Pathum’s POV

Pathum: I think she was admitted to the hospital along with Nirmala. And she is in the hospital battling for her life because of me. I freaking should have visited and delivered the package and none of this would have happened. It's my dang fault. My freaking fault. But why on earth isn't she answering her phone? I don't understand, Scarlet.

Scarlet: It is not your fault that mom is missing, she would say the same sweetie. Please understand it is not your fault. She will be alright.

Pathum: It is definitely my fault. I refused to go when she told me to go deliver the food package and then she got into their house and ended up in a conversation and ended up in the hospital. It is always my fault. It will always be in my memory. I should learn to understand that it is my fault, scarlet whatever you say it is my fault, I will never forgive myself.

Scarlet: Sweetie calm down and let’s try to see the positive aspects of this incident.

Pathum: It has been two days since she was admitted to the hospital, I guess she was admitted because there's no other assumption I could jump to. I mean the officers told us they admitted the people in that house to the hospital so mom must be there. She hasn't answered any of my calls. But what if something went wrong and something bad happened to her? Please I am scared.

Scarlet: Pathum, sweetie listen the best we can do is wait and pray. Praying will help you reach the hands of God and He will help you understand that there is nothing more powerful than the faith of God and the miracles he can do. I kindly ask you to follow my voice and pray to God, there is nothing to be scared about. Just put your hands together and pray sweetie, pray and He will hear you and will answer your prayers.

Pathum : Please I am scared, please tell god to make mom answer her call. Please.

I tried praying with every possible way I knew but Scarlet helped me with the practise I couldn’t help myself but pray. I kept praying for hours that mom would be okay and she would come back to us soon or answer the phone or something. I wished she would do something and come to us, but she didn’t and that broke me, I should have done better. It should have been me, I am a shitty bastard, I willingly sent my mom to … to.. ..to death.. it is always my fault I should be damned.

I am so scared please God help my mom get well help her be okay. Please bring her back to me and I will do anything You tell me. I will always obey Mom’s advice, I never meant to disobey her orders. I was a lazy piece of shit, ugh I hate me. Please God I am not a christian but please listen to me, I can’t live without mom and I wouldnt live single second without her. So please protect her, I will do anything in return. Please god help me.

It was getting darker and mom wasn't answering her phone. I don't know why but I made many calls and there was only ringing but no answering, what have I done? I should go to Hell for this. It is my fault mom is in the hospital. If something happens to mom I will never forgive myself. I would never forgive myself

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She is there because of you, because you refuse to do the things you were supposed to do. She is there suffering and battling with her life all because of her weak son. Her beloved great son who pushed his mother to the depths of hell because he is lazy. How pathetic would it be to have a son like you, Pathum.

Pathum: Scarlet, please help me. I’m scared. Please help me. It is night, almost midnight and there was not a single call from my mother. I am very scared. Please what can I do? I don’t know any officer whom I could call or ask about patients. There haven't been any deaths in Sri Lanka yet but I am very scared. Will mom be alright?

Scarlet: We kept you in our prayers and soon the Lord will help your mom. Sweetie take it out of your head it is a mental prison. You are suffering more just because you are trapped inside that head. Sneak out and be free.

Pathum: But she hasn’t answered any calls. Why do you think that is?

Scarlet: Maybe they don’t allow patients to take calls, calm down. Your mom will be here tomorrow or in a few days. I promise.

Pathum: Please I can't sleep. These thoughts are running in my head for too long. Please help me with these thoughts. How can I help myself? Will mom be alright?

It is your fault. What would you do if she is dea-

Shut it! Shut it !

Scarlet: Sweetie please forget it, your mom will be fine and you will be okay as well.

Yes I would like to believe what she said. I too want mom to be alright. I don't want anything bad to happen to mom, but why doesn't she answer her phone? That makes me so scared. If I had listened to mom. Gosh it is pointless worrying about the past. We should focus on the present moment and build a better future.

I am being so philosophical but yet I can't seem to calm down. I mean how can I when my mother is in the hospital in exchange for me, how does that make me feel? I feel so useless and worthless, that makes me feel like I am the worst son she ever had. It makes me feel like I have no purpose in life and that I deserve to die in a gutter. Where else but a deadly gutter, why couldn’t I step up and tell mom to wait and do that piece of work by myself?

Well even then I don’t know I can't handle these thoughts I need Scarlet. I can't deal with these things. These thoughts are scary and I don't want them to be true. I want them gone. Gone out of my head. Why are they hanging around me? What's the point in these thoughts? Why can't they let me be free? What the heck did I do myself? Why is my mind disturbing my peace?

So many questions but none seem to have answers.

What are you going to do when she is gone? Can you live without her? Can you love without her? You think Scarlet will remain with you? Nope she is going to leave you too. You are going to loose everything and you will forever be alone. You are a looser destined to be alone and die lonely.

I grabbed my phone and decided to call mom, which I did and her phone began to ring but still no one answered. After waiting for another fifteen minutes, I decided to ring her phone again and suddenly someone answered and it shocked me to the core. I froze at the words at the receiving end.

Oh God why? Please it can't be. Does this mean mom’s in danger or something? Please mom answer. Come back to me soon. Please God why do I have to go through this.

Could that voice be a mistake? I dont know, so I rang again and the same voice repeated the same thing it did before. My phone fell from my trembling hands.