Yes, I could have shown Kappa a slew of movies, documentaries of hell, just have read him the Wikipedia page of a God to let him know what I was talking about but I had just discovered that I could edit the world around me. Now that I was a line of code within this script wherever I went, whomever I interacted with, would also become a populated character and though my mind was anxious to scan the code; to understand who Graves was, who he interacted with and what he was up to… COME ON! I mean, GOD POWERS!?!
Honestly though, imagine if you were given the choice to change whatever you wanted in the world, on the fly or scan through thousands upon thousands of lines of code to find out info on some dude who was dead. Do I regret my decision now? One hundred and eleventieth percent but that’s then, this is now and I’m a flawed person.
In any case I wanted to do something simple, something that didn’t affect too many people but something big enough that tested the limited and capabilities of what I could do. Before changing anything however I needed to show Kappa what the world was like, mainly so he could understand what changed when I altered the code but also because, well, I liked Kappa and I was happy that he was here with me. I had spent more nights than I can remember talking to him and we were close, closer than I thought I’d ever be with another living person. Kappa may not be living - that was still a question mark on this whole exercise, - but he was real, that was undeniable and so after a quick change of clothes, we went outside for a walk.
It took me a while to comprehend but one of the interesting things I realized was that Kappa existed in the real world without the limitations of Dunn. That is to say that when I designed him, his look and his appearance were all within the confines of the engine I had built from the ground up. He didn’t look bad but he was clearly a video game character, whereas whatever came out as a result of me launching the Kappa program in the code was human – or at least looked and acted like one. I had seen the code doing a number of rewrites and conversations in real time and despite the impossibility of what I had seen it made a sense that this self-writing code had rewritten him based on the pre-defined limits of this world rather than his. He still was affected by gravity; his hair seemed fluid and real. Despite the conversion into our world; he was spot on.
The summer was ending and as surprised as I had been to see Kappa converted into our world, it paled in comparison to what he must have been seeing. As we walked through the woods by my house he’d stop and remark on the leaves and trees trying to find the words.
“These are incredible Lester, you must look” He’d say as if showing me a new thing. I appreciated his enthusiasm and as much as I wanted to brush him off, I found myself playing along, answering his questions. The morning sun was warm against my skin and for the first time while walking through the woods I wasn’t thinking about Dunn or programming; I was enjoying the day and the world around me. Kappa ran up behind me like a toddler and stuck a hand out to show me a stick.
“Isn’t it marvelous?” he said in an innocent way that made me chuckle. I stopped and took it, examining it for its beauty as he suggested and dropped it, much to his protest.
“There are literally millions Kap,” I said. His expression became pained. I gestured to the trees and continued. “I want you to look around at the trees, memorize their colour, shape and design too, okay? But mainly the colour.” He nodded and looked back at me.
“For the most part these trees are absolute, they change with the season, yes, but they don’t change without the world changing.” He nodded to understand as we headed back to the house as Kappa skipped behind plucking leaves from the branches around us. I laughed at his juvenile innocence, the kind and innocent way he experienced the world and realized how jaded my view had become.
On our way back my phone rang. Expecting my parents, I answered it blindly and was surprised to hear Mr. Derrigar’s voice on the other end.
“Lester? It’s Drew, did you call me?” he said kindly with a hint of concern. I looked behind me to Kappa, then back in the direction we were heading and smiled.
“Yes Drew and it’s all fine, I thought I needed a hand but I think I figured it out.” I could hear him relax on the other side and after I hung up I felt good, really good.
It didn’t take long for us to arrive back home and after an interested conversation about how to quench one's thirst, we were back on my computer to see the area we had been in populated within the code. The scenes, trees, leaves, streams and objects we had seen were all added in a number of lines to the code. I pointed it out to him, showing him the lines added for the trees and the wood, the paths and stones, and he nodded in understanding.
“Still have those leaves?” I asked. He nodded. “Look at them.” I said as I pulled up the line for the leaves and changed their colour to blue. In his hand the leaf changed to a deep blue and he marveled at it. Even I felt a bit surprised at how a simple change can alter your perspective. It took little convincing from Kappa to head back outside and into the woods once again.
The trees that lined the path moments ago were now a beautiful blue. It felt otherworldly as we moved through a sea of deep navy and violets and eventually we passed the point where we had originally stopped. To Kappa, this was another marvel but to me it turned the wheels in my head. Eventually we came to a river and as I joked about the water physics Kappa was already running his fingers through the stream. We had passed small creeks on our first walk into the woods, but this was much larger and more picturesque. The path we were on diverted around a set of thick trees but as I turned to him to tell him to move forward I noticed a few people coming down the path.
“Oh let’s go the other way,” I said and quietly tried to lead him away. “Come on.”
Kappa who was still running his fingers through the water stood up and in a loud voice questioned why. For a moment I was taken back to my parents dealing with Marcus when we went to the arcade one summer near the beaches and how he innocently couldn’t understand why we needed to leave such a beautiful place. Patiently I walked towards him when he saw the others approach and asked,
“Is that your mom and dad?” he said, his face lighting up. I was about to ask why on earth he’d think that when it dawned on me that Kappa had only ever seen my family. Everyone else that I had told him about was purely in name and though he did an amazing job of following, he really had no idea what these people were. He knew the end result of the names and how they affected me, but probably not that they were people the way my parents were.
“No,” I said in a loud whisper, anxious that people would see him splashing in a puddle and already the feeling of embarrassment began to rise in me, “they’re strangers we don’t know them.”
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The two people were close by and turned the path towards us. My heart sank as Jessica and her friend Sarah came into view walking directly toward us. Kappa stood up but it was too late as Jessica met my eyes despite me frantically trying to look away.
For a moment I could see her debate between acknowledging me and continuing on the path but with a short nod directed at herself she broke from her friends’ stride and walked directly towards me. Nervously, I took a half-step back and tripped over a tree root sending a sharp pain through my buttock and lower back. Kappa yelped. Jessica spun around, unaware that I was there with anyone but quickly turned back to help me up. The two of them came for me but I took only Kappa’s hand who helped me up and quickly patted the dirt from me.
“Are you okay?” Jessica said, her eyes moving between me and the middle aged man who was frantically wiping my back.
“Y-yes, totally fine, sorry.” I stammered, she shook her head.
“No are you kidding? I’m sorry, I must have come upon you like an animal or something,” she said apologetically, a half-smile as she spoke. I shook my head dismissively and was about to answer when Kappa interjected, fervently defending me and supporting her assessment.
“Most assuredly miss,” he said in his angry posh accent, “You act just as an animal does!” He nearly belted at Jessica before turning back and slapping the dirt off my butt. I waived him away as Jessica looked wide eyed.
“I’m sorry Jessica, this is my uncle from overseas, and he’s a bit protective and… eccentric” I said as I could feel Kappa turn his whole body towards her,
“Jessica you say?” he said surprised and happily, “My most sincere apologies my lady! I did not mean to be so short with a friend of Lester’s such of your caliber.”
My face was hot as the words left his mouth. Jessica tightened her face into a pained smile. The regret of coming over here plastered on her face and seeing the opportunity she said,
“Look, anyways, I just wanted to make sure we were okay. I saw you read the message last night and assume apology accepted?” she asked, anticipating my acceptance.
“Of course lady Jessica,” Kappa said before I could speak, “we most definitely accept your apology.” I swallowed hard and pretended I was anywhere else as she nodded towards Kappa and then to me.
“Alrighty then,” she said averting eye contact as she turned and left. She joined back up alongside her friend and in hushed tones she dismissed any questioning for the time being. She turned back to me and said, “Amazing trees, eh? It’s some kind of crazy weather thing I guess?” She shrugged, then shook her head in bewilderment before waving goodbye. I stood there motionless.
“Bye Jessica,” I said out loud a good 5 minutes after they left and turned to Kappa. “Don’t ever speak for me,” I said in a tone that was much angrier than I expected. “Jessica is someone you know I like very much and you…” I saw the look on Kappa’s face a pained expression of confusion, like a dog being yelled at, unsure as to why. I stopped and turned away.
“Let’s go home.” I said coldly and we did.
My parents were still out by the time Kappa and I got home and when we reached my bedroom I had all but apologized to Kappa. My momentary frustration had passed but I was surprised at how Kappa still felt upset by it; I hadn’t programmed any sort of grudge holding into his code and yet for the second time today, his actions surprised me as if they were unscripted.
I closed my bedroom door, went to my computer and changed the trees back to the way they were supposed to be. I was about to scan the code when Kappa spoke up for the first time since leaving the woods.
“Can you change people?” he asked flatly.
For a moment I considered his question then remembered my height change from earlier.
“Yes I suppose I can.” I said without turning to him. I began looking through the code again when my eyes fell on Jessica’s line of code and I could feel my palms begin to sweat.
“Can you change me?” Kappa said, as if deep in thought.
“As I just said, yes.” I answered, more annoyed this time.
“No,” he said, “can you change me, please.”
I turned to him for the first time since coming home and his face was one of sadness.
“Look I’m sorry Kap, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” I said, but he held a hand up in protest; another action I didn’t program for him.
“No, it isn’t what you did Lester. This world, it’s much different and honestly, I didn’t have much of a say in how I look. I was wondering if maybe you could give me a bit of a chance to try on some new faces.”
I considered his request for a moment and as the various pros and cons began to pile up I dismissed the thought and landed on one; it’s his body, why not.
“Okay,” I said, “what would you like to change?”
Excitedly Kappa stood up and walked over to the computer rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He thought for a moment. “I want to be your age I think.” He said, and I understood the benefit for both of us; walking around with a forty year old white man seemed a bit suspect and it made more sense that we were the same age since we’d be more believable as friends.
“Done.” I said turning back to the computer and as I changed the parameters, Kappa’s clothes grew loose around him and he shrunk slightly. I turned back ready for the next request but secretly hoping that he wasn’t interested in getting too detailed. He was looking towards me then turned to the wall. Posters from various video games and TV shows were strewn across them . After a moment he turned back to me.
“I want to look like her.”
He said pointing to a picture of Alyx Vance from the Half Life series of video games. I turned to look and studied the picture for a minute. Alyx Vance had short brown hair with streaks of red, (a reminiscence of her original fully red hair) a headband and green eyes. Beyond that I knew from playing the games that she had a birthmark at the stem of her neck and after studying the entirety of her image for a moment, I nodded.
It didn’t take long to change Kappa into Alyx Vance, or an Alyx Vance look-alike. Again she was from an engine in a game. This real world Alyx was wholly real and Kappa studied his new hands with a genuine happiness that made me smile. I turned to him… er… her and asked what else. She shook her head slowly and in the male, posh, British voice I had uploaded for her eons ago, she said
“Nothing else.”
I smiled and said, “I did have a female actor send me a voice file if you’d like to sound different.” She nodded and after a few moments I had found the old files and was running them through an algorithm to have them uploaded. An hour later she was speaking in an equally posh British voice that sounded a bit more feminine. She turned to me.
“Thank you Lester, I feel better in this body. More correct.”
“Of course,” I said with a smile. I felt good and it felt right, very human but the moment was broken,
“I’d like to head out on my own for a bit,” she said.
The feeling of childlike anger didn’t crash down on me, rather it slowly washed over my head and down towards my feet. The prospect of spending the day with my best friend, the joy I had from helping her vanished at the prospect of being abandoned. At first I nodded in agreement but then spoke my mind.
“That was quick,” I said, hot headed and hurt.
“What do you mean?” she said, a genuine look of confusion on her face.
“I just thought it’d be a little longer before you wanted to leave is all,” I said, well aware of the petulant way I spoke. I could hear the words I said, see the way I acted but felt like a train without brakes barreling down on a helpless woman tied to the tracks.
“Lester, I’m not abandoning you. You showed me such a lovely world today, I don’t want to burden…” was as far as she got before I shook my head.
“Just go,” I said coldly and gestured to the door. With genuine perplexity she looked at me and then headed to the door and left.
The brief realization I had in Jessica’s D&D game had faded and my self-centered feelings had already begun to bubble back up. I could feel the error of my ways, I could see the pain I caused her but for some reason it felt fair. I felt justified in my anger and when she left I remember being very angry and very hurt. I remember feeling sad and low, feeling lonely and I want to say now for the record that I really, really wish I hadn’t.
What happened next was my biggest mistake.