January 1, 1070

I’m tired of just…going where I’m told to. I don’t have an actual ‘home.’ I don’t have friends.

This is my second time with this family. I don’t know any of their names. Wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t know mine.

I just…want to be appreciated for once. They don’t understand how hard it is to never settle down, to always be moving…

Well, they said they wanted to see something ‘now that I’m older.’ I guess I should see what that’s about.

Apparently no one from the first island feels at home here. I can’t believe I’m not the only one.

But guess what? I’m actually special. They said so! Multiple times! I can’t even hold the pen steady, I’m so excited.

I get to be apart of something. I can help those from the first island reclaim their rightful homes! I can make history!

I’m going into town tomorrow to get a music book and something to play with. This is too strong of a feeling to keep to myself.

…

February 9, 1073

In all the places they took me, I’ve never been this far west. I actually thought I’ve seen all or most of Dakari—Dazuz wanted to prove me wrong. As it turns out, some relative of his wife’s is in control of a village with a lot of first island influences.

It’s an honor, really. Everyone I’ve ever lived with all believed in creating a new island—and it’s definitely a just cause. I mean, the people of Sólstaður have their own island—the people of Dakari have their own island. Ours is the only community that is disallowed from living where we first originated. Maybe the gods wanted Dakari to be Gin and Kuro’s replacement—the timing of its creation would line up with that—but precious few will accept it as such when it has its own culture, appearances, and customs.

I’ve arrived. Dazuz took me to a gravestone and said that, as soon as they found someone else like me, we’ll go there together to fully commit to the cause. He said it should only take a few more years—just a little longer, and our path to reclaiming what we lost can begin. I look forward to it.

…

August 21, 1078

In a way, I see this as the pinnacle of my experience traveling—I’ve been pouring over these journals for days, and I’ve finally found a good place to take Adelinde for her birthday.

She would appreciate a small town where she can play music—somewhere with a private place so she doesn’t get flustered when I ask. It took a while, but I have the place in mind and I’ve already purchased the tickets.

All I need to do now is gather my bearings and ask if she’ll come with. At worst, this trip is delayed a little longer until she’s available, but I’m hoping for the best.

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Fortunately, she can come. Home always seems…quiet, after being with her, but given some time that will change. We’ll carry on the Qrian name in the new nation, or else think of a different name together. I know she’ll understand if I ever have to tell her; when she hears my reasoning, Adelinde will agree what I’ve done so far was the right thing.

She doesn’t want to be here; she took on the role of queen because she had to, and she lost opportunities to learn and grow as a result. I’ll be more than happy to bring her to a place where she can live however she wants to. She won’t even have to give up royalty and riches—Dazuz promised we’ll have that, as the ones who reawakened the leader.

All she needs to do is accept the proposal. I can take care of everything else.

…

March 13, 1079

I started off life alone. The closest thing to a family I had changed every few months. The closest thing I had to a friend group always abandoned me.

I haven’t seen Adelinde since August. I haven’t left the house since July. The only contact I have with the outside world is a steady stream of gossip from the guards.

Adelinde still doesn’t understand; it might be too late to change her mind now, but I’m going to try. If I had to die young, I would rather it be at her side.

Maybe I should have expected to end life the same way it started. I don’t regret anything, I just…wish she would come talk to me. I can convince her if I had enough time, I know it. Mark…honestly might hate me, but he won’t matter in the end.

If I can get out of here, I can still take her with me to the new island. I know she’ll be happier there.

…

March 14, 1079

Gods. I hate Dazuz.

The first outside person I’ve talked to in months, and what’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth?

“You’re a fool.”

The hell? I’m trying to help her! I didn’t mean to hurt her—I didn’t realize Mark would try to get me executed. The only reason Dazuz is letting me sit here is because it would endanger him. They’ll be waiting for years before they find another omyn; they’ll be back to square one. There are ways for him to do something—at this point, I’d be willing to be called insane just to get out—he just refuses to do anything. Who’s the selfish one?

This is infuriating; he said he won’t even give me any kind of credit. I did what I could for the effort—something I still believe in—and I get practically nothing in return.

Nothing save news, anyway.

First and foremost, they reached a verdict. I have been accused of treason, attempted murder, and attempted filicide. Supposedly, Adelinde hasn’t stepped into the courtroom since I last saw her. I wonder what she thinks of the sentence. Does she think it’s fair? Does she even know?

Regardless, I’m to die on the twenty-sixth. I wish it wasn’t so close to the sakura blooms, but…maybe I can reenact an old scene.

As for the other piece of news, well…

Turns out I’m a father to a little boy. Dazuz didn’t know his name, but he was born on the third. I’m…going to ask if I can see him. If it wasn’t for the timing, honestly this would be a dream come true. Adelinde seems to be fine as well.

Since I know how much time I have left, I’m going to go through each one of my music books. I’ll play every song I own; I’ve always wanted to.

I always thought Adelinde would be there with me, but I’ll have to make due without her.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll spit on my grave and call me a monster. If she truly doesn’t understand…that would make sense.

But please. Please. If the gods have any mercy left, please make her understand.

No matter what, I wish you nothing but the best, my love.