“Just a heads up, Lieutenant Pash is back in the city,” O’Brien said to Lou, as she came by to drop off some reports on his desk.
She blinked at him in surprise.
“Fuck,” she said, and he gave her an amused look. “The year’s not up - what happened?”
“He sought me out,” he said. “He made it clear that he’s not approaching Aera quite yet - he’s still working with lawyers.”
“Lawyers?” she asked. “What for?”
“Thing is, Aera’s not a citizen,” he said. “And she’s in a hard way - she can’t become one without saying where she’s from. She can’t tell the truth, obviously, but if she lies, that’s a serious offense and gives him leave to go after her from that angle.”
“Huh,” she said. “So she’s stuck as… what, then? I don’t really know immigration law.”
“She’s technically an illegal immigrant,” he said, wincing. “She doesn’t have a visa, or any papers. Not like it’s a big deal, previously, since it wasn’t like she was wanting to buy her own house, or vote, or things like that anyway.”
“So the restraining order…?” she asked.
“Still valid,” he said. “The restraining order doesn’t have anything to do with the victim - it’s about legally restricting the abuser.”
She nodded.
“So what’s his angle?” she asked.
“Pash came to me to give me an opportunity to ‘rethink things,’” he said, rubbing his hand through his hair. “He’d prefer Aera to surrender herself to the US military willingly, and since I’m working with her, he thinks I can convince her to give in without him having to push things.”
“What would pushing even mean?” she asked.
“If her status is called into question, legally, then she has to go through the immigration process, and if she’s rejected, she can be ‘deported,’” he said.
“Which brings in the question of where she’s from,” she said.
“Which makes her either a liar, and therefore subject to the government as an illegal immigrant who broke the law,” he said. “Or, her origin is revealed, with all the problems that go with that.”
“Fuck,” Lou said. “One way or another, he’ll have an ‘in’ on her. What does he want to do with her, exactly?”
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I do know he does intend to play it cautiously with her - I got that much from his soul.”
“You looked at his soul?” Lou said, glancing at the door and getting quieter.
But it was pointless - O’Brien could tell if someone was eavesdropping far better than she could.
“Yes,” he said, frowning. “He’s a hard read, even with that talent.”
“Really?” she asked. “I didn’t know that was possible.”
“I asked Aera about it, without telling her I was talking about Pash,” he said. “Apparently, all living things use some magic, whether they mean to or not, but it usually can’t extend beyond their own souls. Which means that their souls obey their desires, even if they can’t do anything else. If a person desires to be hard to read, then it makes their souls more opaque. With Pash, I can only see the surface feelings, and not what’s deep inside.”
“That’s inconvenient,” she said, then frowned. “Can you read me?”
He laughed.
“You’re not quite as opaque as Pash is, but you’re a tough nut to crack, too,” he said, and then smirked at her. “But only your soul. Your body language is easy.”
She made a rude noise at him, and he laughed again.
“Can you break past it, and see him anyway?” she asked.
“I could, but there’s a problem with that,” he said.
“Of course there is,” Lou said.
He smiled.
“One, I don’t really know how,” he said, which made her chuckle. “But the bigger issue is that Aera’s pretty sure that even someone who has no idea about magic could tell that something weird is happening.”
“Which means Pash would probably clue in pretty fast,” she said.
He nodded.
“Damn it,” she said. “What did you get off him?”
“He’s slippery,” he said. “Intelligent, disdainful of people, and believes some people are far inferior to others.”
“No wonder Aera likes him,” Lou said darkly.
“Aera does respect people,” he said, “But I know what you mean. We’ve been working on that. Would you believe she’s spent weeks agonizing over the crisis of whether or not magic users should have to obey laws?”
“For fuck’s sake,” Lou said. “Seriously?”
“It’s the hardest problem she’s had to deal with in years,” he said dryly. “Apparently, it’s straining her badly enough that she’s weaker with magic by half.”
“That… is…” Lou said, spluttering. “God damn it, O’Brien, how the hell do you put up with that?”
He laughed and shook his head.
“It’s a learning experience,” he said. “Though, the biggest thing that keeps me from getting frustrated is knowing that I’m having an impact on her. She’s not going to sit passively, when the time comes. She plans on reshaping the entire world. She needs friends who can support her, in healthy ways, and keep her from making horrible decisions.”
Lou frowned.
“I hadn’t thought about that,” she said. “I don’t like this, O’Brien. No one should have as much power as her. She’s just one god damned person.”
“I know,” he said, sighing. “I’ve learned that there’s ways to bind magic, to make a spellcaster mundane. I’ve been trying to get Aera to accept the idea of governments having the power to do that to people. It’s… slow going.”
“She can’t handle the idea of being like us,” Lou said, glowering. “She’s too good for that.”
He shrugged.
“I think it’s more that she’d rather everyone be like her,” he said. “Magic is so normal to her that taking it away is like taking away someone’s eyesight.”
“Huh,” Lou said, then gave him an inquisitive look. “I never really tried to figure her out, I guess.”
He nodded and gave Lou a serious look.
“She’s very alien to our world,” he said. “The way she thinks, acts, feels, and believes aren’t like anything we’re used to. It’s bigger than any usual culture difference, and entire wars have happened over that. Magic exacerbates the problem, but that doesn’t make her wrong, or evil. She’s young, she can learn, and she’s got a good heart. As long as it’s people like us that are influencing her, and not people like Pash, this doesn’t have to end badly.”
Lou looked away, feeling like she was being chastised, however kindly. It was true that she’d been frustrated with Aera’s differences, instead of trying to understand the reasoning for them. Or trying to teach Aera to stop being so… so… god damned frustrating.
Lou sighed heavily.
“It’s just too big,” she said, feeling a wave of depression. “Problems that are right in front of me - it’s something I can handle. But one person, being able to do that much… what the hell is she going to do to the world, O’Brien?”
“I know,” he said. “It’s too much for me, too. But one of the only things we can do is decide who influences her right now, before she changes entire nations.”
Lou frowned.
“You’re right. We should have a barbeque this weekend,” Lou said. “You, me, Slick, Alice, Dorothy, and Aera. A nice get together.”
O’Brien gave her a curious look.
“I’m not sure if you realize, but Alice and Aera had a falling out,” he said.
“Wait, what?” Lou asked. “I thought they were pretty tight.”
“They had a cultural disagreement,” O’Brien said cautiously, and Lou’s eyes narrowed.
He was concerned that Lou would have a problem with this, too.
“Fuck that,” Lou said, with all her usual grace and subtlety. “Spit it out. I’m not playing that game.”
O’Brien laughed, and smiled at her as though enchanted by her response, which made no sense to her. She wasn’t trying to be likeable.
O’Brien’s eyes glazed for a second, and Lou realized he was doing that sensing thing again. Aera sometimes did that, when she was doing magic shit. She gave him a curious look.
“Someone walked by,” he said by way of explanation. “They were curious what we were talking about, but decided to keep on walking instead.”
“That’s creepy,” Lou said, and his smile turned apologetic.
“In any case, Alice disagreed with the kind of relationship Aera wanted with me,” he said, and Lou tightened up.
Knowing that he couldn’t see that she was envious of that relationship, as long as she didn’t want him to see it, was very reassuring. But now that she knew the trick, she was going to be airtight.
“More than that,” Lou said, giving him a look, and he chuckled.
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he said. “It’s a private matter.”
He was about to continue, but she cut him off.
“If it makes you uncomfortable, fine,” she said. “If it makes Aera uncomfortable, I don’t give a damn - I want to know what I’m dealing with, if I’m going to be hanging out with her again. If you think the problem is that it’ll make me uncomfortable, you can go fuck yourself, after telling me what’s going on.”
He laughed again.
“You are aware that professionalism is a thing that exists, don’t you?” he asked, looking terribly amused.
“You want me to watch my mouth around you, because you’re my boss?” she asked.
He shook his head, but was smiling.
“I’m just glad that you don’t talk like that to anyone else,” he said. “It’s been hard enough trying to keep you from getting fired.”
“How’s that going anyway?” she asked, then frowned. “Wait a sec, you’re distracting me from the question.”
“Excellent observation, recruit,” he said in a formal tone, but his eyes twinkled with mirth. “I’m trying to make you a case example of what the BPD is supposed to be, with the big wigs. If you’re sacked, it makes it look like we’d rather have corruption than people holding us accountable.”
“Because that’s true,” she said, scowling.
“Which I’m pointedly not commenting on,” he said dryly. “There’s various excuses going around about why you’re bad for morale, and other nonsense, which is being argued about and wasting everyone’s time. I’m pretending that the only reason I’m getting involved in that political idiocy is because I recruited you based on you being what we’re supposed to aim for, and if you’re sacked, it ‘makes me question’ what it is the BPD is all about.”
“Huh,” she said, and looked at her feet. “Um… thanks.”
“Just trying to do the right thing,” he said, with a strange smile that she couldn’t read.
She had to admit, creepy and wrong as magic was, the ability to see what people really felt was an enviable thing. It bugged her when people - especially O’Brien - were hard to understand.
“Speaking of,” she said. “I didn’t forget about that question with Aera and Alice.”
He laughed again.
“Fine, fine,” he said, lifting his hands in a mock gesture of surrender. “You’re sure you want to know?”
She gave him a look, and he chuckled.
“Keep in mind, I’m only answering this because I consider you a friend and an ‘ally’ with dealing with the issue of Aera and her magic,” he said, and she nodded. “This doesn’t leave this room.”
“Yes, sir,” she said.
“The issue is that Alice considers Aera a harlot, because Aera wanted a temporary, sexual relationship with me,” he said.
“Temporary?” Lou asked, tightening up her reaction again.
He nodded.
“She just wants some company until she comes forward with magic,” he said.
“And you’re okay with that?” Lou asked, raising her eyebrow archly.
He coughed a little.
“Being an officer has become my entire life,” he said, with a bit of a sad smile. “I get my ‘family’ itch taken care of with my nieces and nephews. Since I’m not looking to settle down and raise a family of my own…”
He shrugged.
“It’s lonely,” she said, speaking in part from personal experience.
“Not lonely enough to make me change my life plans,” he said. “But to accept a woman’s offer of a vacation from the bachelor life?”
“So… you’re still basically single,” she said cautiously. “Sort of. Long term, I mean.”
“That’s a fair way of looking at it,” he said.
“That’s so weird,” she said. “How does that even work? How does that feel? Do you even care about her at all, or…?”
“It is weird,” he said, looking contemplative. “But it’s kind of like having a best friend that you share everything with. Only we also ‘share’ sexually.”
“You see her as just a friend?” she asked.
“Always have,” he said. “She’s beautiful to look at, but personality wise… she’s interesting, and I do appreciate her, but she’s not the kind of person I could really fall in love with.”
“Huh,” Lou said, feeling a little overwhelmed. She had absolutely no idea how to feel about this.
But she understood better than she cared to admit. She didn’t really want to settle down and have a family, either, and worse, she’d never been a proper woman. She’d kind of assumed that she’d probably be stuck being alone her whole life, too.
While she wouldn’t have been okay with something like what he and Aera had, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d change her tune after years of being alone. Could she really blame him for that?
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
As for Aera? She was monstrous by this society’s standards in a dozen ways - her interest in sex didn’t even make Lou’s list.
“Why are you okay telling me all of this?” she asked on an impulse.
“Because you really want to know,” he said, shrugging. “I don’t care about privacy. I just don’t want to deal with the hassle of things being widely known. But I can see enough of your soul to know that you, personally, really want to know.”
“Oh,” she said, looking at her feet.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about,” he said with a kind smile. “It’s normal to be curious about weird things. I’ll never reject honest curiosity.”
“It’s not just the relationship that’s weird,” she said. “You are weird. Ever since you got magic, you’ve changed.”
“Not… exactly,” he said, with another glance at the door.
She waited a moment for the passerby to leave, so O’Brien would go on. He gave her a speculative look and she shivered, feeling abruptly certain that her soul was being judged.
“Were you just prying?” she asked.
He grinned sheepishly, like a kid who just got caught staying up past his bedtime.
“I guess I do know how to pry, after all,” he said, looking abashed. “I noticed something in you, and I just needed to understand what it was.”
She swallowed and tightened up again. If he found out she had a crush on him, she’d just fall over and die.
“What did you find?” she asked.
“It looked like fear that I’d been hurt,” he said. “Like you were afraid that I’d been really affected by getting magic.”
She nodded uneasily.
“You care about me,” he said, and she blushed, to which he hastily amended, “I don’t mean like that.”
But I do, she thought.
“All I was able to see was that you wanted to be absolutely certain that I was okay, before you pushed me back out of your soul,” he said.
“I pushed you out?” she asked, surprised.
He nodded.
“You’re stronger than most people,” he said. “Stronger than Pash. I think it might be because of how much magic you’ve been exposed to.”
She frowned at that. She didn’t like the idea that magic had changed her.
“I appreciate the hard work you’ve been putting in on your cases,” he said, his tone still relaxed and reassuring, but his words confused the hell out of her for a second. “But it’s important to understand how uncomfortable you’re making the rest of the team. You need to try to keep that in mind, when you’re working with them.”
“Yes, sir,” she said, holding still and blinking in confusion.
“O’Brien, I need a minute of your time,” Chief Roberts said from behind her.
“Yes, sir,” O’Brien said with a nod. “Williams, we’re done here. You’re dismissed.”
She turned and left the office, feeling a little thrown off.
She didn’t find out if he was actually okay or not. It made her feel uneasy and awkward, as she went back to work.
A few hours later, O’Brien came by with a stack of notes he wanted her to go over.
“By the way,” he said quietly, giving her a kind smile. “The only change is that I don’t hate myself anymore for the mistakes I’ve made.”
With that, he continued walking, leaving her looking after him in confusion.
This magic thing was creepy as fuck.
That Saturday, Lou got together with Slick and Alice to discuss the issue of Aera. O’Brien was busy, as usual, but she’d discussed with him piecemeal at work anyway. They had collectively decided that Aera should not be involved in this discussion, because one way or another, she’d make their brains explode. At least, that was Lou’s opinion - O’Brien simply thought that Aera was “ill suited” to the task of figuring this out.
Slick was happy before Lou brought up the subject. He was excited about the upcoming release of his movie, Our Town, due to come out the following Friday.
His co-star, Martha Scott, was as skilled as she was beautiful, and that woman could make any man swoon. She’d given Slick absolutely no grace, and had made him work halfway to his grave. He didn’t collapse under the pressure, and instead, per his usual, he thrived with the intensity.
Alice laughingly recounted how he’d even repeat his lines in his sleep, and once fell out of bed because his sleeping self thought he was on set. Amused as she was about how his dedication would bleed over into everything else, she was especially grateful for one part in particular - he’d been worked too hard to drink, at all. Given a choice between alcohol and sleep, he consistently picked “sleep,” because he was perpetually exhausted.
At first, he’d thought it wasn’t as good as pursuing his music directly, but a number of things changed his mind. Long periods of intense, mind-shattering work, followed by long periods of leisure, suited his personality perfectly. It also had the benefit of keeping him in the public eye, meaning that he’d always have an audience for his music. Additionally, since movies tended to always have music in them anyway, he was realizing the potential of writing songs to capture the emotions of different scenes.
Once he’d realized the benefits of getting involved in film, it turned his passion into a locomotive. Lou and Alice were beyond relieved at the results.
It took a while for Slick and Alice to finish happily discussing the subject, and afterwards, Lou brought up the real reason for the visit.
She first had to have a serious conversation with them regarding Aera’s moral weirdness, considering the issue between Alice and Aera. Alice proved to be uncompromising, in more than one way. Not only was she flat out unwilling to reconsider her stance on Aera’s status as “nothing but a harlot,” she also couldn’t emotionally handle heavy subject matters. Even bringing up the subject of how Aera might change the face of the world had Alice backing out, refusing to participate, or even listen.
Slick, at least, was accepting - in a manner of speaking. He thought Aera was “weird as hell,” but couldn’t bring himself to care about trivialities. He expressed a preference to never think about or hear about Aera’s relationship with sex ever again, which all parties thought was entirely reasonable.
Lou brought up O’Brien’s point that this timeframe was the best opportunity to provide guidance for Aera, helping to shape her into something more reasonable. That the best way to do that was for them to be her friends, to talk to her about things, to listen, and to help her to understand what was really important.
On more than one level, Alice was not up for this at all. Slick found the idea unnerving, but he couldn’t deny its worth. He, like Lou, had long since realized how fortunate their world was that Aera valued kindness and generosity so much. Unsurprisingly, it had never even occurred to Alice.
So, they agreed on their plan of action. Lou and Slick had the convenient excuse of Lou’s first months on the job and Slick’s movie for why they’d not hung out with Aera for so long. They’d go back to being her friends, almost like usual, and would use the looming threat of the war to drag Aera into discussions about morality and international conflicts. Friday was a perfect day to start, since getting together for his movie’s opening night was a fantastic excuse.
Then, once they felt she was ready, or when they got worried about Pash making his move, they’d get her to talk to Pash. Her, and the rest of the group all together, to help make sure she didn’t agree to anything stupid, or say something she shouldn’t.
----------------------
“They didn’t!” I exclaimed in horror, as Lou gave me an amused look. “What happened next?”
“I had to pretend I’d dodged all of the bullets,” Lou said, laughing. “They were so confused! So confused that they couldn’t even fight back properly, and I arrested every single one of them. I didn’t even realize the mob had family in the BPD.”
“I can’t imagine how they felt,” I said, giggling. “Trying to jump you in secret, because you’d put their family in prison, and then you just… I don’t even know. What could they have thought?”
“Yeah,” Lou said. “I’m just glad I got you to recharge and improve the enchantment right away, after the thing at the Councilor’s trial. Even with the changes, those bullets started hurting after the tenth or so shot.”
I shuddered.
“I wish you were more accepting of what I can do,” I said. “It frightens me to think of what would have happened if they’d used weapons that my enchantment wasn’t prepared for.”
“What do you mean?” Lou asked. “I accepted the enchantment, I didn’t reject it.”
“I mean, not learning magic yourself,” I said. “I taught Slick and Liam, but you didn’t want to learn.”
“That’s a good point,” Slick said, frowning at his sister. “I don’t want you getting stabbed or beaten up.”
“Not everyone needs to learn magic,” Lou said, sighing and rubbing at her face.
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just took a sip of apple juice. Ever since Lou and Slick started wanting to spend time with me again, Lou had cautioned me to never have alcohol near Slick, just in case it brought back old habits.
“But some people will,” Slick said, frowning. “In a few years… what’s the BPD gonna do, if there’s spellcasting criminals?”
Lou groaned and looked at her apple juice like she resented it for being non alcoholic.
“You’re not going to do that, are you?” Lou asked me. “Teach people magic freely?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it,” I said. “I really have no idea what’s going to happen when I’m no longer hiding.”
“Y’know, Pash only has a restraining order for a year,” Slick said, an odd look on his face. “It’s probably a good idea to figure out some plans, since there’s not much time left.”
“I suppose that’s true,” I said. “I had entertained the thought, once, of making an Academy of Magic, and becoming a teacher. And then, when students become advanced enough to become teachers themselves, for me to ‘retire’ and become a groundskeeper, maintaining a beautiful array of greenery all around the Academy. It seemed a little fanciful, though.”
“Unfortunately, yeah,” Lou said. “Like the question of where you’d even set up this Academy - people all over the world would want to go there, and it’d become a huge international arguing point. You’d want it here in the States, so America would benefit, of course, but wherever you put it, there’d be fighting over it. Some countries might even want to invade and capture weaker spellcasters - like around Slick’s strength, since he couldn’t fight people off like you can.”
“Well, that’s… not good,” I said, frowning.
“You’re saying I could be a target, because of how weak I am?” Slick asked, wide eyed.
“A small army marches up to Aera, and she’ll laugh at them,” Lou said. “Same army walks up to you, Slick, and you’ll be saying ‘yes, sir,’ in a new york minute. And then they could make you teach others.”
“I can’t teach nobody,” Slick said.
“Maybe you can, maybe you can’t,” Lou said, shrugging. “But if they think you can, and they think they can catch you, then you’re fucked.”
The room was silent for a minute.
“I guess I shouldn’t teach people, then?” I asked timidly.
“Not saying that,” Lou said with a sigh. “See, if you don’t teach people, then you’ll be the sole target, assuming they don’t find out about Slick or O’Brien. And a lot of people would figure it’s best to kill you outright, if you’re too hard to capture.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Yeah,” Lou said, taking a sip of her juice again.
“So what the hell is she supposed to do?” Slick asked, giving Lou a bewildered look.
“Why the hell do you think I would know?” Lou asked, rolling her eyes.
“Because you thought about this stuff,” Slick said. “And because you’re wicked smart.”
“I mostly keep noticing all the ways the entire world ends,” Lou said, scowling. “You wonder why I’ve been trying so damned hard to keep Aera a secret for five years now, despite the fact that she’s not wanted to be a secret for a single day in all those years?”
“Wait, you realized these problems back then?” Slick asked.
“I didn’t realize the issues that would come from her teaching magic, until she mentioned the idea of teaching you,” Lou said. “But the rest of it - from the instant I saw those damned wings in the alley, my first thought was ‘fuck’ for a reason.”
“Those were your first thoughts?” I asked, surprised. “That seems quite pessimistic.”
“Ha,” Lou said darkly. “I always figured I was more of a realist than anything, but having worked in the BPD for five months, now I know I’m a realist.”
“Don’t you see any good outcomes?” I asked, uneasy.
“Nope,” Lou said. “Even if only one in a million want you dead, and the rest practically worship you… that’s still enough to make an army, just here in our own country. And I’ve learned enough about magic that I could kill you myself, if I wanted - as knowledge about your strengths and weaknesses spreads, your time starts running out.”
“Then I must become stronger,” I said.
“Oh, great,” Lou said sarcastically. “Let’s solve the fundamental problem of one person having way too much god damned power by making them even more powerful.”
“So… I shouldn’t, then?” I asked awkwardly.
“I want to ask you something serious, Aera,” Lou said, giving me a piercing look that startled me. “I want you to think about it before you answer.”
“Um, okay,” I said.
“Your parents had good intentions, and were still monsters anyway,” she said. “How bad is it, when spellcasters don’t have good intentions?”
I swallowed.
“To be honest, Lou, you don’t want to know,” I said quietly. “I have never told anyone in this world of those stories, and I never intend to. I can only say that, even as pessimistic as you can be, Lou, I doubt your worst nightmares have even glimpsed the truth of it.”
Slick looked pale, and Lou simply nodded, as though she’d expected as much.
“So, here’s the real question,” Lou said. “You’re sweet, but fact is, Aera, you haven’t dealt with much shit yourself.”
I nodded, unsure where she was going with this.
“What would have to happen, for you to go bad?” Lou asked, her gaze unwavering.
I started to answer, and she cut me off.
“Not your first thought,” she said. “Take a second. Think about it. Give me a real answer.”
I looked down at my feet while I did as she asked. What would it take to make me evil?
The room was silent for several minutes. Once, I would have felt awkward, but my time with Liam had accustomed me to contemplative silences.
“Fatigue,” I said, at last, a pang of fear deep in my heart. “If I fight too long and too hard, trying to do the right thing, and surrender is easier… I could possibly give in. Stop trying, stop thinking, stop caring, and just let myself follow orders.”
“Good,” Lou said, looking relieved for some reason.
“Why is that good?” Slick asked, beating me to the punch.
“Because if she knows that, then she can do something about it,” Lou said, smiling. “So, Aera, here’s one of the plans you can never forget - you start getting exhausted from trying to do the right thing, you get the fuck out. Run, hide, pretend to be mundane, whatever it fucking takes. Because our world is not ready for how bad it can get, and no matter what the consequences are for you bailing early, it’s still better than you going bad.”
I nodded, immediately feeling the same relief that she’d felt.
“I believe this means I should work on becoming stronger,” I said, and she nodded slowly. “The more capable I am of doing good in the world, the easier it will be to avoid being overwhelmed.”
“I can accept that, but I want something from you,” Lou said.
“What’s that?” I asked, confused.
“The stronger you are, the more of a threat you are, if things go south,” she said. “I want you to promise me to be damned careful, and not just with your magic. I want you to promise to take time on the regular, think yourself over, and fess up to yourself if you realize you’re starting to go sour.”
“You’re afraid of me,” I said, startled at the realization.
“You just now realized that?” Lou said. “I’ve been scared shitless of what you represent since the day I met you. I’ve been thanking whatever’s up there that you’re nice, and trying not to think about how bad it’d have been if you weren’t.”
“You’ve thought about this way more than I have,” Slick said, frowning.
“No shit,” Lou muttered under her breath.
“I… I don’t want you to fear what I can do,” I said, giving her a searching look.
“How many ways could you kill me, in the next five seconds?” Lou asked.
I blinked, then looked away awkwardly.
That list was rather sizeable.
“Thought so,” Lou said, taking another sip of her juice, while Slick fidgeted, clearly uncomfortable.
“That’s why you don’t want to learn magic?” I asked quietly. “Because you wish it didn’t exist?”
“Pretty much,” Lou said.
“But it does exist,” Slick said.
Lou was quiet at that.
“Pretending it away ain’t gonna do anything, Lou,” Slick said.
Lou rubbed her forehead, in almost the exact same way Liam did.
“I don’t know how else to deal with it,” Lou said, her voice low. “I’ve just been trying to focus on what I can actually do, y’know? Dealing with murderers, and druggies, and shit like that is way easier than thinking about what magic might do to the world.”
“Why now?” I asked. “You’ve avoided talking about it for years, and now I know why. But… now you’re talking about it.”
“Because our time is up,” Lou said, rubbing at her face. “We’ve got less than six months before Pash can go after you again, and odds are good it’ll be a hell of a lot less time than that. O’Brien made me face that fact.”
“He does that,” I said quietly.
Lou gave me a desperate, searching look which pierced my heart.
“I just don’t know what’ll happen when he gets a hold of you,” Lou said, her voice quavering. “I don’t know what it’ll mean for the world.”
“I don’t know, either,” I said. “But… I’ll have you two, and Liam, right? You’ll help me?”
Lou’s face was drawn and Slick looked worried.
“Who knows,” Lou said darkly. “We’ll try, but it may not be an option. You may be completely on your own.”
The room felt very cold.
I found myself almost missing the loneliness I’d felt, back when I was bored in the big house. Spending time with Lou and Slick wasn’t as warm and carefree as it had been before. Maybe because Alice wasn’t there, bringing her unending optimism and energy to the forefront.
It seemed like all of our conversations turned heavy and painful at some point. I thought it must be the combination of Lou dealing with the same strains that had broken Liam’s soul, with the increasingly depressing news of the war.
The horrors of the battles at the Western Front were hard for even me to ignore. It had gotten to the point that I tried to avoid turning on the radio, because hearing about it made me sick to my stomach. Lou practically forced me to listen to wartime events, giving me a dirty look every time I tried to avoid it. But, to me, it seemed pointless. If I wasn’t going to do anything about it, why torment myself with sympathy?
But alas, I couldn’t escape it, despite my efforts. Each week that passed, I grew more convinced that, surely, it couldn’t get worse. But the German war machine seemed unstoppable, and the death toll - civilians and soldiers alike - was gut wrenching.
On June 18th, the prime minister of Great Britain, Winston Churchill, gave a speech. Lou forced both Slick and I to sit down in the living room and listen to the entire thing. She’d arranged to work a later shift, so we could be there for the start of the broadcast just before noon, our time.
The entire speech was depressing. But the last of it shook me to the core.
“What General Weygand called the Battle of France is over. I expect that the Battle of Britain is about to begin. Upon this battle depends the survival of Christian civilization. Upon it depends our own British life, and the long continuity of our institutions and our Empire. The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us.
“Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this Island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science.
“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'”
“This is it,” Lou said, breaking the silence after Churchill’s speech, her face as anguished as I’d ever seen it. “He’s all talking about how they’re going to turn the war around, but…”
“You don’t think they’ll stop the Germans,” Slick said.
Lou looked like she wanted to cry.
“They’re unstoppable,” Lou said, her eyes closed. “All these battles, all these months, they’re just not stopping. They bomb cities, killing god knows how many civilians. When London falls…”
Slick went to sit next to his sister, and put a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s time,” Lou said quietly, her voice shaking. “O’Brien knows Pash’s number. We can’t keep Aera away from this anymore. We’re going to call him, we’re going to talk, and we’re going to come up with a plan.”
“You sure about this, Lou?” Slick asked.
“No,” she said. “I’m not sure about anything. But I do know that this cannot be allowed to go on, not if we can do something about it.”
I went to her other side, mimicking Slick’s position. I wanted to give her a hug, but I didn’t know if I could.
“I will do what I must, Lou,” I said. “And I promise you, no matter what happens, I will try to do the right thing. I won’t let them break me.”
She trembled at that, and a tear traced down her cheek. It was the first time I’d ever seen her cry.
I gave her a hug, then, and she accepted it freely.
Time, at last, to see what tomorrow would hold.