Perspective: Seyari

Neither of us moved or spoke for a long time. I wanted to continue, but I didn’t want to give up the comfort of the moment.

In the end, it was Zarenna who broke the silence. “You don’t have to go any further tonight if you don’t want to.”

Her voice was smooth and deep, like always. The tone was slightly other, compared to a human voice. I always found myself surprised Zarenna was able to inject genuine concern into a tone of voice I’d expect from a magically-enhanced stage villainess performance.

“I want to.” I leaned into her shoulders more and turned my head to look up at her.

“Alright,” she said softly. “Take your time.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have any questions.” Both of us maintained eye contact.

Zarenna smiled broadly, showing twin rows of sharp teeth. Intimidating, if I didn’t know it meant she was distracted enough to fail to rein in her expression. I took the chance to look at her through my aura sight. I hadn’t been able to activate it while everything was sealed away.

Zarenna’s aura was a deep, rich crimson. There was a lot of strength behind it as well. Only the demon who slew my mother was significantly stronger.

While I was looking, the aura’s owner replied to what I’d said. “I have a ton of questions. But I don’t want to ask them until you’re ready.”

“I’m ready enough,” I replied as confidently as I could.

The demon shook her head. “I don’t buy that. But I’ll ask anyway and you don’t have to answer.”

“Really, I’m fine,” I insisted. I appreciated how Zarenna could read most people so easily. Sometimes I wished that didn’t extend to me.

“Okay then. What happened to the bracelet your mother gave you?”

I breathed in sharply. A small detail, but Zarenna had hit on something personal. She opened her mouth, no doubt to apologize, but I shushed her and replied anyway.

“I lost it some years ago. I don’t remember when.” My tone was colder than I wanted.

“I, uh, sorry.” Zarenna gave me a reassuring squeeze I’m pretty sure would have bordered on bone-crushing for most people. “I won’t ask anything else.”

“Really, it’s fine,” I replied in a tone that was hopefully reassuring. Hearing my old voice again was jarring, and I didn’t really have full control over its strength yet.

“No, I, uh, I don’t want to…” my demonic friend trailed off.

“But you do, don’t you?” I was genuinely confused. “You’ve not stopped like this in the past. What about in the wagon when you kept me from leaving? What about constantly nagging me to tell you in the first place?”

My voice definitely took on more of an edge than I intended.

“I’m—” Zarenna’s voice hitched and her eyes grew wet.

Frantically, I tried to salvage things. “No! Don’t! I mean, uh, shit. Look, I didn’t mean it like that. I, well, I was really happy you cared enough to do that. I just figured you’d blaze through again here.”

Zarenna looked unsure.

“No, I’m fine! Really! I’ll be perfectly fine and I want to have this conversation!” I seem to have finally gotten across to her because her expression brightened.

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“Sorry,” she apologized. “I, just, well, you haven’t been, uh, vulnerable like this before. I really didn’t want to hurt you and the other times were impulsive and—”

She stopped when I put a hand on her cheek. “It’s fucking fine. I like you and I know you mean well. I’m not some fragile thing you need to protect, okay.”

“Okay.”

I barely resisted rolling my eyes. The wetness in them helped.

“You’re like an awkward teenage boy right now, you know that?” I joked.

Zarenna jolted like she’d been struck and pulled away from my hand.

“Zarenna!?” I asked, suddenly panicked. “Are you okay? Shit, I didn’t mean to say anything bad.”

Right then, I realized I knew very little of my friend’s past. Zarenna always seemed unshakeable. I put up a front, but was a mess inside. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, but always seemed so solid underneath. I’d never questioned what could haunt her about her own past.

“But,” she paused a moment, “I’m not, right?”

“Not what?”

Zarenna’s reply came as a faint whisper. “A boy. I’m not a man, right?”

“Huh?” Her reply left me thoroughly confused. “Of course you’re not a man! Why on Varra would you think otherwise?”

“Well, you said—”

“A joke. A bad joke. I just meant that you were awkward but you normally come across as cool and composed, so I just figured, well, y’know.”

“So, you don’t see me as masculine?”

Again, I was confused. “Not at all.”

Zarenna thought for a moment, putting a claw to her chin. “But you see me as cool and composed? Me?”

“Do you really not understand how you come across?” I asked.

Was she seriously not aware?

“Well, I always seem to mess something up, and I don’t really know what I’m doing half the time.”

I looked at my demon friend, completely at a loss. She did sort of have a point about being clueless about some things, though.

I shook my head and replied, “People look up to you, Zarenna.”

“Wait, really? Not just because I’m tall?”

“Yes.” If she was able to pound a gram of self-worth into my thick skull, I was damn well going to pound a ton into her adamantium cranium. “You’re caring to a fault, more powerful than I even really understand, and you’re just, godsdamned, fucking hot as hell. Sorry if that’s too blunt, but I really don’t think you understand any of this.”

I finished with my finger pointing at her so close I could almost touch her nose.

“Oh.” She blushed deep crimson. “You’re, uh, reallyhotandbadasstooimsorry”

My own cheeks heated up at that. Not like I hadn’t heard as much years ago, but a clapback from someone I had the same damn thoughts about hit differently.

I couldn’t figure out what to say next. Zarenna had the same problem. Silence stretched out awkwardly. We were still half-hugging. Her tail, in particular had wrapped almost up to my knees, which I’d pulled in towards my chest. It was warm.

Eventually, I broke the awkward silence. “Sorry about that joke. I don’t remember if I apologized already.”

I’d toyed with the idea of trying to take things further, but decided against it. Gods knew we both clearly wanted to go somewhere with this. I’d had plenty of flings over the last few decades and never had any issues getting straight to the point.

Sex. Sex was the point, then. Here though, everything felt completely different. I wanted something else that I had never before dared to pursue. My heart was beating rapidly, and I couldn’t think totally straight.

I wasn’t the only one. Zarenna took a long time to find her voice.

“You shouldn’t have to apologize. I mean, apology accepted,” she replied and then paused. “I should really tell you about my own past sometime. Though, it’s nowhere close to as interesting.”

“Didn’t you erupt out of a volcano?”

That got a smile. “Yeah, but that’s peak interesting for my story.”

I laughed softly. “Good. Give me some damn normalcy.”

Zarenna giggled, the sound oddly fitting despite her appearance. “Seyari, if you think anything about us is normal, then I have some very bad news for you.”

“Us?” I raised an eyebrow.

Zarenna turned a deeper shade of crimson and her eyes widened.

“Hey, I’m fine with it if you are.” I shifted to a more upright position before ruining my posture by leaning too hard on the neighboring demon.

“Us? Yes! Yes to us. I am fine with us as yes,” Zarenna sputtered.

“Maybe you aren’t always so cool and composed.”

Zarenna huffed, but her expression morphed into another, frankly terrifying, smile. I’d gotten used to her teeth, but I really should tell her how it makes her look.

Nah, fuck that. It’ll be more fun for her to figure that out on her own.

“Mind if I continue?” I asked.

“Of course not.”

I sighed, “It’ll ruin the mood, though.”

Zarenna thought about it a moment. “Go for it. I have enough shoulders for both of us to cry on.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Hey!” Zarenna protested.

“Well, it doesn’t!” I shot back.

“It sounded better in my head,” Zarenna mumbled.

I launched into the next part of my life story before our conversation could devolve any further. Not so secretly, I was glad for the morale boost. Yothariel was far from a good person during her adult life and it was only going to get more painful for me to revisit from here on out.