“That scroll better be worth it, we can’t hold out too long.”

“Trust me,” Cole plunged into their knapsack to rustle for another scroll, frantically discarding anything they weren’t looking for over their shoulder. “Found it!”

With a strong breath, Cole began reading at a blistering pace. Although I couldn’t understand their words, every consonant and vowel was pronounced perfectly and quickly, a quite impressive feat for a spell reader. Only a few words later and magic was already billowing from their person. A windy barrier spell swept around them, flapping their cloak and obscuring them slightly. Another word brought lightning down onto the monster, followed by a blackened smoke that crept towards him as well.

“Charge now! The vapor will drain his magic so you can land a hit!”

The ex’s barrier spell reflected the sparks for only a few seconds before his defenses broke, and afterwards we ran in to poke and stab and slice him to our heart’s content, Lord Legs screaming the entire time. As we fought, the black smoke crept around our feet, sending a chill up my legs to my neck. It was cold as death and was almost disorienting, but not enough to hamper the battle.

As the vapor finally caught the ex, he began to slow down. Tendrils of black meat fell as the glow of magic was snuffed out by the smoke, enveloping him and dragging him to the ground. He let out a gurgled moan as his body fell apart, the magical glue that was holding it together now dissipating. The fog lingered until his cries stopped, plunging into the ground and outwards. All that was left was a pile of flesh and rotted BONES, a foul liquid and smell pouring from the sad lump.

The smoke gathered and flowed back to Cole, who glowed momentarily through their fur before looking normal again.

“Why are you glowing? Did he do something?” I worried.

“No, I absorbed his magica. Don’t worry, I can handle it. I might need some food though, maybe a sandwich.” They laughed nervously and clutched their stomach. “It takes a lot of energy out of me.”

“Go back up to the inn and get some rest, you earned it.”

“Nah, I wanna check out this artifact first. I do have its magic coursing through my body, so I kinda want to learn about this thing.”

“I see, your knowledge is probably needed as well. Let’s take a look.”

Lord Legs was already by the giant pillar, looking up at it in awe. The rest of us joined her in study, Kalbir and Cole wildly scribbling down notes in glee.

“What is this thing?” Lord Legs asked.

“We’ve seen one of these before, when we stopped that spell in Dolrin,” I observed.

“Hold on... “ Kalbi finished her notes and looked up one more time before answering. “It seems to be a magical reservoir. The runes spell out hundreds of magical sounds, and the inside is filled with magical ink. Any reader nearby could cast nearly any spell they wanted from this pillar, that’s how your ex didn’t need scrolls to cast.”

“If it can do all that, why doesn’t everyone have one of these?”

“Nobody knows how to make them anymore. The stone requires a specific technique to allow the magica to transfer from the ink, but still contain the liquid. Make the stone too thin and the ink will leak out, but make it too thick and you can’t access its magic. Also the runes are carved all the way into the center; it uses some porous material to allow the magic but not the ink to pass. Nobody has been able to reproduce these in thousands of years, despite the hundreds of attempts. It's also terribly impractical; you're locked to the stone's terminology and can't exactly update it, then they're big and cumbersome...

“The last person who knew how to make them produced about ten before their death so they could be preserved. There’s a really prominent one in the capitol of St. Louis and Virginia. I also found a map of all of them a couple years ago, but it was in a library book so I had to return it,” Kalbir explained.

“What was with that magic you absorbed then? I thought ink was the only thing the magic could bind to?” I asked Cole.

“I’m not sure. The magic is probably unstable, no doubt, but I may be able to channel it with my scrolls. Maybe it’s supposed to work in conjunction with the reservoir, Kind of a way to channel the magic directly to me. Although magic attaches itself to the ink, in its absence it can attach to people, I imagine the magic would arc from its source of ink to myself when I cast a spell.”

“Try to cast one maybe? See how it goes.”

“I would rather do more research, I don’t know what this magic could do and I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Let’s get back to the surface,” Lord Legs interrupted. “I need to finish my report and Cole, you should get away from the reservoir for now. It could be dangerous.”

“Agreed.”

⧫

Back at the surface, we settled down at the inn and had a few strong drinks, Lord Legs’ troops singing merry tunes and swinging their tankards. Legs secluded herself in a room to write her report away from the noise, and the rest of us sat silently, sipping mead.

“My brain is fried,” Cole moaned before planting their face into the table.

“Drink your mead, you’ll feel better,” Rose consoled.

“I tried a sip but this magic is fucking with me. Everything I eat or drink makes me feel ill. Maybe this is actually the reason people stopped making those reservoirs.”

“A sudden influx of magic can mess with your body’s energy,” Kalbir pointed out. “Try eating greens and bananas, you need the potassium.”

“What’s a banana?”

“Oh right, we don’t have those on this continent. I read about them in a book once.”

“Kalbir, do you remember everything you read?” Rose grinned with her head resting in her hand, staring at Kalbir wistfully.

“I have a photographic memory, at least long term. Sometimes my short term memory is really bad, but that’s when I just stop talking.”

“Please, never stop talking, Kalbir.”

“People usually tell me to stop, so thanks!”

“I don’t know why I’m so tired, all I did was turn invisible and cower.”

“Rose, that thing was powerful, it’s good you stayed back otherwise you could have died,” I reassured.

“Still, I want to be useful. Cole, you still offering those lessons? I want to start right away.”

“You’re going to have to give me a minute. I think I’m going to throw up again…” Sure enough, Cole stood and rushed outside to vomit for the third time.

As we heard Cole’s retching outside, Lord Legs emerged from her room.

“I already miss him.”

“Your ex?”

“Yes. It’s annoying. I’ve got to head out though, they want me at command for this thing. Listen, you guys helped me out a lot, but the Lords of Edge won’t take kindly to you being here. They guard their secrets heavily. I suggest you get out of town before their agents get here. I’ll be leaving a skeleton squad until I get back. Thanks again.”

“It’s been an honor, my fellow Lord,” I stood and shook her hand.

With a short nod she was out of the door, dodging Cole as they came back inside, looking very ill.

“I feel better now at least?”