Banquo enters.
Banquo
Dude, you got it made. You’re king daddy, thane of Cawdor and Glamis. Just like those absolute madlad women promised you. And something tells me you’re a dirty rotten cheater too. But hey, my kids have dibs, according to those witches, so who knows, maybe I’ll just keep my tea.
A trumpet plays, Macb enters dressed as a king, his crown is too large and keeps slipping down over his ears. Lady Macbe is dressed as a queen, together with Lennox, Ross, Lords, Ladies and their attendants.
Mac B
(indicating BANQUO) Hey, its the most raddest bestest wicked dude bro of all the rad wicked dude bros.
Lady Mac B
If we ghosted him our party wouldn’t be the same.
Mac B
(To Banquo) Tonight we’re having a wild party my dude, you gonna show?
Banquo
As you command your high-boi-ness. I must do as the king daddy wishes.
Macb
You wanna go horsy riding later?
Banquo
You bet your hot AF butt, I’m gonna go broke back mountain riding.
Mac B
Dude, you ghosted the council today WTF? We woulda loved to hear some of your hawt tips at the group hang sesh, but it can wait till tomorrow. How far out you gonna go?
Banquo
Way far out, like, I ain’t coming back till tonight my dude.
Mac B
You best show up to the feast, my dude.
Banquo
No worries, Macdaddy, I wouldn’t miss it for the whole world, not from Scotland to Wales.
Mac B
I hear that those two wicked unrad murders are hiding in England and Ireland. Worse still, they ain’t confessed to murdering their pappy yet, and not only that they be spilling some wild AF lies about what happened that night. But that’s some honeyed up tea for another wild night. Hurry your fiery butt up on to that horse. Good bye dear Bank-bro. You taking your boy with ya?
Banquo
Yeah, daddy, we gots to get going.
Mac B
I hope your horseyroniez be stable and swift, baby. Peace.
Banquo exits.
Y’all can do whatever you want till 7. In order to make our hangout sesh more funner. I’mma go chill by myself until din-din. Bye broseph.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
Exit everyone but Macb and a Servant.
(To servant) Yo boi, lets talk. Are those men waiting for me,
Mac B
Bring em in babes.
The servant exits.
No point in being a king if I ain’t safe. Banquo scares me. He gots to go, him ’n his holier than me BS. He don’t mind taking risks and he’s smart enough to be brave and safe. I aint afraid of nobody but him. Even my dang guardian angel is wicked scared of him, just as I heard that dude bro Mark Antony’s winged boi was scared of Octavius Caesar. Banquo was the one who called BS on the witches’ prophecy, asking them to tell him his future. And then those absolute madlads did it.They told him he was gonna be daddy to a line of kings. My titles and earnings die with me. (Tantrum) Somebody always comes to take away my toys! Fine, if my kids can’t be king, if I spent all that time and energy fighting the angels will, if I murdered my boi King Daddy Duncan, all for Banquo’s KIDS. Uh-uh, no way. I did NOT sell my soul to the devil, so someone else could get rewarded. That is all hells kinds of wrong. I put in the work, I deserve the reward! (stamping foot) I want it! I want it! I want it! (Knock) Who is it!?
The Servant comes back in with two Murderers.
Now leave servant, this doesn’t concern you!
The Servant exits.
Didn’t I see you yesterday?
First murderer
Yeah, baby.
Mac B
And? Did you think about what I said? I told you Banquo was the toxic one. It’s his fault nothing ever goes right for you. I tried to convince him otherwise, but you never believed me when I told you it wasn’t my fault. Only after yesterday, when I told you everything too, how he did it. The things he said against you, who was on his side and a bunch over other things that would have gotten my already hung regions swinging from the gallows.
First Murderer
I know, I know.
MacB
I went above and beyond my duty, but I does anyone thank me? NO! Hence this second meeting. I know the universe hates me too much to let me get anything good, which I so rightly deserve. So how about this, you pay this cruel hateful man a visit, are you so nice that’ll you let him walk away after trying and nearly succeeding to take everything from you? He almost yeeted you six feet under ground, and yoinked all your family’s money.
First murderer
No way daddy-o. We ain’t gonna let him get away with this shizz, we are gender non specific men.
Mac B
Sure, you’re men, but what kind? Chihuahua’s and German Shepherds are both dogs, after all. Men can act in a lot of different ways. If y’all are a bunch of weak AF beta males, tell me now cause this ALPHA can’t be seen associating with you. And he definitely can’t help you get rid of your enemy, not that betas could anyway. As long as Banquo keeps yeeting I am sick as a dog, kill him for my health, as is your duty.
Second Murderer
Macbaby, I have been yeeted all around the world and I am so angry I don’t give no shizz what I do.
First Murderer
No way bro, Same here! I am straight sick of my bad luck, not to mention the fact that everyone hates me cause I’m so much better than them. I’m gonna end someone’s life, if it’s mine so be it.
Mac B
Y’all both know your enemy is that wicked evil vengeful Banquo.
Both Murderers
Yeah, Macalicious we know.
Mac B
He is my enemy too. I hate that bro so much every minute he’s alive causes me physical pain. Sure, I could simply use my god-given powers as king, but we have friends who are SO totally in the fog of his toxicity, that if I do they’ll blame ME! But, if you do it then I can cry and moan over his death in public. Yeah, I’m clever AF, but I need to hide my plans.
Second Murderer
We’ll do what you wish Macbro.
First Murderer
Though our lives.
Mac B
(Interrupts) I can see the straight fire in your eyes. I’ll hit you up with the deets in about an hour. It needs to be done tonight, and don’t forget, if I get placed under suspicion you’re are so eff’d you won’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. Don’t forget you must kill Banquo and his son, Fleance, who will be joining him. Getting rid of that kiddo is supes important. Both of Y’alls oughta be sure AF about this, I’ll come to you soon.
Both
No worries, Macdaddy we vibing.
Mac B
I’ll hit you up, bros, let’s do this shizz.
The Murderers exit.
We done did it! Banquo, if your soul is getting yoinked up to heaven its going down tonight. Er, well up.
He exits.