Perspective: Zarenna

I heard voices in the darkness. I couldn’t make out what was said. I strained and strained to catch the words, but didn’t understand any of them. I grew more and more confused as to why I couldn’t make out anything that was said. I couldn’t even figure out what was wrong with me.

With a start, my last memories flooded back to me.

I sat up with a jolt. Someone next to me shouted in surprise. Someone else hugged me weakly. I blinked my eyes to clear the stars from them. I had a pounding headache, my throat was parched, my mana was exhausted, and I was hungrier than I’d been since I left my island.

I looked around to see who had shouted. Whoever they were had left the wagon, which I realized I was laying down in. That means we won right? How long was I out? I couldn’t feel the venom in my body any more.

“Mmgldyrokay,” the person hugging me mumbled into my chest.

I looked down and blinked, realizing I had my aura sight on. Nelys was clutching on to me tightly enough I could see their muscles straining. Their magical aura was very weak. A peculiar sort of cyan that looked as though it really wanted to be any color other than blue, but couldn’t figure out how to make that happen. At the center of their chest was a brighter spot of aura. I blinked to turn off the sight and gave Nelys a four-armed hug in return.

“What happened?” I asked Nelys.

My voice was weaker than I expected.

“You got stung and tossed. Then you used magic to get really hot and melt the sand! But you passed out after and looked really sick.”

I remembered most of what Nelys had said so far, but I wasn’t aware I’d melted sand before passing out. From my apprenticeship with Bourick years ago, I had a vague idea of the heat required. Could I really make fire that hot? Was it hotter than the lava I swam in when I became a demon?

“What about after I passed out? Did we kill that monster scorpion?”

“Yeah!” Nelys’ expression turned from happy to sad in an instant. “Some people died though. Aretan killed the scorpion about when you got knocked out.”

“How long was I out?” I could hear conversation outside, particularly a group coming closer whose voices I at least partly recognized.

Nelys counted for a second. “Five nights.”

Five nights. I was surprised at how coherent I was. Nelys and the others must have taken care of me. I wondered how I had beaten the poison, but I wouldn’t have to wonder for long as the conversation outside reached the back of the wagon.

Seyari entered the wagon first. I realized how rarely I’d seen her smile, and how unfamiliar the honest happiness she showed seemed. Behind her was a relieved looking Aretan and a bushy-eyebrowed old man I didn’t recognize. Nelys broke the hug to face them, and the group that just entered quickly turned to look away. Seyari’s face burned a shade of pink I hadn’t seen on her. Aretan coughed.

It took me a moment to realize I’d been topless under the sheet. I looked down as if to confirm what I could already feel. I rushed to cover myself with my two lower arms, but failed to hide my embarrassment.

“Sorry!” My face shifted to a deeper shade of crimson.

Really, it was their fault for leaving me undressed! I remembered my clothes had burned away as I fell. Whether I liked it or not, I realized that in order to get me back to the wagon, they’d seen more than what I had just inadvertently showed. I didn’t feel terribly reassured by this.

After I covered myself, the old man said something in Navvish to Aretan.

“He wants to make sure the antivenom worked,” Aretan translated for the rest of us. “How are you feeling Zarenna?”

“Thirsty, hungry, tired, mana exhausted, and I have a headache.”

“We can take care of the first two.” Aretan turned to leave, then paused. “Nelys, could you—”

“Yep!” Nelys popped up and dashed out of the wagon.

“Thank you all for taking care of me.” I spoke loudly enough that I hoped Nelys heard.

“You are welcome!” Aretan immediately responded.

Seyari seemed to have difficulty meeting my gaze, but eventually she responded, “Yeah, sure.”

“He was the one who made the antivenom, though.” Aretan gestured to the old man who had approached me.

“Thank you,” I said in my best approximation of Navvish.

The old man, who had seemed surprised by my earlier words, was clearly taken aback by what I said.

“You’re welcome,” He replied hesitantly, then turned to give instructions to Aretan.

From the conflicted look on Aretan’s face, I guessed simple instructions weren’t all that was said. Seyari’s expression darkened, but softened slightly when I gave her my best smile. She, at least, didn’t mind all the sharp teeth.

Over the next few minutes, I had my aura checked, my temperature and pulse probed, my back and limbs poked and prodded, and several other things I hoped were strictly necessary. At the very least, this old man seemed to act the consummate professional.

I was given a clean bill of health, and the chirurgeon left only a few minutes later. Nelys returned with something I didn’t expect: freshly cooked street food along with a waterskin. I took the meal from them with a quick thanks and a tousle of their hair. I tucked in right away while using my lower arms to keep myself modest.

At the urging of Aretan, I did stop long enough to put something on. I was down to my last shirt, and borrowing pants, but street food meant a town and a town meant clothing.

While I ate, the others told me of all that had happened after I passed out. The three of them had their own adventure, which made me a little jealous I’d missed out. I honestly felt lucky to be alive, though. All throughout, Seyari kept forcing her gaze off me. She was also unusually quiet.

As I ate, I thought about another thing: how lucky it was I’d found friends like these. With what I was now, there was every chance I wouldn’t ever experience a comfortable, happy moment like this. Nelys had even gotten me a double portion (perhaps more, but whatever, I was a big girl) and by the time I finished my meal, I felt a good chunk of the way back to normal.

Done stuffing my face, I spoke up again. “Is this the oasis town? When do we leave for Baetnal?

“We are in Ratev, yes. Florian has said we will move out tomorrow morning,” Aretan replied.

“How much daylight do we have left?” I wanted to get clothing and get it altered enough to fit my extra bits.

“Lots!” Nelys responded.

“It’s just before noon,” Seyari finally spoke.

“Thanks. Are you okay, Seyari?” I tilted my head at her. “I messed up and almost died. I’m sorry.”

Seyari was quiet in response.

“I will tell Florian we are going into town to top up on supplies,” Aretan quickly volunteered an exit.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Nelys looked between Seyari and me, before following Aretan out at the merc captain’s gesture.

Seyari looked after them for a moment before breaking the uncomfortable silence that had started to form.

“Don’t know what they’re on about, but I’m fucking fine.” Seyari wasn’t looking at me.

I tilted my head in concern. “You only swear when something’s got you worked up.”

I let the words hang for a moment.

Then another. I realized she wasn’t going to respond, but she didn’t move to get up.

“Are you okay to talk about it?”

Another long pause.

I was about to continue when she spoke again, still staring at the back of the wagon. “Not really, no.”

“So, is that a ‘no’ for sure? Because—"

“Yeah, it’s a ‘no’ for sure.”

“Can you at least tell me if there’s anything I can do to help you feel better?” I asked softly.

Seyari’s shoulders slumped. She let out a long exhale that tapered into a rattle at the end.

“It’s not something you’d ever do.”

“Try me.”

Seyari looked up at me with a conflicted expression. “Leave now, then. Walk away and never look back.”

I didn’t expect that answer. I felt she was being overly dramatic, but I bit back a joking retort.

I shook my head. “You’re right. I’d never do that. I don’t think you want that either.”

“How do you know what I want?” Seyari spat.

“I don’t, I guess. But I do know that you’re only acting angry but I can’t sense a shred of anger coming from you.”

“I can’t do this. Sorry.” She made to stand up.

I knew I was overreaching, but I stood after her and put a hand on her shoulder. She spun around and slapped me. Her eyes were wet. The strike stung, just not physically.

I didn’t react, but I met her gaze.

After a few moments, her look turned apologetic. “Fuck. I—sorry, just–“

“I shouldn’t have stopped you from leaving just now,” I replied in an even a tone as I could.

“But you did.”

“Yep.”

A moment of silence stretched out as we stared into each other’s eyes. I couldn’t quite place the emotions shown within, but she looked more unsure than I’d ever seen her.

“You don’t have to tell me now, but there is nothing you could possibly say that’d make me leave you.” I took a breath and continued, “And yeah, I don’t know that for sure. But I don’t think any reaction I could have would be worse than what you’re doing to yourself.”

“You…you…You’re un-fucking-believable.” Seyari’s expression flushed.

Only then did I realize the implication of what I’d said. I won’t leave you. I’d just implied a whole lot and probably more than I’d admitted to myself.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Shut it, Zarenna.” I expected another slap, but instead she turned and embraced me.

I went stiff for a moment before cautiously hugging Seyari back. Barely had I done so, however, before she pulled away. In this moment, some amount of mutual confusion dissipated.

Seyari spoke softly, “Someday, I’ll tell you. I’m gonna fucking regret it, but I’ll tell you everything. And then you’ll leave and I’ll have to fucking deal with that.”

“Seyari,” I paused and she looked up at me. I couldn’t stop my tone from wavering and my eyes from growing wet, but I pressed on. “I’m going to try to judge you on the person you are now. You accepted me despite knowing I’m a demon. If I can’t do the same, then I’m not worth your time.”

“You don’t know the person I am now.”

“Stop talking like that, Seyari. You’re either the best actor on Varra, or I have a damn good idea the type of person you are.”

I expected a denial.

Instead, Seyari spoke in a small voice. “I—I’ll think about that.”

“Thanks,” I said sincerely. “And sorry for cornering you.”

Seyari’s tone brightened slightly. “Fuck you. I might’ve needed that, though. Don’t do it again.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“Fine.”

I smiled at her and the corners of Seyari’s mouth curled in what could very generously call an attempt to return the expression.

“You’re missing the teeth.” I pointed a claw at my own fanged smile.

That got an actual smile from the silver-eyed woman.

“Not a lot of people would agree, you weird demon.”

Seyari left the wagon and I followed her out. She looked back at me questioningly.

I shrugged. “I need new pants.”

“Then go get new pants. Town’s right there.” Seyari pointed at the sizeable town beside our camp.

“I can, but…” I pointed to my collar with two hands and held my tail in the others.

Seyari sighed. “Right”

“Thanks.”

“You’re getting whatever’s cheap and durable.”

I pouted.

In the end, we spent the day exploring Ratev.

The clothes I ended up receiving weren’t the most comfortable, but we hadn’t the time for anything custom tailored. I’d known Elena back in Port Princely had been an anomaly, but the insane amount of work she had done for me in that short time became obvious in the face of the quickly-altered clothing we managed to fit my body into. I felt terrible for the fates even her basic clothing had suffered.

The tailor in Ratev, who spoke some Turquoiser, called my body shape awkward. I maintain it’s the clothing that’s awkward. In fact, for the slightest of moments when I was waking from my venom-induced coma, I worried that my new life as a demon had all been a dream. I still felt guilt at my worry. After all, if it was a dream, so many of those close to me would still be alive. I banished the dark thoughts from my mind as best I could.

Walking around the town, the weight of my own breasts never felt so comfortable. Even if the unusual bodice was slightly tighter than I would have liked. Though we’d purchased traveling clothing more akin to what I was familiar with, I had managed to convince Seyari to get a more local outfit, the complexities of which I still struggled with.

Over my slightly tight top, a long purple and silver drape was wound around in ways I sorely doubted I could replicate. A petticoat that was altered for my tail went down past my knees and maintained my modesty. Modesty was something I was glad for as the looks we received were plenty and rarely kind. Demon binding may be practiced in Navanaea, but today I learned it was only popular among the elite.

There was another road out of town we had passed, toward the river. Asking at lunch had told us that direction led to farms and a host of villages close to the river, the size of which was limited due to flooding we were told sometimes almost reached Ratev itself in the wetter seasons.

With our necessities taken care of, Seyari and I sat in a park by the oasis, which had surprised me with its localized explosion of greenery. Despite summer turning to autumn, some of the plants were still in bloom. Above us, a tree covered in waning flowers cast shade and dropped petals all around its base. Had we just gone on a date? Had Aretan taken Nelys so we could have this time for ourselves?

Evidently, Seyari had a similar line of thought, because she steered the conversation very quickly toward a less romantic topic.

“You need to learn how to use a weapon, Zarenna.”

“I’m comfortable using my magic, claws, tail and horns,” I listed items off on my fingers.

“You’ll only have magic with your glamour on. And with a mundane aura, doing anything more than big spark isn’t smart.”

My stomach clenched at the mention of being forced into my glamour. “What about punches and kicks?”

Seyari shook her head. “You need reach.”

“I’m plenty tall already.”

“Not going to be enough, even if you could kill someone with a punch as fast as a blade across the throat.”

There went any lingering fragments of a cheery mood. I’d need to face the fact that I couldn’t exactly live in Edath openly as a demon. Be they people or monsters, I very well may need to fight to kill between here and there.

“So you’re going to teach me to use a sword?” I asked, trying to figure the direction of our conversation.

Seyari snorted, “No. Swords take years of training to use effectively. A small blade like a dagger would be wasted with your size, too. You’re learning how to use a spear.”

“Oh.”

“Are spears really that much easier to learn?”

“They’re certainly easier to pick up.” Seyari shrugged.

“What about a something like a halberd?” I thought back to all the weapons I’d seen working in Bourick’s smithy.

“That would probably work for you, but I’ve never used something like that. Spear first, at least.”

“Sure, I guess,” I leaned against the trunk and looked out across the oasis.

Seyari stood up and dusted herself off.

I turned over to her and raised an eyebrow.

“We have some time until sundown.”

“Today?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want to change clothes.”

“Then don’t.”

Seyari looked at me expectantly.

“Do I need to come with you to get a spear?” I asked her.

Seyari pointed up at my height. “I’m not a giant, so I’ll need you there to help pick one out.”

“Do they even sell weapons here?” I tried one last time to get out of getting up.

“Yes.”

I sighed and dragged myself back onto my feet.

As we left the oasis, Seyari plucked a pink flower from a bush and stuck it in a braid at the side of her head. The action seemed unlike her, but I didn’t comment.

In the end, it was a good thing a spear was what we were after, because the smithy had very few weapons compared to every-day tools. The owner, an older Navanaean man, seemed surprised a pair like us would be interested in a common spear.

In the end, we managed to find something that was almost tall enough for me. Simple and steel-tipped, with a handle of dark, strong wood. It felt light in my hands, like a toy rather than a killing implement. Seyari had gotten one for herself as well.

The rest of the hours until sundown were spent teaching me how to stand and thrust and position myself. I had managed to get Seyari to let me change first, at least. We practiced in a clear area by where the caravan was parked. I felt like I’d made some progress, but my additional arms were something Seyari didn’t know how to position. My tail went unused and even got in the way since it wasn’t being used as a counterweight.

We agreed the weapon was something I’d need to practice with in my glamour, but Seyari didn’t want to show off to everyone in the caravan what I could do to hide my nature. I was more than happy to agree.

At some point, Nelys stopped by to watch. Aretan joined toward the end and helped with my posture, offering advice on how I might be able to use my limbs and tail. The mercenary captain was an expert with many hafted weapons, and I attributed much of my progress to his intervention. Seyari was knowledgeable, but her instructions more often than not were difficult to follow.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of firelight, friends, and food. The other mercenaries, who I still knew only in passing, were completely at ease around me for the first time on the trip. Florian even stopped by briefly, to offer his thanks. I felt all of this was overblown, but I enjoyed the company and goodwill too much to care.

Morning came all too soon. The repairs had finished the day before I awoke. We were packed up and on the road by the time the sun crept fully into the clear blue sky.