Mid-morning in front of one of the hostels on campus. Enter the newsmonger with many copies of The Buggers.

NEWSMONGER: Fine Daily Bugger! Chaotic Daily Bugger! Fine Daily Bugger! Hot Daily Bugger! Fine Daily Bugger! Sharp Daily Bugger!

(Enter a group of rowdy students.)

STUDENTS: Hey, Newsmonger, a copy of that hot news! Give me one too! And me! Allow, you son of a bitch!

(General disorderliness. The newsmonger goes out after selling some copies, shouting in a sing-song manner.)

FIRST STUDENT: Hey! I go die o!

SECOND STUDENT: Khai, This na waya!

(Enter another batch of rowdy students.)

THIRD STUDENT: Hey, you guys, wetin dey inside?

FIRST STUDENT: No piracy! Get your own copy!

FOURTH STUDENT: Open your ears very wide, here comes the hot news. (Reading.)Headline: “PROFESSOR CAUGHT PANTS DOWN WITH FEMALE UNDERGRADUATE INSIDE FUN HOTEL!"

STUDENTS: (Variously.) I go die o ! This na real hot news! Contiliu! Contiliu!

FIRST STUDENT: (Reading) “Yesterday, the roving eyes of our ingenious roving reporter, Peeping Tom, wandered into Fun Hotel where he bumped ball-like into a most interesting, volcanic, chaotic, eye-widening, mind-bungling, confounding piece of news activity!"

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STUDENTS: (Variously) Eeebo! Khai! What a language of grammar! Absolutely devastating! (General laughter.) CONTILIU! CONTILIU!

FIRST STUDENT: (Reading.) As usual, Peeping Tom entered through the back door into the bedroom section of the hotel. Attracted by the loud grunts of two heavy-weight wrestlers, he slipped into a nearby bedroom just in time to catch Professor Fayemi and Miss Elizabeth Owojori of Chemistry Department. The camera clicked, the flashbulb flashed, and in a second the victorious Tom was rolling out of the room, leaving the lovers in dazed confusion. The picture tells a better story."

STUDENTS: (Variously.) 1 go die o! Professor Fayemi, I go do o! Na bad thing!

(Just then, Mrs Fayemi passes by. She stops to inquire the cause of the commotion)

IBIYE: Excuse me, what's happening?

FIRST STUDENT: It's the Bugger, madam.

IBIYE: Any interesting news in it?

FIRST STUDENT: Na real hot news dey inside am. Listen make I read you the headline.(Reading) “PROFESSOR CAUGHT PANTS DOWN WITH FEMALE UNDERGRADUATE INSIDE FUN HOTEL!"

IBIYE: My God! Can I have a look?

FIRST STUDENT: Suit yourself.

(Gives her the paper. She reads it and explodes in anger.)

IBIYE: Good God! The louse!

(She storms out wtht the paper.)

FIRST STUDENT: Hey! Dat na my paper o!

(He runs after her.)

FIRST STUDENT: Hey, you guys, who be dat beautiful babe?

FIRST STUDENT: You no know her? Dat na Mrs. Fayemi, the wife of the Prof.

THIRD STUDENT: JEEEESU! All hell gonna break loose on this campus very soon!

FOURTH STUDENT: How can he have such a beautiful wife at home and continue to chase young girls round the campus? It's a shame!

SECOND STUDENT: Indeed, education does not mean wisdom.

THIRD STUDENT: Na true you talk my brother. A man fit acquire all the degree for this we world and still be a stark illiterate. B.S.C. O, M.A. O, P.H.D.O, LLB O, all na on top of nothing I tell you. Look, bo, I get paper this afternoon. See you later.

SECOND STUDENT: Same with me. See you guys.

(They disperse.)