“Do you think they’re going to come for me?”
“Do you want them to?”
Sakura looked up at the boy, his azure eyes swimming in sorrow at the mention of the possibility.
She would rather die than go back.
The girl had overheard Torg telling Raz about the den. She always heard what the adults were talking about, even when they didn’t think she could. Raz had told her to ignore it, to not let the chattering of others weigh heavy on her mind. That we can’t control what others say, only how we respond to it. But that could be hard to do when you tended to hear everything so clearly.
The only person she couldn’t hear sometimes was Ren. He had made it his goal to learn how to carefully observe everything in his path and tread softly enough that her ears wouldn’t pick up his steps. When she had asked why he was so determined to do so, he said he was practicing so he could scare her because it would be funny. The girl didn’t think it was so funny after the first time he succeeded in sneaking up on her, digging his fingers into her ribs, making her yelp and collapse onto the ground. Her face had burned bright red as he doubled over with laughter at her humiliation. But he wasn’t laughing when she tackled him, her fists raining down in a flurry and their scuffle had to be broken up by Raz pulling her off of him.
Sakura had been certain that the man would send her back then, what with it being her doing that Ren’s face was bloodied and swollen. It was always her fault. She could never do anything right. She ruined everything.
But Raz didn’t send her back.
Instead, he dumped them on either end of the yard and demanded they sit until he released them. When he did, he had them stand toe to toe and look each other in the eye.
“You,” he spoke to the girl. “You need to learn how to keep your hands to yourself. Violence isn’t going to solve all your problems. And you.” To the boy. “If you don’t want to get your ass beat when you’re being an antagonizing little shit than you better learn how to toughen up.”
They had nodded, and she had apologized to him while he apologized to her.
Only for Ren to do the exact same thing again a few days later which resulted in him suffering the same consequences.
Sakura curled up against him now, the boy in no mood to tease her at this time as he pulled the blankets a little tighter around them while they laid in bed, trying their best to be quiet enough as to not wake the angel in the other room. “No. I hate it there,” she whispered.
“Why?”
Sakura’s fingers found the boy’s shirt, pulling and twisting the fabric, the repetitive movement soothing her nerves. “Because they all hate me. They all say so. Except Akiko, but she’s old and was always busy. And Yuki was okay, I guess. But he always said things he didn’t mean.”
“Why did they hate you?”
“Because I make all the bad things happen.”
“How?”
Sakura was quiet, having wondered the same thing herself. Papa had told her that it wasn’t her fault, that things beyond our control happen. But that wasn’t what everyone else said. “I don’t know. They just said it was my fault.”
Ren pulled back to look at the girl, a confused agitation across his face. “That’s stupid. You can’t make all the bad things happen. You’re too little.”
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“But I do,” she whispered even quieter.
The angel shook his head. “They’re wrong. Nothing bad has happened since you’ve been here, and you’ve been here a long time.”
“I broke the orange and made Raz mad today.” The girl knew she shouldn’t have touched it, just as she’d been told time and time again. But it was so hard to resist the temptation that called out to her every time there was something tasty in front of her. Even when her belly was full and uncomfortable, it still convinced her that it was empty and that she needed to fill it before the opportunity passed.
“He wasn’t that mad about it, and it was good so that’s okay.” He smiled.
That’s true.
It really was good.
Her eyes filled with tears. “But Cynthia died.”
He pinched her nose, tired of listening to the same old complaint. “Cynthia was older than me. Chickens don’t live long and sometimes they just die. It’s not your fault.”
The girl nodded, wanting to believe him. She had loved that chicken with her brown feathers in a constant frazzled state and blind in one eye. Every time she went to the coop, Cynthia was always the first to greet her. Until the day she wasn’t, and the girl just knew it had been her doing.
Just as it had been in the den.
“Ren?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you miss your parents?”
The boy was silent for a while, making Sakura think that he had fallen asleep.
But he hadn’t. “I didn’t know them,” his voice small and dejected.
“You can still miss them.”
He thought about it. “Yeah, I guess I do. I see other kids with their mother and father, and I wish I could have that.”
Sakura nodded, feeling guilty that she had had her parents for as long as she did when Ren never even knew his. She still had memories of them, though they became fuzzier and harder to recall as the days passed and they were replaced with new ones. It was still more than he would ever have.
The girl pulled herself closer to the boy, seeking the warmth and comfort she had grown accustomed to and relied on. “What happened to them?”
Ren wrapped his arms around the girl, and rested his chin on top of her unruly cherry tresses. “Raz said they weren’t suppose to be together, but they didn’t listen. That’s why I was born. The Guard killed my father, and my mother left me with Raz and then killed herself. You’re not suppose to do that… kill yourself. God doesn’t like it. It makes him mad, and he’ll never forgive you.”
Sakura scrunched her brow, what the boy was saying making no sense to her. “But then why does The Guard kill? If God doesn’t like it?”
Ren had never thought of it that way. “I don’t know. They wanted to kill me, too. But Raz had killed a devil, and so they couldn’t.”
It felt as though her chest were crushing in on itself. She knew that there were those in the village that kept their distance from them, and Raz had said it was because of their wings. She could sort of understand their hesitance towards Raz. Even though his wings were always concealed, they were terrifying the one time they weren’t. And concealed or not, the stench still permeated through the enchantment. Though, she wasn’t sure if that was just her considering Ren claimed he couldn’t smell anything off about the man.
But Ren had the most beautiful wings the girl had ever seen. She was amazed each time she saw them; massive, blacker than the night, and softer than silk. Some of those in the village didn’t seem to agree, as their disdain was clearly more directed towards the boy than the man. Angels had white wings and blonde hair, but it seemed like such a ridiculous thing to look down on the boy for.
“Why would they do that?” she asked. “Because your wings are black?”
“It’s not just because they’re black. They’re black because of my parents’ sin, and you’re supposed to get rid of sins. Raz said that they never let any Fallen Ones live. He said that because I was created from their sins, that I am sin.”
She looked up at him as he looked down at her, eyes so clear and blue and caring. Eyes that had always been that way, a sanctuary from the cold and disgusted stares of so many others. There was so much contempt and malevolence in the world. Some of which she’d already experienced. Some of which she’d doled out herself.
But never had it come from Ren. Even when he teased and annoyed and picked at her until she lost her temper, he was never cruel. He never looked down on her. He never feared her.
How could she ever feel that way about him?
How could anyone?
“You’re not sin.” The girl pouted. “Angels are stupid.”
A smile brightened his face. “And you don’t make all the bad things happen. Foxes are stupid. If they come for you, I won’t let them take you back.”
She nodded, her own smile meeting his. “I won’t let the angels hurt you.”
She would protect him.
The way that he would protect her.
No matter what she had to do.
He was everything to her.
And no one would hurt him.