Hi Everybody!
If you’re reading this, it means I’ve somehow managed to keep you entertained for 350+ pages. This is, hands-down, the longest thing I’ve ever written. Second place goes to a group project in college that I contributed about 30 pages to, and third place goes to a 20-page paper I wrote in 8th grade titled “The differences and similarities between geometry and trigonometry”. If that sounds nonsensical, it’s because I hadn’t taken trig yet and had no idea what I was talking about.
I’m not a huge reader - most of the time when I check out a series on this website, I don’t get that far into it. A lot of the stories here either don’t interest me at all, or turn me off in short order. There’s some gems, but they’re few and far between. This is why I’m really flattered and encouraged that you’re here, and I’m very interested in your feedback. What hooked you initially? What kept you invested in the story? Did you find any plot holes? What were you looking forward to as the story unfolded? Did you even like the story, or was this more of a hate-read?
A review of this story from any of you would be incredibly valuable, and useful.
----------------------------------------
Now, here’s the thing. Based on how I set this story up, it would take five more books to fully resolve, at a rate of one shackle per book. That would be a massive undertaking. It would be fitting, since the issues and themes in this book are the most resonant subject for me to write about, but… the rest of the world gets an opinion, too. Before I decide to embark on an endeavor like this, I’d at least like to try out a few more ideas to get a better sense of what people like on this website. Here are three ideas that I’ll be developing whenever I get the itch to write:
Hogs Get Slaughtered - Sci-fi style commentary on the obesity crisis. The aliens make contact with Earth and conduct a series of tests to determine if we are sentient, or if we are animals that can be farmed. Or at least, some of them do. Others take advantage of the legal grey-zone and start farming humans immediately - which we accept because its the kind of cyberpunk dystopia where we’ve made ourselves useless fat fucks. 40% of Americans are obese right now. This isn’t an epidemic - it’s a full-on plague. That’s how I bet future historians will see it, at least. So, welcome to a future in which our health problems are pushed to the absolute brink - just in time for judgment day.
My Imaginary Girlfriend Is A Stuck-Up Bitch! - Anime High-School Slice-of-Life inspired comedy with supernatural elements, kinda like the melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or Kokoro Connect. An incel loser reject receives a special pre-workout that gives him incredible gainz, but when he takes it, an imaginary friend he was creating for himself takes a mind and form of her own. This one will explore similar themes to Love Dungeon, but from the perspective of a naive, dejected high-schooler rather than a jaded man. And because it would take place on Earth, I’d be able to really focus on the social dynamics aspect of it all, as opposed to worldbuilding. This was my first idea for a story that I really wanted to write, I just didn’t think I was ready to do it well, so I decided to start with some low-stakes isekai adventure instead. Just to get my feet wet. Whoops. Possible non-LN title is The Tulpamancer.
404: ]System[ Not Found - A gory outlet for my thoughts on the LitRPG genre, told from the perspective of two main characters. Light Dawnbringer embodies every trope of the destiny-bound, overpowered MC that I despise, while “Lit” Don Binger is the alcoholic counterpoint, who has become disillusioned with the [System] and believes that their numerically-obsessed society is insane. But rather than taking every silly concept like intelligence and charisma stats and trying to create something sensible out of it, I’d be pushing it to the other extreme and going HAM. Hello happiness, loyalty, and humor powerleveling. Hello alcoholic and pariah classes. Until one day, for absolutely no reason at all, the system crashes. What happens when moronic, limp-wristed lvl 99 lumberjacks can no longer cut down a tree by lightly tapping it with an axe?
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
All of these ideas would be shorter works, no big multi-novel endeavors, so the idea of knocking one out and having a complete product is appealing. What I might do is write five chapters of each, release them all over the same period of time, and see which gets the biggest response.
But before any of that… I still want to try doing some actual stand-up comedy. Because in the back of my mind, I always know that writing is something I can do when I’m older. I’m young and able bodied now (rather fit, believe it or not), so I need to get out of the house, make some friends, and find myself a wife. Holing myself up to read and write is not conducive to that.
Finally, I am quite a lazy motherfucker, so take the amount of time that it would take a reasonable person to do any of this, and double it. Pathetic.
----------------------------------------
What I want to do with this book is: take a long break from it, then come back to it later with fresh eyes, rewrite it, and release a “mastered” version as an actual book.
People often say that, during a second draft, you’re supposed to cut down on the size of the piece by removing the unnecessary elements, but I don’t really see that happening here. I think I’ve kept things pretty succinct as-is. Even the stupid rambling rants that I go on have punchlines and/or add characterization. I tried to write a lot of this story in the style of how a stand-up comedian would speak, and stand-up involves a lot of tangential bits and pieces anyway, so I’m not gonna shy away from a bit of extra fluff. Except during fight scenes. I would never write multi-episode kamehamehas, and I don’t even like most dialogue during fights. When you’re fighting, you just fight. You don’t trade verbal jabs. You focus on swinging swords and trying not to die. In theory, at least… I’ve never been in a real fight, but I’ve seen enough UFC to know that it isn’t a slam poetry competition.
Anyway… my goals for the mastered version will be to refine the wording of my jokes, increase the number of callback references, and reduce stiltedness wherever I find it.
And if I find something that adds nothing of value, and truly doesn’t need to be there… I’ll remove it.
I might even enter the completed book into a contest or two, though I don’t think it would do well in those. Any female reviewer would immediately pan this book as incel dreck. Which is too fucking bad, because the dating market these days is awful, and it’s producing a lot of incels, but nobody wants to talk about it. This book isn’t for a lot of people. But if you’ve made it this far, this book is for you. It’s the kind of story I wish somebody else had written for me.
As an advance payment for your review, here’s a quick look into what the next book in this series would be:
Does Chasing Women at Night Count as Cardio?
Bradley arrives in Aetheria, searching for the third key to the kingdom. I haven’t decided if he’ll take another year of study with the Aetherians, or if he’ll just shack up with a sect of the Church of Iron, taking up quests to build up his savings.
What I do know is that the focus of the book will be base-building, but with exercise equipment. He’s going to create a gym of his own, and hit his first proper lifts since arriving in this new world, to the complete bemusement of the locals. I’m going to be more detailed about the exercises he does, the order he does it all in, and why. The link between physical and magical prowess will be expanded upon.
There will also be a theme of nightclubbing and gaining charisma, since Aetheria is a great setting for it.
He will absolutely come across more magic artifacts and strange monsters, attempt to lift the first summit, and visit the cliffs of Certain Death.
But once again, as he gains strength and competence, his problems seem to gain their own strength in parallel.
Here are some proper nouns that will be in the story:
Fleur-de-Beast
Princess Psyche, the Electric Angel
Florian, the Blind
The Angel Institute
The Flight of Angels
Turtala
Triskelion
Mythra’s Footsteps
Mount Olympus
The Bell Bar
Until next time,
Natty California