Captain’s log, Celestial Time, 44044…we’ve reached Pluto, the once great Titan of Greek Mythology, reduced in the early 21st century to a mere dwarf planet…
”Dammit Clark, he was a god not a titan!” Exclaimed the doctor, who for some reason was shouting at me through the ventilation shafts of our parallel rooms.
”Okaaayy, once great god,” I corrected, before continuing, “just beyond the…”
“Goddammit, I’m a Doctor, not a Professor of Antiquity!”
“...,” I paused, then continued, “...Just beyond the Kuiper Belt, the last GSF space station before heading into wild space.”
Walking onto the bridge, Captain Clark strutted his way over to the observation window.
“Mr. Rivera, prepare to dock with GSF Station 9.”
(Spanish) Translation: Yes captain.
“Ahura, please communicate our arrival.”
“Affirmative Captain.”
“Oh and Ahura…”
She turned in her chair to face me.
“Can you do it with that sugary tone you sometimes display when you’re happy?”
The door to the bridge slid open and in walked Beta Clyde. Oh, did I fail to elaborate before? Beta Cole was only what he was calling himself at the time I introduced you to the ship. He’s now going by the name Beta Clyde. It’s some kind of infantile self psychoanalysis that biological androids apparently exercise on themselves.
“Captain,” he stated, “when we dock with the station, Mr. Sparks would like to have a word with you in the engine room. Something concerning the long term survivability of the ship's power generation in deep space.”
“Ah, very well…thank you Mr. Cole. I’ll go ahead and make my descent.”
“Clyde sir…it’s Beta Clyde now.”
“Whatever…I’m placing you in command during our shore leave, since you have no need for the typical human offerings granted by vacating the ship.”
Beta paused as I was about to leave the bridge and said, “I don’t sir?”
“That’s right…you don’t.”
“But how would I know sir, I’ve never taken a shore leave before? What offerings do you speak of?”
I chuckled a bit and said, “why, the company of strange women number two! A Beta male android wouldn’t possibly know what to do with a young space maiden.”
I exited the bridge as Beta looked on in confusion.
Down in the engine room, I found Sparky cowering and sweating frantically.
“What’s wrong Sparky? Speak to me!” I yelled emphatically.
“I can’t do it Captain…I just can’t do it!” he remarked, with a quiver in his voice.
“What is it Sparky? What is it you can’t…do!” I said as a I grabbed him dramatically by his shoulders.
“I can’t take this ship into deep space. It’s one thing to bounce around familiar territory. But I don’t know what we’re gonna do if we can regularly collect the gasses we need to continue powering the ship. You’re gonna have to find someone else. I’m getting off at GSF 9.”
“Sparky, come on, you gotta trust me…we can…do this mission together. Have some faith…I mean, come on, how long have we known each other?”
“Umm, not that long Captain. I mean, this ship and its crew was just commissioned a couple of months ago. You even forgot who I was a few days ago when I had that situation with Saturn’s gravitational pull. How exactly am I supposed to trust you’ll hold it together in an even more volatile situation?”
In an unabashed moment of emotion, I slapped Sparky across the face and shouted, “Dammit Sparky! Hold it together! You mustn't forget your pledge to this mission. Not to mention your reward for surviving it.”
This seemed to sober Sparky up a bit. I don’t know if it was his mind's eye picture of glory, or his fight or flight fear of my unhinged lashing that caused him to gather his thoughts.
“You’re right Captain…you’re right. I can do this. I grew up in one of the last hoods in the post-scarcity era of humanity. I can handle some simple gas collecting bullshit.”
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
“There you go Lieutenant. That’s the spirit. Now…come with me to the station and I’ll help you pick out bar whore.”
After spending 48 celestial hours at the station, the Adventure was resupplied and ready to embark on its full mission…exploring the unknown universe beyond our own solar system. The crew was also ready, and morale was high, despite a much needed realigning of our more…timid personnel.
“Mr. Rivera, release from the docking station and commence flight towards wildspace.”
(Spanish) Translation: Aye Aye Captain.
I sat back in my…inexplicably oversized chair as the ship began moving away from the Galactic StarForce station.
“Captain, we are just a few lightyears from uncharted territory,” Beta professed.
“Excellent number two. Notify me when we’ve officially crossed into new space.”
“Okay sir, we did it,” he replied immediately.
I rolled my eyes and diverted attention back towards the observation window. When suddenly, in the blink of an eye…almost like some sort of elementary camera trick, a strange individual appeared in the middle of the bridge. The crew, startled, turned their attention towards him.
“Who are you and what business do you have here?” I barked towards the strange man. He had a long flowing red and black robe with matching hat and what appeared to be a gold embroidered letter H across his chest. He appeared to be human, but had a long, wiry, handlebar mustache. Similar to that of an old stereotypical asian trope.
“Greetings Captain Clark. I’ve been expecting you,” he noted.
“Guards, seize this intruder,” I ordered.
The two guards by the door, already with their plasma pistols drawn, took unnecessarily slight half steps towards the strange individual. But with the flick of his wrist, he held up the palm of his hand towards them without breaking eye contact with me. It appeared to cause both guards to freeze in place.
“No need for hostilities, Clark. I’m merely here as an observer. My name is H. I am a highly evolved ancient being who has taken notice of mankind and its propellant towards the stars. I am omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. Your ancestors might have called me god, though it appears that your species has determined they are beyond obsolescence. Moments ago, you took your first foray outside of your known solar system and that was enough to make my presence known to you.”
“...Okay, and your reasoning for this?” I asked.
H seemed perturbed by my questioning and replied, “Well, you have taken the most prestigious steps in your own evolution by exiting the confines of your homeworld.”
“Forgive me for interrupting…but don’t you seem to be a little bit early? I mean, we haven’t really done anything yet. We just left our territory a few minutes ago. Shouldn’t you have waited until we…I don’t know. Actually encountered some strange new worlds first? I feel like this is all happening so fast…and what’s with the H? Are we to believe that the letter H in the English language, that was just forged by the tongues of ancestors a millenia ago back on Earth, is the name of a Supreme being? And why not Z or X…or Q, how bout Q? That’s a much cooler and less used consonant.”
“Will you stop and let me fucking finish Clark?!” he interjected, “I chose now, because I chose now…end of story on that. Yes, my name is H…end of that one. As far as why I chose you, it’s because your race fascinates me and I’m most intrigued at the trajectory of your next phase in evolution. I started to tell you this, but you just couldn’t let me have that could you?”
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment.
“Please…continue, H…,” I said.
“Thank you,” he responded, condescendingly, “as I was saying…I’m omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent…though I am not necessarily omnibenevolent. So before you start questioning why I merely want to observe rather than aid, there's your reasoning…”
I sat back in my chair and stroked my chain as the rest of the crew looked on. After a moment I stated, “I’m not buying it…”
“What? Not buying it?”
“No…I’m not buying it H. Why would an all knowing being be at all interested in humanity, this ship in particular, and at this point in time at all? And why not some other race? I mean, we encountered the Zeta Reticuli awhile back. Why not observe them? They clearly mastered space travel before us and have been watching for centuries. I don’t think they have ever approached a predecessor of mine and tried guiding our evolution through them.”
“I never said I didn’t visit the Zeta…,” H emphatically noted.
“True, but I’m questioning your all knowingness just on the fact that you even care to make us aware of yourself. Either you don’t really know everything or you have ulterior motives.”
“You don’t think that I, H, the superior cosmic being is all powerful?”
“All powerful, sure, not really questioning that. You stopped my guards easily enough. Didn’t show up on our scanners, and appeared on the ship the way you did…it’s the other claims I question…”
H hesitated and then said, “Okay, I’ll prove it…I’ll prove I know everything. Watch…”
I smirked as he began his demonstration.
“Clark…you’re a pompous blowhard who doesn’t think highly of equally ranking women. You have a tinge of racism concerning Rivera’s language barrier. You think Beta is a failed experiment and shouldn’t be on this mission. You desperately want to sleep with Fatemah…and secretly hope you can get her and Yeoman Randy at the same time. Sparky had a freakout the other day. You and Hatfield are gonna trade blows one day. And you think that kid in the redshirt outside the bridge is gonna get himself killed doing something heroic…”
There was an awkward pause and then..
“...Ha Ha Ha…HA HA HA…HA HA HA!!!” I laughed, “Everyone already knows all that.”
The whole room started to nod and mumble in agreement as H’s face turned from smile to frown.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than that H. That’s all stuff that a fly on the wall would know…and we really don’t know how long you’ve been actively observing us. Doesn’t mean you actually know everything as you claim.”
“Okay,“ H quipped, “...sometimes you fear you might be gay!”
“Only when I look in the mirror.”
“You’re worried you’ll encounter the Felions.
“Anyone would.”
“You have a secret rival.”
“Hasn’t been revealed yet.”
“Fatemah doesn’t wear panties!”
“You can see the cameltoe.”
“Goddammit!!!” H shouted while grasping his pointy hat, “Alright Clark…you win. I am not technically all knowing. Maybe I need to observe something from afar. But it's better than any human can do. And it’s not going to save you from my trials.”
“Ha! So you admit it…you do have ulterior motives. I knew you weren’t just going to observe us. You're going to interfere. Probably set us up in some crazy situation that distracts us from the greater mission, see if we resolve it, and come back to laugh later.”
“Not totally wrong…however, it is you who will set yourselves up into a crazy situation…because it will in fact be directly part of the greater mission. To seek out and explore new worlds..chart that extra 1% of the universe. You can’t resist,” he said as he smirked.
“Go on…”
“If you think you’ve got what it takes to hack it in the broader universe, then a perfect test would be for you to scout the planet Vespa. Come off of that planet alive and I will concede you are worthy of interstellar diplomacy. Here…” he waved his hand towards the computer screen, “I’ve loaded up the coordinance for you. You merely need to warp there.”
I looked at the coordinance and saw that it was a mere stone's throw away. Just outside our solar system and we were not even aware of its presence.
“Okay H. We’ll take a look. But what happens when we survive it?”
“Then I’ll make an appearance again…and laugh, as you suggested.”
Just then, H broke out into hideous laughter and slowly faded away.
The crew sat silently, awaiting my next direction. After a moment, I uttered, “Senior Rivera…set course for Vespa. Full throttle.”
“Sí Capitán Clark!”