My torso is currently drenched all the way to my freaking skin and my sternum kind of hurts from getting poked by a pair of surprisingly sharp horns and a couple of passers-by were totally pretending not to stare at the emotional outburst that just happened BUT I KNOW THEY WERE GOD DAMN IT

...yet all of that is completely unimportant when compared to the fact that my stupid insensitive ass might have like, genuinely hurt Yahanaseara.

I mean yeah she's finally peeled herself off from me and is currently adjusting her hair ornaments while looking into that same pocket mirror that she brought out before so all might seem well at the moment, but like... she was crying really hard. Really really hard.

The chill I'm feeling thanks to my drenched bra right now is proof enough of that.

God damn it, me.

One would think that practically being the second mother to three little sisters would have made me better at avoiding subjects that would OBVIOUSLY trigger outright bawling fits, but hahahaha nope I'm a total fucking dumbass.

Because I never actually tried considering any of this from her perspective.

partially because her blind adoration of me makes me really fucking uncomfortable but still

"Haaa~..."

A long sigh which does nothing to relieve any of this mental pressure.

Okay, Brigitte.

No more mentioning any of the Sealed Kings unless she brings it up first.

No more casually bringing up historical tragedies.

And also be... I dunno, more supportive?

She readily admits to putting on a facade of stability, so I can't just assume that everything is fine just because she isn't visibly upset. And since I suck at recognizing indirect communication, I gotta like... ask her. About how she feels. Frequently.

If only the mere notion of doing so didn't fill me with an unbearable sense of dread.

"Yahanaseara?"

"Mm?"

clack

She snaps her pocket mirror shut and returns it to its hiding place in her upper robe.

And then does a deep bow?

If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

What?

"Once again, I apologize for losing my composure and causing a scene," she says. "And for making a mess of your clothes."

"Huh?"

...oh.

"D- don't worry about that," I force a smile, "it's barely an inconvenience."

Two quick spells later, my clothes are freshly dried and completely free of any salty tear residue.

"See?" I pat my chest for emphasis. "Good as new."

"Even so, I will stri-" Yahanaseara stops herself, " I will do better."

"N- no, I'm the one who should be-"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh not this agaaaaaaaaaaaaain

...okay.

slapslap

A doublehanded self-faceslap.

Keep pushing through this, Brigitte.

"So my whole reason for coming to this library," I point to the building that we're still currently standing in front of, "was to hopefully dig up any details on the people who, uh... did that to you and see if we need to worry about them coming after you again."

"Mm."

Yahanaseara's expression hardens, but she still nods in acknowledgement.

"And to facilitate this, I was gonna start by asking you what you knew about them," I sigh, "but since I'm a dumbass, I didn't consider how bringing up a subject as sensitive as that would affect you until just now."

"Ah-"

shit shit shit I can see tears welling up in her eyes

"So we can just turn around right now and-"

"No."

White floof sways from side to side as its adorable owner shakes her adorable head.

"You have done nothing wrong, I am just... unused to being shown this degree of concern after so long," she says with a smile that makes my heart wrench. "It is appreciated. Truly."

And then she heaves a deep sigh and wipes her eyes with her sleeve.

dammit now I feel like crying

"The time that was stolen from me, the people I have lost, those who I was forced to leave behind, the hardships they faced while I was imprisoned... I admit that I find them painful to even think about," Yahanaseara says. "But my enemies? The filthy, wretched bastards who entrapped m-"

She cuts herself off and takes some deeeeep breaths.

"...the hatred I feel for them is a comfort."

Her eyes flicker with anger. And also tiny bolts of lightning.

It's actually really pretty.

"It is what kept me sane over all those years."

She clenches her tiny little hands as her mouth warps into a wild, hateful grin.

Which is also somehow really pretty.

"...so my dear Savior, that particular concern of yours is completely unwarranted. If you desired it, I could regale you with tales of those abominable curs and their disgusting actions for days on end."

what the hell why is my heart pounding so fast right now

"If they have somehow managed to survive to this day, then that shall give me a second goal for the future," she says. "And should they be dead, it will be a comfort to know that I managed to outlive them all despite their best efforts."

"I... see."

Gotta avoid prying about that any more than what's absolutely necessary. Because the last thing I need is another outburst that leaves her at the brink of death.

Okay.

"I don't think I'll be needing that much information, but thanks," I say while failing to rein in the awkwardness of this entire situation.

"Very well," the lightning girl nods.

Since I'd very much like to avoid drawing any more attention than we already have, I take Yahanaseara's hand and finally lead her into the building that we've been standing outside the front walkway of for what feels like way too damned long.

Upon entering, I'm relieved to find that this place is as empty as it was the last time I was here, with nary a soul to be seen aside from the librarian sitting behind a desk not too far from the entrance.

...oh, wait.

There are actually a couple of girls poking around the novel section. But since I'm most decidedly not looking for any novels to read, we are thankfully saved from the need to exchange any proximity-based niceties.

Nope, I'm looking for the historical records.

Which are way up on the third floor.

I hate stairs.