Hello again, it’s me.

I am proud to announce that I am now a mighty multicellular organism, now hear me roar!

Or at least, I would have roared if I had a mouth.

Instead, all I can really do is sort of just feel and swallow whatever bumps into me.

I know, I know, there’s a joke in there. But please, I beg you, ignore it for the sake of my tiny non-existent microbe heart. Thank you.

So yeah, it’s been a while, but I somehow figured out the whole cell division thing. And I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Watch!

*Plop*

There we go, another copy of me, bringing the grand total to eighteen of us! Or eighteen of me, since they’re all identical copies that I can control. I’ve even labeled all of them, starting from the original, Beatrix-1, to the newest one, Beatrix-18.

Well, despite being a mighty army of eighteen cells, I’m still very tiny as far as human perception goes. So it’s not like much has changed from earlier. Although being able to separate myself into clones has definitely made life a little more interesting, which honestly, means a lot. You would not believe how boring being a unicellular organism could be.

I mean really, the only type of stimulation I was receiving was when I managed to bump and surround something I could consume. It was exciting, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not hard to see how having your only joy in life be eating could have negative effects. Like, what if I became a fat cell?

Thankfully, I learned how to split myself before that happened. So I’m proud to say that I’m still a very fit and very beautiful cell. Or cluster of cells, I don’t know, I’m not a biologist.

Any-who, that’s all I wanted to say. Maybe if I keep on consuming things I could turn into one giant cell like in Agar.io and eat the whole world!

Or maybe if I keep on duplicating myself I could eventually recreate my human body once more! And that means I could have thumbs again, thumbs!

I know, I know, big aspirations. But dreaming big is the one thing I’ve always been good at.

Anyway, I bid you adieu once more for now. If I manage to succeed, I will inform you. If not…then I’d be gone, and none of this would matter anymore. So you could forget all about this little blunder. Wish me luck!

****

I—we—whatever.

What I wanted to say is that cells that make up the new Beatrix now all have tails! Wooooh!

And that means now we can swim and move around to different places! Yeahhhh!

Also I’m pretty certain that I’m in a body of water thanks to all the, you know, swimming! Wowzers!

Oh yeah, I’m also pretty sure that I have powers, and possibly some sort of system.

Probably should have started with that, huh?

I still don’t know what I am, or what I’ve just become. My powers or system don’t really show or tell me anything. And I’m still, as surprising as it may sound, not a biologist.

Shocking, I know. I’ve been a very lazy cell.

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But now I’m a completely different type of cell than the one I was before, even if I’m still just a unicellular organism.

So how did this Nobel Prize worthy discovery come about? Well, after I kept repeating the cycle of bumping and stretching and then munching on whatever I could find, I suddenly came upon a bit of an inconvenience. And that was that something tried to eat me.

Yeap, you heard that right. Something actually tried to munch on me for a change.

I guess I shouldn’t have been that surprised that something eventually tried to eat me, the world is supposed to be an eat-or-be-eaten survival-of-the-fittest type of place. But it’s just that after living as the apex predator of the world for two decades, with nothing to worry about but other humans, rats, and bed bugs, can you really blame me for having an existential crisis when I became prey for the first time in my two lives?

Yeah, I won’t lie, when I realized that the reason I couldn’t connect with Beatrixes 13-17 was because something was eating them, I froze.

But after whatever it was, took another chunk of me off of me, I got so mad that I sent Beatrix-22 to go and take a bite at it. Even if it was the last thing I or any other Beatrix did.

And then, next thing I knew, *poof*, and I was suddenly a much larger cell.

It did cause me to lose all of my other Beatrixes, but It was definitely worth no longer being food for the now equally sized bugger.

RIP Beatrixes 2-46. I’ll never forget your guyses contributions to my evolution.

Also, it was that sudden change into another type of cell that I experienced, that awoke me to the fact that I had a system, one that at the very least allowed me to evolve.

And how can I be so sure it was a system? Well, that was because there was this strange and tingly energy that I could feel, not just in my tiny cell body, but even my very soul.

Also there was this tune playing like I’d just leveled up or completed a stage.

No, I’m not going crazy, an actual congratulatory jingle played after my evolution.

Anyway, it was a bit sad going back to being just one Beatrix, but seeing as I was still a unicellular organism…

*Plop*

Hehe…the rebuilding process of the grand Beatrix army is well under way! Say hi to Beatrixes 3b-8b!

…

Don’t worry, I’ll wave our collective tails back in greeting for you.

Anyway, I finally have something to look forward to that isn’t just eating and trying to not get killed. Something that actually gives me some hope for my future.

From now on, this cell’s raison d'être is to hear that jingle again; to evolve once more. Only that next time, I hope that I can evolve into something more complex. That I can turn into a truly multicellular being that can do things other than crawl, swim, and dissolve what she swallows.

I’m not sure if having this system means that the goddess hasn’t completely abandoned me. That she has perhaps taken some pity on me and given me another chance. Or that this is simply some oversight on her part.

Regardless of the reason, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t think too much about it. After all, I think that by this point, I’ve more than learned my lesson about making assumptions on what the intentions of a goddess might be.

But for now, there’s one thing I must do, and that’s get revenge on the bastard that tried to eat me. Thankfully, finding him wasn’t much of a problem. I had remained at first in the vicinity of my would-be predator, not wanting to lose track of him for the moment of revenge due to my lack of eyes or other senses. But once I managed to split myself again, I gave Beatrix-2b the job of staying by its side, while I left to gather more food and rebuild the Beatrix army.

So now, with an army of Beatrixes eight strong, I was ready to obliterate him. To punish him for having had the gall to attack the mighty cell known as Beatrix.

So, with that said. Beatrixes 4b-8b, along with Beatrix-2b, attack!

My masterful offense went off without a hitch. The spy known as Beatrix-2b that had peacefully remained nearby my target, suddenly started ramming itself against it. Using it as a guide, the rest of the Beatrixes moved in and quickly surrounded it, aiding the other Beatrix as they all pushed against the panicking cell, or at least that’s how I imagined it would feel if cells could feel.

In no time, the combined might of the Beatrix army proved too strong for the cell, and the combined pressure being applied to it caused it to explode. Its cellular innards now spilling out into the void of the ocean for my victorious army to feast on.

Yes, I savagely feasted on the remains of my enemies, giving my enemies a fearful and morbid sight for them to engrave on their souls. A clear sign for what would happen to any other cell that ever dared to cross me. Or at least, that’s how I thought the cells would react if they could see, or hear, or even think.

What? I’m very lonely and bored. I need to entertain myself somehow. I mean, look at me talking to an imaginary person all this time.

Anyway my imaginary friend, this has been the masterful revenge plan of Beatrix. Aren’t you amazed? Proud of the might that a little cell can have? But with my revenge complete, I’m afraid there’s not much more for me to share. So until something else happens, I bid you once more, adieu.