I glared spitefully at the message floating in the corner of my vision, fuming over the humiliation of not only being no longer a human, but stuffed into an egg as well. If I had 'parents' waiting just outside this egg, well, I would not be needlessly cruel to them. They would have nothing to do with this farce, but I would be in no way a happy child. All of that would depend on what was outside of my current container.

I shifted my face to the inner edge of the eggshell pressing my face against it hoping for an egg tooth or horn like some reptile and avians had. No such luck there, time to hope that like with most snakes my shell was thin and soft. Trying to uncoil and press against the egg was an odd sensation, not unlike trying to sit up while wrapped in a sheet, but with a spine ten times longer than it should be. It took a minute of pressing against the yielding shell before it finally failed with a wet sucking pop, not unlike the popping of a soda can, and allowed me my first breath of fresh air. Then my new forked tongue danced out and corrected me on that assumption by slamming me in the face with the smell of eggs, mold, and rotted stagnant air.

Slipping my head out the darkness into the dimness of a place both familiar yet foreign, I was promptly interrupted by yet another bloody popup!

–Quest Complete: Hatch!–

–Reward: 25 Exp!–

–You have reached Level 1–

–You have been rewarded 2pts!–

–SysAutoGen_BonusLoot…–

–Received Ferrous Mutagen C-

I mentally seized and hurled the pop ups away as I fought to pull myself free of the massive egg that had been holding me. I paused as a terrible needling bubbling sensation began at my nose and began rolling down my long, long body tearing a vicious hiss from my throat as my body locked up, clenching like a single massive cramp for the several long seconds it took for the sensation to pass. A deep angry rumble echoed in my serpentine chest. My fury was stoked again, I had literally just been born and already my tormentors were making uninvited changes to me again. I sucked in a deep breath, feeling my whole body inflate with it, and unleashed a growling sound that sounded oddly similar to a yowling cat before rising into a loud breathy hiss. Letting my rage guide me I tilted my head back and slammed it forwards as hard as I physically could into the drywall before me.

I felt the still solid material collapse inwards even as I saw stars and felt the shock of the impact roll down my elongated spine doing little to deal with the directionless venom filling my mind, but it gave me clarity as my body was tricked into thinking it was under attack. It let me 'stand' there glaring daggers at the wedge of concave drywall as my new lungs worked like bellows and my face suffered an almost pleasantly painful tingle as I worked to bring the apocalyptical wrath into line. The hate and anger could come later, I had more important things to do first.

"Focus Joe." My voice rumbled, sounding a full octave lower and like it was coming from the end of a tunnel. I tensed as I found yet another bit of 'me' that these monsters, this Overseer Omega and their cronies, stole from me. Another oddly feline yowling growl echoed through me as I grated out, "Focus. Do any of those silly plans I made fit?"

I had several jobs in my life which were so slow and tedious I was left with literally nothing to do but think. Being the completely, absolutely, certifiably normal individual that I am, I had spent a lot of that time making zombie plans, and when that got boring plans for increasingly unlikely scenarios like waking up as a bug or as a woman, "Let's see, apocalypse, complete societal collapse, supernatural/alien influence, body altered, non-humanoid form..." I paused in my near mantra mumblings to slither out of my tiny bathroom and into my small bedroom to nudge aside my makeshift curtains out onto what had once been the parking lot. I eyed the cracked and pitted pavement with patches of four foot long grass and small saplings poking out of it and the other dirty apartments across the street with a couple small vines of ivy growing over them, "Looks kinda like Propyat out there. So, estimated ten to thirty years temporal dissociation, no immediately obvious threats." my gaze darted to the corner of my eye where several other popups had been patiently sitting.

-You have taken 1 point of impact damage-

–Quest Available!–

–Find Food–

–Reward 35xp–

–Bonus Reward: Random Skill Token: F–

I'm not sure how expressive my new reptilian face was but I gave the popups my best disdainful scowl as a brief sharp hiss escaped me, "And game inspired mechanics like in those books dad so enjoys." Huh, I actually did have a couple plans fairly close to that. Mind those plans had me waking up as a dragon or robot, but I could improvise the difference. First step of the plan was to take stock of my new body and what remained of my own supplies. Turning back towards the bathroom I saw that my mirror was still intact and despite the poor lighting conditions, it would allow me my first full look at myself. Slithering closer, taking notice of just how bizarre the act felt, like walking by tightening your shoulder, then hip, then buttocks in a loop, I took in my new form.

While obviously I was a snake, I appeared to be a bit of a mishmash of snakes in a way that made no sense to my amateur biology sensibilities. My head seemed to be modeled off a King Cobras, minus the dapper hood, giving me something of a permanent scowl instead of the almost puppy like face of most snakes. My body was that of either a large python or a small anaconda, possessing the patterns of a copperhead cast across it in dull grays. Correction, I now simply saw the world in black and white, how thoughtful of those abominations. If I ever met them, regardless of how out of my league they were, I would love to tear out an eye or two of theirs. Was there anything else they'd like to take from me? My manhood maybe? A quick check led to inconclusive results, I didn't know how to tell the difference between male and female snakes after all. This did nothing to reassure me however.

An attempt to inhale slowly through my nose resulted in the flicking of my tongue, giving me another amazing 'taste' of the mold that had grown under the carpet where the vents dripped when it rained, a lot of rot coming from the fridge and freezer, and just the faintest hint of the incense I had bought two days before the Event. Oh, my face was still fairly articulate, or at least I was able to express disgust very well for a snake at any rate. That would go a fair ways to explain my ability to still speak English with no more difficulty than normal, assuming that I wasn't simply speaking another language and having my perception altered to hear it as English. Certainly possible, but it was equally possible that I was nothing more than a minor character in an actual videogame inside of a movie inside a book, and it was about as meaningfully distinct to me. Well, so long as everyone else wasn't speaking their own private languages a la the Tower of Babel. Something that would remain purely theory unless I went outside and gathered more information, which based on the distant sounds of shouting I should probably do.

However, I cast my eyes down my roughly twenty-some-odd feet of danger noodle that was the new me. I should probably do something to make it clear I'm a human just in case there is a language barrier. But how should I-. My mind instantly leapt to a short video I saw on social media a few months back, giving me a workable idea. Looking into my already open closet, I checked and got a big ol' snake smile to see that despite the odds, my twenty year old Stetson had somehow managed to survive without me for a few more decades. Slipping the tip of my tail under the old hat I was able to fairly easily maneuver it into position where, much to my delight, I found it sat easily on my new head. Now very clearly marked as a human, after all, who had ever heard of a monster wearing a hat? I headed for my front door and was faced with a new obstacle. Two deadbolts and a perfectly round knob.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"I find myself very glad that I decided to maintain some level of manipulation or else I'd probably have to headbutt my way through my bedroom window and slither over broken glass." I announced to the world and began fiddling with the locks. The task that usually took me all of two seconds with hands ended up taking closer to forty with my new tail. A lot of it was the fact that my tail felt less like poking at it with a finger than it was poking at it with a leg growing out of my tailbone with but a single toe that had five times the joints I was used to of an unknown strength. Added on top of that bit of confusion was the rust and corrosion that had built up on the locking mechanisms themselves, though the rust on the handle actually made it a fair bit easier to grip. The sound of grating metal was rather annoying though, likely going to have to get used to it, considering I got slapped with 'Ferrous Mutagen'. As was the regular 'ding's of whatever the new alerts were, I cast a glare over to the annoying blue pixel in the corner of my eye.

–Prehensile Tail: Level upx4!–

–Gained 16xp–

Are you seriously going to-? Ignore the Skinner box mechanics Joe, focus on what sounds like a child having a panic attack outside, plotting the downfall of a planet wide 'system' and the monsters behind it comes after immediate survival.

Opening my front door I slithered past the massive pile of old leaves and dirt that always seemed to build up in front of MY door and only MY door, that had built up to almost a foot deep. I poked my head out past the staircase and out over the courtyard to see the old oak was looking a bit worse for wear, but had a small army of young saplings growing up around it. The courtyard was completely untended with stalks of four foot grass and the occasional shrub everywhere with only the snaking pathways of sidewalk breaking its total dominion. The volleyball court was completely overgrown with grass, no surprise there, it had been about a quarter of the way there already thanks to all the stuff the oak dropped on it. Oh, that seems like the source of the screaming. Across the courtyard stumbling around the sidewalk yelling its little head off was something that looked like a deinonychus sporting two big orbs of probably compound eyes with a pair of madly twitching lynx ears plonked on top of its head.

"Is anyone out there!?" the little thing shrieked, sounding like a six year old, "I think there's something wrong with the weed I smoked! I'm having a real bad trip and can't find my phone! Everything's too loud! I'm seeing everything, but everything's falling apart and smells like shit and the blue letters won't stop hounding me!"

Well, he's hopefully older than he sounds at least. Though with some of the families here I wouldn't be shocked to find out they hotboxed with their kids. I slithered a bit further out from behind the stairs to the upper floors, and was politely informed by the sidewalk that I now sounded like a janitor with a full ring of keys, dragging chains, and plans to go to the arcade after work with a spring to his step thanks to my 'Ferrous Mutagen'. Needless to say, this noise drew the immediate attention of the panicking pot head velociraptor as its lynx ear swiveled towards me, jumped three feet straight up with a squawk, before turning to face me with its little claws clutching its heart. I likely had seconds before whoever this was bolted for either the woods or their apartment, I had a decent idea of how to do so.

I raised my voice to call out to the stranger, "Why are you naked?"

"Buhuh?" the little insect, mammal, lizard replied intelligently to a metal snake in a cowboy hat speaking to it.

"Why are you running around naked outside?" I asked again, "I'd ask if you were raised in a barn, but farmers raise their kids better than that. You had anything to eat yet?"

"Uh, erm," the tiny dinosaur made a rather funny attempt to cover itself with its little arms positively radiating embarrassment, "N-not since last night no."

"Come on then," I gestured with my head back towards my apartment, "I've got a fair few bits of emergency food and bottled water for situations like this. I'm sure some of it's still good, gonna be cold though with the power being out. I can also let you borrow a shirt or something until you get your own. That sound alright with you?"

"Y-yeah man, that sounds great," the little raptor bug started to wobble over my way, "Can you call an ambulance or something? I think there was something real bad with that- uh, what I had last night."

"We can try and reach someone while we're eating," I assured him, turning around to slither back inside, heading for the emergency cabinet in the tiny kitchen nook, "You got a name on ya buddy?"

"Whu-?" the little lizard cat paused at my open door, dancing on his little clawed feet with obvious nervousness, "Oh, right. Uh, sorry, I'm Damian. Uh, should I just uh-?"

"Make yourself comfortable, clothes are back in the bedroom if you want to dress before you eat." I nosed open the cabinet to check its contents. Hmm, none of the bags look like they'd been opened from here. Looks like the crack boxes themselves rotted away, but the stuff inside the bags still looks decent. "Bottled water is under the table in the corner there." A lot of the canned stuff is bulging and obviously bad, looks like not all of it though, might be able to make a thin soup or a can of Mutt chili, though I'm not sure I'd trust it uncooked after this long. The jar of honey was fine to no one's surprise, but that's more an ingredient than a meal. Don't want to just soak some rice either, if we can get a fire going we have the basis for a proper meal. "Or you can take a seat anywhere and try and catch your breath. Seems like you were having a hell of a panic attack out there. Oh, and I'm Joe by the way."

"Yeah, thanks man." he finally crossed the threshold and grabbed one of the bottles of water, stared at it in confusion for a minute before twisting it open with his sharp pointy teeth and awkwardly taking a drink from it and half gagging.

"Sorry they've been down there a while," I grabbed the bag of Cheez'ems, in my mouth and maneuvered it to my tail. Snack for now, proper meal later, "Probably taste of plastic. You like Cheez'ems? These are the extra toasty kind, though they might be a tad stale."

"Shit man I love Cheez'ems!" Damian chirped as he set the bottle of water to the side and reached for the bag. I passed it to him, his little claws easily tore open the bag, unleashing a slightly artificial cheese smell into the room as he reached in and scooped a paw full of the cheese flavored squares into his mouth. "Hoo, you weren't kidding about them being a bit stale."

I reached for the bag with my tail, remaining in the kitchen so the shelves stayed between me and him. Even still Damian seemed to shrink back from my tail a bit before seeming to chide himself and hand over the bag. I took it and dumped a good shake or two of the cracker snacks into my mouth, tried to chew them and found that yes, even my oddly articulate snake mouth did not chew well before swallowing. "Yeah definitely a year or two past its sell by date, would do better in a soup."

–Quest Complete: Find Food–

–Reward: 35xp–

–Level up!–

–You have been rewarded 1 pt!–

–Bonus Reward: Random Skill Token: F–

–SysAutoGen_BonusLoot…–

–Received: Stalk F–

Oh piss off you stupid pop ups!

"Look man, thanks for this but can you call the hospital please?" Damian pleaded rubbing his tiny clawed hands over his oversized compound eyes, "This, whatever I got, is really messing with me."

"Sure thing," I nodded, reaching over to pick my phone up off the charger where I'd left it last night all those decades ago. Yep, dead as a doornail, still went through the motions of unlocking and dialing on it.

-Prehensile Tail: Le-

PISS OFF!

"So what symptoms you having Damian?" I asked conversationally while pretending to wait for the phone to connect.

"Man, it's fucking weird." The little dino said, looking up at my now extra old sofa and hopping on to sit down only to glance back at his long fluffy tail before rapidly turning his head forwards, "Like, I've been on some bad trips before, but never like this or for this long. Like last night around midnight I swore there was a bunch of text in front of my eyes and-."

"Current symptoms Damian," I interrupted, projecting more annoyance than I felt, I had a bit of a role to play here. "You can tell the doctors everything, but I just need the current stuff to pass on to the police after the next, sixteen calls, in front of me are done."

"Right, sorry. Well I'm still getting hallucinations of text in my vision on occasion, or if I look in certain directions. But I'm also like, super sensitive to sound, and my vision is fucking weird. Like I'm convinced I can see behind me while looking forwards now, but only like, at waist height. An-and everything I see looks like it's aged decades except for people who look like-."

"A tiny fluffy bug eyed velociraptor or a giant metal snake wearing a cowboy hat." I set the phone down as Damian's head whipped over to face me. Likely a force of habit as it seemed he didn't have to look at anyone to be able to see them anymore. I set the phone down on the counter. "Sorry Damian but I'm afraid you are perfectly lucid and what you’re currently experiencing is reality."

He didn’t seem to take that revelation well.