Hi, I’m Beatrix. And I'm a naughty single celled organism.
I guess you’re probably wondering how a single celled organism could possibly be bad. But I wasn’t always a tiny and adorable unicellular being.
No, once upon a time I was this really big girl with aspirations, dreams, and thumbs!
But then I died, and my aspirations, dreams, and even my thumbs, all came to a sad end…
Or so I had thought!
Because the next thing I knew after kicking the bucket, was that I was suddenly in this pristine marble room standing before this gorgeous woman wearing all white. Honestly, I was so distracted by how pretty she looked that I almost missed her whole spiel about a second life and being able to choose some cool perks to help out.
Although, I’m starting to think that getting me distracted had been part of her master plan.
Anyway, so I may or may not have lied to a goddess about my intentions for my second life, and—no, you know what, let me just show you.
Flashback! Whooosh~
****
“What were you thinking?”
I kept quiet. Keeping my gaze on my very interesting thumbs instead of on the ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed.’ goddess looking down at me.
“You’re not going to say anything?”
No ma'am. You already tricked me once into lying, and look where that’s gotten me. So I think I'll be keeping my mouth shut until I can speak with my lawyer.
Although…I guess I have to wait for him to die first, don’t I?
“You know I can read your thoughts, right? And I didn’t trick you into lying, you just made the bright assumption that a goddess wouldn’t see through your lies.”
…
I took a quick peek up, and saw the goddess raising her eyebrows at me.
“Okay I get it! Just smite me and get it over with please! I can’t handle suspense and all this anxiety makes my stomach hurt…”
“You’re just a projection of your soul right now. You can’t actually feel pain, you know?”
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Tell that to my stomach, it was definitely feeling something right now.
The goddess rolled her eyes.
“So…what to do with you?” She mumbled to herself.
“Forgive me and give me another chance?” I asked with a bright smile and as innocent a looking face as I could muster.
“No…I don’t think I will.” She returned the same smile and innocent look I had given her. “I mean, if I did, you wouldn't have learned your lesson. Would you?”
Why do dead people need to learn lessons? Didn’t I already learn mine by getting killed?
“No, your death was an unfortunate accident. Not an act of divine retribution.”
Well, glad to know my death was nothing special.
“But lying to a goddess is something that most definitely is worth of such a thing. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Does agreeing give me any brownie points?
“No.”
Then no! It’s not!
“If you’re that distraught by the consequences to your own actions, then maybe you shouldn’t have tried to lie to a goddess. Don’t you agree?”
I mean…it was more like holding back information than actua—
“It was lying.”
Yes…
“Had you just been honest with me in the first place about your aspirations, I would have simply provided you with a system that would have curtailed some of your more…nefarious desires.”
Oh, come on! How was I supposed to know gods could be that understanding? I mean really, isn’t it protocol to get rid of people with troublesome ambitions like mine?
“No. It’s not. You should never have assumed what a god would or would not do. Instead, you tried to get me to grant you magnificent powers under the guise of helping you live a life in peace.”
I…I mean, living in peace was sort of the last part of my plan, so…
A loud sound, signifying the goddess’s anger, reverberated throughout the marbled afterlife.
I quickly got the message, and stopped thinking after that.
She nodded her head, looking satisfied. “Think about what you just did for the remainder of your new life, and repent for as long as it lasts. Don’t worry, it won’t be a long one.”
“W-what do you—”
“Now begone!”
Flashback end. Whoooosh~
****
And that’s how I found myself here, as nothing more than a little cell. Where am I you might ask? That’s an excellent question, it’s kind of hard for me to do the whole ‘seeing and hearing’ kind of stuff when I’m just, well, a single cell.
If anyone knows where I am, I would be very glad if you took pity on me and told me. Or picked me up and took me home. Either works.
Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure how I’m able to think without a brain. Although, I guess the whole having a soul thing might be helping with that.
Does that mean that all the other little cells are also naughty boys and girls who got themselves into trouble? That’s definitely a frightening thought. From now on, I promise to not look down on little insignificant organisms ever again. Especially because I’m one of them.
But until I can become human again, if I even get another chance at life, I’ll continue living as a little cell, moving my tiny body and trying to absorb whatever I can for nutrients. I won’t bore you with the details, it’s honestly not all that interesting. So this is where I bid you, adieu.
So for one last time…Hi, this has been, Beatrix, and I’m the naughty single celled organism who got in trouble for trying to mislead a goddess and her intentions to take over the world.
And this is my punishment.