Dungeons & Demons II

It was almost thirty minutes before we settled on a plan we could both agree with. An agreement that I would not be upholding, of course. But I figured I could leverage my position as a 'Warden', whatever that entailed, and my knowledge of his betrayal to blackmail my way out of the Palace, hopefully with some concessions from the Palace's no-doubt impressive vaults.

We'd concluded our negotiations before every little detail had been worked out, not that I minded, as he'd grown ever more nervous that we'd be discovered – reading between the lines I guessed he was afraid of Verrick finding us – and I'd grown more nervous that he'd make that small step into the room beyond.

Thankfully the sound dispelling Ward he'd erected with his items had also blocked the smell that was now invading my nostrils from the next room. That smell would have been cause for him to search the room, and discover my duplicity.

I thought I was supposed to be unlucky? It sure doesn't seem that way thus far...

There was no sign that the Noblewoman's bloating body had been disturbed. I knelt down beside her and closed her accusing eyes. Poor gal, she hadn't deserved to die like this, even if she had been planning to off her Emperor and husband.

I wished she hadn't attacked the moment I appeared.

Not that I blamed her of course, but from what I'd learnt in the previous couple of days, I was fairly certain we would have gotten along.

Oh well, no use crying of spilled milk. Or spilled blood.

“I'm sorry it ended this way, Aelwinel. I didn't know you, but I don't think anyone would deserve such an ignoble end.” I settled down beside her, legs crossed, spear resting on them. I wasn't entirely sure what I was saying, but I felt the need to say something. “I helped kill the Emperor, so your plan worked out in the end. Even if it was an accident...” I sniffed and wiped away a couple of tears before continuing.

“You were a free spirit, someone who didn't want to be tied down to the Palace life, didn't want to rule over a whole Empire, you just wanted to go on adventures, live your life to the fullest. I empathise. I don't wish to rule here either, not that it's really a choice for me. I want to explore. Discover the wonders of my new world, study Magics and kill things. That last bit is new, but I've found it to be disturbingly fun. Does that make me a bad person?”

I snorted, realising the irony of my question. And perhaps finding the answer in doing so. I lapsed into silence, letting my mind wander as I relaxed next to the body of my first kill.

A couple of hours passed before I finally stood up, my bones and muscles limber as always, no longer sore and creaky, as they would be if I'd sat so still for so long in my life before.

I'd decided on my next course of action, my mental wandering stumbling across an idea of how to deal with Aelwinel's body. I'd initially been reticent to follow up on the idea, as it would just make what I'd done to her worse, but the building stench and my worries finally caught up to me and I prepared myself.

“Sorry, Win. Please don't haunt me.”

I held my reacquired spear high above my head, then brought down with a sharp grunt. Inspecting my handiwork I decided it would take a lot more to disfigure her features. I stabbed her a few dozen more times, [Status Quo] preventing me from feeling fatigue at my actions, I only halted as my Stamina was running low.

I'd learnt in the fighting earlier that even if I didn't feel fatigue, I still depleted Stamina and when it hit 0 my body would move like it was under water, and if I pushed it too far I could collapse. Even if I didn't feel it. I'd added Health, Mana and Stamina bars to my HUD to prevent that. I had to actively watch them though, which was annoying.

By this time she was completely unrecognisable, it was difficult to tell if she had even been a woman now, let alone an elf.

My work here was done.

Status Quo Activated.

Congratulations, one negative Status Affliction will now be removed!

Negative Status Affliction: Hormonal imbalance. Has been removed!

“Oh, for fuck's sake, System! Couldn't you have done that before I mutilated this poor woman's body!”

I threw up all over the mutilated body, and I had to turn away, retching to prevent it from happening again.

I was thankful the Garb allowed me to expel things from my mouth too or that could've been utterly disgusting.

I stumbled to the other side of the room as my mental processes and emotions readjusted themselves.

Resetting me to my baseline.

I huddled against the wall, quivering as I recollected myself, my psyche, my inner ID finally let loose from its hormonal chains.

It felt like forever had passed when I felt myself return to the land of the conscious, though, looking at the time ticking down in the corner of my vision, bare seconds had ticked by as my mind reformed.

Weirdness.

Time to mentally check my list of scary things, I felt that having a list of these things was a bit stupid now. Still, I felt it was best to review them, now that my emotions weren't in turmoil. Stupid System, apparently my Race change hadn't been as quick as it implied.

First on the list was being transported to a new world. I could remove this now, after the initial fright, I'd kind of gotten used to it, besides I'd spent a lot of my time on Earth reading and playing games, essentially living in other worlds already. This was practically a dream come true, excepting for the poor start, of course.

Second, was the start itself, namely being trapped in my current situation, accidentally married to an Emperor that I'd then killed, whilst impersonating someone else... Not exactly an ideal situation, still, after my 'chat' with Belloff, I was feeling more optimistic about my chances of making it out of here, and if that didn't work... I was pretty much screwed if it didn't, worrying about it wouldn't help, I'd make the best of it and see if I could find more things to support my blackmail.

Third... hmm third was my [Sod's Law] Trait. I wasn't entirely sure if I should be worried about it though if my time here so far was any indication it didn't really do much. Considering the first line of the Trait: 'Sod's Law states that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong and with the worst possible outcome.' I had expected things to go downhill much sooner and with far more consequences. I mean sure, it hadn't exactly been perfect thus far, but it didn't seem like it'd been too bad either.

Sure, I'd accidentally killed a Duchess on her wedding day then managed to take her place and marry the Emperor, followed by killing him during an attack on his Empire... but I was still undiscovered, the attack/coup had been defeated and I still had a way out. Apart from the first thing, most of what had happened in the last couple of days would have happened without my interference anyway.

Perhaps I was missing something obvious here? I remove numbers one and two from the list entirely and left the third to reconsider at a later date after I'd learnt more about how this System actually worked.

That left number four... Wait, there had only been four items on my list? How had I been so worked up over it?

Stupid emotional imbalance.

Hmm, I wondered if I would stop being ruled by my libido now. Thinking back over the two people who'd been getting me riled up, I decided that I still found them attractive and I'd definitely shag them if I could get away with it. But I didn't feel the insatiable need to jump on them that I'd felt before. Thank god, or System. Whatever.

Back to number four, killing people. I'd never killed anyone before and I'd been getting worried about my reaction to it. Getting turned on by the noise of a skull breaking open was not normal. Now that I was no longer affected by my Race change I could break down my previous actions analytically.

A cold feeling of relief settled over my body when I reviewed my memories of slaughtering my opponents. Partly because I'd come to the conclusion that I didn't really feel any guilt over ending another person's life – apparently I really was fucked up a bit. Oh well. This was probably a good thing in this world, as I was sure I'd have to do it again. And partly because I no longer became aroused at my memories of head squelching. Being able to kill without remorse, and feeling pleasure while doing so were entirely different things after all.

Hitting someone in the head was still the best way of finishing someone off, and I still felt that a spear would be the best way to go about it, keeping those that were trying to kill me as far away as possible seemed like a good way to keep living, but I doubted I'd get off on it anymore.

This was good, I didn't want to know how I'd turn out if I lived for as long as I suspected I would while enjoying the act of ending someone's life. No longer ageing made me essentially immortal and I'd already decided this was probably a good thing. I had more time to explore my new existence.

My self-reflection over, I decided it was about time to leave the bathing room once more, and remove Aelwinel's body as a problem forevermore.

Before I did, however, there was one last thing to do.

Now that I finally had some time to myself I could spend my Free Stat Points, I had 24 saved up by this point, and I was never one to leave these things unspent. I'd always found it annoying when people did that, why save them for later if you were in a situation where you'd need to eke out every iota of power you possibly could. And you'd need to do so in any fight you got into. Being too blasé was a good way of getting yourself mortally injured or killed.

I dumped 8 into luck, bringing it down to -496. Still a far too low number, but I figured I'd always increase it a bit whenever I could spare the points. This left me with 16 points to spend on my other stats. I decided to ignore the mental/spellcasting Stats, for now, my Garb blocked using any of these anyway so there was little point doing so in the immediate future. I put 1 into Vitality to round it out at 60. Then I considered what to do next, we would soon be dungeon diving. There's basically only be one real combatant on the team as well, I doubted the foppish MoC would be of much help. I dumped 10 points in strength, bringing it up to 70 and making it my new highest stat. Being able to hit things harder would be my contribution. I added the remainder to Charm, bringing it up to 50. Hopefully, this would help with my continued deception.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

I smiled as I felt my new strength suffuse me once I'd saved the changes.

I stashed the spear in my [Inventory] after I'd cleaned it on my Garb. The dried blood and viscera slid off the material as I stood up. The Garb currently looked like a surgeon's gear. I felt some amusement at its current shape. Sometimes it seemed as though it had an idea of what was going on around it.

Sometimes it seemed as though it thought it was at some weird convention show.

You win some, you lose some.

I picked up the mutilated corpse by the left ankle and dragged it out through the bathing room, leaving a bit of a mess behind as bits dropped and dripped off. I felt my mind return to my earlier thoughts of the Palace cleaners.

“Sorry guys, I really hope you do use some form of Magic to clean this place, otherwise this beautiful shag carpet is a goner.”

I left the body with an open-mouthed beastkin servant, either a sheep or a goat, I wasn't sure how to tell the difference. He got about dealing with the vomit-stained and mutilated corpse with aplomb, despite his shock at my presentation.

I loaded up a tray of finger foods from the sideboard in the sitting room, then shut myself in the bedroom with a curt, “leave me alone.”

I may not have needed food any longer, but that just meant I could stress-binge without worrying about putting on weight.

Bonus.

I settled in for the long haul.

I stopped eating about an hour later, only ceasing my shovelling because I'd run out of food, not because I couldn't fit anything else in.

Apparently, I had a portable hole in my stomach now. [Status Quo] really did affect my body in strange and unusual ways.

I was glad I hadn't figured this out until after I'd mutilated the Duchess's corpse, otherwise I may have considered eating it as an acceptable disposal method. I doubt I would've followed through though. It did make me wonder if it was still cannibalism if you were eating a subspecies...

I questioned how I'd managed to throw up earlier if none if it stuck around, especially as thinking back I realised I'd yet to feel the call of nature. I was reticent to chalk it up as Magic, that seemed far too easy. I didn't want to blame anything on it, just in case I made a bad assumption that came back to bite me in the arse later.

I put aside my contemplations on my newly discovered biological functions until a later date, far more curious about the language issue. Namely that, I couldn't believe that people on another Plane just happened to speak the same tongue as I did. Thankfully I'd spotted the [Languages Known] tab in my [Menu] options. Thought clicking on it expanded a quite impressive list of languages. None of which I'd known before coming here, there was also a ranking beside the language, for both written and spoken, letting me know how well I knew it.

I discovered that I'd been speaking in [High Imperial (Eddersland)]. I had 'Mastered' both the spoken and written tongues. Whatever any of those things meant. I also found a common version known as [Edderslandi], at least I made the assumption it was the common version. I had that one as 'Mastered' too, along with a bunch of others, some race specific. There was also a [Trade-Speak] language, that I guessed was Elmeron's version of 'Common'. Or 'English' in the world I came from.

Speaking of English I could find no mention of that in the surprisingly long list, neither did I find mention of the few other languages I knew, even if only passingly.

I could only assume my knowledge of the various languages was linked to my Advanced Race option from my arrival. Either a byproduct of being a planar elf variant, or a product of the location I arrived in; an extremely cosmopolitan Imperial Palace. No doubt there were countless languages spoken here, and no doubt the Duchess would have been schooled in them all.

I spent some time searching through what was available to me in the Menus – not a fuck of a lot – and even more time poring over my Status page.

I even came up with a perfect last name for myself, spurred by my perusal of the languages, I remembered a word in my native tongue that I felt very appropriate.

However, I did not enter it into my Status page yet, for one very good reason. A reason that not too long ago almost had me outed as an imposter.

When Verrick had formed the Party not long after entering the secret passages I'd accepted the pop-up prompt before truly considering my actions, something that could have had drastic consequences. Thankfully the Garb had proven its use one again.

Forming a Party apparently fell under a Skill known as [Warleader]. The higher the level of this skill, the more members of your Party you could add, I was unable to discover the limit, because I couldn't question the Skill too much as I was sure it was knowledge I was expected to possess already.

Anyway, being a part of a Party allowed you to see the HP, MP and ST of your other members, the bars were in percentages thankfully, as letting the others see my actual Vitals bars would have been a massive hint. It also gave you a small portrait of the person and their name and any relevant Titles.

The Garb blocked it all for me, checking my own Vitals as shown to the others just showed the bars and percentages, the portrait was a grey oval with a large black '?' and the rest was all question marks too.

The [Warleader] Skill was a must for any dungeon divers as not only did it show those things, it also gave you a general “sense” of their location in regards to you. It wasn't highly accurate, but it was an odd feeling. Apparently, you could also upgrade this sense into some form of mini-map. Another thing I had to hold myself back from asking about.

Lastly, the Skill had provided Party-wide buffs in the form of 'Perks' and a singular 'Banner' that the Party Leader had access to from his Skill. Being within a certain range of the Leader automatically bestowed the buffs.

As such, I left the Status page as it was, with the [Insert Name Here] box still blinking merrily away.

It took almost another ten hours before someone was finally sent to escort me to the Watchtower. It'd understandably taken everyone slightly longer to prepare than expected. That was a lot going on, and from the judging looks of the Watchtower Guards that had been sent to pick me up, I'd been expected to assist the others.

I'd gotten out of it by 'Mourning' the Emperor, my 'husband's death. They honestly hadn't tried too hard, or at all, to talk me out of my plans. Leaving me to believe that none of them actually wanted 'me' – ie the Duchess Aelwinel – to rule anything. I'd already guessed she was some muscle-brained ditz, so I was unsurprised.

I popped my poor attempts at knitting a woollen hat into my [Inventory]. I'd found the thread and needles – unused - in one of the cupboards after I'd had a short nap. I'd hardly done any knitting before but I'd been stumped to find another way to end my boredom. So I'd dredged up my fading childhood memories of sitting by my gran's fire as she tried to teach me, very unsuccessfully, I'd been a wild child in my youth, much preferring to play outdoors. I'd barely sat down in one of her old mustard armchair's before I'd been bouncing in my seat, wanting out.

She'd died when I was still young, and I never thought I'd ever need her half-forgotten lessons. Then again, the last few days had been a whole list of things that I thought I'd never do.

I followed the guards down yet more ostentatious hallways, some of which I was beginning to recognise.

A few minutes into the march – I only tripped once! - we descended a set stairs, cleverly concealed in a nook behind one of the many tapestries. The stairs were made of hewn stone, a jarring change from the marble halls above.

They led into much smaller and more utilitarian passages, though no less lit than the ones above. Considering the people who were filling these halls, I figured it for the servant's passages. There was a lot of people scurrying back and forth through the drab halls, most in too much of a hurry to even notice that their Empress was present. I was thankful for this, the few who did react to my presence over-exaggerated their response by kowtowing, these were usually the ones in far scruffier clothes than those that had graced the halls above.

The term 'rats in the walls' came to mind, as the sheer number of people in the cramped passages compared to the airy halls above was astonishing.

It made traversing the passages difficult when the servants knelt for my passing as they would halt in place and freeze until we'd manoeuvred around them. Which was not a simple undertaking, especially as my guards insisted on leading me around the many drying pools of blood and viscera that still lined the floors, servants often cowering in the congealing pools.

They'd made time to clean the 'upper' passages but it seemed that most of the fighting and dying had taken place down here, or it didn't have the same cleaning practices as the ones above.

My Garb remained quite clean throughout of course, despite the hem expanding to drag through as many of the pools as it could manage, and over the quivering bodies within – another difficulty we were forced to work around.

The trip through the servant's passages was probably a tenth of the length of the one through the halls above but it took us twice as long nonetheless. When we finally arrived at our destination the guards escorting me visibly relaxed. We'd entered an area set aside for the Palace Guard, it was clearly a barracks of some sort, the orderly happenings inside a distinct counter to those in the passages without.

I was shown to a small room with a... Halfling? Hobbit? He was very small in any case, from what I could see of him, above the desk he was settled behind, a desk that was obviously built onto a platform, and barred further entry into the room. In fact, on closer inspection of the room beyond, I realised it was actually a counter. I figured him for the quartermaster. He looked up from the notepad he was scribbling words down in – probably in some form of shorthand as I couldn't make heads nor tails of it, or perhaps a language that was unknown to me.

“Welcome to my humble abode Your Imperial Majesty, you may call me Felix.” His voice was a deep baritone that filled the small room, resonating with the rough stone walls in an odd contrast with his size.

“Thank you, Felix, you may call me Empress or Win, as you prefer.” The nickname I'd heard those closest to the Duchess was preferred to me if possible, being called by a noble title continually was starting to grate on my nerves. “What have you got for me?”

“As you wish Empress,” he sighed. “Give me a moment to retrieve the items. I'm afraid there won't be as many as you may have wished.”

Verrick had explained during the planning session earlier, that most enchanted items would interfere with the Garb's own enchantments, causing the Garb to 'protect' itself. This would usually result in the items just falling off, or being unable to be equipped. Occasionally the enchantments on the item would be removed by the Garb, essentially disenchanting the item. And on rare occasions, the item would explode due to the conflicting forces. They had done these tests because this wasn't the first time someone wearing the Garb would have to fight, and last time they hadn't prepared any items.

And of course, the 'volunteers' were difficult to come by after the first person lost a hand to the tests. It was regenerated, of course, but the guards wisely refused to continue with that risk. What if it had been a necklace that had exploded? The Garb didn't protect one from injury much better than a well-enchanted leather jerkin after all. Subsequent 'volunteers' were commoners brought in and paid handsomely to wear the Garb and test new items.

I blinked. Wait... the fuck is that? As the quartermaster, Felix, retreated from my view I finally came to terms with what I'd seen. Glad that the Garb stopped him from seeing the shock on my face. Felix was decidedly not a hobbit of some type. Nope, far from it. He was, in fact, closer in form to the centaur healer I'd seen earlier.

His upper half, as I'd already seen was perhaps a foot and a half in height, quite small for a man. Around his lower torso, where his hips would normally be his body melded into his lower half. The fur was a beautiful tri-colour, orange, black and white, with the white on the front chest area, the orange mostly over the top and down the right side and the black on the left and underneath, the tail was a mixture of the three.

His lower half was the very epitome of a prize-winning beagle.

Half-man, half-dog... Not something I'd considered to be a thing in any world.

I also wondered how he kept himself from falling flat on his face, a centaur's horse-body would be quite large and heavy, an obvious counter-balance to the human-like top section. For Felix, however, this wasn't the case. His hobbit-like upper half was at least as large and as heavy as the dog section, considering it was located at the front of that section he should have been extremely top heavy. Another mystery I doubted I had the time to solve.

By the time he returned to me, seemingly empty-handed, I'd recovered from my surprise and was starting to get a bit bored again.

“Here you go, Empress.” He reached his hands out in the manner that I'd grown accustomed to seeing when someone was interacting with their [Inventory]. He removed a large – for him – wineskin and plopped it the counter in front of me.

“Ooo! Thanks, Felix, just what I wanted.” I grabbed the wineskin, ignoring his shout of denial and quaffed a mouthful of the good stuff. Red and thick liquid dripped down my throat as I let out a sigh of pleasure. Most of the mouthful went straight down my throat, so I rolled the rest of my tongue to savour the taste.

I quickly spat it out when I realised what I'd just drunk.

“What the fuck was that, Felix? Who puts blood in a wineskin!”

*