It’s all fun and games until a huge ass portal sucks you up and dumps you in some playground with a bunch of kids you barely know. Oh and then you learn that they don’t know shit either! So there you are, bewildered on how the fuck you got thrown out of the sky onto a playground jungle gym surrounded by a bunch of screaming children; wood chips stabbing into your hands and the only thought in your head being ‘what the fuck.’ 0/10 would not recommend. I’ve never felt more of all five of my senses in that moment, I felt like I could start smelling colors any moment now. I pinched myself because logically, this was definitely some weird ass dream right?...Right?
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Yelled the kids.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The collective group of students previously from New York on Earth, responded. From what I could tell we were all in a jumbled pile of humans, all on top of each other in some uncomfortable heap. We all immediately scrambled off, well most of us did. This one girl, I think her name was something with a C or a T? Cecily? I honestly couldn’t remember her name at the time. I decided to just call her Candice because she looks like a ‘Claire’ and I refuse to call anyone by their name to this day.
I poked Candice a couple of times but she didn’t respond to my dismay. After several tries I decided she was dead and gave a dignified nod before taking stock of my surroundings. It seemed the parents of the children had gathered around at the sound of the screams. One with a crocodile head had a phone up to their mouth and was loudly yelling in some other language at the person on the other line. A small group of them broke off and formed a protective chain in front of the children. I raised my hands in the air and motioned to the others, most followed in suit. I thought it was the usual universal sign of surrendering at least. Unfortunately, I did not know that in this world it means something VERY different. According to Xí who is watching me write this, it literally means ‘I’m so powerful I don’t even need my hands to beat you up’ and honestly why is there a gesture for that. Like which one of you needed that??
Like I was saying, as the group from Earth raised their hands in surrender the alien police decided to arrive. Well, I later learned they were the police, it was very hard to tell at first. It was probably better that I didn’t know that to be honest, my track record in the police department is not pretty. The new arrivals wore a shade of vomit yellow, burnt orange and light violet uniforms. Two of them had fur squares where their shoulder pads would be, they seemed to be the leaders of their operation as the others filed behind them in defensive line forms. I would love to say that I said something insightful or even peace-making but in all honesty, at the sight of a new type of police I had to bite back A LOT. Whoever let them out of the house looking like that, deserves jail along with whoever designed it.
It became clear our peace sign was severely misunderstood as the police pointed their Star Trek-ish guns towards our group. One of us, I think he said his name was Junpei, motioned his chin at the wreck that was our landing spot. He was a tall, punk (kinda emo), stoic looking dude. I remembered his face from my chem class. It was really weird actually because he usually wasn’t even there. There were rumors that he did drugs and was part of a gang but they had as much hold as Adam’s grasp on math. Safe to say, about as weak as a tourist against the buddhist monk with a fancy bracelet.
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More importantly, it was what he did after that stood out. I nodded at him before he slowly faded behind us and made a move towards our pile of bags. Sparing a glance back without giving his plan away to the police, I scanned my bag for any signs of damage or spilling. The sound of yelling caused me to snap my head back to see the police who seemed to be discussing amongst themselves in some strange language. It sounded like Dutch but with their angry tone it was hard to tell, it could have been German for all I knew.
Whatever it was though it seemed to get more heated between the officers as the parents who were still watching started to add in and shout at them. As the commotion continued that dude who had gotten to our bags had started to distribute them between us. I started to recite a silent prayer as the stock of our situation started to kick in. The police were starting to take statements in forms of tickets as the angry mob got, well, more angry. We were frazzled, the others not being able to radically accept our situation as fast as me and Junpei apparently. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Austin helping the guy he was tutoring up from the ground, the height difference was pretty hilarious looking back on it. I checked my backpack for any missing pieces. I was careful, keeping an eye on the police officers and rowdy crowd but they seemed thoroughly invested in whatever was going on in their own internal affairs. At some point during our encounter, that Candice girl had gotten up and was now awake. It was somewhat relieving but, I was sad I did not get to carry out my plan of extraction. It would have been fun.
I looked at the others and really started to sink into reality. There were about six of us unless someone had hidden in someone else’s backpack, in which case I’d have to ask how they did that. I bet I could find an alien who’d be willing to do that. Nonetheless with no humans stuffed in backpacks, we had a small but sizable group. Of course the portal had spawned the second the teacher had stepped out of the room. Although thinking about it I don’t think I would have preferred an adult to come with us. Better no supervision than having to follow their every order because we have to ‘respect our elders’ or some bullshit. I don’t have authority issues. I don't know what you're talking about.
“So…what should we do?” I glanced around at the six of us, we had made our way around the playground and had now a somewhat view of outside the park. “They seem to be distracted within themselves, I say we book it while we can.” Candice declared. “That’s probably the best course of action but which way do we- OH SHIT THEY ARE POINTING THEIR GUNS AT US FUCK THAT!!!” My beautiful speech was unfortunately cut short. The sound of their stupid high tech light-sound-whatever the fuck bullets whizzed past my ear as I burst through the park gate, choosing the least crowded street to barrel down. The others were close on my heels as we ran from the growing mob of angry parents and poorly dressed police behind us.
Looking back I can cheerfully say the only thing going through my mind were: ‘Fuck this’ , ‘Fuck that’, ‘What the fuck’, ‘Where the fuck are we’, ‘WHAT THE FUCK’, ‘AHHHHHHHHHHH’ and ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ by Queen. Don’t question it, I did and I got nothing out of it. At least my mind provides me with a soundtrack for this tv show. Yeah that’s right I know and you can’t Truman Show me.