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The Dark Lord's Diner
Chapter Nineteen – A Delicate Matter

Chapter Nineteen – A Delicate Matter

Shirtless and shoeless. A very quick lesson. The sad dancer. A muddy trip. The mirror and the truth. A small fee.

The giant blond man frowned.

Sal held up a hand. “Do not misunderstand me. I appreciate the work your pantaloons are doing, currently, and I understand that you are making a point. I assume your wardrobe, or lack of one, allows you to feel the beat more keenly when more of your naked flesh is exposed.”

Otto clapped along with the drummer. “You speak like you don’t have sense, guy. I prefer the dance in my bare feet. As for the shirt, I do not want to get sweaty on it before lunchtime. Just watch, guy.” The big man moved gracefully to the rhythm, using only his feet, with his arms behind his chest. He did start to sweat, though Sal hardly noticed.

“Faster, Ollie!” The drummer drummed faster, and Otto didn’t miss a step, going heel to toe at one point, and then leaping around with a while of his arms, and slapping his feet on the polished wood.

Sal could’ve stayed in the shade, but he wanted to get closer. He stepped out into the sunlight.

“Now, guy, dance like I do. I go easy now for you.”

Otto was done showing off, and started a quick bit of steps that Sal could copy, though while the Feather Pharaoh’s feet smacked the wood, Sal’s boots clomped.

He didn’t like the sound, and so he took off his own boots and socks, which he’d just washed, thankfully. Laundry had been the last item on his last, though, having only the single set of clothes made some things mandatory. He wouldn’t get anywhere if his stench arrived five minutes before he did. There was also the issue of getting water, which Sal hoped would be solved when the governor fixed his faucet.

Sal felt the sweat dripping down his sides. He could now appreciate why Otto had stripped. The former Dark Lord would have to do laundry that night.

Otto stopped and shouted to Ollie, “Okay. Okay. Okay. This guy here, he can dance now. I give him lessons. He okay now.”

“Are you certain?” Sal asked.

The Feather Pharaoh wiped some sweat off his face. “You no come to get dancing lessons, guy. I know that. You come for eggs. I sell you eggs. You have diner. Maybe it better that it brings people food and happiness rather than just a home for the ghosties. Still laughing that you so lonely you make ghost your best friend.”

That kind of stung. Sal hid his hurt and wiped some sweat off his own face. “It certainly was not a part of my business plan, sir. I do have some questions, though. Why Pharaoh? It seems to be an old Hajawan word for ruler, if I am not mistaken.”

“It not mystery, guy. It has same sound as feathers. And Hajawan bird folk dance good. Maybe I show you my dancing chicken sometime. It might hurt your feelings. She dance better than you!” That made Otto laugh long and hard.

Sal laughed as well, though he was still disturbed by the adverb trouble.

Ollie smirked up on the stage, then forced some laughter when Sal threw him a rather threatening glance.

“That right, Ollie? Can Henrietta dance good?”

“She dance good, boss.”

Otto then turned to Sal. “More questions or no, guy? I am entertained just now.”

“Yes, one more, though it might be of a delicate matter.” Sal was in a bind. He couldn’t ask the Feather Pharaoh for free eggs. At the same time, he also couldn’t ask for a tour of the Braggadorio’s basements. However, being there, he remembered he’d been to Riverglitter Manor before, and he’d heard tales of a secret treasury there. He had to come up with a story to get down there, because even a bit of gold would go so very far in his quest to open his diner.

Otto snapped his fingers. “Get me towel, Ollie.” The smiling man was gone. The ruthless Braggadorio boss had turned cold. “You say delicate matter. I say you want to cause me problem. I no like problem. Maybe I don’t ever going to trust you, guy. Out with it.”

Sal’s mind raced. He had to tell the truth, or as much of it as he dared. He still didn’t know how far he could take a lie of omission before his Benefactor would mind. “Mr. Ovum, sir, I am a student of history.” This was true, Sal quite liked history. “I know a little about the Weeping River Flatlands.” Also true, though he knew more than a little. “Have you ever considered why the mansion below us was called Riverglitter Manor?”

Otto shrugged. “People name things. People name things good sometimes. Sometimes, the names, not so good. You tell me, guy. Tell me about this delicate matter.”

Sal spoke quickly. “Back when it was built, some ancient prince, I’ve forgotten his name, wanted to make the Flatlands into a place where people wanted to come. Rather than Sludgewater Manor, he christened it Riverglitter. That is historical truth. But could it be that there was a secret treasury, filled with glittering gold, that might have been the originator of the name? That is a question I have asked myself, though it might be some fiction.”

All of that was skirting the truth. He felt the mouse in his breast pocket squirm a bit, but that might have been from the sweat and exertion of keeping up with the dancing giant. Sal waited. But it seemed that rhetorical questions weren’t going to get him into trouble. That was a relief.

A lifetime passed in the powerful man’s silence. Then a smile lit up his face. “You think there’s buried treasure, guy? You want to go look?”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

“I would very much like to look, sir.”

For a moment, Sal bristled at this servile scraping. It was humiliating. At one point in his life, he could’ve strode in, casting spells to deal with the guards, and the Braggadorio, no matter how large, strong, and graceful, would’ve been no match for him. Sal probably wouldn’t have used lethal magic to force his way into the basement, but with emotions running high, he could’ve have sworn he wouldn’t. Kenny would’ve wanted him to. It would’ve been good PR.

But Kenny, as well as any number of Sal’s minions, were always thinking about public relations and marketing. A Dark Lord had to have an ominous reputation, after all. But had it stayed Kenny’s betraying blade? No. No, it hadn’t.

“You want me to miss my lunch, guy.” There was a smile on Otto’s face, yes, but his blue eyes were icy. Then he laughed. “We go quick. I show you mud pits. Flooded, sunk, the old manor is gone to the gods. I show you. I show you quick.”

“Quickly,” Sal said before he could catch himself. “It’s the adverb.”

Otto might’ve punched Sal in the face, but he didn’t. He just grabbed Sal’s shoulder in one big, meaty hand, and pinched, hard. “My Yeshin, not so goodly. We speak different in north Yanir Republic. I come from Krasnaya, but you know that guy, from my accent. And my blonde hair. Krasnaya is good part of Yanir republic. We not crazy with magic like most Yanir. Fine, fine, fine. We go quickly! Adverb, this guy say. Ha! Like I care about grammar!”

Sal’s head was spinning. The geography had changed dramatically in the last thousand years.

Maps aside, this truth business was working. Now, if there was a treasury, how could he manage to get something without stealing it? That was a good question. Because there was no way the blond Braggadorio was ever going to give Sal gold out of the goodness of his heart. He’d take everything, and the former Dark Lord would leave empty-handed.

Ollie returned with a towel, and Otto wiped the sweat off his face and did a quick dab of his armpits. Then the shirt, socks, and boots went back on. Otto called to his sister. “Olga, bring me lanterns. I go seeking buried treasure with the new crazy guy. It delicate matter!”

Olga hurried to him with a lantern. “Lunchtime, Otto. You going to be late.” She had an extra lantern for Sal.

“They can wait! I bet you a Deux Coin my guys start without me. They pigs. No self-control! And no rhythm. This new guy has rhythm. He dance with sad steps, though. I think he have tragic backstory.”

Sal didn’t like to hear that. He didn’t want to be a sad dancer, but Otto would know.

The Feather Pharaoh took a sparkstick and lit the two lanterns, then took Sal back into the corridor, back through the gate, and down stone steps that circled around and around. They were rather like the circular stairwell back in the Yeshu’s Chapel on Confusion Street.

They passed down past the stone of the current building, through a section with wood on the walls, the boards soaked and rotting. But then they stopped on a section of stone, and some of the mud had been scraped away, forming an oozy path down the way to more stairs, that had to be part of the original castle. They were deep underground, and it was clear there had been some cleanup, but not much. The Braggadorio’s workers probably got tired, and after finding ruins, weren’t going to waste much of their time. Above just stone. And more mud. So much mud.

Down a staircase, they came to a door. It opened inward, and beyond was a room packed with mud. There was some finery on the walls, a mostly submerged fed to the left, and a broken window, showing more wet dirt that oozed through the cracks.

“See, guy? This old prince’s bedroom, and it gone. We at the top of the manor. It sunk deep. Probably happened when the Godspear Tower was thrust through the city.”

“It was probably sinking even before that. The Menold Prince, Flavius Kushna built his mansion too close to the river. He misjudged, tragically, the strength of the foundation.”

“Oh, so you know name of prince, now. It don’t matter. You see, guy, this manor full of mud.”

Sal wasn’t going to give up that easily. If he were right, there would be a mirror, and he might have to do some digging, but behind the mirror would be a secret passageway that would lead to a vault.

Sal held his lantern high. “I shall dirty my outfit in an attempt to find some glitter.”

Otto only laughed. “This guy, has answer for all the things. Okay, guy, you get dirty. I wait, but not long.”

Sal crawled onto the dirt, sinking in up to his wrists. His knees also sank, and he ended up wiggling across the slime and grime until he saw the mirror. His heart leapt, and he found himself enjoying the experience. He shouldn’t.

Betty dropped from his pocket and moved stealthily in front of him. The mud leveled off, and there was an open space of wooden floor in front of the mirror, which was stained by dust and time and more mud.

Sal set the lantern down, and tried to find a way of swinging the mirror open. He couldn’t find the latch, and from the sighs, he knew he was running out of time in direct proportion to the Otto Ovum running out of patience.

A chair leg was sticking out of the mud to his right. “Excuse me, Mr. Ovum, would you mind if I broke this mirror. I believe there might be a secret room behind it.”

Otto wiggled his lantern at him. “Ja, guy, get to it. No one ever comes down here ever. Break what you want.”

Sal snapped the leg off the chair, which was very easy to do, since it was so rotten.

Betty backed away from him, hidden by the mass of mud, so Otto couldn’t see her. The mouse put her hands over her ears.

Then Sal smashed the mirror’s glass. Behind it was a dusty corridor without a speck of mud. Whatever happened, the secret room had been undisturbed for centuries. On the shelves were piles of gold coins, a series of silver bricks, and several books with bejeweled covers, and a scroll tube. Those had to be grimoires. Whoever had moved in had to have been a practitioner of sorcery. There were some piles of documents as well, all hidden away.

Sal so wanted to just reach in and grab some of the coinage. He could have taken a few without the Braggadorio seeing him. Probably.

Betty squeaked and jerked a pink thumb back at Otto. Her message was clear—he would have to tell the gangster everything.

Sal closed his eyes. This honesty business would be the death of him. “I found the glitter of Riverglitter. Coins, grimoires, and a scroll that is probably magic, and some silver bricks. I do not know the value, though I would expect it to be a tidy sum.”

Yes, a tidy sum of treasure that would never be his.

Still, he was given a reward all the same.

<<<>>>

Honesty is the best policy! Karmic Gauge increased by 7%. You could’ve tried to come back and break into the guy’s place, but you didn’t. You told the truth, even if it meant being as penniless as Mendica. That must’ve been a hard one for you.

Current Karmic Gauge: 58% (Happy Green!)

<<<>>>

“Coins you say?” Otto thundered. “Perhaps a special coin?”

Sal didn’t know if there was a Deux Coin in there or not. Probably not, but that begged the question. Could he tell if he picked up the coin again? The simple answer was yes. If he picked it up, he would die immediately.

That made digging through the secret treasure a bit less appealing. Still, the news of the day was that a rich man was about to be richer. And that wasn’t news at all.

So it was unbelievable to Sal when the blond Braggadorio exploded into laughter. “You find it, guy, and so all of it is yours. Except you not pay me for dancing lessons. For the dancing lesson? You pay half.”

At that moment, it felt like the sweetest of deals.