Departing from the mysterious anomaly known as H, we…made our way on his suggestion to our first bold new world. The planet Vespa. The ship's censors indicate there is a fairly large population given the planet's size, though paling in comparison to our homeworld.

Our plan in sending an envoy down to the surface consists in using a new technology that has not yet been tested in the field by StarForce yet. The Teleporter. The idea is that a subject stands on an atom scrambler while a delivery zone is targeted. When everything is in alignment, the scrambler is energized and the subject is dissolved into their most basic particles and then reanimated at the target site. Our embarkation however, has been delayed by a most unruly member of our party…

“Dammit Clark! There’s no way I’m getting on that fucking thing! It’s pure suicide,” shouted the Doctor.

“Dennis, it’s perfectly safe. It just hasn’t been used in the field yet.”

“Give me one good reason why our mission involves testing crackpot, dangerous technology, when we could just as easily take a shuttle craft down to Vespa?”

“What makes you think it's so dangerous?”

“Godammit, I’m a doctor not a guinea pig. You haven’t thought that when that thing dematerializes you, that it won’t kill you, scramble up your molecules, copy them and reanimate a carbon copy of the original you? How would the subject that beams down even know they weren’t a copy and that the real you died if they were a perfect facsimile of the original you from the moment of the scramble?”

Everyone in the room looked blankly for a moment.

“Doctor, I’m certain that StarForce wouldn’t send something with us they weren’t sure of…I mean…I suppose, since you put it like that, we could just test a little ourselves before everyone gets on and gives it a try…”

The room remained silent. Then suddenly, a voice spoke up…

“I’d be willing to test it, Captain,” said young Ross, the redshirted teenaged Ensign whom I promised could be part of our first landing party.

“Really? That’s quite brave of you lad. We can beam you down to the target area and meet you on the surface once our landing craft lands. Mr. Beta, prepare the teleporter.”

“Aye Aye sir.”

The young Ensign stepped onto the transporter and once the proper coordinates were placed, he was zapped into dematerialization and disappeared.

“Well…I guess that's that. Let’s head to the shuttle craft and make our way down to find him.”

“Captain, may I join you on the landing party in lieu of Ensign Ross traveling separately,” asked Yeoman Randy, who stood there in all her blonde delight.

“I’m sorry Candy, but the surface of that world may be a dangerous, violent wasteland, and is no place for a woman.”

“But sir, I’m a proud member of this crew, and I wish to aid in all the ways I can.”

“Listen girl, there’s man's work to be done and woman's work to be done. Men have to put themselves out there in the face of violence and danger, while women stay in the back and provide their soft nurturing touch. Now please, let go of my arm and know your place.”

“Lane, I thought GSF was a place of equality? Am I not as valued as your assistant as I was led to believe?”

“Ha ha ha ha ha…why do I laugh? Because I find it cute that you take the GSFs talking points so seriously. If you want to be a good assistant, put er there…”

I grabbed Candice by the back of her neck with one hand and embraced the back of her thigh under her red miniskirt with the other as I leaned her to the side and gave her a deep and passionate kiss that a million women back on Earth could only dream of. Afterwards, the rest of us made our way to the shuttle craft, leaving Yeoman Randy stunned.

“That settles it…Dennis, Beta, and I will meet Ensign Ross on the surface and make our way to contact the local authorities to establish diplomacy with them.”

“Oh no. I didn’t agree to that either,” said Doctor Hatfield, “I’ll fly the shuttle craft down and wait for you there. Beta Clyde and you can find the kid and make contact yourselves.”

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“Fair enough Doctor. Let’s be on our way then.”

As we landed on the planet's surface, we noticed the terrain was largely rocky and arid. There was no visible sign of life from the view of Ross’s designated teleportation zone. The craft landed and the loading ramp lowered.

“Okay doc, filler up and top off the fluids…we’ll be back in no time.”

“Dammit Lane…I’m a doctor…not a valet.”

I smiled as Beta Clyde and I descended the ramp onto the barren desert world. We searched around the perimeter and Beta ran some instruments to determine young Ross’s location.

“Captain, the sensors aren’t picking up any life readings nearby.”

“Are you sure this was the target area for the teleporter number two?”

“I’m positive sir.”

“Then maybe that means…”

*Gulp* “Ensign Ross never rematerialized?”

Following the loss of the young Ensign, we opted to continue forth in establishing contact with the Vespins rather than report back to Hatfield…I…don’t believe there was any reason in sparking his ‘I told you so’ at this moment.

“Captain, I’m curious about something.”

“What is it Beta?”

“With as many trained soldiers we have on board the Adventure, why was it necessary to only send the number one, number two, and de facto number four commanding officers down to the planet's surface, leaving only Ms. Ahura in charge?”

“It shows a great fortitude of courage to send the leadership in as the initial ambassadors Mr. Beta.”

“Please, call me Clyde.”

“Whatever. Look! Over there, near those paper mache looking rocks.”

I drew attention to what appeared to be…a horseshoe, glistening in the sun. We approached and determined that is what it was.

“I have a theory, Captain.”

“Go on.”

“I believe that mid 20th century television programs such as Gunsmoke, Bonanza, and the Rifleman had their broadcast waves make their way to this planet and the entire civilization has been built around an American Wild West aesthetic.”

“Wow! Fascinating Beta…er, Clyde. You got all that from simply observing a horseshoe found in the desert?”

“Negative Captain, I can see a town and some of its people right over there.”

Sure enough, just over the ridge was a classic wild western town. We made our way over and within minutes were captured by local law enforcement. I insisted we be taken to their leaders. My request was acknowledged and we were taken to the two head honchos of planet Vespa. A tall plump fellow named Hoss and his business partner Bat. We were treated to dinner and entertainment and learned a great deal about Vespa. It’s a trading colony, founded by a race of nomads who descended from primates, not unlike the people of earth. To our dismay, we discovered that the primary trade on Vespa…was slavery.

As Hoss chugged away on what can only be described as the Vespan equivalent of a chicken leg, he noted, “Over here we have three of our finest products…the illustrious Ursan slave girls. Known for their bright yellow skin and their seductive nature.”

As he spoke, three beautiful young scantily clad alien women came before us as we dined. They began dancing in a titillating fashion that even got Beta’s attention.

“Interesting…their skin reminds me almost of a substance we have on earth called ‘paint’. The color is similar to that of a roadside indication that one should not park there. Beta Clyde…is everything okay?”

“Yes Captain. I am most intrigued by their salacious gyrating. The hypnotic movements in tandem with the shine of their bodily sweat is having a most profound effect on my physiology. I believe my genitals are starting to indicate the desire for copulation.”

“Alright, I think that's quite enough Beta.”

“Hee Hee Hee. No one can resist a girl from Ursa Major,” chimed in Bat, the other man we dined with.

“Well, I suppose as long as they're not Ursa Minors, it’s okay,” I joked.

The erotic display got even more intense and the girls were down to G Strings and Bow Tops.

Hoss asked, “So, Captain Clark…in our new found friendship, do you think there is a place for our business on Earth? I can give you exclusivity rights to the trade in your neck of the woods. We can get a hundred Ursa Major girls sent your way by the end of the week. How does that sound?”

I pondered for a moment before deciding to express my objection, though the thought of one hundred of these girls all to myself almost had me, I decided to do the right thing…

“No Mr. Hoss, I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible. Slavery is outlawed in our sector of the galaxy and if the GSF has anything to say about it, we’ll have it outlawed here too.”

“What?!” he shouted as he spit out some of his food, “you dare disgrace me when I’ve shown you nothing but hospitality. Guards, seize them!”

A half dozen ranch hands with laser pistols drawn surrounded us as Hoss and Bat stood back away from the table. Beta and I had no time to react, though I suppose we brought this situation upon ourselves by not feigning cooperation before falling back and strategizing first. Then, just before being apprehended by one of the cowboys, a plasma bolt came out of nowhere and struck him.

The Ursan girls ducked for cover and a firefight broke out between the cowboys and our surprising savior…Ensign Ross! He was alive! Though I suppose there was no guarantee that was the original him. Nonetheless, Beta and I joined the fight. I used my famed Judo chop to disarm a nearby cowboy and Beta attempted his Krav Maga grip on another…this time he actually applied pressure. Once the guards were dispatched, I took up one of their ropes they were going to apprehend us with and used it as a lasso to catch Hoss. I thought Bat was going to get away until I saw a door open and Lieutenant Ahura standing there with a plasma pistol. Bat reached for his gun but she shot him dead before he could react.

The next thing you knew, the whole compound was overrun with StarForce troopers. They captured or killed any slavers they encountered and received a warm welcome from the locals. Beta and I stood there, shocked, and confused on how such action could’ve been taken so quickly.

“Ms. Ahura, what made you come down here?” I asked.

“You have Ensign Ross to thank for that,” she replied as she holstered her plasma gun, “shortly after you landed, Ensign Ross, who had been scoping the town before your arrival, witnessed your capture. He made his way back to the drop zone and warned Doctor Hatfield, but offered to stay while the doctor returned to the Adventure. We exchanged command and I led the ground force after a certain Yeoman told me that women weren’t cut out for that kind of work.”

My mouth agape, I stammered with my words, but quickly shifted the conversation to…”Excellent work Lieutenant. We had things under control here, but the guns blazing approach probably worked just as well.”

Once the slaves were freed, we established a GSF post on Vespa and left a few squads and a team of researchers to await follow up ships from the fleet once they received our transmissions on the newly discovered territory.

Back on the bridge, we began to plot our next course, when suddenly, H reappeared.

“Congratulations Captain Clark, you passed the test,” he said.

“Test?”

“Yes. Your crew has proven to be a force for good in the universe with the situation on Vespa. I directed you there first because I knew there were only three options. Option one, the virtuous one, that you took. Option two, be killed by space cowboys. Then Option three, take advantage of the situation and align yourselves with the slavers. I’m happy to admit that you chose right and did your race a great service in the eyes of H.”

“Thank you H. I appreciate the acknowledgement. But if you’ll please excuse me, I have three yellow skinned maidens that need tending to in my quarters.”

H rolled his eyes and disappeared. Hopefully, he will not grace us with his presence for some time.