Me and Daiminion Damocles were hanging around the sacred hot springs. I had my toga rolled up so I could sit with my legs in the water. Daiminion chilling in the water. There is this supernatural rock formation that conforms to the shape of a godly body. You can kick back and close your eyes if you want to. Daiminion wanted to.

If you are mortal and you are somehow reading this, I have to tell you, having access to the sacred hot springs was a pretty nice part of being a god. A few mortals were allowed to use it. Like if you’re a hero you can apply to be let in, or if you are dating one of the gods. But they do ask you to shower twice before you get in. Especially if there are gods already using it.

Hey, I know man. Just listen to my story and you will see what happens with the gods and the rules, okay?

So anyway, back to the story.

“Dude, I pretty much haven’t seen you at all since you got your internship with Khalkeús,” I said.

“I know dude,” He said. “I have been like, so slammed. We have had non-stop weapon orders pretty much since I started.”

“Are you liking it though?”

“Yea. It’s good. It’s going good!” Daiminion said.

“You don’t seem that psyched about it.”

“Dude! I told you not to mention her.”

“Oh, sorry, right, okay, you don’t seem that…enthusiastic about it.”

“No! No! I am. For real. I am. It’s going good. I mean, I developed my affinities towards forging cuz I really do like it. It’s a pretty tough job. I mean, I’m glad to be off right now because it is pretty exhausting. But it’s good. It’s good.”

“You sound so unconvincing right now bro,” I said.

“Well, the only thing is, everyone feels like they can just order you around.”

“Isn’t that just like, the definition of an internship?”

“It’s not just that. Say any of your aunts or uncles or one of your more famous brothers wants something made. Like a bow that makes people fall in love, or like a sledgehammer that, like, well, also makes people fall in love. Whatever they want, you have to just drop everything and make it for them.”

The stuff about my brothers was true, although it felt bad to admit it. I was the 217th son of Deus, the chief of the gods. I was still technically a teenager at only nineteen decades old, but a lot of my brothers had domains of influence at my age. Some of them had famous myths about them before they even left the crib.

Like Halcides (he’s my most famous brother) strangled two anacondas while he was still in diapers. Pearius killed an emu while he was still a toddler, but that one wasn’t as famous for some reason. I don’t know why. I heard he, like, jump kicked it in the face.

Oh, and Atena, she’s one of my oldest sisters. She kicked her way out of my dad’s head in order to be born. I don’t know if that makes her like my half sister, or if she is more like my double half sister. She was always cool to me growing up, so I think of her as my sister.

Anyway, I didn’t really want to kill big animals especially, but I did feel like I was kind of an embarrassment. Like, what was I even doing with my eternal life?

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“I mean, yeah, that sucks,” I said, “but gods like my brothers are out doing the hard work of being a god. You know, like making people fall in love, making people go to war, fighting in those wars that they caused, causing floods…” Now that I said it out loud it sounded kinda bad, I didn’t want to be negative about my brothers so I tried to add some positives. “…uhh, smiting people, killing… really big… snakes.”

“Yeah, normal god stuff.”

“Yeah, god stuff.”

I lit a soma stick for myself and offered one to Daiminion.

“Dude, I told you I’m not partaking anymore since I have this internship.” He said, waiving me off.

“Oh right, sorry,” I said, putting the sackie away. Then I picked up my previous train of thought. “So basically, gods like them do stuff, and you have to build stuff to help them do it. I mean, most of my brothers think that gods like you have it easy.” I regret saying this now. I should have been more on his side. Especially because of what was about to happen.

“Yeah, and they are assholes. I don’t know why you are always on their side… Don’t tell them I said that, by the way.”

“I won’t. I won’t.” I said. I never repeated stuff like that. It’s not like I talked with them a lot. When would I spill the ambrosia or whatever anyway?

“Okay, let me rephrase it.” Daiminion was reasserting himself. “It’s not actually making stuff for them that I object to. It’s that we get no say in it. And I’m talking about old Khalkeús too. So, to give you an example,” Daiminion sat up and opened his eyes and raised his hands out of the water in order to gesture. “Say Pearius comes in, and he wants a bow that will make people fall in love. Or, or say Espera comes in, and she wants…well, actually, she wanted a sledgehammer that also makes people fall in love… Regardless, it just makes you think like, ‘Who are you going to be using this on Pearius? Do you have their permission? Is this going to lead to another murder-suicide?’

And he like snapped his fingers at me when he asked for it too. He was like, ‘Hey hammer boy, get me a bow like Val has.’ I tried to get his measurements and ask him if he wanted a horn bow or a hunting bow or what, and he just said, ‘You should know that already. I don’t have to tell you that.’ and then he threatened to speak with Khalkeús.”

“Maybe it was an emergency,” I said. But I felt embarrassed on my brother’s behalf. “What about the love sledgehammer? That’s gotta be a serious violation too.”

“Actually, I’m kind of okay with the love sledgehammer.” Daiminion said. If you are staring long enough and hard enough for someone to sneak up on you with a sledgehammer, you were already kinda committed to that. You are going to fall in a hades of a lot of love, though. I mean, after you wake up. From the coma.’”

Daiminion mimed the motion of hitting someone with a love sledgehammer. The blow had enough force to cause the leaves of the nearby trees to rustle slightly in the breeze he created. He was getting pretty strong from his job.

“Damn, dude. I have to say you are like…a way better god than me. You already have a god internship, and you are all responsible and everything. And you are good enough at smithing to make weapons for major gods. I’m kinda jealous, to tell the truth.” I admitted.

“Dude, whatever. You are going to be a great god someday.”

“Yea, thanks,” I said, shrugging off the compliment a bit.

The truth is, I didn’t know if I wanted to be a great god. It was crazy to say, but I didn’t know if I wanted to be a god at all. On the other hand, a useless god like myself didn’t have the right to comment. But at the same time, I couldn’t shake the notion that the only one who can live my life, the only one that has to experience everything I go through, is me.

Here is what most gods did as I understood it:

I. Improve their affinity for certain domains,

II. increase their power by developing their religion,

III. decide on rules,

IV. judge mortals when they fail to abide by the rules they made up,

V. bicker with other gods and monsters.

What was the point of it? So they could bicker more effectively with other gods? So they could impress mortals? On the other hand, what other choice was there? To be a nothing forever? To be in danger from gods and monsters because I was so weak? It’s not like I didn’t sometimes daydream about being powerful or respected or having a girlfriend.

“Are you still trying to follow in your dad’s footsteps to do the whole sky god thing?” Daiminion asked. “How is that lighting at a distance project you were talking about going? That sounded pretty cool. You could like hit someone with lightning without even having to be directly above them. I bet your dad would make you a council member just for creating that.”

I wasn’t really trying to follow in my dad’s footsteps, but I didn’t correct people when they assumed that either. My dad took an interest in me when I started developing my storm affinities.

“I mean, I’m still kinda working on it somewhat.” I hadn’t pulled it out in over a month. “It’s more for sending the lightning to different places than for hitting people. I’ve got a lot of ideas, but…”

And that’s when it happened. Up until that moment, it was an ordinary, mundane, forgettable day in the life of a kinda not that awesome god. Then everything ended.

V0.6.1 11/25/23