I hate fairies.

Luci is entranced. The other kids are entranced. Now that his near-sighted eyes are close enough to see the fairy dancers, Elias will inevitably become entranced too. And Ron is less susceptible due to his class. Ron is also beneath a giant spider.

So it’s up to me. And I can’t think when my bones are not where they belong.

Curling into a fetal position, I clench my teeth hard enough to break them, feel around for my slippery shin bone, and with as much force as I can muster, I jam it back into my leg.

Mother fucker.

My screams could shatter glass. My head swims, splotches of black clouding my vision, but I don’t pass out. Fortitude maybe? Some kind of health threshold? Don’t know. Don’t care. Am in pain.

Back in place, the bone begins to knit itself together. It feels like growing pains. Severe, throbbing, agonizing growing pains.

Fuck it. Must think anyway.

How do I get my team to stop being entranced?

Sadly, only Ron has enough skill in musical performance to counteract status conditions, and we can’t nullify the condition without the power of song. What else? Come on, think. What else do I know? The aura renews on line of sight. And as long as we can’t see the fairies, it runs out after two seconds. So how do I get people to not see what they’re already looking at?

Welp, this could be the best idea or the dumbest idea. But even a dumb idea is better than none.

Into my hand, I summon the leprechaun statue.

Item removed: (1) Rare Talisman of Lesser Spell-Holding

Oof, it’s cold. And heavy for how small it is. Magic pulses from its core. I don’t know how this works, so I’m going with my gut instinct. I plant the statue on the ground. Once it’s placed, a message pops up.

New Status!

Aura of Wit: Wits increased by +5.

Sure. Cool. Now for the main performance. Staring at the horrifying eye that consumes the leprechaun’s face, I focus on imbuing it with a spell. I have a slew of options: False Wall, Static Decoy, Lesser Sound, Lesser Image, Darkness, etc.

My first thought is Lesser Sound. Maybe I can make it play a tune, but that will only nullify the entrancement if the idol has points in musical performance. And if it doesn’t do the trick, then I don’t know if I’ll have the ability to try again. So here goes plan B.

Darkness.

A glutinous black cloud erupts from the statue, instantly swallowing the arena whole. In the blink of an eye, the world becomes night. It isn’t just a lack of light. It’s a relentless, thick infusion of darkness, smothering every inch of the cavern in the pitchest black I’ve ever seen. No monsters. No cave. Not even my hand in front of my own face.

It is not ideal. But hey, at least none of us are entranced.

The children scream. Apparently the age-old tradition of screaming in the dark transcends all borders. With my shin slightly workable now, I scramble away from where I believe the spider to be and crawl toward the children.

My arm collides with a leg. “It’s me, it’s me. I cast a spell. It’s okay.”

“Feck you do that for?” Éogan snaps.

“Reasons. Now quiet,” I whisper. “If they can’t hear you, they can’t attack you.”

Thankfully, the children listen and immediately hush up. And who says parenting isn’t easy. You just have to threaten them with imminent death by fairy.

As my ears adjust to the silence, the room comes to life in the form of an interpretative percussive beat. Toward the center of the cavern, there’s a rhythmic slap, slap, slap of hopping fairy feet. They’re loud. Easy to pin, even in the darkness. I’ll pretend I planned that.

I can’t hear Elias at all. Is he fighting? Wait, there he is. One grunt as the blade of his axe thuds into flesh. I never realized how quiet he is when he fights. There’s a bit of scuffling, a bit of rustling. But for all his mad charges and long swings, he’s nearly soundless. It must have something to do with his balance. Now that I think about it, he always seems very sure on his feet. Practiced, even.

Not like Ron. Though, granted, he’s in a bit of a different position right now. I can hear his legs kicking, struggling for purchase, his leather vest rubbing noisily against the cavern floor. His sword carves deep into the arachnid’s squelching stomach.

“What’s happening?” Luci says from somewhere nearby.

With all of my weight on one leg, I stand up and limp toward her. “I cast a spell.”

“How?”

“Later. Listen. If you think you can hear one of the dancers, shoot.”

“Sure. What about you?”

“I’m going for the spider. And stay quiet. Also try not to hit your uncle.”

I give her a pat on the shoulder. At least I think it’s her shoulder. Then I fumble toward the enemy. Behind me, the twang of a loosed arrow sounds. It clatters against a wall. Then another pierces the air, and a fairy cries out.

I shuffle forward, wary of every step. I think I’m getting closer. Luckily, the bone-chilling scrabble of skittering spider legs makes for an easy target. The second I’m rather sure it’s in front of me, I test out a slash with one of my twin daggers.

It hits. And it’s definitely the spider. Those fine hairs tickle at my wrists. But the blade barely nicks it. It’s going to take more power.

So I try again. Two twin daggers punch down into its abdomen. This time, they sink deep. I twist the daggers, pull, and stab again.

I’d like to say I made a dent here, but I believe the large hole that Ron made is the real winner, judging by the disgusting sound of guts gushing over him. After a few more jabs, there’s a thump as the spider collapses to the floor, followed by a muffled “ow” buried beneath him.

“I gotcha.” My daggers return to their sheathes as I search for Ron’s hands.

Across the cavern, the dancers wail. Or one dancer wails. I think the other is dead. Another arrow looses, another swing of the axe meets flesh.

And just like that, it’s over.

Words acknowledging our victory sear through the dark.

1.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Enemies Defeated:

Sidhe Dancers (Lv 15) [Shared with Luciana, Elias] x2

Sidhe Weaver (Lv 15 💀) [Shared with Elias, Ron]

+10% Well-Rested

Exp: 91

Earned: 417g

2.

Level up! You are now Level 15.

Exp to next level: 36/150

Attribute points available: 3

3.

Class Ability Unlocked!

SICARII

Level 15 Ability:

Unseen: Grant invisibility to yourself and nearby party members. Invisibility is lost upon damage or an ability is performed. Lasts 1 second per level. May be used twice a day.

4.

Title(s) Earned:

Bone Splitter: Break a long bone.

Reward: (1) Half-Off Recovery Voucher

Oooh, that Level 15 ability is going to be killer.

Now let's see about letting in some light again. Um… How do I do this... Un-darkness?

The spell is released, the statue disintegrating into dry pewter dust. Good to know magic in this game is so intuitive. It would have been nice to hang onto the leprechaun for a little longer, creepy as it was. Still, it gives me faith that, despite my class, there are more items in this world that allow for magic.

As the black cloud recedes, I’m relieved to see that my ears didn’t deceive me. Everyone appears healthy and whole. A little gut-splattered, a little blood-caked, but no real worse for wear. Meanwhile the cavern flora worms its way toward the fairies’ corpses and begins to nibble, adding the flesh of their bodies to the mushrooms and moss.

We reconvene in the center of the cavern.

Wiping spider goop off his belly, Ron frowns. “I need a towel, man.”

Luci sniffs. “Gross.”

“So,” I say, crossing my arms.

“So,” Luci echoes. She snaps her bow back into her sash. “That was easy.”

“Yeah, nice work. You’re a natural Robin Hood. He fought blindfolded sometimes, right? You know, with the apple.”

“I believe you’re thinking of William Tell,” replies Elias.

Luci glares. “Who in heck is William Tell?”

Her uncle’s brow furrows. “I don’t actually know.”

“Can we go now?” asks Éogan. He jerks his thumb at a corridor behind us. “Exit’s that way.”

“Yeah. I guess time is kind of precious now,” I reply.

“Is the fog, uh… is that going to be a problem?” Luci asks.

“Too late now!” I laugh. “But yeah, we should get moving.”

Peace, fairy grotto.

Through the corridor, we come to a stone ramp leading up to a platform. Above the platform stretches a shaft countless stories tall. A line of sunlight glimmers far, far in the distance. There’s something blocking it. Wait, it’s getting closer.

Is this an elevator? A medieval elevator. I didn’t know those existed - and no, now is not the time for some trivia, game.

With an unnerving litany of croaks and whines, the elevator descends and finally thuds to a stop. From above, dust-moted sun beams light up the shaft in palid yellow light.

I fully expect a final final boss battle, some giant minotaur-esque beast to block our way. Instead, in the center of the elevator sits a wonderfully cliche, medieval wooden treasure chest.

1.

DUNGEON: THE CAVE OF CRUACHAIN

Complete!

Dungeon Power Unlocked!

Among Friends (passive): Earn 50% more XP in combat while in a party of three or more.

2.

Title(s) Earned:

Dungeon Tourist: Complete your first dungeon.

Reward: (1) Training Voucher

“Oh, nice.”

“About time!” Luci exclaims as she skips onto the lift. Elias hoists a leg onto the platform, as though that could stop it from moving.

With both hands, she throws back the hefty lid, releasing a glow of golden light.

“There’s a message here. Oh! We all get to choose something. Uh, should I get a Sidhe Ring of Precision or a, what’s this, a Blessed Belt of the Fair Folk? Both rare.”

“Any more details on that?” I ask.

“Nope. That’s all it’s giving me. And like, an image, kinda.”

“Go with the known item then. Ring.”

The moment she chooses, the light fades. Luci holds the ring up, catching it in the spare sunlight. It’s a wooden band with inlaid silver vines.

“It’s an ability! Whoa. ‘Steady Aim: Slow time for three seconds while standing still.’ Cooooool.” Slipping the ring onto her finger, she hops down from the platform. The treasure chest glimmers with another cloud of light.

Ron goes next. Looming into the light, he absolutely dwarfs the chest. “Hell yeah, man! Three instruments!”

“Yay, Ron!” Luci cheers.

“I got, let’s see, an accordion-”

“No,” Luci and I both say.

“Bagpipes-”

“No!”

“Aaand a traveler’s harp.”

“Harp! Definitely harp,” Luci pleads.

“I’m pickin’ the bagpipes.”

“Ron!”

He reaches in, and out comes a small triangular framed harp with the same dark wooden finish and inlaid silver as Luci’s ring.

“Dudes, the look on your faces,” he laughs. Slinging it around his shoulder with the leather strap, he sets one foot back and starts jamming out like it’s an electric guitar. “Oh yeah. Got my Sweet Serenade back.”

After the chest reignites, Elias gestures for me to go next.

I step onto the platform. As my face alights, a message appears.

Choose Reward:

Rare Spritely Chausses or Rare Vambrace of Fairy Trickery

So, either pants that may have to do with speed or evasion. Or a single wristguard with more illusion magic. Nice that these are attuned to us, however I wonder if it’s attuned to our class and abilities or whether it’s more of a critique. You know, ‘next time, don’t get sucker-punched so much.’ Or more positively, ‘good job for picking up a creepy leprechaun-cyclops.’

As it turns out, I really liked casting a spell. Sorry, yoga pants. You’re going to have to stick with me a little longer.

Accessory Acquired!

Rare Vambrace of Fairy Trickery

Lightweight wristguard with a bonus component.

Wits Requirement: 10

Provides:

- Fortitude: +1

- Level 15 Ability: Trickery of Choice: Once an hour, create one of the following visual spells: Lesser False Wall, Static Decoy, Lesser Image, Darkness, Lesser Globe of Light. Spell breaks when you take damage.

Scooping up an engraved leather vambrace, I present it to the team. “Vambrace of Fairy Trickery. Who wants some more darkness?”

“What, really? You can do magic now?” Luci asks excitedly.

“A few tricks. A fake wall, a decoy, and so on. So long as I’m wearing this,” I reply, fiddling with the leather ties. “Also I need help putting it on.”

Finally, Elias takes his turn. He doesn’t ask for advice, though I suppose I didn’t either. He removes a padded linen jacket called a ‘gambeson.’ It’s a dark maroon tunic with a slightly raised collar and V-shaped hem at the bottom, buckled across the chest with several leather fastens and cinched at the waist with a leather belt. It’s a slender fit, like a duke straight out of a CW medieval romance.

I’m not sweating. You’re sweating.

“Increased fortitude and charm, as well as immunity to bleeding,” is all he says.

“Uh huh,” is all I manage back.

The NPC children don’t make any remarks during this time. They appear uncannily disinterested. Feature of the game, I guess. Although, before we leave, Éogan demands that his little sister ditch the frog she’s been carrying.

We crowd onto the elevator, shoulder to shoulder. The floor creaks but doesn’t buckle. Elias mans the crank, and we ascend to the surface.

Treasures aside, it seems anticlimactic almost. At the same time, it feels right. There’s no rallying crowd at the end of the marathon. There are no fireworks, no curtain calls. The dungeon is just… over. Now here’s your reward. Get on the elevator and get lost.

To be honest, it’s just my style. The monsters didn’t kill us. The humans didn’t chase us. We saved the children, and now we get to leave in self-satisfied silence. Despite all of our victories across the isle of Hy-Brasil, this feels like a real accomplishment. Some well-deserved punctuation at the end of a tedious run-on sentence.

And I don’t think I’m the only one feeling it either. As we climb toward the town, a sense of relief ripples through the party. It’s cleansing, like an autumn breeze whisking away the decaying fall leaves. Maybe when we reach the surface, the dreary, overcast light of Ireland will feel brighter.

After what feels like an eternity, the elevator grinds to a stop inside what appears to be an empty pantry. Through the doorway is a perfectly unassuming, unoccupied house. Rough-hewn stone bricks, small windows, dirt floor, some old rotting table and chairs, a hearth full of cobwebs.

Again, I expected a little fanfare. Maybe a troop of halberd-bearing guards. However, they appear to be occupied. As soon as Ron opens the front door, before we even step into the well-worn streets of Glasbaile, we can hear the commotion.

Lord Cathal’s hall is under siege.