Tara could only say she handled the trip there slightly better than she had coming to Sólstaður. Even that was mostly due to her acknowledging that being where most of the other people were—which also happened to be the place she could see that there weren’t many clouds that could proceed a storm—helped some anxieties.
One part of her wondered if, by the end of this, she wouldn’t have to find those fears frustrating—if there would be a day where she could stand in the rain and actually enjoy it, or at least be better than miserable. The other part, unfounded as it may be, wondered if she would even live to see it.
She tried not to express it—tried not to let the idea slip into her drawings, even if that would ultimately keep her mind off that fear—because she knew it wasn’t something anyone in her family would take kindly to hearing. They wouldn’t try to dismiss it as impossible, but they would say she shouldn’t consider something that dark.
Then again, they might not even be able to ask that of her. The only reason she was out here was to prevent unnecessary deaths; following that line of thought, she wouldn’t consider it hard to imagine failing. Even if her worry in particular had the condition of them succeeding.
It didn’t help that Itzun barely spoke with her. She would find it refreshing if it didn’t mean he must find her fears amusing.
It took them, as predicted, only two days to get close enough to see the first island. Tara watched it come even closer from a reasonable distance from the edge of the ship, partially fascinated and partially terrified. Vaguely, she recalled Chizuru’s mother trying to give her daughter assurances—the north would be cold, but there were no creatures there that could rebel against them. Just…humans. In hindsight, she never told Chizuru exactly why they left, but it wasn’t necessarily a topic that a child could understand either.
Matteo came up behind her, fully prepared to venture around with a bit more excitement than he should. Being able to see the old nation would likely be the one thing about this trip he would share with others, so long as the memory stayed relatively separate from Aurik and the group’s actions.
“Did you decide if you’re coming down or not?” he asked kindly. “Hannah said it’s safe enough around the ports that we can go right in and come out without any issues; we won’t need to stop a little way away and take a boat over.”
“…I’m still not sure,” Tara admitted, glancing back at him. “On one hand, I’m afraid Chizuru’s memories will be…a bit stronger here, being some of the last things she saw before she died. On the other, Itzun would likely let me know if he happens to have any preferences on pottery.”
“It’s up to you,” Matteo reasoned. He offered a little reassuring smile. “I can just ask Hannah to go down, if you’d rather be with me here.”
“I can sit here myself, if I chose to stay,” Tara replied, shaking her head. “You’re ready to go, so there’s no point in keeping you.”
He didn’t seem entirely convinced—he likely assumed her general quietness recently was due to contemplation of whether or not she would go and the memories associated with the place in question—but he didn’t further pry either. Instead, he moved so he could get a closer view of the first island.
Tara resumed drawing for the precious few minutes until the ship was maneuvered in a good spot next to the docks. Glancing over at it, she wondered if some visitor had partially rebuilt the area—a layer of newer wood looked to be placed on top of something older. Seeing that both made her want to stay on the ship and slightly encouraged her to leave.
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When she noticed Matteo and Hannah returning to ask for her final answer, she sighed and sat her sketchbook aside. Matteo perked up a little.
“You made your decision?”
She managed to give him a slightly joking but still somewhat terrified look.
“I might as well. If there’s something specific to look for, I would be able to tell; it also might not hurt to have something if I wanted to revisit Chizuru’s grave.”
If nothing else, Itzun would find it to be high entertainment. It didn’t make it better, but she trusted he would let things go as smoothly as he could.
Hannah didn’t seem to expect it, but Matteo just cast her a smile and lightly gestured for her to follow. Tara murmured some agreement, trailing behind both of them as they left the ship and carefully walked over and past the dock. Once they made it onto actual land, she surprisingly didn’t feel that much different.
She thought it would’ve been like home, being so close to where Chizuru lived. But this place—from the stone path on the ground and the way the buildings were made, crumbling from weather and disuse—was entirely foreign to her. It was a relief, to some extent, and Matteo seemed pleased to see it when he glanced back to confirm she was fine.
“The houses closest to the forest have more stuff in them,” Hannah said once they reached the center. “And the true monsters are further in; kitsune usually just watch.”
The other two both murmured some kind of agreement and let Hannah lead. Tara didn’t find anything particularly interesting—in contrast to Matteo, who seemed to enjoy it most out of the three despite his earlier hesitance. They still kept up some idle chatter as they checked on the houses and buildings near the outer edge, investigating the ones that seemed oddly intact with more caution than the rest. That being said, not one house didn’t show at least one sign of the wear; most of these were probably older than the hundreds of years since the nation’s fall.
If only she had brought her sketchbook—it would’ve been nice to draw something for Chizuru.
At least here, she thought more about the girl who died than worry about anything else. Even the possibility of creatures emerging from the forests didn’t exactly faze her—she more greatly feared the grayish clouds in the far distance.
It took little more than an hour for them to come across something Hannah seemed to think would be helpful, that time being taken up mostly by little detours and distractions mixed with searching likely places. Close to the very edge of the town was a little house with overgrown bushes outside of it; Hannah sat next to it, slipped on a pair of gloves, then put her hand into the bush.
“I would not have that level of confidence, even with gloves,” Matteo admitted a bit sheepishly.
Tara flinched a bit as Hannah shrugged.
“This is pretty typical for a scavenger job—everything obvious was taken years ago.” She paused for a second, then glanced at Tara. “What size do you want? There are a few fragments in here, and grabbing those would be easier than carrying a small pot with you.”
“However much you can easily get will be enough,” Tara replied.
“All right. Get a box ready for me.”
Matteo—in charge of the container they decided to put the pottery—offered her the little box along with a knife. Hannah dug around more, ignoring his helpful offer, and after a minute or so she pulled out a few fragments that altogether fit in the palm of her hand. Her glove came out with a few tears, but she seemed relatively unfazed as she dropped the pieces in the box.
“It’s a little sharp,” Hannah noted, “So be careful if you try to handle them—at least until they’re cleaned up and dirt free.”
“We’ll probably stop by San Asari when we get back to Dakari,” Matteo noted. “I know there’s stuff for that in the school building, so we can always walk around there and see if they’d let us use it.”
“It’s not worth taking a long detour for,” Tara pointed out.
“I’d rather be safe than sorry—if you ultimately come home with a few scratches, Mom and Rene would be understandably concerned.”
She couldn’t entirely argue with the point, although the reminder of returning did bring back the previous contemplation.
On the bright side, at least, Itzun promised to speak with her once they got the pottery. Provided he could be trusted to keep his word, maybe she could ask if he had enough foresight to consider if Chizuru’s proxy would remain alive after preventing the effort she was supposed to lead.