We arrived at The Bee and the Barrel just as the party started.

Entering the large wooden door we were immediately bathed in the flickering of firelight, the sounds of laughter and the robust scent of roast chicken. The music was loud and lively as the patrons in the corner loudly slammed gold down on a betting table and the ruckus coming from the bar was deafening. I felt like an old man as I nervously approached the bar where I had sat only hours ago and as I looked for vacant seats for Silas, Kappa and myself I felt a probing finger in my calf. I yelped and looked down to see a gnome holding a large plate of drinks, trying to squeeze by.

“Sorry,” I muttered to myself and then turned to the others. Nearly shouting over the noise I said, “Maybe we should just find somewhere else?”

Kappa shook her head ‘no’ in the crowded room and said,

“If your parents or Jessica are in Dunn, then our best bet is asking people if they’ve seen them.” Silas turned quickly to Kappa at the mention of my parents but was either too distracted or uncomfortable by the noise to react. In the corner I saw a booth open and gestured towards it, hoping to make it before others did.

We arrived just as a large balding man with an eye patch and his half-orc friend sat down. Disheartened, I started to step away when Silas spoke up.

“We want this booth,” said the small goblin in the soft leather boots and cap. Silas’ wide, emotion filled eyes were met by the one good eye of the angry human for only a moment before the two at the booth burst out laughing. I put a hand on Silas’ chest and pushed him back a little bit, then forced a laugh.

“Haha, sorry guys, he didn’t know what he was talking about. It’s your booth enjoy!” I said and as I went to move the Orc spoke,

“After you buy our first round you can leave,”

The Orc was a mean-looking, seven-foot tall hulking mass of dark grey flesh. His yellow tusks stuck out from either side of his mouth and the large rusted iron ring that hung from his nostrils was wet with snot. I debated for a second and felt Kappa’s hand on my shoulder. In the moment I couldn’t tell whether she was telling me to let it go or that she had my back but either way I chose to take it as the latter. “I appreciate the offer but I’m afraid we’ll pass,” I said, my eyes tightening as I did my best to seem threatening. The human turned towards me, revealing the deep grey of his one good and as he combed his fingers through his grey beard he smiled a toothy grin.

“I’m afraid that wasn’t an offer friend.” His grin faded fast and became a scowl as he drew a dagger out of his pocket. The Orc leaned on the hilt of the heavy axe that lay beside the booth. I stretched my neck out and breathed a heavy sigh as I pawed at the pommel of my sword. In an instant I would draw my blade, go to cut the Orc and hope that it hit before he had a chance to get out of the booth and swing… but that instant didn’t come.

Instead, as I began to pull my sword, a flagon of ale smashed against my arm and sent cold honey mead up my face, down my chest and the booth before me into a fit of laughter. The boisterous corner table directly beside us had undeniably been making the loudest ruckus since entering the bar and as I tried to maintain my intimidating stature the two before me howled with pleasure at the sight.

“Come on,” I said to them. “We’re gonna fight.” I tried my best to maintain my serious composure over their wild laughter.

“No mate, we’ll call that even,” they said dismissively as the table that sent the drink flying continued in their loud and oppressive sing song.

“Fine!” I shouted. “Chicken!” I pointed at the Orc who swatted my hand away like a fly and took a swig from his drink. I could hear Kappa stifling a laugh behind me as I turned and headed to the boisterous table, eager to deliver their comeuppance. I stood at the open end of their rounded table which was covered in gold and empty flagons of ale and in my loudest, most intimidating voice belted, “Listen up you pedantic primates, you inarticulate imbecilic ignoramuses, you befuddled, boisterous baffling baboons; I demand satisfaction!”

Though it was only a few moments the silence that followed felt like it lasted an entire minute. It was long enough for me to self-assess what had just come out of my mouth and thus expect the uproarious laughter that followed and accept the onslaught of chicken bones, half full flagons and rags that pelted my entire body. With my head down I waited for the wet thuds of food and refuse to end until something heavy hit me in the back sending me forward into the table. The laughter stopped for the most part, many people turning back to their conversations and as I spun around I saw the hulking brute that kicked me and a small, weasel-like man beside him. In either of the brute’s massive hands were Silas and Kappa, both struggling to break free.

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I could feel my face flush as I recognized them both immediately.

The brute was Ergon a seven or eight-foot tall man of pure muscle who had the brain the size of a walnut but thighs the size of my head. He was loyal and programmed to follow his brother Hestle, the clever rogue that was not only intelligent but very devious. He also worked directly for Lord Exupery who owned most of these lands and acted as his warden of sorts but were primarily mercenaries. They were high level enemies - ones I did not expect to find here - and as I stood up with my back against the table I could feel my heart beating fast.

“I can’t imagine that impressive list of names was directed at me, was it?” Hestle said as he pulled his glove off his left hand, finger by finger. He had a confidence about the way he walked and talked; a posture that matched his skill as he stepped forward. His sharp features, pasty skin and dark eyes suited his charismatic nature. He stopped directly before Ergon and despite most of the bar continuing about their business, this section was eerily quiet.

“No it wasn’t,” I said, trying my best to keep a calm voice. He continued to remove his second glove as Silas swung wildly at Ergon’s massive fist.

“You do know who these lands belong to, right?” He asked. Impulsively I wanted to say me because I built them, but I knew better.

“Lord Exupery,” I said

“Sometimes.” he said in a way I had only imagined when designing him. Despite my terror there was something satisfying about seeing a low-level enemy such as him come to life before my very eyes. I could see I was telling him what he wanted and the subtle anger behind his eyes was beginning to fade. He studied my face, smiled wide and after moment said,

“I suggest,” he said in a way that wasn’t a suggestion at all, “you go find somewhere to hit the hay.”

He turned his back to me, and then I did a dumb thing.

I’ve done a lot of dumb things but this one? Oh boy, it was up there. I mean, the other things I’ve done were cruel or unsympathetic, sometimes they were impulsive and mean but this one, to me, was the dumbest. Not because of the result and reaction but because it was entirely said without thought, it was 100% worthless. The dumb thing I said was,

“Hay is for horses.”

I even said it with a grin. Even though Hestle was between me and her, I could practically hear the slap of Kappa hitting her own face at my stupidity. He, of course, stopped walking and slowly turned back around to me.

“Excuse me?” the mercenary said. He held a hand to his ear bending it forward as if to listen better.

“Hay… is for horses?” I said, doubling down on the absolute idiocy of the moment.

I could see the expression wash across his face in stages starting from confusion then moving to disgust and landing safely in anger.

“On second thought,” he said after a long pause, “I think you do need to be taught a lesson.”

My blood ran cold.

I knew that we could not beat them. If we started a fight, it would end in our deaths. As I watched Silas and Kappa struggle to free themselves, I knew that despite not having high enough Charisma to persuade Hestle, I needed to try. I took a deep breath and just as I was about to speak two loud thuds sounded behind me.

Someone had climbed onto the table.

“Why don’t you take a deep breath there, Dick Dastardly,” a woman’s voice said in a charming tone that shot Hestle’s eyes upwards. I turned around as far as I could without moving the position of my body to see only a pair of mud covered converse all-stars. The voice was still above me and as I turned back to Hestle it continued in a joyful, carefree way that sounded almost like teasing,

“Any man that starts a fight ordering his Lennie Small to kick a guy in the back either has a small stature, a smaller brain or the smallest…” as they spoke they had pushed my back forward forcing me to kneel on all fours. Nervously I followed the order as the person on the table walked down from the table to the floor, using my back like a stepping stool. They stood before me and in front of Hestle and finished their thought, “...well, let’s just say they suffer from a severe lack of manhood.” There was a long pause as Hestle burned a bright red and I stood to see the back of a woman’s head. Laughter boomed from the booth behind me and as she turned her head over her shoulder, she winked at me. My heart fluttered. It was Jessica; calm, cool and collected as I had ever seen her and as she turned back to Hestle she laid a hand playfully on his chest.

“Oh I’m only teasing little guy,” she said with a smirk, walking around him a little bit as he continued to look forward, “but if you really want a fight,” she stopped at his shoulder looking at me and the booth before them, “then let my friends have a go first, will ya?”

I turned around fully this time to see who had occupied the loudest booth in the bar only to see The Goodberry Brigade in full force. The Goodberry Brigade were a set of roaming land pirates that pillaged and stole, they were essentially no better than bandits however they were designed to become lawful good. They were part of a quest where you would have the option to rescue one of their own and they could turn on the PC if certain conditions weren’t met. However if the quest was completed correctly, they could become a faction ally to the player and help. That being said, they were never designed to leave their camp and their benefits were only mechanical. Additionally, they were meant to be led by the lawful evil Gregorious Redbeard, who didn’t seem to be here.

Nonetheless they were fierce; skilled fighters and easily a stronger match for Hestle and he knew it. He eyed the table as Jessica looked over her shoulder. After a moment he said,

“Drop them Ergon, we’re leaving.”

The booth hollered in excitement as Ergon dropped Kappa and Silas. Hestle turned to me and with fiery eyes said, “Till next time.”

Then the two of them left the bar; and if I had anything of substance in my belly, I almost certainly would have earned three-vomits-in-a-day hat.