“... and on top of all that, now you’re working with him?” Lou asked incredulously, pointing at Pash, who’d practically become my shadow.
“It seems like the most correct thing to do,” I said uneasily.
“You always find ways to justify the most ridiculous things,” Lou said and made a growling noise as she pulled at her hair. “Like always, I can’t even point at any one thing and clearly say why it’s wrong. But looking back? You leave destruction, death, and… and… freaky solutions to your problems. That isn’t normal, Aera.”
“Those ‘freaky solutions’ are alternatives to death,” I reminded her. “Would you have preferred for us to die? For Pash to be executed for treason? For Richardson to either succeed, or be assassinated to stop him?”
She looked like she wanted to scream.
“I don’t want any part of this crap,” she said. “Ages ago, Liam told me something you’d said - something about the ability to bind magic?”
“Yes,” I began, and flinched as I realized what she meant. “You want me to stop you from using it? But, Lou…”
“What, it’s ‘useful?’” she asked scathingly. “I don’t want this, and apparently, just hanging out with you for years was all it took to force it on me. I accidentally boiled over my coffee yesterday - am I going to boil off someone’s face if they threaten me?”
I flinched. She wasn’t wrong. Newly awakened casters were often known to be deadly, without someone to guide them, to teach them. Slick and Liam both had elements and temperaments that made them less dangerous, fortunately.
“I can bind you,” I said. “But it’d be better to teach you. I can’t make a lifelong binding - strong emotions can break bindings like that, and so I’d have to check periodically.”
“Great,” she said. “Just great. So now I’m saddled with a curse that might randomly blow out of me whenever I get pissed enough, all because I hung out with you too much.”
“It’s not a curse,” I said, but there wasn’t force in my words.
She covered her face with her hands. It didn’t look like she was crying - rather, I got the impression that she was forcing herself to be unable to look at me for a second. Several long moments passed while she breathed unusually regularly.
“What do I need to know in order to make absolutely sure I never use it on accident?” she asked, her voice unusually level.
“The best way is to use it on purpose, so you know what it feels like,” I said uneasily. “Because, in a sense, you can’t use it accidentally. Magic always does exactly what you want it to. Just, sometimes, what you believe you want and what you actually want don’t always line up. Also, sometimes you want something to happen, but don’t want the consequences.”
“I didn’t want my coffee to boil over,” Lou said, glaring at me.
“No, but I’d guess you wanted to pour your anger into what you were glaring at, which happened to be coffee,” I said. “Pouring emotion into something - especially anger - without any additional instructions just adds energy. Energy in its most natural form is heat. So…”
“So, if I’m dealing with another corrupt bastard at work, or nasty criminal of some kind, and deep down, I want to rip their faces off, their faces might randomly fly off, is what you’re telling me?” she asked scathingly.
I winced.
“Not exactly…?” I hedged. “Again, if you get some practice in using magic on purpose, then you’ll recognize the feeling that goes with actually setting it off. Then it won’t happen by accident.”
“In other words, I have no choice but to train with you,” she said, crossing her arms and glaring at me.
“Um… no,” I said. “I mean, that’d be best, sure, but between your element, your personality, and your natural talent, you can easily practice on your own. Maybe get some candles and practice igniting them? That should be easy, and there’s no reason you can’t do it on your own.”
“And you’re sure I won’t blow up someone’s face?” she demanded.
I hesitated.
“If you get the hang of what it takes to make it manifest, and if you don’t decide in the moment that you really do, actually want to attack, then I’m absolutely certain that it won’t happen by accident,” I said.
She rubbed at her face again.
“I guess that’s the best we can do, then,” she said glumly. “So, what’s next? You were telling me what’s happened in the last few days, but I get the impression that this is leading up to a goodbye.”
“Yeah,” I said, dipping my head sheepishly. “I don’t want to say goodbye, but there’s a number of issues with staying here.”
“Like your association with someone who’s guilty of treason,” she said pointedly.
“Like that, yes,” I agreed. I could almost feel Pash smirk behind me. “Pash thinks - and I think he’s probably right - that being around large population centers is more likely to get governments uncomfortable with me. We’re planning on establishing our own, little base of operations on an unused island where we’ll live with his daughter, for now.”
“As far as I know, there aren’t any unclaimed, livable islands in the entire world,” Lou said, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
“Pash found something that’s close enough,” I said.
“Close enough,” Lou repeated dryly. “So you’re stealing an island.”
“Kind of?” I said, a sheepish grin on my face again. “It’s really close to here! It’s a tiny little place called Sable Island. It technically belongs to Canada, but it’s really quite perfect for our purposes. No one lives on it, and Canada just uses it for weather reporting. It’s not suitable for people - it’s been called Shipwreck Island, because the waters around it are shark infested, with terrible rock formations that lead to shipwrecks. There’s a small ecosystem on the island, too. It’s hard living, but there’s some horses, birds, and grasses. That’s enough for me to work with, and turn it into something luxurious.”
“Does Canada have a problem with this?” Lou asked, sounding like she already knew the answer.
“We haven’t discussed it with them, yet,” I said, to which Lou responded by rubbing her eyes with a clear “That’s what I thought” expression. “Pash thinks the best plan is to secretly go onto the island, establish ourselves, and then approach the Canadian government. It’ll be easier to negotiate our use of the island if we’re already there, apparently. I intend to ‘trade’ healing, knowledge of magic - cautiously, of course, starting with academics, rather than training - and, naturally, the single handed destruction of Nazi Germany.”
“Why are you ‘trading’ that instead of just doing it?” she asked.
“Pash and I discussed how it would look from outside,” I explained. “He says that if I do it first, and then take credit, a lot of people will be questioning if I’m a fraud who’s just taking advantage of the work of some other, secret organisation. If I declare my intentions first, I will not only be taken more seriously, but it’ll give me an advantage in negotiations from then on out.”
“I thought you were on a tight time limit,” she said. “Aren’t your parents going to move against you?”
“Yes, but honestly, Hitler is not the biggest threat here,” I said. “Taking out his regime is just the first big step of the rest of my life. Today, in a real sense, marks the end of the life I’ve known - the life of the little, unknown sorcerer, finding her feet in Boston. Tomorrow marks the first day of Aera, sorcerer of Earth.”
“Tomorrow?” Lou repeated, startled.
“You were right - we do have to move fast,” I said. “Pash was able to arrange an ‘unofficial’ meeting with the Prime Minister of Canada. Tonight, we’re going to the island, and tomorrow, to the capital, Ottawa. I’ve just finished a shapeshifting enchantment for Pash, so he can keep up with me.”
“So, this is it, then,” Lou said, sounding defeated. “You’re going to head off on your own, with Lieutenant Pash as your advisor -”
“More like ‘servant,’ really,” I interjected.
She continued as if I hadn’t spoken.
“- to basically take over the world, starting with Hitler and Canada, destroying one and shaping the other, to suit your preferences,” she said.
I scratched at my neck awkwardly.
“I know it looks that way,” I began.
“Enlighten me as to how it isn’t.”
“You don’t like magic, and I don’t like guns,” I said. “But both are part of the world.”
“Magic doesn’t have to be,” she said, glaring at me. “I can learn to hide it, Slick and O’Brien aren’t going to spread it, either. You can just get rid of your parent’s influence in Germany, then work on the portal and go back to where you belong.”
The heat in her voice made me flinch.
“... you want me to leave?” I asked.
She looked away for a moment, then met my eyes again.
“I care about you, Aera,” she said. “We all do. But I also care about my world, and the fact of the matter is, I’m not exactly seeing a happy ending if you go off and start making everything like your world.”
“I wouldn’t, though,” I protested. “There’s a lot - a huge amount - that my world has wrong. Between my background, and getting communication through the portal, I will have all the wisdom of my world, combined with the wisdom of yours. We can do amazing things here.”
She shook her head.
“Sure, there’s some shit about your world that you’d avoid,” she said darkly. “But I hardly think you’ve really gained any of the wisdom of this world. You still refuse to call your parents monsters, for example.”
“I don’t have to call them monsters to believe that they’re wrong,” I said. “And I do believe they are wrong, about many things. That’s the problem with you, Lou. You’re so afraid of the worst, that if people don’t completely agree with you, then you automatically believe that they believe the worst things. Look back, and tell me truly - between all the people I’ve known, and the things I’ve done, can you really say I’ve learned nothing of this world’s wisdom?”
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She sighed, and went to go sit down on the living room chair, running her hands through her hair in frustration. I sat beside her. Pash continued to stand off to the side, the absolute picture of perfect, subservient compliance. Of course, I knew that it was just another role he was playing, and his mind was happily planning, as well as listening.
“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I don’t know what’s really going on in your head.”
“Well, you’re a smart woman,” I said wryly. “You know that I can be pushed to a certain degree, but when I fully believe something, I’m not held back. My word is my bond, even over the life of a friend.”
I winced a little at that, but continued.
“Look at my choices, and tell me - do you really fear that I will actually go through with plans incautiously, without advisors that I consider trustworthy, without a plan in motion?”
“You’re going through with this plan, aren’t you?” Lou asked.
I sighed and rubbed at my face in the same way she did. The corner of her mouth twitched into a faint smile. We sat that way for another long moment. I looked out the window.
“Lou…” I began, and swallowed. “There are so many terrible things that you take for granted, as though they are inevitable. Famine. Disease. Unwanted children. Death of old age - from things like failing hearts or livers, or what have you. I cannot personally cure everyone on Earth, of course - but I offer a chance to open up an entirely new way of life, without those things. Isn’t that a vision of humanity that’s worth fighting for? At least worth the effort to try?”
“There’s also science,” Lou said. “Medicine’s getting better every year. We don’t need magic.”
“Medicine won’t get there in time to save Pash’s daughter,” I said, which made Lou turn and look at Pash in surprise. He had a vaguely annoyed look on his face. “It won’t get there in time to save so, so many daughters, and sons, and mothers, and fathers, and friends. If Slick became terminally ill, would it really be good enough to believe that one day, long after his body has turned to dust, your scientists will cure that disease?”
“No,” she admitted with a sigh. “But… damn it, Aera, I’ve seen what you can do. I’ve heard your stories about how bad things can be. The chance of saving Slick, against the chance of Earth dealing with that…?”
“If it makes you feel better, Pash is wholeheartedly against that range of outcomes, too,” I said wryly.
“So?” Lou demanded. “You think anyone wants that? All it takes is for someone to be short sighted, Aera. Or to make a bad guess as to how something could turn out. Or to be desperate. Your stupid plague of songbirds story is a great example of that. One wrong move could destroy my entire world. That, Aera, that is the gamble you’re talking about here.”
We were silent, and I took a deep breath.
“Sorry, Pash,” I said. “I have to say this bit privately.”
He nodded as I put up a sound blocking barrier around us.
“There’s a way to be sure, but it’s… kind of terrifying,” I said.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound ominous at all,” she said darkly.
“You remember what I told you about the gods of my world?” I asked.
Her eyes narrowed, and she hesitated for just a second.
“You’re talking about you becoming the god of magic of Earth, which guarantees you have the power to handle any fuck ups,” she said.
“It was supposed to be my mother taking that role, in the original plan,” I said.
“Oh, great, that’s even better,” she said, looking annoyed. “I guess, gambling on your good intentions is better than gambling on you never, ever making a short sighted mistake. But wouldn’t that take a while?”
“Decades, at least,” I said, sighing. “Maybe even a century or so.”
“So, let’s see if I’ve got this straight,” she said. “One way or another, you’ve got to deal with Hitler and his crap, because your parents got involved. That’s non negotiable, else they take over the world.”
I nodded.
“After that’s taken care of, there’s four options,” she continued. “One, you stay here and try to bring in magic nice and slow, hoping you never make the sort of mistake that starts Armageddon. Two, you stay, and work on becoming a god of magic here, while helping as much as you can in the meantime. Three, you leave, gain enough power at home to do the god thing, and then come back. Four, you leave and never come back, except maybe for dinner or whatever.”
“That sounds right,” I agreed.
“One is probably doomed to fail,” she said, still looking speculative. “Two’s a smooth gamble - as long as you intend not to share magic pretty much at all until you’re in a position to handle things going wrong. Three and four look the same, within a normal person’s lifetime. Only difference is whether you’re coming back as a god thing. So, I guess, that leaves us with two questions. Do you go for the god thing, and are you leaving after fucking Hitler up?”
“Let’s talk about the ascension, first,” I said, sighing. “If I honestly try my best, I would eventually succeed, since there’s no competition over here. That means the question is - is that the best thing?”
“You’ve said that magic people live a few hundred years,” Lou said, to which I nodded. “But as a god thing, do they live forever?”
“Yes, unless they’re killed by someone,” I said.
“Right,” she said. “So, here’s the next question. If you become a god thing, how sure can we be that you won’t, one day, go stupid crazy?”
“One of the weird things about the process of ascension is it locks the mind of the person ascending,” I said. “They’re less able to change than humans. Popular theory is that it’s because gods have perfect memories, and perfect self awareness. Who I am, immediately after ascending, is almost certainly who I would be for millenia, at the very least.”
“After ascending?” she asked.
“Perfect self awareness, as I said,” I said with a small smile. “That tends to change a person. It’s said that the process of ascending makes a person become the truest manifestation of themselves, and also binds their souls to whatever domain of existence they will rule over, as gods. I don’t remember all of the teachings on the subject - it has been a while - but I remember the gist of it, because my mother was going to become the god of magic in whatever new world my parents found, and I wanted to know the details.”
“What would it mean for your soul to bind to magic itself?” she asked.
“That I would always care, deeply and absolutely, about every domain of magic, every element, every possible usage. I wouldn’t automatically approve of it all, of course, so I’d still hate the idea of using mind magic to make slaves, for example.”
She looked contemplative.
“So, if you were trained in how to be a good person over the next however many years, taught all the lessons we can possibly teach, then you’d be stuck as a good person who understands all that stuff, forever,” she mused.
“That’s correct,” I said.
“Why don’t they do that in your world?” she asked.
“They do,” I said, laughing. “It’s a well known fact that if a high priest of a god becomes someone that the god thinks is better for the role than themselves, they’ll often hand over the position. But it’s also possible for someone who’s power hungry and greedy to become powerful enough to slay a god and take the position by force. Evil gods, too, don’t exactly look for good people to become replacements. The pantheon is, essentially, eternally at war.”
“So, wait, someone could still wreck you by force, then?” she asked.
I laughed.
“Remember, that’s why I would become the god of magic,” I emphasised. “The point is that I would be able to forcibly prevent people from achieving enough power to contest me. Another god could protect their followers from my influence, but there won’t be one.”
“Could you still heal people and stuff?” she asked.
“Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “My ability to interact with the world would mostly be limited to affecting the ability of people to use magic. But I could, for example, ‘bless’ people with knowledge of how to heal, which would be far better for the job, anyway.”
She nodded, still looking speculative. I waited. Pash looked intensely curious as to what we were talking about, but continued to passively wait.
“It kills me to think about it,” Lou admitted after a long few minutes. “I don’t like the idea of magic. I don’t want it. But…”
She rubbed at her face too roughly, almost as though she wanted to scrub off something disgusting.
“...I wouldn’t want Slick to die of something if someone could fix it,” she continued, her voice hollow. “The idea of you becoming a god is terrifying. But… it’s better than you not being a god, if magic’s going to be around. Which is a big ‘if.’”
She closed her eyes.
“Famine, disease, unwanted children,” Lou repeated softly. “Those are the ones you mentioned. But over the years… you’d talked about dealing with natural disasters, and healing injuries...”
She still seemed strained.
“And stopping wars,” I added, amused. “And dealing with old age. And housecleaning, too, let’s not forget that.”
She laughed, her voice tight.
“I don’t like gambling with the fate of the world,” she said, her eyes still closed.
“It’s a gamble either way, isn’t it?” I asked. “I mean, Hitler might have won, even without my parents’ influence. There may be another threat like that, one day.”
A groan filled the air as Lou flopped back onto the couch.
“There’s time to figure that crap out,” she said, and I stifled a chuckle. “What about you staying on Earth versus going home?”
“I don’t want to leave,” I said. “Here, I’m useful. I feel I’d go half mad back on Camelot, knowing there’s all these people I could be helping, and doing nothing. There, I’m just another spellcaster. I don’t have a future there, not one where I actually matter.”
“So you’re pretty set on option two, then, I take it?” she asked.
I nodded slowly.
“I’m… daunted by the prospect of trying to become a god of magic,” I said. “Personally, option one is more appealing, but I guess you’re right, the odds are too much in favor of things eventually going horribly wrong.”
She grumbled something too quiet for me to hear.
“I’m still kind of in favor of option four, where you leave and take all the magic with you,” she said, sighing. “I don’t like the idea of Slick getting hurt, but damn it, I don’t like magic. But… I don’t know what’s best.”
“So, maybe here’s a compromise,” I said, thinking of something that made me smile. “I’m no expert philosopher, and neither are you. I will go take down Hitler, and work with Pash to have a safe base in Canada. Then, I will stay for a season, and study the lessons of your people, sharing my skill, but not spreading magic itself, to decide what ought to be done.”
“Yeah,” Lou said, sounding relieved. “Yeah, that sounds good. But you’ll have to be careful, Aera. No accidentally awakening people to magic, like me. No impulsively doing crap without thinking about the consequences. No getting all your advice from Pash.”
“Understood,” I said with a laugh. “And I’ll come back often to visit!”
“Not too often,” Lou said sourly. “To be frank, Aera, I was thinking about cutting things off with you completely. This shit is too much for me. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
I nodded, wincing a little.
“But,” she continued, “I can handle you coming back to visit on occasion -”
She cut off abruptly, and then glared at me, adding, “- as long as you don’t bring insanity and chaos into my life any more than you already have.”
I couldn’t help but giggle.
“I can’t promise that,” I said, to which she grumbled at me again, “but I can promise to try! I know it’s been hard, but… well, I will miss you, Lou. You, and Liam, and everyone.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, I know why you’ll miss O’Brien,” she said wryly.
“Do you know?” I asked mischievously, waggling my eyebrows at her.
She punched me.
“I get the impression you’d like to know,” I added with a giggle.
She punched me harder.
“Ow,” I said, rubbing at my shoulder, then giggled some more. She smiled warmly at me.
“Let’s have a goodbye party tonight,” I said impulsively. “There’s not a lot of time, but -”
“A party,” Lou asked wryly. “Seriously?”
“Okay, okay,” I said. “I just want to say goodbye, that’s all. Properly.”
“We can do that,” she said, a hollow look appearing in her eyes again. “Yeah, let’s just… put all this behind us, like you said, properly.”
There wasn’t much time, of course. The looming spectre of a magically empowered Germany targeting me made for a rather rushed feeling. Still, I managed to find almost everyone. Liam, Slick, Alice, and Dorothy all got hugs. Alice was begrudging in her hug, and Lou… I was sad to realize that Lou wasn’t able to bring herself to hug me at all. Albert had already been taken back to Princeton, where he would be safe. I was able to write a little letter of goodbye, which my friends promised they’d make sure got to him.
Our final get together was over too soon. Everyone was still stressed from the recent craziness, and we needed more time to recover than the paltry few hours we could spare. Still, I was able to say goodbye. That mattered a great deal.
Afterwards, Pash and I got ready to go. His daughter would remain here, in safe keeping, until Sable Island was ready for us to move there more permanently. She was fully healed already, of course. I’d felt the change in Pash after I’d cured her. He was ever so much more calm, now. Perhaps “content” was a more correct word. There was a gentleness in his focus that had never been present before.
As we shifted into identical dogs (other than the fur - mine was pretty, and his was a sleek, dull black), I turned back to look at Boston’s skyline one last time.
It was time to step away from the life I had known. It was time for me to stand upon the world stage.