Oh yea. Look at me. I have beaten so many mortals today, I thought. You might say it wasn't a fair fight, but then again, they picked the fight, didn't they? I didn't even have any armour or any weapons except, of course, thunderbolts. I’ll let you in on a storm god secret, thunderbolts and lightning bolts: basically the same thing. Yea, I know right?

I was slowly learning today that I could control how much thunder you get with the lightning. My new hobby was zapping an Abandoned with lightning and counting to two or three. Then I hit em with the thunder. I felt like it was more theatrical that way.

As you can see, I was starting to get better with my lightening just from the practice I had this night, but I was also starting to get pretty tired. Wait. Night? Night‽ I thought to myself. Was that that the last glow of the sun on the horizon?

Judging by the number of incapacitated Abandoned around me, our plan to use me as a distraction had worked. I didn’t know if any of them were dead, but I was now able to zap Abandoned into unconsciousness more often.

Our band of refugees should have used my distraction to march toward a meet up point. With luck they were nearly there. But how was everyone going to navigate or even walk safely now that it was dark?

I lowered my arms and looked around. The last glow of the sun probably framed me on the hilltop well enough, but didn’t touch the valleys. I needed to meet up with everyone. I wanted to talk to Epictetus about the moon.

I took a good look in the direction of where I thought the rally point was, trying to fix it in my mind. I chose to use the valleys to travel. That was faster and easier than scrabbling directly over the rocky hills. However, it made getting lost more likely. Every time I came to the base of a new hill I had to choose a direction around it. Always travelling at oblique angles to the direction I really wanted to go.

I was walking for what felt like too long. I was in that direction screw-up mode. Where you start to wonder if you went too far. Maybe you should have taken that right two hills ago. It did look kinda familiar. Maybe I should have taken a left at Albacomenae. Stuff like that. As a god, I felt confident that I would be able to see or hear the refugees if I got near them.

I had to decide whether to keep going and hope they were just around the next hill, or the next, or to turn around and try to retrace my steps.

“Epictetus!” I shouted. Panting for breath. “Epictetus!” As a god, the panting concerned me. Running usually did not tire me. I must still be worn out from the battle on the hilltop, I thought. “Is there a full moon tonight?” If you don’t know, walking for mortals at night when it is truly dark is actually quite dangerous, especially for a big group walking off-road as we were. I knew this because we studied a bit of mortal warfare in god school. In the event that we as gods cause a war, either as a group or individuals, we needed to have realistic expectations about what the mortals could and would actually do. What is worse is walking without the ability to navigate. Even gods can’t navigate with no fixed points, and low visibility, and no map and no landmarks. Our group would probably walk in circles till morning.

“Actually, there is a nearly full moon tonight.” Said Epictetus, “But there are thick clouds.”

“Shoot!” I said, “Well, here is another question. Why are we not on a road? This is a big bridge, right? So there must be a road connected to it.”

“Not as big a road as you would think,” said Epictetus. “It is a big bridge. Actually, it is a strangely large bridge for an out of the way island. And there is a road that connects all the towns and villages in this area to Apiera. That is, or rather was, the largest town in a hundred stadia. ”

Decius stepped up with us just then. “Welp, light’s fading. We can’t navigate, and we can’t move safely or quickly, and we can’t stay together. Nobody has any more torches, and we used most of our lamp light during the nights before you arrived. We’re screwed.”

“Wait wait wait,” I said. “We might be able to figure this out.”

——

“So,” I said, “Since we can’t navigate in the dark, let’s cut across to the path. Even though we can’t navigate, the road is long and straight. We should eventually run into it somewhere. As long as we keep heading due…right. Then, we just follow the path to the bridge. Everyone should be able to walk the path relatively safely without getting lost and without causing more injuries. Greg will probably have his head banged on shape rocks less.”

“Even if we can find the path without getting turned around, these Abandoned are still kind of human. That means there will probably be far more of them on the road than there are out here. They might even be using the road to try to get ahead of us. We might be feeding ourselves to them if we go there. As it is now, they still have to find us in the dark to attack us.

Even if we find the road, it follows the valleys and is partially carved out of the hills in some places. In other words, it’s the lowest of low ground and an excellent spot to get ambushed. We don’t know if the Abandoned are organised enough to ambush us, but with the steep road walls, the Abandoned could end up boxing us in purely by accident. So how about you use your god powers to conjure up some torches for us?”

Epictetus answered for me. “In fact, it is generally considered amongst the theologians of the gods that conjuration, that is to say, the act of creating matter from nothing, is not an ability, even amongst the gods. Of course, I defer to your godly and mysterious knowledge in this matter, oh Josh.”

“Um, yea. Epictetus is probably right. I’ve never heard of any god making something from nothing. Even Khalkeús has to use raw materials in his creations.”

“Wait,” Said Decius, “Then how…”

“Please. Please.” Broke in Epictetus who was evidently familiar with long winded turns such conversations can take. “We can discuss matters of Theology when we are all safely across that bridge.”

Both Decius and I could strongly agree to that.

“I can’t make something from nothing, but maybe I can turn myself into something.” I couldn't remember where I heard it, but I remember some god at some point doing what I had in mind. Only problem was I didn’t have affinity for what I had in mind. But there might be another way.

“You don’t have any more torches. Do you still have the things that mortals use to start fires… The ching ching ching, affoowwa affoowwa, crackle crackle things?”

“You mean flint and iron and a tinder box? Yea. I have plenty. What do you have in mind?”

So the thing was. Not only was I not a fire god, but the Pankosmians (that’s the pantheon of gods that I come from) hadn’t had a fire god since the whole Antithius incident. Maybe we were still salty about mortals getting access to fire.

I heard some of the pantheons across the lake had tons of minor fire gods running around. I briefly wondered what happened to Antithius in all this chaos. Was he still imprisoned on his mountain? Was there still a rabid sparrow to eat his spleen every time it regrew? Had the darkness taken him like it took the Abandoned? What about the sparrow? I’d hate to meet that sparrow in a dark alley.

“Okay, get the fire making rocks out.” I may not be a fire god. But every god has some natural control over their godly powers. Have you ever been like, just thinking about stuff, maybe in the bath, and you wonder how you move your own muscles? You are looking at your arm, and you are like ‘arm move’! And you think at your arm really hard to move and it doesn't move, but then when you just like decide to actually move it, you can. But you don’t really know how? Well, that’s kinda how it is with using some of your god powers.

Anyway, just as you can clench your god powers, you can also relax them. Gods don’t usually do it, but we can actually become more mortal in certain ways. I was going to have to relax my immorality just enough to become flammable.

“Okay, light me,” I said.

“What???” said Decius.

“Light me on fire. I’m going to be like a long, tall thing of fire. One of those support things. It’s going to be awesome.”

“A column?” offered Epictetus.

“No, it’s like a column but a different thing.”

“You can’t just light yourself on fire.” Said Decius.

“I know,” I said. “That’s why I’m having you do it.”

“A Corinthian column!” Said Epictetus

“No!” I said to Epictetus, “It’s like a totally other word.”

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“Are you sure?” Said Epictetus. “I’ve got two more kinds.”

“Look. There is nothing I would rather do than light a god on fire, but it won’t even work. Even if we can see by you, we still can’t navigate. Plus, can you even catch on fire? It’s not that easy to burn a mortal.”

“I can do it by manipulating my own immortality. I can actually make myself more flammable. I think.”

“As for navigation, once I’m on fire, we will see what I am able to do.”

“You know what? Fine. Do you want to lay down? I feel like it will be easier to make you a bonfire if you lay down.”

“Actually, I’m just going to hold the tinder in my hand. I should be able to make my skin flammable while keeping the rest of me completely immortal, and I think it will be easier if I start with my had.”

I held the tinder in my hand as Decius lit it.

My skin is catching fire, I thought. Okay, it’s getting hot. Okay, I’m burning. I can handle it. It’s fine. I’m burning. It’s fine. It’s fine. I can handle this. I could feel my god healing already starting to draw on my reserve of god power. Maybe this wasn’t going to be practical. The flames began to move up my arm and onto my torso. It’s bad, but I can handle it. I just have to tough it out. But when it reached some of my more sensitive places: ow ow ow nope nope nope. I started slapping the fire out all over myself and allowed my skin to restore itself to something more fire resistant and moisture filled.

Maybe manipulating my immortality was also making me more susceptible to pain. Those sword thrusts through the body were really painful, but the thrill of battle numbed the pain and the instant regeneration made the pain short lived. The ongoing fire was more than I could take. Especially once it got near my eyeballs.

“Ha ha ha, you suck!” Said Decius.

“Wait, wait. I’ll try it again with just my arms and upper torso this time.”

“That still doesn't solve the problem of how you are going to navigate.” Said Decius.

“Once I’m on fire, I’m going to use my affinity for the clouds to determine the prevailing direction of the wind. The wind up there is usually to the west, so…”

“A moment, oh great Josh,” said Epictetus. “Could you repeat what you just said?”

“I said I’ll use my affinity for clouds to…”

“You have an affinity for clouds?” said Decius.

“Well, yea, as the son of a god of storms, I have… the… ability…” I trailed off at this point. That’s what the ellipsis means. That’s me trailing right on off.

“Oh, you stupid dumbass!” Decius howled, making monkey like gestures, shifting from foot to foot and slapping his head. “You have cloud affinity. Ha ha ha. You could have just moved the clouds, but you set yourself on fire! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

“You know,” I said, “I'm surprised you have so much energy for a mortal who is supposed to be worn out from battle.

“I am worn out from battle.” Said Decius. “When I get tired, I get punchy.”

“Well,” Said Epictetus “Can you do it? Can you remove the cloud cover so we can walk by the light of the moon?”

“Uhhh. I haven’t messed around with cloud that much.” Truth be known, even my father was way more likely to reach for a bolt of lightning than a bucket of clouds. He usually left any agricultural applications of rain to the other gods.

“What exactly have you been doing all this time you have been a god?” said Decius.

“Look, I’m only a teenager.” Although inside, Decius’s words actually hurt me pretty bad. Even though I was still a teenager with my whole eternal life ahead of me, I did feel like, at eighteen decades old, it was time that I start getting my shit together and taking care of myself. I was just having a hard time finding the right thing. Mainly because it seemed like I sucked at everything I tried so far. Plus, I didn’t really want to follow in my father’s footsteps, but I didn't really know what other kind of god to be.

“I believe in you, oh Josh.” Said Epictetus. “Please, I implore you. Use your potentially mighty power to move the clouds and cause us to walk in the light of the moon.”

That was pretty motivating, actually. I had my very own follower praying to me for the first time ever, probably. I know my father never set up a temple for me or anything on earth. There were some gods that already had a whole religion going for them by the time they reached adolescence. Usually one that was set up entirely by their parents. My brother Heracles had one. He actually had the third best temple in the province of Theselonia before he was even a teenager.

I focused my…focus on the clouds in the general direction I thought we needed to go.

Lightening bolts, I knew how to do. It’s one part of flexing your god power, like we talked about earlier. One part is a tangible thing (the thunderbolt itself), and one part is a physical motion because it just feels cool to do. But how do you ‘do’ the clouds? My god school didn’t cover this. Gods were diverse in their powers and areas of influence. They were expected to develop their specific powers on their own. They can develop them through quests or through exposure or through an apprenticeship or training or what have you. The point is I had no idea how to do this murky action at a distance.

I looked at the clouds and tried to think dry thoughts.

After waiting a long time, Epictetus finally asked, “Is it working, oh Josh?”

“Desert,” I said.

“What?”

“Old Time Book Covers.”

“Umm….”

“Licking your lips when it’s cold out and just letting them dry in the wind on a winter day.”

“Oh, Josh. I know I am not a god, but I don’t think thinking about dry things will work.”

“Hmmm,” I said, giving up on that idea. “How should I do it then? I don’t know how to ‘use’ something that I can’t feel and that I’m not attached to.”

“Well, when you brought the water out of the ground in our first encounter with the enemy, why can’t you do something like that?”

“That was different. I was standing in the mud then. I actually had a direct connection to the water, and that water was directly beneath us. Here, they are far away, and I can’t even see. How can I interact with something I can’t touch and can’t see?”

“Are you sure it wasn’t only different in your mind?” Said Epictetus.

“Pretty sure,” I said.

“During your whole time as a god, have you never overheard anyone discussing this? Don’t a lot of gods have to do this all the time as part of their job?” said Decius.

“Yea, probably”, I said defensively “Karpodoulos over there is a wheelwright. You have probably heard people talking about that profession. How much wheelwright technique have you picked up over your life?”

“Well, I know it has something to do with bending wood using moisture.”

“Well I know what I’m trying to do has something to do with moisture too. Wait, do they really bend wood to make wheels? I thought they just carved them out of a large piece of wood.”

“I don’t know, I think they bend em.*” Said Decius.

“Please, the end of the world.” Said Epictetus.

“Right.” Said Decius and I. Then we looked at each other.

“So you said you had to be connected. Our great scholar Aretheties has written that the finest and sweetest water is carried up to the sky as vapour. Can you use that as a connection?”

“No.” I said, then trying it. “Yes. Yes, that seems to work. It’s still really far away, and I can’t see it. But maybe I can feel it a bit. Give me a minute. Watch the clouds in this direction.” I put out my hand towards the clouds I was trying to move. “Oh yea, that kinda works I said, realising that putting out my hand was somehow making it a bit easier.”

We watched, and I strained. “I think, I think the clouds might be getting more translucent,” Said Epictetus after some minutes.

“Wait. No, nope.”

“Wait wait I think they are!” Said Decius. “Eh, maybe not.”

I was about to rant at them for getting my hopes up, but then I suddenly saw him. “Heracles!” I said.

“Where?” said Decius, wheeling around.

“Right there”, I said while vibrating my arm a bit since it was already outstretched in the direction I was trying to gesture, and I didn’t want to mess up the progress I had already made.

Decius shielded his eyes and squinted towards the sky in a nonsensical gesture since it was night out. “All I see is a few stars starting to…hey, you made some stars!”

“That’s what I’m saying. That’s my brother Heracles in the stars.” I said.

“Uhhh… it just looks like some stars to me,” said Decius.

“No, no!” I said, changing my voice to almost a whisper in awe. “You see those three stars?” I started using my other hand to indicate the ones I meant. “Those are his head.”

“That’s a triangle.” Said Decius.

“He means it is one of the constellations of the gods.” Said Epictetus, “His brother was placed there in the stars for his heroism so that he would watch over our land forever.”

“I’m familiar with the concept.” Said Decius. “I’m just saying it’s just a bunch of stars. It’s not even a good stick figure drawing. Look at those three stars and those three stars. Those could all be heads. Look at those three stars.”

“That’s his belt,” I said.

“Perhaps you have to see with eyes of faith.” Said Epictetus

“Or perhaps you have to see with the eyes of a sheep.” Said Decius. “It’s just random points. You could make anything out of them.”

“Well, those points are going to save all of our lives.” Said Epictetus. “We should be able to get to the bridge by heading towards Heracles’s inner thigh. And I can help you estimate the location of the moon as well if you have the energy to make two holes.”

I thought that I might just.

“What’s that other star way below his belt?” Asked Decius.

“Oh, that’s just a random star.”

*Some ancient spoked wheels were created through wood bending. Probably by boiling the wood and then bending it. Greek wheels, however, were probably carved and or fitted. As with many wooden artefacts, the archaeological record may be incomplete.

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