Ohio laid before us, sprawled out across an open field, the rising sun piercing past the donjon which rose suspiciously high above the castle’s keep. The road before us twisted and turned, slowly becoming smoother as the roads that had been commissioned by the brestyrians led into the city. And the brestyrians had done a good job as well; the stone was flat and without flaws, one shimmering surface on which horse and wagon could ride smoothly.

The city’s outer walls had an equally impressive property, and magical wards could be seen shimmering through the morning mist, guards patrolling the wall and watching for invaders. I thought I even caught a glimpse of a battle reader, their backpack of scrolls bouncing as they read from one in their hands, likely casting new protections around the walls.

Even the lowly farmhouses dotting the plains were well built and grand, standing strong despite lacking the protection of a wall. The bustle of the city was already starting just outside, the entire field coming to life.

After dropping our horses at a small stable, we approached the first of three gatehouses into the city, guards from inside the portcullis greeting us.

“Greetings, I am Lord Mortemer of Kansas, the Great Masochist, Duke of San Diego. I seek refuge and an audience with King Loratadine.”

“Refuge? What for? Hopefully not some nasty business in San Diego…” the guard said after he called to a guard in the gatehouse, opening the portcullis.

“I’m afraid that is the case. San Diego has fallen out of my control.”

“Oh by G-Daddy… That is most horrible news indeed. I have a penpal in San Diego… I hope they are alright.”

“The citizens seemed in good health, but I cannot be sure. I will try to assure their safety as swiftly as possible, however.”

“Daddy speed to you then,” the guard said as I continued inside.

The innards of the city were rather tight and cramped, buildings towering over the streets as they bent into the sky.

“Be careful Sire, I don’t like you being in a confined space like this…” Balfid said shakily behind.

“Balfid, silence. Ohio is known for its safety. We will be fine.”

The city was just awakening and children ran throughout the streets, playing games and practical jokes. People began their days and occupied shops and other stalls, making purchases and sales. I even saw the occasional non-human, a very rare sight in the human empires. A simple acrobir woman sat on a corner, exemplified by her cobra-like crest that led into a scaly tail, singing along to a drum she was playing on. A saumryan man entered a tailor, likely to repair a shirt he held in his hands, a small hole in one of the sleeves. He had more leathery skin, a bright tan that covered his long face, a jutting brow above his eyes. Chatter and music could be heard through all parts of the city as we made our way to the castle in the center, painting the air with the sounds and smells of urban life.

As we walked along, I felt a small nudge in my pocket, so slight I could barely feel it. “Pickpocket! Pickpockeetttttt!” I cried as I drew my sword and turned to face whatever would be thief. As much as I turned though, they never revealed themself, and my wildly swinging sword hit nothing.

“Hey watch it! I’m right over here! You’re going to hurt someone!” The tip of my sword found a smug looking scherthara woman, holding the amulet I had taken from that brigand. Like most scherthara, she was covered head to toe in gray-blue fur, long cupped ears, and a black hearted nose such as a dog’s further setting her apart.

She adjusted herself into a comfortable position, swinging my stolen amulet around her finger. She had a smug smile on her face, staring back at me. This was clearly not her first time with a sword pointed at her.

“What argument can you make that would convince me to spare you?” I asked her.

“Umm, I’m hot?”

“Ah, must be with all that fur.”

“What?”

“Well, you see, because you have that fur I imagine that would trap heat, and if you’re in a climate that’s warmer than usual like this one, you may find yourself overheated!”

She looked confused, enough to stop twirling the amulet. Completely ignoring me, she bent over to study it in her hand. As she did, the amulet she wore caught my attention. It was identical to the amulet she had stolen off me!

“Hey, you’re with Bismuth? Why didn’t you say so?! Damn you must get good loot dressed like that! Too uncomfortable for me though…”

“Bismuth? Who? What?”

“Bismuth, gives us these amulets and a fence. Are you messing with me? Mum usually robbing some schmuck is easier than this…”

“No, I’m just a genuinely curious and trusting person!”

“Yeah, I got that. Look, I don’t know what your deal is, but you’re not going to get much game here in Ohio. After a couple years, I’ve about picked this place clean.”

“Gold coin, over there.” I pointed at a coin, and this woman literally followed my finger, diving to the ground to grab it.

“Hah-hah! One million three! With inflation, that’s… Wow four trillion! Wait, do you have a calculator?”

“Uh… Huh?!”

“Oh shit, sorry! Um, what do people these days use to count maths and stuff?”

“Huh? Uh…”

“Sire, must we really engage in this?” Balfid looked supremely annoyed. As they studied the scherthara woman, she studied Balfid back, a sly smile on her lips.

“Oh… I’m Rose! Hii!” She waved at Balfid with a toothy grin, and they in fact inched behind me to get out of Rose’s view.

“Sire I don’t think we can trust her! She’s a common thief by the looks of her and she’ll rob us blind when we’re not watching if we’re not careful about keeping an eye on her back!”

“Hey, I’m not common!” Rose shook a fist.

“Neither am I. A commoner, that is. I am Lord Mortemer of Kansas, Duke of San Diego, the Great Masochist. It is a pleasure to meet you Rose. But please, may I have my amulet back?”

“It’s worthless anyways,” she handed it over. “But really, you’re a Duke? Most of you guys don’t notice a thing! What are you doing with that amulet? Uh, are you going to arrest me?”

“I see no reason to. And besides, I’m in a rush. I must see the King.

San Diego has been captured!”

“Interesting. Good luck with that, but I think the King cares more about his little war at the moment. Of course my heart goes out to you,” she said, flailing her arms around while doing a squat, the traditional curtsy of Virginia.

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“I know him personally. I imagine in his sympathy he will assist me.”

“Well, only one way to find out. Mind if I follow you?”

“Go ahead, but just until the castle. And I better not catch you in my purse again!”

“Don’t worry, I know better. You felt me right away.”

“Then come along.”

“Sire, I really think—” Balfid started.

“Balfid, be silent. I believe we can trust this young rogue for now. She's already confessed her criminal empire, not much more could incriminate her.”

“Oh what’re they, your manservant or something?” Rose joked.

“I am his squire, thief.”

“Calm your tits, I was only joking.”

“Well your ‘jokes’ sound more like antagonism. I don’t take kindly to it.”

“Oh my mum, that pole up your ass must be HUGE.”

“I only use my chastity plug as ordained by G-Daddy! How dare you humiliate me!”

“You did that to yourself already, dude.”

“I’ll have your head!”

I had to hold Balfid’s head as they swung at Rose, not stopping their arms despite not moving closer. She meanwhile bent over in laughter, only infuriating Balfid even more.

“Balfid! Settle down! This is no behavior for a member of my court!” I slapped them back and forth.

“Of course Sire! Discipline me, please! Yes! OH G-DADDY’S NAME!”

I stopped slapping them out of morbid confusion and concern, wiping my hands on my trousers. The three of us settled ourselves and brushed the dust off our shoulders, Rose biting back laughter at Balfid’s confused embarrassment.

We entered the plaza right before the castle, a calm bustle surrounding the shallow fountain in the center.

“This is where we go our separate ways, Rose,” I bid as we approached the castle’s first gatehouse.

“Have fun your dukiness!”

“That’s ‘Sire’ to you. Know your place!” Balfid scowled at her.

She just returned a smirk as the portcullis raised and the drawbridge lowered past the second gate. The castle was the best defended castle known to humanity. It sat atop a hill surrounded by a moat, wooden spikes laying on the bottom for any who dared cross. Even to enter the castle one had to climb a narrow path through four individual gatehouses which was surrounded by a wall on all sides, making it a death trap for any aggressors. In addition to ballistas and trebuchets, magical wards defended against even the arcane, set by some of the most ancient and powerful scrolls. As we entered the keep we were let into an entryway, fitted with a false floor that fell into a room of spikes down below. The castle had never fallen, and never would fall.

As we entered the main hall, the King was already in council with several others. Given their decorated combat jupons, I assumed them to be generals and other warmakers, all reporting and planning with the King. Several of them were in a fevered argument and King Loratadine looked tired. When he saw me, his face perked up and he immediately pushed past the warring advisors to power over to me.

“Mortemer! It has been a long time!”

“My King,” I responded, bowing to him.

“Oh you’ve known me long before, call me by my name, old friend!”

“I apologize, Loratadine.”

“Nay, ‘tis no quarrel… Now, what brings you here?”

“My King, we must plan! The St. Louisans could attack very soon if we don’t get the jump on them!” one of the generals shouted, still by the throne.

“Silence! I am greeting an old friend! Perhaps I wouldn't allow a break if the four of you hadn’t been bickering this past hour! Now, Mortemer?”

“San Diego. It was attacked and taken by a force unknown. I seek aid.”

“Mortemer… This news bears heavy on me…” Loratadine clutched his chest, bowing his head down to shake it. “What of the citizens, are they safe?”

“The force only seemed focused on the castle. I believe… I believe they were looking for me.”

“Do you have any reference as to who they were?”

“No. Well, not exactly. I suspect it could have been led by a Lord of Edge, but to take one of Virginia’s cities would violate their policy of neutrality.”

“That is very troubling… However, As much as it pains me, I only hope you were the purpose behind the attack. The citizens may be safe if so, unless a hostage situation were to be created.”

“That is my fear exactly. Thus is why I seek aid.”

Loratadine paced around, stroking his long, gray beard. He wore a thoughtful expression.

“When this whole war began you refused to send your soldiers and now you request aid?”

“I only wished to keep my city in peace, not plunge them into another pointless war,” I pointed at him.

“And we see where that's gotten you.”

“This attack was unprovoked and unrelated to the war, it was unforeseen unlike the thousands killed by nothing more than a petty squabble of royalty and land!”

“Your insurgency would have you in the stocks by now if not for your service and friendship. My forces are stretched thin with the threat of the St. Louisans. To spare soldiers from any theater could cost us many battles and give us defeat.”

“Loratadine, old friend, please. My village needs help. Is there not any assistance you can give?”

Loratadine sat down again, putting his hands together as if he were troubled. He looked at me with concern in his eyes.

“Only the advice of an old friend, Mortemer. Seek help of the other empires. They have powerful warriors and readers who will be in a state far more fitting to help you.”

“But will they help a stranger? And a human at that?”

“Perhaps not, but if you care for San Diego, you will try. You have always been charming, Mortemer. You could procure legions if you made the attempt.”

“Loratadine, reaching even the nearest empire, Dolrin, will take far too long. Even on a fast horse it would take days of nonstop riding.”

“Then you must ride swift if you wish to save San Diego. I have faith in you. You will succeed.”

⧫

“So, what did he say?” Rose said as we exited the castle gate, surprising both me and Balfid she had stuck around.

“He won’t give me aid… I’ll be seeking help from Dolrin’s Queen, but I worry she won’t lend the help I need,” I replied rather solemnly.

“Hah! I told you! Daddy's influence can't get you too far, huh Dukey?”

“He is NOT my father! And please don't call me that!”

“HAH! But. Dolrin's Queen, right? You’re going to Dolrin? To speak with their Queen?” although Rose looked excited, she definitely looked concerned, even as she quivered in her boots in anticipation of my answer, that was delayed due to the complexity of this here thought.

“Yes.”

“Shit… This is probably a bad idea… But can I come with you?!”

She fashioned a gleeful smile to convince me, and in the melting radiance of her joy, I almost had to grant her request.

“Why would you want to come with us? We could use the extra help, but we do have to be careful.”

“Trust me, I know careful! But, I’m just bored honestly. Getting tired of the schnitzel and the clubs, and the same marks over and over… I have some skills too you know, I could help. Plus your castle needs saving, and… I miss Dolrin!” Rose answered beggingly. Balfid only crossed their arms more though, staring Rose down scrupulously.

“You’re a thief. Why would you care about saving the castle? Your only loyalty is to coin. You steal from people, how could you possibly do any good?” I looked at Balfid again. Rose looked irritated as well from the look on her face.

“What? Hey, I only steal from the people that won’t miss what I take. Do you really think some dirt poor schmuck is gonna keep a golden diamond ring in his back pocket?! The people I take from have shit that can easily be replaced, they don’t miss them. I can actually pick the pockets of the same mark several times a year, usually ‘cause they keep buying new rings or whatever.”

“Ah, the noble thief I see. What makes you want to help take a castle however? That’s far out of the way from just being nice,” I questioned her, curious.

“Mum, do you always grill people like this? I’ve never seen somebody try so hard to turn down free help! Don’t you need it anyways? Come on, you know you need me!”

“You know what, you can come along. You sound like an enjoyable companion. Do you have a horse?”

“Yep, two. And an ass.”

“Alright, meet us outside the city gate. We’ll ride to Dolrin.”

“Nice! I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

She bounced off towards the city stables and left Balfid and I alone, a sour look on their face.

“Sire, I don’t trust her…”

“Balfid, I think she made a convincing argument. If she truly means to rob us, I imagine she wouldn’t have been so forthright. Also her knowledge about Bismuth seems invaluable.”

“I suppose you’re right… Still doesn’t sit well with me however…”

“Let us get some supplies, this will be a long journey.”