Once a person attains a certain level of notoriety, it's generally considered pretty normal for them to earn a nickname or two.

For example, a certain someone's "Flower of the Heavens."

A simple glance at her is all you need to deduce why "flower" is applicable, and the "heavens" part can easily be explained by her previous mentions of playing around with lightning in the sky.

Also, it sounds nice.

Nice enough that even someone as prideful as Yahanaseara is more than happy to introduce herself as such to anyone she meets.

"Conductor of Shadows," on the other hand?

If that phrase was to ever leave my mouth in reference to myself, I'd instantly die of embarrassment.

Hell, it's taking everything I have to keep from doing an immediate about-face and running the hell out of here right now.

Because it's painfully, soul-crushingly LAME.

And out of all the people in the world, who had to be the one to call me this?

A receptionist who's infamous here in the Hovora Branch for her poisonous tongue, a cool beauty whose ample chest is filled with the shattered dreams of the countless adventurers who were foolish enough to ask her out.

A woman who's sent grown men running away in tears with naught but a single sentence.

Typically, such a reputation would imply that her goal in calling me the single most cringe-inducing epithet I've heard in a very long time was to issue an extremely effective direct attack to my self-esteem... but the look on her face right now would imply anything but.

Because this woman's eyes are positively sparkling with admiration.

Somehow, the idea of being called something that lame out of genuine admiration feels even more damaging to my soul than Yahanaseara's little experiment earlier this morning did.

"Haaaa~..."

While I'm busy struggling to recover from this blow to my psyche, my attacker lets out a long sigh of frustration.

I'm the one who's actually frustrated here dammit

"I swear to God, I could just kick myself right now..." she pouts. "I see so many names working this job that yours just went in one ear and right out the other, but how many people are there who'd fit the description of 'a tall, androgynous woman with green hair and glasses who carries a strange-looking staff?'"

"......"

I kind of want to kick her myself for calling me androgynous to my face, but that's neither here nor there.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

"...then again, I also thought you were gone for good when you left town last week."

"Yeah, so did I," I shrug.

"But anyways, er..." she clears her throat. "...the caravan leader came in yesterday and told us all about what happened during your trip back here. Quite vividly, at that."

And then she closes her eyes and places a hand to her chest.

"Standing alone against what must have been three-dozen men, she directed the shadows themselves to play a grand symphony of carnage," the clerk seemingly recites from memory. "I'd thought all was lost when one of the bandits cut her dark performance short by absconding with her staff, but that turned out to just be the prelude to her intermissio..."

oh goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

"...r the finale, she coalesced all the shadows into a massive snake that consumed the bandit leader and rose high into the s..."

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

"...swore that he'd sing the praises of the one who defended the people of his caravan for the rest of his life, and if you weren't known by any nickname, then he'd come up with one himself... and then we started brainstorming them right there on the spot."

wait so this was all because I went straight to the inn yesterday instead of reporting here

"His suggestion was 'Umbral Maestro,' and one of my coworkers came up with 'Shade Conductor.'"

oh dear God how do they keep getting WORSE

"But in the end, we settled on 'Conductor of Shadows'... which just so happened to be my suggestion," she says while puffing out her already ample chest.

"Shade Conductor sounds better!" someone in the back room calls out.

"Shut up, no it doesn't!" she yells back.

they all suck why must you torment me like this

"But to get back to business..." the clerk clears her throat, "...in all, you slew twenty-two members of the Iron Jackal bandit gang, and captured seven more of them alive."

I'm honestly surprised they actually got all twenty-nine accounted for before I even got a chance to report in... though two of those kills do belong to Yahanaseara. Far be it from me to steal credit for someone else's efforts.

Especially when said efforts involved a particularly exquisite heel dr-

"They'd actually become enough of a nuisance that the lord of the territory issued a bounty on this group specifically, dead or alive..." she continues, "...and as the one who took care of them, you're entitled to a sum of-"

"H- hey, wait-" I cut her off. "Didn't the guys who brought the survivors in yesterday collect whatever the bounty was themselves?"

Because I definitely told them to do exactly that, and I've never seen a merchant who'd actively turn down more money...

"Er, the gentleman I spoke to was very insistent that he only receive twenty-five percent of the total bounty, and that you take the rest," she replies with an awkward smile.

Well shit.

First time for everything, I guess.

"So how much would that even be?" I ask.

"Taking the previous deductions into account as well as the five silver you're owed for the successful escort mission, it comes to a total of two Gold."

"TW-!?"

holy shit that's like TEN TIMES what the original job was supposed to pay

"Th... that's a lot," I croak.

"Looking at it from another perspective, it's actually less than two Silver per head," the clerk shakes her head.

And suddenly it's a lot less impressive.

"I swear, it's cheapskate bounties like these that are partially to blame for banditry becoming such a problem in the first place," she grumbles. "The cost isn't worth the effort or danger posed so nobody wants to actively pursue them and we end up having to rely on chance encounters for anything to actually be done and in the meantime people continue to suffer-"

The bespectacled clerk takes a deep breath and then lets out a sigh that somehow seems even longer.

"My apologies, this issue just hits a nerve..."

"No, I get it," I shrug. "Believe me, I get it."

For I am a veteran in any and all areas of bandit-related griping, thanks to my mother.

"Thanks..."

Another sigh.

"...anyways I guess we should finally get your reports out of the way before we continue any further."