Character Index
Kayla: A broke minimum-wage worker who found a new job as Wenyuan's communications stand-in during the COVID-19 pandemic by scripting all his lines in real-time.
Hu Qing: Wenyuan's bodyguard, he was hired after Kayla hit him with a bike on her way to the interview. Since Kayla was too broke to offer compensation, he followed her over to meet Wenyuan and ended up getting hired.
Wenyuan: The grandson of the CEO of the Jinlu Corporation and a Vice-Director (due to nepotism), he came to America on business with the overseas branch and ended up staying for the length of the pandemic.
Jing Shuyou/Chujiao: Wenyuan's girlfriend and a classical pianist, Chujiao is her stage name. A paternal cousin of Xiang Daozong.
Xiang Daozong: Aka Qu Boyong, Wenyuan's maternal cousin. He works as an actor in his family's entertainment agency.
CEO Zhao: Aka the Grand Duke, Wenyuan's grandfather and the CEO of Jinlu Corporation, which is a branch company of Hengxiang Corporation.
Zhou Ying: Aka the Emperor, the CEO of Hengxiang Corporation and Wenyuan's maternal uncle. Well-known for his many marriages and divorces, as well as a good number of mistresses in-between.
Zhou Xianchun: Son of Zhou Ying's sixth wife and a Vice-Director in the Hengxiang Corporation.
Zhou Kuang: Son of Zhou Ying's second wife and a Director in the Hengxiang Corporation
Zhou Yunqi: Son of Zhou Ying's third wife, currently on leave in the company due to trouble between the Hengxiang Corporation and his mother's family.
Chen Caichun: An employee in Jinlu Corporation, hired by Wenyuan. She knows about Kayla's role, having figured it out after seeing the changes in Wenyuan's behavior.
Sun Ruhui: An employee in Jinlu Corporation, he was also hired by Wenyuan and knows about Kayla's role.
Liu Boyue: Xianchun's personal secretary.
Zhao Chao: A member of Wenyuan's security team. He was one of the people Hu Qing recommended when Wenyuan took the pandemic as an opportunity to get rid of his grandfather's eyes and ears.
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Kayla lay on her back on an expensive leather sofa in a spacious living room, watching a video on her phone. The door swung open abruptly, startling her into dropping the phone onto her face.
“Ow! Fuck’s sake, Hu Qing!” Kayla complained.
“What? Is it my fault you can’t hold onto your phone?” Hu Qing shot back. “Anyways, where’s the boss?”
“Video-calling his girlfriend in the other room,” Kayla said.
“Which one?”
“He only has one, Jing Shuyou! Don’t make him out to be a two-timer,” Kayla snapped.
“Hey, I can’t make him out to be one if it’s true! Wasn’t there another girl?” Hu Qing asked, emptying the snacks he had bought onto the coffee table.
“Chujiao and Jing Shuyou are the same people, Chujiao’s just her stage name,” Kayla said, an incredulous look on her face. “You’ve literally seen her photos, how can you not know this by now?”
“She looks very different with and without makeup, okay?” Hu Qing said defensively.
“She does not.”
“Whatever,” Hu Qing chucked a can of soda at Kayla’s face. “No meetings today?”
“No, but there’s a company conference call at 4 in the morning,” Kayla sighed. “I hate these, they’re way too stressful. I have to type out Wenyuan’s responses for him to read before the other person’s even finished speaking, and these old men speak so fast compared to the guys here! And if they add on more things at the end of their sentence, I have to edit the entire response right on the spot. And I have to do that at 4 in the morning!”
“Fuck time zone differences,” Hu Qing offered sympathetically.
“Fuck time zone differences,” Kayla agreed. “You’re so lucky–what kind of bodyguard gets to lounge around all day like this?”
“Say that to the pandemic,” Hu Qing said. “I’m bored out of my mind.”
His complaint was half-hearted. They both knew that their current arrangement with Wenyuan only worked out because of the pandemic. Once Wenyuan had no excuse to stop him from going back to China, Kayla and Hu Qing would once again be out of a job. Kayla had no idea what the effects of that would be–the young company heir who had seemingly conquered his timid personality to become well-spoken during the pandemic would suddenly revert back to his old self, now that Kayla wouldn’t be able to script his responses on the spot.
She had to admit she would miss the man, and not just because he paid well either. Answering the extremely shady Craigslist advertisement that offered a ridiculous salary plus room and board in exchange for “problem-solving services” hadn’t been one of her most rational choices, but it had ended up being one of her best ones. Even hitting Hu Qing with her bike on her way to the interview turned out to be a good thing.
One of the bedroom doors opened, and Wenyuan stepped out, a shy smile on his face. Kayla sat up from the sofa, scooting over to make some space.
“Hu Qing, you’re back?” Wenyuan greeted him.
“Yes, boss. I bought some snacks if you want any, we’ve got some candy too,” Hu Qing said.
“No thanks, American sweets are much too sugary for me,” Wenyuan replied. “Can I have some chips?”
Hu Qing tossed him a bag as Wenyuan wandered over.
“So how’s your girlfriend?” Kayla asked teasingly.
Wenyuan flushed a little. “She’s fine. Shuyou can’t hold live performances during the pandemic, so she’s been filming short videos and doing live streams on social media–seems that it’s worked out quite well for her.”
“How about her cousin? The good-looking one?” Hu Qing jumped in. “Is he doing any live streams?”
“Daozong’s done a few, but he doesn’t like them,” Wenyuan replied. “He’s too much of a perfectionist to release videos without any editing.”
“And three layers of filters,” Kayla added under her breath. Hu Qing stifled a snort of laughter beside her, Wenyuan acting as though he didn’t hear them.
“That’s right, Kayla, Shuyou told me that Xianchun had another argument with Uncle and Grandfather yesterday, so the conference call might be a bit tense,” Wenyuan said apologetically.
“Does she know what the argument was about?” Kayla asked.
“Xianchun accused Grandfather of embezzling funds, but it blew up into an argument with the whole board of directors, so now Uncle’s furious with the both of them,” Wenyuan said nervously. “But it’s not like he could throw a fit at Grandfather, so he yelled at Xianchun instead. The mood’s very tense at the company right now. Director Wang also messaged earlier, he said to second whatever Grandfather says at the meeting today.”
“Yeah, we’re not doing that,” Kayla said firmly. “Your grandfather’s going to have to resign sooner or later, he’s just using you to delay the matter–let’s do it like this, I’ll call Chen Caichun and Sun Ruhui later tonight, and we’ll come up with a few plans together, that way we’ll be prepared no matter what happens during the call.”
Wenyuan nodded in relief. “Kuang will also be on the call.”
“Why? Wasn’t he on a business trip in Germany with Yunqi?” Kayla asked.
“Yes, but he’s also joining in,” Wenyuan replied.
Kayla rubbed at her chin, frowning as she assessed the situation. “Yeah, shit’s going down. We’d better be prepared for one hell of a mess.”
Wenyuan’s face paled by several shades.
“Don’t worry, just read what I type for you and it’ll be fine,” Kayla assured him. She clambered over Hu Qing’s outstretched legs to grab her laptop, shifting back into work mode.
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Kayla and Hu Qing sat on either side of Wenyuan’s bed, watching the young man struggle with packing.
“Not going to lie, you suck at this,” Hu Qing said in delight.
“Be nice, Hu Qing. You should say that he’s evidently giving it his best,” Kayla admonished him.
“Hu Qing’s laughing at me and Kayla’s going in circles to laugh at me, I don’t know which is worse,” Wenyuan complained, sending it off as a voice message over WeChat.
“Chujiao will know that it’s all out of love,” Hu Qing argued.
Wenyuan grunted with exertion, trying to close the suitcase. Exchanging a look of fond exasperation, Kayla and Hu Qing moved forward to intervene, shooing their employer aside.
Wenyuan watched them thoughtfully. He opened his mouth to speak but fell silent without saying anything.
“There we go, perfect!” Kayla said cheerfully as she set the suitcase on the floor.
“Actually, I…” Wenyuan began in a small voice. Kayla and Hu Qing turned towards him. Under their curious looks, Wenyuan balked even more.
“Take your time,” Kayla said encouragingly.
“Are you coming out of the closet?” Hu Qing asked.
“No, that’s not it. Well…that is…” Wenyuan took a deep breath and steeled himself.
“Kayla, Hu Qing, would the two of you be interested in going back to China with me as my employees? I’ll pay for travel,” Wenyuan asked, nervousness written across his face. “Of course, I’d continue paying you by US standards, and I’ll reimburse living and relocation expenses too, but I would really be grateful for your support.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Kayla and Hu Qing exchanged a glance of mild astonishment.
“Wenyuan, I’m very happy about your offer, but you should also consider this properly,” Kayla said gently. “Right now, I can tell you what to say and do because everything’s done through telecommunication, but how will I do that if everything’s in person? It’s not as though I can pretend to be you. I could definitely use the job, especially given how much you pay, but will I be able to perform my duties properly? That only applies to me, of course, Hu Qing’s useful no matter what the context.”
“I asked Sun Ruhui and Chen Caichun about this already,” Wenyuan said. “And I’d like to hire Kayla as my secretary–we can just use an earpiece and continue the way we are now, or at least until I can promote you to a high-enough position. If I really want to take over the company, I need people like you two. Please consider it!”
“An earpiece? How will people not notice that?” Kayla asked in disbelief. “Come on now, Chen Caichun and Sun Ruhui are really smart! Why are they giving you such bad advice?”
“I’ll say it’s a hearing aid,” Wenyuan said, the words coming out in a rush. He flushed at Hu Qing and Kayla’s raised eyebrows. “I know it’s terrible! And I feel really bad about faking a hearing disability, but–but–”
“Just say you have chronic tinnitus as a side-effect from COVID and need to wear earbuds to prevent migraines,” Hu Qing suggested.
“That’s not much better,” Kayla muttered.
“Why not? There have been people who started having tinnitus after they got COVID, and the poor dude could use the help,” Hu Qing argued, gesturing at the entirety of Wenyuan. “This poor little guy needs a lot of help, just look at him!”
Wenyuan gave Hu Qing a complicated look, not sure whether to feel grateful or offended.
“Let’s see if we can come up with a better plan than that, preferably something that won’t land you in trouble for falsifying medical conditions,” Kayla said. “But if we can’t, we’ll go with the earpiece and the tinnitus.”
“So you’re accepting?” Wenyuan asked with visible excitement.
“I’m in,” Kayla replied. “But if anyone forces me to drink alcohol, I’m not going to go along with it.”
“Of course! I won’t let that happen!” Wenyuan promised. He looked at Hu Qing hopefully.
“Sure, why not? At least it won’t be boring,” Hu Qing said, turning to give Kayla a high five.
“Then I’ll continue to be in your care,” Wenyuan said, beaming from ear to ear.
Kayla and Hu Qing returned his smile.
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“...and while I appreciate your good intentions, this is not something that I can easily decide by myself. I will need to take this up with the Board of Directors first. Please be understanding,” Kayla said, a hand over her earpiece as she squatted at the end of the hallway. Hu Qing stood opposite her, leaning against a wall and playing on his phone.
Kayla nodded in satisfaction as Wenyuan repeated her words on the other end of the call. The meeting was taking place in a place with weak cell reception, forcing Kayla to actually be nearby instead of just doing her job from Wenyuan’s apartment as usual. She tilted her head, frowning as she listened to the other party’s response.
“Okay, don’t respond to that,” Kayla hissed. “Just continue talking about the partnership.”
“Heads up,” Hu Qing said in English. Kayla hastily stood up, glancing down the hallway.
“Someone’s coming, I have to go,” Kayla said quietly. “Just stick to what you memorized ahead of time, you’ll be fine.”
She quickly ended the call, tucking the earpiece into her chest pocket, out of reach to anyone who didn’t want to get landed with harassment charges.
“Oh my, it’s the prickly one,” Hu Qing said, amusement tinging his voice. Kayla swallowed a string of curses as she saw Zhou Xianchun approach with his secretary Liu Boyue in tow.
“Vice-Director Zhou, Secretary Liu,” Kayla and Hu Qing greeted them.
“Where is Wenyuan?” Xianchun demanded.
“I apologize, but Vice-Director Zhao is in a meeting right now. May I take a message?” Kayla replied in her best customer service voice.
Xianchun’s eyes narrowed. “The meeting with Wanli Corporation? So the opportunity went to him after all. Just what did he say to my father to get permission for this?”
“I’m not certain, sir, but I’m sure that the CEO made the decision based on a holistic analysis,” Kayla said.
Xianchun didn’t seem too upset about the matter–his enmity towards Wenyuan had significantly softened since Kayla had started handling the man’s social interactions for him. Rather, his hostility seemed to be directed at Hu Qing and Kayla.
“Then what are you two doing here?” Xianchun asked. “You should either be in the room with him or waiting back at the office–why are you loitering in a side hall like a couple of delinquents?”
“The Vice-Director feels better when there’s support waiting for him on backup,” Hu Qing jumped in.
“The two of you must feel pretty good about yourselves since he brought you back with him from the US, but don’t get ahead of yourselves,” Xianchun said in a warning tone before swiveling to point a finger at Kayla. “Especially you. Don’t think I’ll just stand by if you try anything funny.”
Kayla gave him a look of confusion. Like what?
She glanced at Hu Qing for help, balking a little when she saw the barely repressed glee on his face, as though he was bearing witness to some serious dog-blood drama.
Does Xianchun think I’m a golddigger or something? Kayla thought in exasperation. Well, I guess it’s reasonable to worry about that from his perspective, especially since he’s friends with Xiang Daozong. But for fuck's sake, would I dress like this if I was trying to seduce someone?
“I will be certain to keep that in mind,” Kayla replied politely.
Xianchun’s eyes narrowed. “I’m keeping my eye on you,” he said.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
“From the first time we met, I had the feeling that you were hiding your true abilities, pretending to be a pig to eat a tiger,” Xianchun went on. “I’m certain that you’re not as simple as you make out to be–so be warned, I won’t let you get away with anything.”
“Got it, sir.”
Xianchun shot her another look of suspicion before leaving with Liu Boyue in tow. As the two rounded the corner, Liu Boyue paused, giving Kayla and Hu Qing a piercing stare.
“They’re good-looking, but they’re so annoying that it cancels out,” Hu Qing complained once he was certain the two were gone. “This is such a bummer–I’m surrounded by hot guys and none of them are even my type.”
Kayla rolled her eyes at him. “I have to get back to the meeting,” she said, connecting the call again. Wenyuan was speaking calmly, but she could sense that he was beginning to run out of pre-scripted responses.
“Alright, I’m back on now,” Kayla said. “Let’s do this.”
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Hu Qing cackled as he collected the tokens for his victory from Caichun, Sun Ruhui, and Kayla.
“I’m out of tokens,” Kayla said flatly.
“Yeah? That’s what you get for not playing mahjong with the Chinese grannies down at Canal Street,” Hu Qing gleefully said. “I’ll just write down how much you owe me.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s cheating,” Kayla complained.
“He is,” Sun Ruhui agreed.
“And we’re just letting him?” Kayla demanded. They shoved all the mahjong pieces to the center of the table and began shuffling them around before restacking them into rows.
“We can’t exactly stop him either,” Sun Ruhui said placidly.
“Hmm,” Chen Caichun smiled cryptically as she handed the dice to Hu Qing.
Hu Qing tossed the dice and grabbed a mahjong tile from the starting position, the others following suit in a counter-clockwise direction. The seven-time winner smirked confidently as he saw his new tiles. Even without cheating, it was easy enough for him to win by reading the players’ micro-expressions–Hu Qing used to win so much that he was banned from many of the mahjong parlors in New York before the pandemic.
A few rounds later, Hu Qing’s smile was completely gone. Chen Caichun smirked, flipping her tiles face-up.
“I win,” she said, extending a hand toward Hu Qing. Hu Qing reluctantly passed her a token before reshuffling the tiles. To his chagrin, he lost again in the next game, this time to Sun Ruhui.
“So you three are teaming up now, huh?” Hu Qing said accusingly.
“Leave me out of this, I barely know what I’m doing here,” Kayla protested.
“I’ll make you cough up all your tokens before the Vice-Director gets back from his date,” Chen Caichun said.
“Dream on,” Hu Qing scoffed.
Before Caichun could carry through on her threats, Kayla’s phone rang.
“It’s Wenyuan,” she announced. She picked up, holding the phone to her ear with a shoulder as she reached to grab a mahjong tile.
“Hey Wenyuan, what’s up? Yeah, they’re here, we’re playing mahjong,” Kayla said. She went still, freezing with a mahjong tile in her hands.
“What?”
The other three stilled, their expressions growing somber as they watched Kayla‘s reaction.
“Alright, I’ve got it. Stay calm and connect the earpiece,” Kayla ordered. “Pass the phone to Zhao Chao. Hey, Zhao Chao? Yeah, take the Vice-Director over right away. I’ll send someone to the company, yeah, just keep him calm and ensure his safety. What? Miss Jing? Have Sun Zhong’e send her back. Yeah, yeah, alright. I’m hanging up now.”
She set the phone done, taking a deep breath.
“The shit’s about to hit the fan, folks,” Kayla said grimly to the other three. “CEO Zhao’s car was hit by a truck at an intersection–he’s been rushed to the hospital.”
“Oh shit,” Hu Qing said. “An accident or…?”
“No idea. But it certainly wasn’t our doing, that’s for sure. Hu Qing, we’re going to the hospital right now. Guys, could you two go to the company right away? Make sure nothing goes wrong and that no one forces their way into the office or tries something stupid,” Kayla said.
“We’ll leave right away,” Sun Ruhui said, Chen Caichun already grabbing her coat.
The four of them exited the building, Sun Ruhui getting into Caichun’s car and Kayla into Hu Qing’s. The two cars pulled out of the parking lot and sped off in opposite directions.
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Cultural Notes
American sweets are too sweet: A common perception among many Chinese folks is that American sweets tend to have a much higher sugar content than Chinese sweets. This might not always be the case, of course, especially with all the new food products that have emerged over the years, but it's still the main belief. Many traditional Chinese candies such as White Rabbit Milk Chews, etc., are not as sugary as Snickers or Mars Bars and also have different flavors, contributing to this perception.
Live-streaming and short videos: Not too dissimilar from the US, influencers, celebrities, micro-celebrities, and people from all walks of life in China participate in making short videos for social media. In recent years, live-streaming has gained popularity, and many people will do product recommendations or whatever else via live-stream. Somewhat similar to Twitch, live-streaming platforms in China allow people to give gifts or tips (also known as 打赏) while watching.
WeChat voice messages: WeChat is a popular Chinese messaging app that is widely used by Chinese-speaking populations across the world. It can also serve as a digital wallet with its WeChat Pay functions, which has gained a lot of popularity in China over recent years. One popular function for people who type slowly is to send voice messages over the app, often by pressing and holding a button on the chat page, and then releasing the button once you're done talking. Overall, it's not too different from voice messages on other platforms, and it allows your parents to yell at you even if you don't pick up the phone.
扮猪吃老虎/Pretending to be a pig to eat a tiger: A Chinese colloquialism meaning to play weak in order to make your opponents underestimate you, and then hitting them where they expect it the least.
狗血剧/Dog-blood Dramas: A Chinese phrase referring to soapy and melodramatic dramas. An example would be two twins separated at birth falling in love with each other before realizing that they're actually siblings, and the news shocks them so much that one of them wanders into the street and gets hit by a car, narrowly survives, but then gets diagnosed with cancer. Another example would be a drama where a wife cheats on her husband with another man, and her husband cheats on her with that man's wife in revenge, and then someone gets hit by a car and loses their memory, throwing both relationships into jeopardy. Or for an Imperial harem version, a young girl enters the Emperor's harem along with her sister, gets backstabbed by her sister, and falls in love with a eunuch while under house arrest, before finding that the eunuch actually isn't castrated and is in fact the Empress Dowager's illegitimate lovechild with the previous Emperor's brother and so on so forth.
麻将/Mahjong: A traditional Chinese tile-based game that requires four players (sometimes three). There are 144 tiles in the game, and each player draws 13 tiles at the start of the game, before drawing and discarding one tile per turn, keeping at 13 tiles until they can form a combination (usually of 4 sets of three tiles and one pair of two identical tiles) by drawing and keeping a 14th tile. There are many rules and combinations available, and people often bet with tokens (traditionally, each person starts with 4 tokens that represent a set sum of money). It is very fun, and an excellent way to break the ice with people you're not too well-acquainted with.
Canal Street: Hu Qing brings up Canal Street, which refers to [a section of] a street in Manhattan, New York City. It is a part of Chinatown, one of the major Chinese ethnic enclaves in New York (other enclaves include Flushing and Sunset Park). Many older immigrants, especially Cantonese-speaking immigrants, have ties to this place.