Once he was safe in his chambers again, Rae could finally process everything. Surprisingly, his horrific attempt at a confession was the least of his worries.
No.
What weighed on Rae’s mind was his talk with the Shana.
At first, he tried to push it out of his mind. Shove it into the same distant corner where the memories of his mother’s final days were, where Nukaim’s tiny body was, where those first lonely days in Camp Kaolin were, where the long nights he spent feverish and crying were…
It should have been easy. Those old memories had been much harder to suppress, surfacing in nightmares and at the bottom of a wine cup. But he’d been doing it for so long now, it almost seemed easy.
Except this wasn’t something terrible he was trying to hide from himself.
The Ashem Shana had shown him courtesy. Kindness, gentleness, concern for his well-being, gratitude…
Rae searched his cupboards for wine, before deciding against it.
He should have known that the Shana wasn’t a demoness, but being faced with evidence of her humanity still turned his stomach.
Mama, what should I do?
If she wasn’t a monster, what did that mean to Rae? Was he safe here, after all? She was just an ordinary woman, no wicked intentions, no unholy powers…
Baba, did you abandon me and Mama… for no good reason, other than lust?
When his daily duties could no longer distract him, Rae paced around his courtyard while the rest of the palace was sleeping. The cloak borrowed from Ven lay in a heap beside his bed. The cold was blistering on his skin, but it calmed his thoughts.
It was past midnight when a servant from camp Ashem arrived. Rae was resting on the veranda, hoping the stars would lull him to sleep, when he heard his maids quarrelling with the messenger.
“Who do you think you are, coming at this time? His Majesty is sleeping, and we won’t wake him for this!”
It took Rae a few seconds to reach the outer courtyard, and when he did his maids had almost succeeded in chasing the Ashem footman off.
“Peace, what is it you need?”
The footman apologised for the late hour and presented Rae with a letter.
He dared not read it out in the open. If this was Ven’s way of responding to his confession…
Rae ordered the maids to get some rest and hurried back to his chambers.
Inside the cream envelope, was a letter written in red ink and decorated with gold leaf. Only the highest of royals would own something so exquisite…
Your Majesty,
I spoke to my brother and he told me of all you’ve been doing to bring the man who harmed my daughter to justice. I must express my gratitude, yet again.
Speaking with you, and learning this has led me to reconsider many things. I know you’re very busy but I’d like to speak with you, apologise, and settle the matters of the past. My daughters are your sisters, and even if you never consider me your family, I think you would be glad to get to know them.
It goes without saying, I intend to assist you in any way I can from now on. My health is frail for now, but once the baby is born I intend to make myself a useful ally to you.
If you have the time, meet me in the backwoods behind the Shana’s palace, tomorrow afternoon.
Yours,
Laovin Ashem
Though she was never called it, Laovin was the Ashem Shana’s given name. Before she married his father, Rae had known her as the Young Lady Laovin Ashem.
The backwoods behind the Shana’s palace… a fitting place. Did she know the significance? That they would be reconciling while standing over the ashes of his mother and Nukaim?
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Rae wasn’t a fool. He’d stumbled into enough near-death experiences to trust so easily. The following day, he asked Gaori to accompany him to meet with the Shana.
They arrived early, and Rae used the time to say a few prayers for his mother. Gaori stalked the area looking for anything amiss.
“You know, I’m proud of you,” Gaori said when he ambled over to the grave.
Rae was stunned.
“Well, you’ve always been so meek and shy. But since we’ve come here you’ve been making all sorts of new friends, even the Ashems... Other than Laela, I’ve hardly gotten close to anyone,”
“Yes, but you and Laela have gotten very close,” Rae laughed.
“I’m not joking around,” Gaori said, “I’m sincerely proud of you,”
Rae shoved him, “Shut up! I haven’t been meek or shy for years. Are you looking for a fight?”
“Even a few weeks ago, it was hard to imagine you coming back here one day… Honestly, I was scared of that day coming…”
I was scared too. Rae didn’t need to say it. Gaori was the one who had woken him from nightmares and talked him back to sleep for over a decade.
“And now you’ve even gone so far as to confess to the person you fancy… I’m truly so happy,”
Rae didn’t know how Gaori had found out about his crush on Ven. Had Laela shared some of the palace lady’s gossip? Or was it so obvious it showed on his face?
“All the girls at home would be happy for you too. I have half a mind to write and let them know,”
Rae was genuinely going to knock him to the ground when the Shana finally arrived.
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She eyed Gaori as she approached, a slight frown on her face.
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“I asked him to join us. Since there have been a few incidents, I was nervous wandering the backwoods alone,”
She nodded, “Of course. You’re more than entitled to protection. I would have brought my own if I had known it was acceptable,”
A shadow had fallen over her face.
“Of course, it would be acceptable,” Rae said, “your health is the utmost priority right now, after all,”
They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Rae asked about her letter.
“I appreciate your kind sentiment, but why ask to meet me here? Wouldn’t the palace be more comfortable?”
The Shana tilted her head, “Whatever do you mean? You were the one to suggest we meet here,”
Rae glanced at Gaori. He had seen the letter too, there was no way he’d mistaken it.
“I apologise, but I don’t understand. You sent me a letter late last night, that’s why I came here…”
“That letter was merely a response to your own,” the Shana said, her brows knitted and her shoulders tensed.
“Do you still have this letter? I truly know nothing about it,”
The Shana pulled a thin envelope from the folds of her robes. Before she had unfolded it, Rae had already noted the subtle cream of the thick parchment. For this reason, he wasn’t surprised to be greeted by the Shak’s letterhead and seal when the Shana showed him the contents.
Forgive this sudden and crude note, I am writing in haste.
I wish to share something I’ve uncovered about the recent incident involving your daughter. However, its nature is very sensitive and I fear the repercussions if we act rashly.
I understand your health is delicate, but I need to meet with you discretely. Therefore, I ask that you choose a location that suits you. Please do not speak of this to anyone, I fear the perpetrator is someone within the palace, but I need your council to be sure. If the one I suspect discovers my suspicions, it will likely place all of us in greater danger.
Sincerely,
Rae je Kaolin
“But… how?” the paper must have been taken from the desk in his own chambers, and the seal had been used too. Rae knew his seal was safe in his room. He had used it to write to the Kaolin’s just a few hours ago.
The writing was messy as if written in haste, but it reasonably resembled Rae’s hand.
“You really didn’t write this?” a desolate look of horror was dawning on the Shana’s face, “then… is this…?”
The three of them froze, eyeing the gloomy treeline with growing suspicion. Aside from the occasional flapping of a bird’s wing, the backwoods were silent.
At last, Gaori spoke, “Your majesties, I fear this may be a trap,”
If it had been just the two of them, Rae might have laughed. When he saw the Shana's face, he had to disguise this urge in a cough. Twisted in apprehension and frustration, she looked like she might strike his foolhardy companion.
“Let’s not panic,” Rae said, and the ire was turned on him, “whoever did this, it seems attacking us wasn’t their goal,”
The peaceful silence of the woods stood testament to this.
“That letter must have been written by someone with access to my chambers… and they’re likely involved with the poisoning...” Rae said.
“Not just the Shali, the attempt on your life as well,” Gaori added.
Rae’s fists were clenched, his alternative to gripping his cloak like a frightened child.
Think. Think.
He felt like the answer was on the tip of his tongue, echoing in the back of his head, but he couldn’t quite turn this intuition into a conscious thought.
While Rae and Gaori had been talking and thinking, the Shana had watched them, head whipping around as she searched for any sign of danger, her amber hairpiece catching the light.
“Your majesty-“
Rae was going to ask her something else when the Shana let out a short, high-pitched cry. She curled in on herself, her eyes squeezed shut as she stifled her cries with a hissing breath.
“Your majesty?” Rae could only stare as she trembled, her knees close to buckling.
“Somethings wrong…” she gasped, her hands on her stomach, “I think- I think it’s the baby!”
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Time froze.
The shrill terror echoed in Rae’s ears. The Shana’s voice morphed into one he never expected to hear again, and there was bile in his throat.
Gaori was saying something, high-pitched like the buzzing of a house fly.
Terrified eyes darted from Rae to Gaori, to the heavens, back to Rae.
“Can you walk?” Rae asked, his voice steady.
“No,”
“It’s okay, I’ll stay here with you and Gaori will fetch Duke Bejuk. It will only take a few seconds. He’ll take care of everything,”
Don’t worry, my child. Duke Bejuk is with her. He’ll take care of everything.
“I can’t-! -Not here!”
It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. All will be well soon.
Gaori had already left, sprinting off into the palace.
“I can try to take you back to your palace?”
The Shana nodded, tears streaming down her face. Rae circled her, unsure of how to approach it. He took her arm and tried to guide her to a standing position. For a moment it worked, and they took a few steps. Then, a terrible wave possessed the Shana, and she screamed and thrashed into a heap on the floor.
“It’s too fast! It’s too fast!”
“Fast?”
Rae didn’t know much about birthing, what was dangerous and what was not, where the line between risky and deadly lay. His mother had been far too fast, and then agonisingly slow…
“It’s alright, it’s alright. Duke Bejuk is almost here. Just try to breathe, in and out, in and out,”
In and out, in and out.
Gaori had said that to him once. A simple spell to chase away nightmares. It didn’t seem good enough here.
Secretly, Rae was cursing the heavens. What had he done to deserve this? And what was keeping Bejuk?
The Shana was letting out rasping, wheezing breaths, but she managed to speak again after a few minutes.
“…Almost time… Bejuk! Where-”
“It can’t be time yet. Just wait a little longer, he’s almost here,” Rae snapped.
“Can’t wait!” the Shana said.
Rae’s horror deepened when he noticed the wet patch staining the Shana’s skirts.
Don’t worry darling, don’t worry. Mama will be all better soon. Be a good boy, you’ll be a big brother soon.
His rabbiting heart reached a fever pitch, and all he could think to do was cry and scream. Before he could manage, there was a hand on his shoulder.
The child may survive but there’s nothing I can do for her.
It wasn’t Bejuk. It was Sebi.
“Please step aside,” he said and Rae moved, watching Sebi examine the Shana as if in a daze, “your Majesty,”
“It’s too fast! Where is Bejuk?”
“He’s on his way. Do not worry. I’ll take care of you until he arrives,”
That cool voice, that steady gaze, it reassured Rae. The Shana was less convinced.
“Where. Is. Bejuk?! He’s supposed to be here! He promised he’d-”
“What’s important right now is delivering your baby. I need-“ he paused, not so much as a blush on his cheeks, “Your Majesty, please forgive this impudence,”
“Just get on with it,”
Rae had been hovering on the sidelines, feeling more like a ghost than a person, when Sebi started to lift up the Shana’s skirts. He kept himself from fainting, moving to the Shana’s side.
“Would you like me to go find your father?”
To Rae’s horror, the Shana shook her head but didn’t speak any more.