My return was met with little fanfare.

Mostly people were just happy to hear that the threat of Tango Blast was effectively behind us and we could all get on with trying to rebuild a functioning society. The news that no one was seriously hurt in the attack received some smiles, though most people were less than enthused to hear about the need for someone to administer our new vassal.

Jeffery was very enthused to hear about it and immediately volunteered. I suspected the man was up to something but I suspected that, unless Omar came up with something, he'd get the position by the simple merit that no one else wanted the job.

A problem for Omar to deal with, I needed to actually get ready to hike roughly two hundred and fifty miles of largely unexplored wilderness with no guarantees of safe refuge along the way. First thing first, was a way to carry needed supplies like food and water. This might be a wetter part of Texas, but rivers still weren't that common and I didn't know where all the artificial lakes were or if they had remained without human maintenance.

A waterskin wasn't too hard to make, I'd done it a couple times using animal skins or leather while in the Scouts or out camping. Mind I didn't have hands anymore and good leather was in short supply, so I used the favorite material of the modern survivalist, duct tape. Roughly four and a half rolls, that were still in great condition thanks to the odd habit of bundles of tape being wrapped in thick plastic wrap, and the tops of two two liter soda bottles were slowly turned into two fifty gallon water proof bags. It was a miserable hassle to handle using only my tail and mouth, something that gave me a fresh distaste for handling the material, but I still managed to do it without too much wastage after about four hours of struggle. The leftover tape was woven into rope for the two waterskins which then left me with a minor issue, I was a snake, I had very little to hang the two skins off of.

Now, while I did have my carapace armor that had bits long enough for them to hang off, said bits were very sharp. I'd likely have to look into using chain straps, good thing this wasn't a stealth mission as those metal chains clattering off my metal scales was likely going to make an unholy racket. Maybe that would convince Damian and Matilda to stay behind. Actually, I hadn't seen Damian in a while, was he hiding somewhere?

"Damn Joe, that's pretty impressive!" Damian exclaimed, examining my waterskins. I'm not going to lie, I jumped high enough to probably count as the use of my skill. "Will the tape be able to hold up against the weight?"

"We need to put a fucking bell on you! Fuck!" I hissed with my tail to my thudding heart. The little bastard actually had the gall to laugh at me as I waited for my heart to stop trying to flee my chest, "Yeah, use to make hammocks out of the stuff on some of our longer hikes, was able to hold me and a friend without issue so that's about four hundred pounds, so this should work. Hell, I've seen people build functioning boats out of the stuff so they shouldn't leak either."

"I hope you aren't expecting me to carry these boss," The little black velociraptor said holding up to waterskin that looked like he could happily sleep in, his cat ears did an odd little dance as he looked up at me with his bug eyes, "They might be a bit big for me and Matilda."

"Don't worry, I plan to carry them," I assured him, "Though I could use your help building a backpack. This is probably going to need some nails or screws and I do not want to try and do that alone."

Even with Damian's help, turning boards, fabric, chains, a bit of sheet metal, and duct tape into a backpack the size of a recliner took another two hours out of the day. It was especially annoying getting the screws into the boards without power tools. We eventually settled upon the method of hammering in nails, removing them, and putting large screws in the holes. I'm certain there was a better way, but neither of us were carpenters.

The end result was something that looked like a deck chair with a garbage bag sitting in it with two water bags hanging off it. It also had the issue that I needed Damian's help getting the thing on or off without risking the thing breaking. There was also the issue that eventually the duct tape covering the metal bits would get scraped away and we'd have to deal with the sound of metal scraping on metal again if we didn't claim yet more rolls of the stuff for repairs.

Despite that the thing was waterproof, stayed in place fairly well while I moved and seemed to handle the weight of two full waterskins and a dinosaur in biker gear without complaint. Heck Damian even joked that with a bit of padding it would be a nice place to sleep, which was a useful idea I hadn't even considered. I considered adding a sling to dangle under the pack for such utility but decided to put it off until the next town and use some of their duct tape for that.

Slithering away from my now completed projects I braced my chin against the ground and twisted my whole body producing a sound somewhere between a string of firecrackers going off and a car running over a sheet of bubble wrap. More than a few people nearby cried out in alarm at the sound. I gasped at the almost pain of virgin joints experiencing their first popping, and cooed as all that tension left my body.

"Good lord, where has the day gone?" I sighed contentedly looking up at the sun already starting to get low in the sky. My tongue flickered out as I sniffed the air and frowned. "Shouldn't they be cooking supper by now?"

"Uh, they moved it inside the stadium today because they were afraid it might rain." Damian stated.

I looked up at the sky in confusion. Yes there were actually some clouds there, a rare thing this time of year, but none looked to be trying to build up to thunderheads. Then again, it would hardly be the first time the weather went from blue skies to torrential downpour and back again inside the same hour so it wasn't impossible that one of the more sensitive types managed to pick up a fast moving storm front. It would certainly explain why almost no one was outside.

"Alright, guess we better get this moved inside and grab us a bite." I said picking up the nearly half ton of water, wood, and metal with little effort.

"Mind giving me a lift?" Damian asked, tilting his head and wiggling his ears cutely, "A bit of practice for tomorrow wouldn't hurt?"

I sat the pack down, "Fine, just never try to look cute again. Your bug eyes absolutely ruin the effect."

"Sure thing," little bastard made sure to look directly at me as he said, "Boss."

I was real tempted to roll over on him as he started climbing up my side, but that seemed a bit harsh for a bit of banter. Instead I chose to do my best to 'sprint' towards the stadium, hearing the little smart ass squawk and squeal as the rapid slithering tossed him about my smooth hide. It only lasted about a minute, but that proved more than enough to leave the beyond black raptor looking green.

I smiled innocently down at him as he slid off and weakly muttered, "That's a bad spot." and stumbled into the Stadium loading dock.

Setting down the bag and waterskins I took a moment to admire how well the area had been cleaned up. A couple days ago this whole area had been coated in smashed scorpions and blood, now it looked like someone had recently mopped the rough concrete and there was not a single speck of shattered chitin. Even the massive pile of corpses outside was gone, I wonder how long it must have taken to clear and process the literally hundreds of corpses and what they would do with the leftover bits. I bet all that chitin would make decent armor, the boss scorpion's armor was certainly thick enough to block some serious damage.

As I moved I noticed something odd with my tremorsense and glanced curiously at the walls of the building, "Huh, that's odd. It looks like almost everyone is squeezed into the main stadium itself."

"Must be waiting for supper to be done cooking," Damian shrugged, "I heard they were experimenting with making sausages today."

"Oh I hope they smoke them," my tongue flicked slowly against the scaly ridge I had now instead of proper lips, "I love me some smoked sausages, shame we don't have any mustard or barbaque sauce."

"Best hurry and get in there before they're all gone." Damian chuckled.

Slithering through the dark tunnels of the stadium as quickly as I could, I realized just how dark the tunnels were. There was literally no light back here and yet me and Damian were traversing them as if they were brightly lit. It made me wonder both what sort of sensory skills he had packed into those buggy eyes of his and how the dozens if not hundreds of people on the field had navigated these tunnels. There certainly were a lot of people up ahead, waiting patiently.

"SURPRISE!" The cry as I emerged onto the field was so loud that it nearly made me turn and flee instinctively as everyone shouted at me. Confetti, actual real confetti, was dumped down on me from people waiting in the stands over the entrance as people stomped, clapped, and cheered. They'd even somehow managed to hang a banner from the big screens that read 'Safe Travels Joe!' How much time and resources had they wasted on this!? It was too much! I didn't deserve this, just a nice quiet send off would have been fine!

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Omar came forwards and wrapped one of his big heavy monkey arms around me, preventing me from escaping and guiding me into the sea of smiling faces. "Come on Joe, no running from your own party!"

"Why is there so many people here?" I whispered worriedly, "Why would most of these people even care about me?"

"My dude you literally died to save them from a giant slaving monster asshole and probably saved half their lives when you helped us kill that Boss." Omar laughed as he guided me towards the midfield where there were a lot of fires burning and the smell of sizzling meat, "You're literally a big damn hero and they want to say thank you before you leave."

"It wasn't anything special," I protested quietly as people I'd never met waved and called out my name, "Literally anyone could have done the same."

"But they didn't and you did cracker," Omar laughed as he scooped up a fat two foot long sausage and held it in front of my face, "Sausage? I know they're only your second favorite food, but it's the best we could do on short notice."

I looked at the slightly blackened thing. It was hardly the prettiest sausage I'd ever seen, and having made them myself before I knew exactly what it was made out of. However the thing also smelled delicious and I was not willing to turn my nose up at bowls stuffed with blood, grease, and meat if it was even half as good as it smelled. "You make a dick joke and I'm kicking your ass."

I bit into the sausage and tried to chew it out of habit, the second my needle teeth split open the sausage and its contents spilled into my mouth I froze. I could feel my eyes dilating, my heart thundering, and the gates of heaven opening before me. The thing was made from the meat of at least three different creatures that all had their own flavors that mixed wonderfully with the smoky flavor and char of the slightly overcooked skin. And there was more than just meat in there! I felt the familiar spicy burn of peppers mixed in there, and not just jalapeños but that almost fruity burn had to be a habanero pepper! The burn wasn't even that overwhelming thanks to the sizable helping of, that was butter I was tasting! Where had they gotten butter!? I didn't even think we had milk yet!

Omar came close to losing a hand as I snatched up the rest of the sausage and savored it thoroughly before finally swallowing it down, "That's pretty good, what else have you got?"

Omar and several people laughed at that as they walked me through what all they had prepared. Despite how little we likely had, they had broken out all the stops for this party to see me off. They had hundreds of those wondrous sausages, though sadly not all of them were the buttery pepper-stuffed wonders of that first one, but all delicious. They'd actually managed to get enough oil, grease, and potato adjacent plants together to make an eclectic mix of salted fries, they weren't bad but they disagreed with my new biology so I didn't have many of those sadly. I actually gasped happily when they revealed that the creek was absolutely infested with crayfish so large as to rival lobsters, they tasted just as good as ever when shishkebabed and rubbed in various spices before roasting over an open fire and garnished with the juices of those fruits growing up near the Veranda. There was a salad made of various plants we'd found to be edible and the squeezed fruit, I sampled it, but sadly it seemed that while my biology could handle some veggies, it liked things meaty. The only thing missing was bread to sop up the grease and drippings and beer, sadly those were both sadly beyond our means at the moment.

"This is a lot of food, this isn't going to cause problems is it?" I asked around my sixteenth sausage. The one good thing about being big with a bottomless stomach was that when you found something tasty you had a good excuse to eat a lot of it.

"Maybe in the short term," Omar shrugged while munching on a bucket of fries, "But I'm told the plants grow back stupid fast and produce absurd amounts of food so that's not an issue. Jeremy has been saying that the jackal-snakes must have been coyotes before the system because they do the same thing of breeding like mad when their numbers get low. So as long as we husband their numbers carefully we shouldn't have a big issue with meat either, especially with how easy it is to catch cloud vultures. Enjoy yourself man, and stop being a miserly hoarder for one day!"

"I can't!" I moaned in mock despair, "I'm white! We've got an instinct to hoard and accumulate wealth. It's one of the many reasons we're better than you."

"Looks like you're more metal than white now rusty," Omar smirked at me.

"Which sucks since my voice is better suited for country music," I sighed sadly, "But at least I'm not a monkey. Just look at you flinging shit."

That got a bark of laughter from Omar, "Oh fuck you bitch! I'm gonna miss ya man. Won't be the same without you here to shoot the shit or have the weirdest conversations with. How else am I going to learn about how to use piss to preserve food?"

"You joke but did you know that in Scandinavia they-"

"Nope, not while I'm eating my dude." Omar pointed a green fry at me threateningly, "Just for that I'm tempted to start with the presents."

"Presents?" I asked horrified, "Omar no, this is already way too much!"

"Yep, which is why my present to you was not getting you anything," he flashed a toothy smile at me, "Shame that some of the others weren't quiet as thoughtful." He inhaled and that fleshy sack on his throat ballooned out as he roared, "Yo! Those of you who brought gifts, now's the time to bring them out!"

I tried to slink away like the snake I was, but Omar grabbed me and put me in a headlock as several people started moving forwards carrying cardboard boxes. A fair few of the presenters were strangers to me and their presents seemed to be half advertisements of what they could do. Still the metal polish and giant wool stuffed pillow were appreciated, the Tupperware of potato salad less so, but I'm sure Matilda wouldn't mind it and the tupperware would likely prove useful for something. Then it started getting to people I actually knew the names of.

Rafael simply gave me a massive bundle of his feathers grunting that, "I'd probably end up needing them." Kyli had found an old atlas of the United States and its roads; it was a bit out of date, but having such a highly detailed map of towns, roads, and rivers would doubtlessly prove useful. Jack provided me with a .44 magnum revolver, holster, and a couple hundred rounds of ammo he said had been properly stored and so should still be good. I gushed over that one and regretted not being able to use it myself. Shaniqua gave me a massive burlap and silk cloak that also doubled as a blanket, she apologized for it being so rough as she was still new to working as a seamstress, I gave her a heartfelt thanks.

"Don't forget about me," Damian called, causing me to jump as he seemed to simply appear beside me. How was he sneaking past my tremorsense so easily!? I swear he read my mind the way he smiled as he held up a box for me to open.

Opening it, I was a bit confused to see my hanging crucifix inside. A quick check showed that it was no longer in my 'sleeping corner', nor was any of my other stuff, which was possibly for the best considering how packed the field was. Still, why had he stolen my crucifix only to regift it back to me? Lifting it out of the box I figured it out. He'd turned my old hanging crucifix into a rosary big enough to fit around my neck. I quickly counted the number of beads, though really each 'bead' was a wooden ball an inch or two in diameter, on the string and was startled to realize that he'd actually had the right number of beads with the larger beads correctly spaced. It was a good thing I couldn't cry because good lord I was feeling choked up seeing a piece of my old life reworked into something I could still utilize in my new one.

"T-thank you Damian." I managed to whisper, "This is a wonderful gift."

"Don't forget about me dear," Matilda called, setting down a box.

Flipping off the lid, I simply blinked in disbelief. It was my hat. She'd actually managed to repair the thing. New felt attached to old via a thin line of sticky silk, a fresh band and new layer of leather on the underside. All signs of char and damage had been wiped away leaving it looking to be in better shape than it'd been in decades. I carefully scooped it onto my tail blade and looked at the now tiny hat knowing that if I could, tears would be freely flowing as I felt a tightness in my chest.

"You fixed it." I almost couldn't believe the worn old thing was the same blasted ruin I'd last seen after activating my bloodline. "I, I-" a ragged wheeze tore its way out of my throat as I fought to get my emotions under control, "Thank you. I don't have the words to express how grateful I am for this Matilda."

"I did promise to fix it for you," she said with that tone of voice that only a smiling old woman could ever manage, "Now are you ready for your gift?"

"What?" I jerked in surprise as something big and white landed softly atop my head. Carefully setting my old hat down I reached up with my tail to carefully lift the object off the top of my head. It was a hat, shining pure white in my monochromatic vision. It wasn't an exact replica of my old hat, seeming more like a short stovepipe hat that had half collapsed under its own weight with a much wider brim than a proper stetson. Yet it fit my head wonderfully, obviously having been made for it by someone who spent a fair amount of time sitting atop my noggin. I laughed happily as the gift, sliding it back atop my head, "It's wonderful Matilda! Are you trying to spoil me rotten?"

"Simply making sure you have what you need for the trip dear." She tittered.

I smiled back at her, looking at my old far too small hat. I was hardly going to abandon it, especially after all the care that had gone into repairing it, but what was I to do with-? A slight ripple of movement on my tremorsense gave me an idea.

Scooping up my old hat I turned to Omar and plopped the hat down atop his head and said, "Take care of this until I get back okay?"

"Are you sure man?" Omar asked gently, taking the hat off to hold it in his hands like it was made of glass, "You really seemed to love this hat."

"Exactly why I'm not bringing it with me on a dangerous journey," I nodded before using my 'gay' voice, "Besides everyone knows that leaders need a fancy hat and darling that worksite helmet just isn't doing it for you."

He laughed softly at the joke before returning my hat to his head, "Alright man, I promise to keep it safe, but you better be back, got it?"

"You have my word that I will do everything to make it back safely," I said with the seriousness such a promise required, "You better have turned this place into a proper town by then though. If I come back and you've gone mad with power I will be very cross, understand?"

That got another short bark of laughter, "That sounds like a fine deal. Be safe out there bud!" He held out one of his hands.

I stuck the end of my tail just before the blade in his hand and pulled him in for a shoulder bump that he turned into a brief embrace, slapping me hard on the back twice, "And you stay safe up here little bean. It was great to work with you again."

"Always a pleasure Joe."

The party slowly wound down after that. Matilda and Damian were both waiting for me by the pack I'd built just before the party and loaded it up with what must have been a hundred pounds of jerky and most of my presents. The sun was starting to really set as the earlier clouds scattered leaving what must have been a truly wonderful sun set to those who could see the colors on all the dilapidated buildings.

"You ready to go boss?" Damian asked.

"Just one last thing before we leave properly," I said, loading the suitcase I'd packed into my new larger backpack, "It's kind of a personal thing, but you're both free to join me if you want."

"We'd love to, dear."