If a fish could cry, I imagine that my fish eyes would be adding more salt water to the ocean right now.

To say that this was a life changing moment for a fish like me, would be a severe understatement. After all, how can you possibly explain the joy of not just being alive, but of finally, for the first time in who knows how long, truly being alive.

For what is living if not the ability to experience the wonders around you? To have the opportunity to interact with the world at large and enjoy what it has to offer?

So then, when looking back at my second life until now, could it be said that I was doing any of that? Could a little cell that did nothing but aimlessly bump around and eat, or a worm that could do nothing but feel and sense its surroundings, be said to be truly living? When both were so ignorant of their surroundings that they knew not the incredible beauty that surrounded them?

No. What they—what I had been doing up until now could not possibly be described as living. What I was doing was surviving, nothing more nothing less.

But now, now that I could hear for the first time the sounds of the sea, the sounds of the sea currents as they passed by me. Now that my eyes could witness the myriad of colors that the ocean had to offer, witness the water change from a bright aquamarine at the shore to a dark blue at the deep. Now that I could even smell all the fishy smells of the sea which I used to hate so much. Now that they and all the other senses that were deprived from me have returned, I could say with confidence that I was alive once more.

I think I understood, for the first time ever, why some people turn religious. Why after going through certain experiences they come to believe that there must be a greater purpose out there.

For at this moment, as I stared at the light from the sun as it shone through the surface, casting its rays of light like tendrils trying to banish the infinite dark. As I watched the teeming life that had always surrounded me and yet had been unknown to me, painting the ocean in a rainbow of color far more beautiful than anything humanity could ever create. Even I was finding it hard to not think that such a beautiful sight must have been created by divine hands.

Of course, I’d already met a goddess once, so it wasn’t like I could really call myself an atheist anymore. But I wasn't ready just yet to start praying to that woman or begin calling her my lord and savior, no matter how real and powerful she might have been.

I could be stupidly stubborn like that.

Regardless, I was now a changed fish. One changed by the beauty and splendor that had been revealed to me. No longer would I take my existence for granted, nor look down on the existence of others, no matter how insignificant they may seem. For they, just like me, were a part of this concert of life that the sea had assembled.

Nor would I put my life in needless risk from now on. Even if I found myself displeased with the evolutionary step I was in, I would still be dutiful in taking all the proper precautions to not find my new life cut short. In this sea, death was but one unlucky roll of the die away, so it was up to me to make sure the die was rolled as few times as possible.

And on that note…Just what is that worm doing?

Half of his body was sticking out from a hole that it had tried to burrow itself inside of, leaving him completely exposed for any predators looking for a nice meal. There was no doubt in my mind therefore, that it would only be a matter of time before the poor guy met its end, that soon it too would find itself in the desperate situation I had just barely escaped a moment ago.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

And so I felt sorry for him, scared for him. Because I knew the terror that was being eaten. Because I knew how hopeless a worm could feel when it found itself in the jaws of a fish. And so a part of me, the part that had just been a worm not too long ago, wanted to help him.

But…

*Swim* *Munch*

I ate it as quickly as I could.

What? I still needed to eat to live and evolve? But still, even if it was only a worm. Even if it wasn’t some unfortunate chum like me who was forced to restart their lives from evolutionary point one. Even if it didn’t have a consciousness or soul like I did, I didn’t want to prolong its suffering any more than was necessary.

Because if something ever tries, and succeeds, in hunting me again, then I hope that they do make my death as quick and painless as possible. That they spare me from the suffering and anxiety that came in the few seconds where you knew without doubt that you would soon be dead.

And on that note, I sort of forgot that something had just taken out the very same kind of fish I just turned to, huh? I should count myself lucky I haven’t become a bigger fish’s food with how lost in my own world I have been.

So let’s take a quick look to the left, a peek to the right. Look up, look down, see nothing, alright. I was lucky this time, but I definitely needed to be more alert from now on.

But with that said, seeing that the coast was clear, I neared the seabed and began swimming along as I explored the nearby area.

I know, I know, I just said something about safety and all that. But there’s something I really-really wanted to see.

Swimming across this ocean floor was a strange experience. It gave me, despite never having seen it before, a somewhat nostalgic feeling. This was the place that had been my home since my second life started. The place where I had survived as a little cell, then a slightly bigger one, then a worm. It was the place where I had almost been eaten twice, and the place where I had evolved and discovered my powers.

But the more I swam around, even as I turned around and circled the same area over and over, I began to realize one disappointing, but not unexpected, fact.

And that was that there was no way for me to discover just where I had first appeared in this world.

Why did I want to know? I think it was just a simple sense of curiosity really. I wanted to know where my life in this world had started, where the little cell known as Beatrix had taken its first crawls, taken its first bumps, first ate a particle of who knows what, where she first multiplied itself.

But it was all unrecognizable to me. Like an empty lot with a tree that you and your friends played in, only to return as an adult and see a store was built in its place. The place that had been my home once upon a time, remained only in my memory.

I gave up.

I couldn’t let myself get sad about not knowing where I had been in as a blind and deaf cell, not when the sea had so many threats ready and willing to eat fish like me. So I abandoned my futile search and bolted deeper into the reefs. Deeper into the colorful land that I, and so many other fish and sea critters, called home.

It was a shame that my fish eyes couldn’t see all the colors of the rainbow, for the more I swam through the reefs, the more a distinct lack of certain colors became prevalent. But no matter, I was grateful enough as it was. Happy enough that despite my color-blindness I could still witness such beauty and variety,

I let my instinct guide me, avoiding some of the more dangerous looking reefs and critters and swimming closer to others, I raced through the natural wonder that was my home. And the more comfortable I became with my ability to swim, the more I became attuned to my instincts which seemed just as sharp as when I was a worm, the faster I swam.

It might have seemed reckless, stupid. Especially considering my earlier words. But for some reason, I knew that at this moment where I was flowing by countless fish and natural formations, that I was more safe than I had ever been.