After we quickly returned to the temporary base, I was shunted to my room and left in the dark. I fiddled nervously for a minute, and decided I might as well finish getting my sleep.

Nicholas woke me up not long later. It couldn’t have been more than an hour or two at most, as the sun was still far from rising. He apologized for waking me, which was really quite sweet of him. I really did like all of the trainees. It was a shame that they had to behave in such anti-human ways while in the military.

After nicely dragging me to General Richardson’s office again, he left to stand outside the door.

“We’re preparing a mission to investigate the German base more closely,” Richardson said, getting straight to the point. “We need you to examine the portal and look for any other magic things you can find while you’re there. Due to his familiarity, Lieutenant Pash will be in charge of the mission.”

“Pash?” I said, surprised. “In charge? But… can you really be sure he can be trusted?”

He’d been nice lately, sure, but this was a lot of trust to put in the man. Letting him drive me someplace and letting him be in charge of an important mission were two very different things. Lou’s and Liam’s constant admonitions to not trust him were echoing in my mind.

“I know him,” Richardson said. “He mentioned you’d likely feel this way, but he has proven himself trustworthy. I need to know that you’ll obey any of his orders in the field.”

I flinched.

“Miss Koryn, this is extremely important,” Richardson said. “This mission is liable to fail if you cannot be trusted. You are the most valuable element of gaining knowledge that we have - we cannot afford to either not use you, or to have you as a rogue element.”

“I... “ I began, and hesitated again. “I can’t promise to obey him. I take my promises extremely seriously, but I just don’t trust him enough.”

Richardson sighed heavily.

“What can be done to gain your cooperation for this mission?” he asked. “Keep in mind that time is of the essence.”

I swallowed uneasily.

“If you gain Lou’s cooperation, you’ll have mine,” I said. “I even… I made her a promise. If it comes to it, I’ll even outright obey her.”

“Lou Williams?” he asked, mildly surprised. He considered briefly. “I’m sure she can be acquired, and as a police officer, she’ll do, I suppose. Do I have your word that if she gives her cooperation, you will cooperate to the best of your ability, even if you personally disagree with the choices made?”

“I swear upon my magic,” I told him solemnly.

“Dismissed,” he said, getting up instantly.

I darted out of the room. He left, too, immediately heading off somewhere else.

The military could really move fast when it wanted. It was just past dawn when Lou came over, followed by Richardson and Pash both, and gave me a hug. Nicholas gave her a friendly smile. We all stepped into Richardson’s office.

“Good on you for not trusting that snake,” Lou said, entirely unconcerned with the fact that both of the men could hear her.

“Thanks,” I said. “I was afraid you’d be mad I was dragging you into this.”

“Not at all,” she said. “As much as I want fuck all to do with the military, if you need help, I’m there. Besides, any opportunity to see Pash put in his place is a treat I can’t turn down.”

“I appreciate it,” I said, smiling at her warmly. I then turned my attention to the vaguely annoyed looking men. “So what’s the plan, now?”

“As we no longer have the cover of night, your team will go in this evening,” Richardson said. “Today, we will test the defenses of the Germans with a few different strikes. Knowing what we do, we’ll mostly focus on trying to gather information about exactly how they repel the attacks, so that you can be put to use in detailing what it means.”

“Sensible,” I said.

His lip twitched, as though suppressing a frown.

“The team will consist of you two, Lieutenant Pash, and Private Marshall,” he said. Nicholas was coming? “You will be equipped with the defensive amulets, a jeep, and weaponry, as well as various surveillance and communication technology.”

“Binoculars and a radio, you mean,” Lou said, looking amused.

Richardson gave her a look, but otherwise ignored her.

“Your purpose is to get as close as you can. Miss Koryn, I understand you’ve extended your useful range of magesense to about a mile?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” I said, privately still pleased that I’d nearly quintupled my abilities, between the military training and Albert’s help.

“Then the purpose is only to get you close enough to cover the entire base with your magesense, and to write down everything magic or otherwise interesting that you find,” he said. “If you can’t get close enough safely, then you are to try to come at it from another angle. If that doesn’t work, it’s better to abandon the mission half complete than to risk capture. It is important that you understand: under no circumstances, miss Koryn, can you allow yourself to be captured.”

I scuffed my foot on the floor.

“We don’t want anyone captured, though,” I said quietly.

“Obviously,” Richardson said. “But if anyone else is taken, we’re dealing with standard prisoner of war issues. Being on American soil, they’re liable to be treated decently well - I doubt that they’d prefer America to be angry instead of scared. If you’re taken, we’re in dire straits. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, my voice barely audible.

“Lieutenant Pash is in charge,” he said. “He has experience in subterfuge and stealth missions. You have all agreed to obey his orders -”

“Conditionally,” Lou interjected. Richardson continued as though she hadn’t spoken.

“- for the duration of this mission. In the meantime, Miss Koryn, I’d like you to use the long range magic detection periodically, and let me know if there are any significant changes to the amount or placements of magic. Also, let me know immediately if there’s any magic outside of their base.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.

“I believe that addresses the major points,” Richardson said. “Any questions?”

No one asked anything, so we were dismissed.

“So what conditions did you insist on?” I asked Lou, as we walked to my room.

“A bunch,” she said. “He looked ready to rip out my throat by the time we finished. It mostly boiled down to, I’m ‘allowed’ to disobey if we’re double-crossed by anyone - Pash, Richardson, Nicholas, anyone else. And, you’re not directly required to obey Pash - I’m the intermediary. I’m getting paid for it, too.”

“Paid?” I asked. “It never occurred to me to ask for money.”

“Of course not,” Lou said dryly. “Anyway, we hashed out an agreement of sorts. He wasn’t happy, but we’re good.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said with a sigh.

Lou frowned at that.

“You shouldn’t have to rely on me,” she said. “But it’s better than the alternative. You’ve got to grow a spine, Aera.”

I flinched.

“I’ve been trying,” I said glumly. “And I’m brave in some ways…”

“I know,” she said, patting me on the shoulder. “Like this mission - as long as someone can make sure no serious decisions fall on your lap, you’ll ace it, I bet.”

“Thanks,” I said, chuckling a little. “I guess it’s time to start doing the long distance scouting.”

“Yeah,” she said, sitting down on my bed. “What’d you get from it last time?”

“What do you mean, last time?” I asked.

“When the Germans first arrived,” she said. “You did the magic scouting thing then, right?”

“It didn’t occur to me,” I admitted.

“You were just waiting for orders?” she asked. “Seriously?”

“Um… yes?”

She sighed.

“Aera, right after you grow that spine, you need to learn to take initiative,” she said. “You don’t need to ask permission for things like that.”

“You’re right,” I said. “Anyway, let’s see what I find.”

There was a decent amount of magic in the German base. My spell wasn’t refined enough to give much in the way of details, but by comparing my results to a map and a compass, I was able to glean a few things. There was absolutely no magic outside of their base, other than their boat. There were hazy patterns of distribution - my best guess was that the walls, portal, and two large tents had the most magic. The boat seemed to have much less. Richardson was very pleased, and intended to make the boat a primary target in his daytime raids.

Hours passed, and Lou kept me company. We took a nap in the afternoon, to be as awake as possible for the mission.

When I woke up, Nicholas was just outside my room. He told me about how the strikes had gone. A sustained attack on the boat had proven entirely successful - it would never be seaworthy again. The rest of the German base was better protected, though, and while they managed to get a few soldiers, they mostly didn’t accomplish much other than annoyance. Mostly, that was because the local US military wasn’t set up for the kind of offence necessary.

Nicholas was clearly nervous, but in generally good spirits. He led me to the others. Albert was there to see us off, and had been talking with Lou. They were having a philosophical discussion on the morality of magic’s existence. While I was tempted to see if they could prolong their discussion, so I could listen in, they took my presence as a sign that it was time to get going.

As sunset was only just a little ways behind us, they hadn’t been waiting long. Pash rejoined us, and had a tolerant look on his face. The necklaces were distributed and I explained their functions and limitations, just in case. We then loaded up into a jeep, which was packed with various weapons and things, and were on our way.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“This is exciting,” I said to Lou, who was sitting next to me in the back. “I wonder what we’ll find.”

“Nothing good, I’m sure,” she said dryly, looking out the window at the starlit forests. “Can you sense anything yet?”

I closed my eyes and focused.

“Not yet,” I said.

“Try again in about two minutes,” Nicholas said. “We’re getting close.”

“Should we get off the road, then?” Lou asked, clearly uneasy.

“Soon,” Pash said.

A short while later, Pash directed Nicholas to pull over into a little clearing. We left the jeep behind, but took a number of weapons with us. I didn’t bother, of course.

We walked carefully through the woods. Everyone had flashlights, but we weren’t using them, since we didn’t want to be observed. Instead, I created tiny glowing lights designed to look like a small swarm of fireflies. I’d observed the creatures plenty of times, so I thought I was doing a great job of it. While generally not great for illumination, having a few right next to the ground, right in front of my companions, was sufficient. For myself, magesense did the job best, since virtually all of the obstacles were alive. I did stumble on a few rocks that way, but it worked out well enough.

It wasn’t long before my probes started to return results. With all the forestry in the way, we were closer than I’d have preferred to be. Still, it was good to confirm a few things. The first thing I noticed was that the defensive wall was handled by a very strange sort of enchantment. At first glance, it looked startlingly crude - the layers were formed roughly, without any of the precision that generally accompanied enchantment work. And yet, despite the roughness, it still worked remarkably well - further, it was a multifaceted enchantment, with tiered instruction protocols within it, and connected to a remote energy source. This would enable the defenses to share the workload, as it were, so that repeated attacks on one area wouldn’t create weak spots.

In other words, the enchantment showed signs of both remarkable skill and utter ineptitude. I couldn’t fathom how such a thing could be made.

Even more astounding, the enchantment didn’t have a single security precaution against other spellcasters. They knew they were coming for me... so why did they leave such an incredible weakness? If I got close enough, I could simply take over the enchantment myself.

I was starting to explain my findings when we ran out of time. A gentle touch of a spirit caressed over me, and an alarm went off in the base.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Lou muttered, clenching her pistol tightly in her hands.

“This is salvagable,” Pash said. “Private Marshall, give me your amulet for a moment.”

“There’s soldiers coming!” I squeaked, observing their movements with magesense, as Nicholas handed the necklace over.

“Let’s bail,” Lou said. “Come on, let’s go.”

“One moment,” Pash said, sounding weirdly calm to me. Maybe it was my nerves. “Are they defended with magic? And how many of them are there?”

“Um,” I said, as Lou made an exasperated noise. “There’s… six, I think? And only one of them has enchantments. But there’s a bunch of them, it’s too murky to make out details.”

“Is he a spellcaster?” Pash asked.

“They’re getting closer,” Lou said, almost dancing in spot from unease. “Let’s leave now, and play twenty questions with Aera later.”

Nicholas was getting increasingly uncomfortable.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Again, all the enchantments makes him murky.”

“Do you believe you could handle him yourself?” Pash said.

“What the hell?” Lou said. “You’re saying we fight? This is a fucking stealth mission!”

“It’s an information gathering mission,” Pash said smoothly. “With the ability to see them coming at range, there is no reason to abandon the mission.”

“The fuck there isn’t,” Lou said darkly. “They’re obviously here for Aera, and she’s right here. Remember the whole, ‘don’t let Aera get captured’ conversation? We’re bailing, now.”

“We will not be leaving yet, Ms. Williams,” Pash said.

Conviction took over Nicholas’s spirit as he turned and pointed his gun at Pash, who raised his own gun as though on instinct.

“He’s turned on us,” he said tersely. “He’s delaying. Both of you, run.”

Pash sighed, and I froze. Lou’s gun was pointed at Pash, but she also hesitated.

“A shame you’re making things difficult,” Pash said, seemingly entirely unconcerned. “There is no need for violence. Ms. Koryn needs merely to discuss a matter with the Germans.”

“You fucking snake,” Lou spat.

“There’s no time,” Nicholas said. “Go!”

Lou turned to take my hand, starting to pull me away.

A gunshot rang through the air, followed by another. A choked sound escaped my throat as a blossom of red emerged from Nicholas’s chest, and a splatter of grey metallic sludge appeared next to Pash.

I shrieked and fell to Nicholas’s side, years of training guiding me almost mechanically. He mostly lacked a heart. The blood loss was the biggest problem, and I began to-

“No one needs to be harmed,” Pash said. “Heal him - the Germans will not interfere. But I must insist that you wait.”

“Aera,” Lou hissed. “It’s another delaying tactic. You can’t heal him before they get here. Let’s go!”

“He’s my friend,” I said numbly.

All the blood vessels in the area had been sealed off. I wrenched out the bullet, which was embedded in the back of his chest cavity, in one of the ribs.

“And Pash murdered him,” Lou said. “We don’t have time… Aera!”

“He’s not dead!” I yelled, then choked on a sob.

I began to regrow his heart, the missing bits modelled after my own. The brain could only live like this for minutes! So little time…

“He doesn’t need to die,” Pash said. “Aera - I know that I have not earned your trust enough to ask this of you, hence my forcing your hand. But I swear to you that this is the best course.”

I startled at his words. It was the first time he’d ever called me by name.

“Fuck that shit, and shut your fucking mouth,” Lou said. “Aera, I’m calling it in. You need to obey - get up and run!”

She reached for my shoulder, roughly pulling me to my feet. Nicholas’s heart wasn’t functioning yet. He… he…

But I’d given my word. I didn’t have to decide, so it wasn’t my fault... right?

Strange. My hands were numb. And my face. My legs moved as I followed Lou at a run.

The thudding of my heartbeat in my ears reminded me that Nicholas’s heart wouldn’t.

Lou kept having to yell at me to keep running. Soon we found ourselves at the jeep. The keys were in the ignition, so we simply had to climb in. Lou started driving before I’d managed to sit down.

She cursed a few times about one German vehicle pursuing us. It didn’t take long before it broke off pursuit, and Lou said it turned around.

I’d never even glanced in its direction.

My hands were red.

He’s dead by now. Actually dead.

I couldn’t seem to find the willpower to look anywhere else. Lou occasionally made noises, like she was trying to talk to me, but it was gibberish.

If it were up to me… I’d have stayed, kidnapped Pash to acquire information from, and had Lou run without me. Maybe I’d have been caught. Was that risk really worth Nicholas’s life?

But she didn’t think of an alternative, the thought whispered in my mind. She said Pash murdered him, not injured. Had something else been shot instead - like his knee - would she still have abandoned him to die?

I remembered Kito’s face in the hospital. Nausea turned my stomach. Any injury whatsoever that caused enough blood loss was lethal. When she shot Kito’s knee… had she realized that could have been fatal? She turned and left him in the middle of the night - could she really have known for sure that he’d be rescued in time?

She couldn’t have known. Kito’s life meant less than the secret. Nicholas’s life meant less than an ambiguous risk of my theoretical capture.

I swallowed past a lump in my throat as another realization dawned.

I knew she had a distaste for magic, but… that strong? She fears magic more than she values life?

“Would you learn to use magic, to save Slick’s life?” I asked suddenly, my voice hoarse.

“You’re finally talking properly, good,” Lou said, sounding relieved. “Still nonsense, but at least it’s a sentence this time. Keep on breathing, Aera. It’s okay.”

“I need to know,” I said. “Would you? Would you learn magic to save Slick’s life?”

“It’d never come to that,” she said, her eyes on the road.

“It easily could,” I said. “Healing, protection, so many things. Tell me, Lou. Would you?”

“It’s not natural,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ll handle things the proper way.”

“So you wouldn’t?” I pressed.

“No, not ever,” she said.

I choked as I leaned my head back on the headrest.

Nicholas was dead because of me.

Was no one trustworthy in this world? In any world?

They’d convinced me that my parents’ beliefs weren’t perfect. My brothers were young, and I hadn’t had any real friends. Slick and Alice didn’t want to face serious issues, and made flawed decisions accordingly. Liam was a good man, but broken. And he couldn’t be with me on the world stage. It didn’t suit him, and he was focused on Boston and his life here. He hated trying to find hard answers about big things - he hurt too much to try.

Pash had a laundry list of reasons to distrust him. Richardson had held hostility in his heart towards me since the first day, and had allowed the US to lose hundreds of soldiers instead of sharing my abilities with the higher ups.

Albert… actually, I couldn’t think of anything wrong with him, his morals, his motivations, or perspectives. But then, I hadn’t seen him under intense pressure.

Lou…

I exhaled slowly.

Lou wanted so badly for magic to not exist that she let people die or risk death, again and again, needlessly. Even though it had saved her life multiple times, between the fire at the Cocoanut Grove, and the bullet-stopping enchantment.

Her motives were good, like mine. And in both cases, that wasn’t good enough.

Blood covered hands clenched into fists.

“You okay, Aera?” Lou asked.

“He’s dead because of me,” I said numbly.

“No, he’s dead because Pash fucking shot him in the chest,” Lou said. “You have got to stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t on you.”

And yet, you dealt Kito a lethal blow. He only lived because of the paramedics, which you did nothing to summon. By that logic, doesn’t that mean that you are at fault for his would-be death, and he only escaped it by luck?

I held my tongue and stared blindly at the road. She wouldn’t, couldn’t, accept that if the paramedics decided to abandon Kito to his death, then both Lou and the paramedics would be at fault. Pash meant no more harm to Nicholas than Lou meant Kito - less, even. Pash was less at fault than Lou. He just wanted to delay me, and had chosen a brilliant way to do it. She wanted to deal a severe wound to someone who threatened something she cared about.

And… my magic threatened her worldview.

I curled up and rested my face on my knees. My crucial, critical flaw? I was a coward. And for my cowardice, Nicholas was dead.

“Aera’s fine, she’s just in shock,” Lou was saying to Richardson, who’d personally come out to the jeep to see what was going on. Lou’d been going as fast as the thing could go the entire way.

Lou quickly told him what had happened. Richardson’s lips pressed into a thin line. He didn’t look like he entirely believed her, but he turned his attention to me.

“Did you get any information on their defenses?” he asked.

I stared at him silently.

“Er...” Lou said. “She told us some stuff about it, that I can tell you.”

He sighed and said, “Go ahead.”

She relayed the information I’d gleaned. He nodded thoughtfully.

“Miss Koryn, we don’t know how much time we can spare,” he said. “Try to recover quickly. Miss Williams, you can handle her needs. Any basics you require will be provided on request.”

With that, he turned to go. Lou started to drive the jeep to a more reasonable parking spot. When we arrived, she turned to look at me.

“Aera, you okay?”

I put my face on my knees again. She groaned.

“Is there anything I can do to help with this?” she asked.

“Einstein,” I said. “Albert. Let me talk to him.”

I needed to apply pressure to him. I needed to know if there was anyone… anyone… that I could fully trust. The idea of being the sole wielder of my power terrified me beyond comprehension. It wasn’t pure cowardice, either - even my parents had strongly emphasized the need for consultation on difficult matters.

It occurred to me, as Lou led me to a soldier to ask directions, and then down walkways, that Liam and Albert were the least random people I’d met. Slick had been a dockworker with musical aspirations; Lou, a brilliant tomboy with a protective instinct; Alice, a waitress who simply wanted a normal life. Liam was the head of a police department, and I’d only suggested talking to him because I’d seen a remarkably warm soul. Albert was world-famous for his brilliance and sense of social justice.

Maybe… maybe it wasn’t as hopeless as I’d feared.

As soon as Albert saw my face, he rushed over and put a hand on my shoulder.

“Aera!” he said. “What happened?”

Lou hesitated, looking at me.

“Lou, leave us, please,” I said. “I want to talk to him alone.”