Adelinde didn’t really feel much about Aurik’s betrayal until he died—the full anxiety and fears didn’t surface until Matteo was born and she could hold what Aurik had tried to make her lose. Every day for two years after that blurred together; nothing set apart one day from the next, making all of them seem aimless. She didn’t notice the passing of seasons—didn’t care that it snowed or rained, didn’t find any inspiration from the few sakura trees around the capital or when the leaves changed in the fall. She relied on Mark to confirm the date, month, and year.
Yet, for one reason or another, these past nine months were different. She suddenly noticed the sakura trees, pointing them out to Matteo for the toddler’s amazement—summer came and went, then she marveled at the reds and oranges of fall. She could confidently say it was the twenty-seventh of December; just a few more days and they’ll be in a new year.
It amazed her even more when she realized she was also in a good enough position to even notice she changed—and as much as she wanted to deny or ignore it, she knew Rene played a part in that, if only because their meetings gave Adelinde something to look forward to.
Adelinde slept in later than she intended, bothered by dreams she forgot as soon as she woke up. She tried to move a little quicker to make up for it only to pause and question herself in front of the mirror.
She didn’t know why she hesitated; she made plans to go to the conservatory, but that wasn’t out of the usual.
Then, of course, she remembered Rene, who had suggested the outing. Once she thought of that, however, she couldn’t tell if she had an easier time convincing herself it was purely out of friendship or wondering if she should take some time to prepare for it like a date.
Ultimately she didn’t chose either, partially forcing herself to walk away from the mirror before she spent too long debating things she never would have considered if she hadn’t realized it. As per her routine, she went to Matteo’s room to check on him instead.
The door was already open, with Mark and two of Matteo’s other caretakers’ children sitting in one corner playing. Matteo noticed after Mark looked up and waved.
“Hi Mama!” Matteo greeted, offering his own enthusiastic wave.
“Good morning,” Adelinde replied, smiling a bit. “Have you eaten yet?”
“Yup!”
“You slept late,” Mark explained, “So I made sure he got something.”
Adelinde nodded towards her brother. “Thank you.” She looked back at Matteo. “Do you want to head into town with me?”
Matteo considered it for a second, then shook his head. “No. Wanna play! Uncle play.”
“Are you all right with watching him?” Adelinde asked Mark.
He just smiled as a response. “You deserve a day,” he said. “Or a morning, depending on how long it takes for the kid to decide I’m boring. Go ahead and spend some time without him; I can take today off so I can babysit.”
She hesitated, considering protesting when she remembered why she took so long in front of the mirror, then half-forced a smile and thanks when she reminded herself why it didn’t matter. She had been alone with Rene before; this time wouldn’t be any different.
Adelinde went to the dining hall to eat however much she was interested in, then circled back to her room—avoiding the urge to step back in front of the mirror and stare—so she could collect some of her score books. With both things done, she left.
Adelinde went to the conservatory, glad that the walk wasn’t very long; her delay might not make a large difference. She enjoyed the warmth of the place, compared to the cold outside. Despite being worried—having thoughts, then trying her best to convince herself they were misguided or unfounded—when she noticed Rene sitting on one of the benches near the instruments, she felt nothing but at ease.
She didn’t doubt anything when she was actually with her, which confused Adelinde only when she was alone. In the present, with Rene, it just felt…right.
Adelinde spoke up first, pausing near where Rene sat.
“Good morning,” she said, only half aware of her own smile. “Were you waiting for too long?”
“I got here a few minutes ago,” Rene replied, shaking her head. She looked around a bit for Adelinde’s usual toddler follower. “No Matteo?”
“I took a while to get ready; Mark already had him occupied by the time I asked if he wanted to come out, so he stayed at home,” Adelinde explained. She made her way to the piano, sitting down both score books on one side of the bench before experimenting.
Rene nodded and they fell into a bit of silence. Adelinde thought of a topic after she noticed what she was currently playing had a recurring theme: quick-moving, then slow and calm, then piercing. The general theme appeared in most of the songs that Rene inspired—the same basic melody that’s been playing in her mind for almost two months, ever since Mark talked to her about Rene.
She tried to be careful to avoid asking anything sensitive, although the question by nature could be overstepping.
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“When we first came here, you said you grew up in one of the ports without your parents. Was it…incredibly difficult?”
Fortunately, Rene didn’t seem to mind for more than a moment.
“It wasn’t exactly comfortable,” she said. “But the most illegal thing I did was steal food now and then, so I guess that’s a plus—that isn’t even really a crime. There’s a weird clause or something that exempted kids who lived without adults?”
“My grandfather added it,” Adelinde confirmed, nodding. Rene stood and looked around a bit, while Adelinde’s song on the piano steadied somewhat. “He found it hard to condemn those just trying to survive the same way one would condemn someone who has alternatives.”
“Yeah. I remember Lord Dazuz going on about it—that I was exempt from stealing but couldn’t make a habit of it once the adoption was official.” She wandered a bit closer to the platform, keeping a watch on Adelinde. “But that time itself? I didn’t have a lot of trouble; the ports in Dakari see a bit more orphans, so most merchants adjusted prices of their goods to make up for any profit losses when kids stole it—I had a kind of home, at least, even if I wasn’t there for longer than I needed to. I can’t say I ever got too hungry, or had to sleep in the cold for more than a few dozen nights. I was…definitely luckier than some of the others, both back then and now.”
She stepped onto the right side of the platform, leaning on one of the corner pillars that remained from when the place wasn’t walled in.
“I actually met my first love back there.”
“Really?” Without entirely realizing, Adelinde shifted her song a bit again, adding a steady, deep note—like a heartbeat.
Rene nodded, almost wistful as she continued. “Hannah. Brunette, a bit short—one of those people that have visible first island heritage, didn’t even really looked like she was from Dakari. She liked watching the ships go in and out; knew a decent amount of nautical stuff too.”
Her smile faltered a bit, and Adelinde’s song changed somewhat to match.
“We were dating for a while,” Rene said, the wistfulness falling like her smile did. “As much as fifteen-year-olds could, at least. Then after a year or two, she had this…idea to get on a ship and leave Dakari. I didn’t want to get caught, though, and at least in the port I knew where to get food—it wasn’t perfect but I had something, whereas I’d be starting over somewhere else. That assumed the ship even went to somewhere we could live. I didn’t want to risk being with her and ending up in a worse situation, so I chose to stay at the port without her and continue the life I already had; last I saw her she just decided to go without me. Lord Dazuz came a few months after that.”
“I honestly haven’t heard of a single first love story that ended well,” Adelinde replied, looking up at her but still playing the piano. Rene came a bit closer, step by step, both cautious and brave at once. Adelinde’s song reflected that. “My father and mother were each other’s fourth or fifth partner. You had trouble with your first love. Aurik was mine and that ended with him stabbing me.”
“First love exists just to remind people to be realistic, I guess,” Rene mused. She stopped near the right side of the piano; Adelinde didn’t mind, looking back at the keys.
Rene paused for a minute, lightly tapping one of the rightmost keys—one note, then a delay, then two, then another delay and it repeated. Whether or not she intended to, it blended well with the rest of the song. Adelinde opened up one score book she brought—where she put Rene’s other songs—and continued playing it with one hand while she jotted down the notes with the other.
“Not everything can be like those stories, where the first guy a girl sees is her soulmate,” Rene mused. “Some guys get carried away or just aren’t suited for it, and some girls see another girl and would rather be with her instead.”
She waited a second to continue, at which point Adelinde was done making notes and looked back at her. Rene smiled with something Adelinde almost recognized, still playing her little part while Adelinde did the same. “But I like being able to spend this time with you, Adelinde. You’re…beautiful when you’re playing the piano.”
Adelinde realized that emotion, and suddenly Rene seemed too close. Adelinde stood up and created a distance quickly enough—almost by instinct—that both score books fell to the ground. Rene noticed the kind of frantic movement, and slowly backed up to the other edge of the platform.
She panicked, and her previous thoughts came back—the worries, the admirations, everything that drew her to Rene and everything that scared her into keeping her distance.
Adelinde thought she could ignore it, so long as Rene didn’t feel the same. After all, they would stay friends if one of them still thought of the other as such.
But Rene’s expression…that look implied love, even if she didn’t say it. It meant they felt the same, and because of that Adelinde couldn’t repeat ‘just friends’ like it changed anything—nor could she lie and pretend she didn’t feel anything, when at some point Rene will notice.
She opened her mouth to say something, but failed; Rene’s expression changed from affectionate to understanding. A whole minute passed, maybe two, but Adelinde’s overwhelming thought was of Aurik coming to wake her up.
Aurik greeting her, offering a little kiss before pulling out a knife and saying he just wanted her—that all he wanted was to go somewhere else where she didn’t have to worry about anything. They could have a family when they got there, despite never telling her where ‘there’ was; she just needed to wait a little bit longer and trust him.
She couldn’t do that again. She didn’t know if she was willing to risk it—willing to risk getting hurt, willing to risk hiding again if she did get hurt.
“Adelinde,” Rene said softly. She stayed where she was, but Adelinde took a backwards step off the platform, almost losing her balance—even then, Rene started to reach for her but stopped.
Adelinde couldn’t force any kind of words to form—much less anything that would make sense—so her next instinct was to leave.
She didn’t take anything with her. Rene didn’t follow. She felt a kind of déjà vu as she left the conservatory, went back to the palace, walked back to her room with a kind of urgency, looking at no one. For the first time in months, she didn’t even respond when any passerby greeted or questioned her.
She retreated—or ‘fled’ might be more accurate—to her room, confirmed that every lock made a click sound, then sat down on her bed to watch the door like it would open and that day would play again.