Danny -

It’s the evening. Mrs. Bates has taken the insult to heart and in her place, another woman brings me supper. She does not speak much, which suits me perfectly. I eat and send her on her way, then don my new garb.

The clothes are on the looser side, but I do not mind as long as they keep me warm. I put on the boots and wait for the night. A couple of hours later, I slide the door open to peek out.

I do not know what I expected. Perhaps a small corridor of a cottage, possibly another door in the opposite wall. Wooden slats for flooring and some lights to illuminate the night. What I find, however, is somewhat different. It’s a long and winding corridor, with rows of doors on each side. It’s carved out of solid dark rock. I see no wood or bricks.

Pushing the door open, I come out and turn. My door looks the same as every other door in the corridor. It’s like military barracks, or a student hostel building full of identical rooms and doors. I think and go back in to find something sharp in my room. Luckily, I find a wooden comb with a long tail.

I try to be quiet as I scratch a ‘D’ in a corner of the door. It’s small and discrete, but I’ll be able to find my room when I am back.

That done, I shut the door and start my adventure. The corridor stretches indefinitely in both directions. I decide to take my right, keeping a casual pace as if this is my usual after-dinner stroll. My eyes wander about, and soon I forget this is not my usual after-dinner stroll.

Khlem Torrat is a large, cavernous city carved into the belly of a mountain. It’s a vast honeycomb with multiple levels and thousands of identical cells carved into each wall. I stroll down the winding corridors, crossing each level as they take me to the ground floor and through an entrance to a circular atrium. It’s the size of a few soccer stadiums, a giant city centre where all paths converge.

Wherever I see are stone arcades, alcoves, and buildings carved out of black rock. Wide paved pathways bustle with people. There is magic everywhere–lights, torches, water fountains, facades, pantomimes, smiling faces and people. Exotic displays. In the middle of the Siberian winter, the city is warm and comfortable. Above, the sky is overcast and gloomy, yet the city sparkles with an ethereal glow and warmth.

And at the heart of all this is Gerhart and his magic. Every hundred metres is a fountain with intricate carvings with water leaping into the air making beautiful displays. Flower bloom even without sunlight. The air is fresh, yet I cannot see any opening. Torches light up alcoves and hundreds of lamps float in the air to keep the place alight. I walk ahead in a daze as I take it all in. I have seen nothing like this.

I stare at the extravaganza, wondering how this must have been created. What kind of magic must have carved this a mountain? My heart shivers as an unknown desire thrums into it. As much as it yearns to explore this wonderful world, it also wants to dive deep within, to test the untested waters. It’s futile yet the desire pulses like a lava wanting to erupt. The volcano that was dormant for years is looking for an outlet.

My fingers curl into tight fists as I move forward, curtailing the turmoil within. There is an ache in my heart. My throat is dry with an unknown thirst. The more I look around, the more I want to look inwards. Something calls to me in my heart. A deep longing, a hurt, a painful yearning. This world originated in someone’s imagination. From there, it flowed out, creating this magical place. I wish I had the power. I had a way to create something as beautiful and wholesome as this.

My fingers twitch for my pencil, and my sketchbook that’s left behind in my room at the Silver Shadows pack. For years, it has been my only outlet and now I miss it dearly.

“Oh! I am sorry!” In my daze, I have bumped into a young woman selling beaded bracelets. “I hope I haven’t hurt you.” I pick up a few of her items that I dropped on the floor. She smiles, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry. I am fine. You look new here. Are you lost?”

My breath hitches.

Yes. I am lost. I need to find myself. I need to find what I am capable of, what I am in my heart. It’s broken, ravaged, trampled upon and left to die. I need to fix it and restore it in its rightful place.

“I am looking for a library. Do you have one around?”

The woman smiles. “Of course. It’s at the other end of the atrium, to the left. Look for a fountain with a little kid reading a book. That’s your cue.”

She smiles and turns as a customer approaches her. I heave a sigh and walk towards where she pointed.

Ten minutes later, I am standing in front of a door. A beautifully carved fountain with a child sitting in the middle engrossed in a book marks its entrance. The door swings open as I get closer and enter. It’s only a small lobby with another entrance at the far end.

“Welcome. How may I help you?” A soft voice tinkles as a young woman approaches me. I watch, stupefied. She is not human. It’s some kind of artificial doll-like creation, though very much sentient. Her face is genuinely happy, and the tone of her voice is calm, measured, and helpful.

I shake my head. The woman looks like an inanimate AI doll. This looks more like a science fiction than an obscure magical world that I so far believed.

“I am new here. May I please have a tour of this place?” I ask, finally bringing my head round.

She readily obliges. For the next half an hour, I am taken through the building, each one full of a vast array of books on every possible subject. There are sections dedicated to human literature, along with science, mathematics, psychology and politics. I see many known names from human world. The next two floors are for werewolf lore. Rows of shelves full of old and new books are stacked neatly. Some I recognise from my foray in the small library at Silver Shadows, the day I met with Damien.

A pang of anxiety passes through my heart. I wonder how Tammy is. Her rejection and the ensuring chaos had changed everything. I hope they are all at the pack house, safe and secure.

“Thank you for your help. Is it okay if I stay here a little longer to have a look around? Is there a closing time for the library?” I ask the AI-girl who gives me a benevolent smile.

“We do not have a closing time. You can be here as long as you want. Press the red buzzer in the corner if you need anyone. You can order snacks and soft drinks.”

“Perfect!” I thank her as she disappears through one of the doors. I stand looking around as nostalgia takes over. The task feels daunting. For the first time in life, I am afraid of books. These floor-to-ceiling shelves, the ancient knowledge stacked in them, feel distant and foreboding.

What if I do not find what I seek? What if the knowledge eludes me? Or worse, what if the solution is right in front of me and I cannot see it?

With a shake of my head, I shush my sceptical brain and start exploring the labyrinth. It’s larger that the AI girl showed me. I walk deeper, browsing through the shelves, crossing section after section until I reach to a secluded part marked ‘Healing’.

It is a whole floor full of books, scrolls, parchments. I purse my lips and start at the beginning, intending to keep at it until I reach the end. I have all the time in the world and the only thing that matters now is to find a way to open this door that’s shut in my face.

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*****

I return to the room, drowsy and groggy, having spent the entire night in the healing section of the library, only to find Mrs. Bates back in there. The moment I enter, she pinches her lips.

“You should practise some gratitude.”

“Excuse me?” I frown in confusion.

“Just because the master gave you the permission to explore does not mean you should wander off alone. Remember, you are his guest here, his responsibility. And it’s only because of the mistress’s goodwill that he is keeping you here. You must not take advantage of people’s good nature.”

I stare, her words stirring me enough to boil me in anger. I feel like bodily pushing her out but somehow contain myself.

“Mrs Bates. Do you hate me?”

“What? of course not. What a ridiculous thing to say!”

“Then why are you always after me, as if I have done something wrong?”

“I am not after you. All I am saying is that you must be more considerate. Stop playing victim. Stop behaving as if you are wronged and somehow the world owes you...”

“What gives you the right to talk to me like this, Mrs. Bates?”

“Ms. Diane. I am your housekeeper, your grandmother’s confidante. And the master has asked me to…”

“Did he ask you to spy on me?”

She looks outraged. “That's preposterous! I will have you know I am here out of my own free will, and the master appreciates my help. Your grandmother as well will want me to look out for you.”

“Let me remind you of something for the last time, Mrs. Bates." I exhale, emphasising each word so it registers in the woman's brain. “Grandma is dead. You are no longer her housekeeper. You are in no way responsible for my welfare. In other words, you have no right to interfere in my life. I am an adult and can take care of myself. So I would appreciate if you stay clear, otherwise I’ll have to take other measures.”

I step forward to hold her hand to lead her out of the door, then shut it in her fuming face. I do not know how much this will work, but I have no more patience for her drivel.

*****

I am back in the library, in the healing section. It’s been ten days since I shooed Mrs Bates away and shut my door in her face. She hasn’t come back, nor have I yet found what I was looking for in the library.

I’ve been here nonstop for the past ten days, but I still haven’t found a way to break grandma’s curse. The books I have read so far are all advanced magic and I am not even a beginner. It’s like trying to design a rocket without understanding the basics of science and math. I do not even know where to start. There are runes here, mentions of historical references that only a veteran of magic would understand. It’s getting clear day by day that I need someone’s help, but I do not even know whom to ask.

Gerhart is the obvious choice, but I have not seen him since the first time. The AI girl told me there are some magic schools in Khlem Torrot, but they are for kids. And even if I went there, what if they reject me because of my damaged ability?

Tired, I sink into the desk, sliding my fingers through another of books. It’s another lonely night. Another wasted day of riffling through the pages. My eyes burn and head feels heavy. I keep going through the texts with dogged determination, but something tells me it’s futile.

I feel like illiterate. A diabetic in a shop full of sweets. Maybe the answer is there somewhere. It’s just me who’s unable to find it.

My head hurts as dejection overwhelms my mind. Every nerve, every tendon strains with tension. I close my eyes as a helpless tear escapes them. My head drops on the desk as a lethargy sweeps in.

A few hours later, I wake up as something gentle prods my shoulder. It’s Gerhart. The air is full of the sweet scent of nothing, yet it pulsates with his signature presence.

I sit up straight as he stands opposite me.

“What’s going on, Diane?” His eyes scan my desk, the stacks of books that surround me. There is a notebook open with a list of titles I have been through so far and what I have found in them. He picks it up with a sigh to rifle through it, then tosses it back on the desk. “I wish you would stop torturing yourself. Nothing will come out if this.”

I stare at him, not liking the sound of his words. “I need your help. I need to know if there is any solution.”

“I said nothing will come out of this Diane. You should stop looking and try to engage your mind somewhere else.” His voice is calm. I purse my lips, levelling him a gaze.

“Somewhere else? As in this city you have created?”

“Yes. Khlem Torrat is interesting enough to provide you a distraction. If only you look around...”

“I have looked around, Gerhart, and it has only made it harder.” I cut him short, my anger flaring. “The city you have created, by your magic if I may add, is not a distraction, but a reaffirmation of my need. I must have what was stolen from me. Until then, I cannot rest.”

“Wanting something and needing it are two different things, Diane. You sound like a petulant child crying for a toy that was snatched from you. There are millions of people in this world without magic and they get by just fine. Complaining about your lot only makes it harder. And remember, Adellyne was your grandmother. She must have had her reasons, you must respect that.”

I push my chair back and stand up, pulling myself to my full height. My blood is ice cold, all the heat in my body pumping into my head. My breaths become short as I stare at Gerhart.

“It’s nice to know your thoughts, Gerhart, but what you think is not my reality. You thinking me a petulant child does not make me one and you thinking grandma as some kind of gold standard does not make her one. If you think you are beholden to her by some unresolved past, it is your problem, not mine. So I will not adjust my behavior to suit you or her. I ask you again - help me undo this curse. Your friend had no right to play god in my life and I’ll do everything to throw off these shackles she has placed on me, including leaving Khlem Torrat and finding help elsewhere. The world is vast and there must be others willing to help. So I implore you, either help me or let me go. Because I have no wish to stay in a place where my grandmother is revered like a goddess.”

My outburst is followed by a calm. The heat in my head is solidified into a rock that blocks every thought. No reason, no argument can reach there without turning into smithereens. Gerhart exhales a tired sigh.

“I cannot let you go. It’s not what Addelyne would have wanted. So it seems...”

I grit my teeth at his argument, but keep quiet. At least he is channelling his energy into the right direction. He looks thoughtful, but his expression remains strained.

“You are a powerful wizard. You have created this city single-handedly. Surely undoing a curse should not be hard for you.” I prod again. He sighs, tapping his fingers on the polished desk.

“It’s not that simple Diane. I understand your pain. I know you were wronged and, as you said, Adele had no right to play god in your life. But you must understand what’s done is done. Adele was a prodigious witch with an impeccable heritage and ability. She knew what she was doing when she used that spell. It’s impossible to undo a magic of that magnitude, to match her intent and skill and reverse it. The sheer will it requires itself might shatter the mightiest of wizards.”

Is he is saying it is impossible? Or does it need more than skill?

“What do you mean?” My eyes narrow. He shakes a weary head, his smooth features frowning in concentration.

“Yes, you heard it. Addelyne was nothing if not wilful. He magic was not just about skill or ability. It was about the sheer willpower she channelled through it. The person who aids you must be prepared to fight against that power. The strength of their skill and willpower must be equal and opposite. Their love for you must overpower Adele’s will to harm you. Only then the spell can be undone.”

His words floor me. “Are you saying only a person who loves me can undo the spell?”

“It does not have to be love.” His silver gaze flickers a moment. “It can be any emotion towards you–gratitude, kindness, friendship. Pity. Only it must be powerful enough to conquer Adellyne’s intent. It must not fall short, or it may prove disastrous.”

I listen as my mind goes blank. In my twenty-two years, I have known only a handful of people and none of them will be up to this task. It must be someone with both skill and intent. Grandma had the skill, but she is the enemy. The rest of them don’t even have magical abilities. As to the strength of their feelings, I can vouch for Tammy and Tina, but the rest…I do not want to think about them.

For the first time in the last ten days, I feel defeated. My righteous anger fizzles out like soap bubbles, and the beat of my heart slows to a mere tick. Perhaps Gerhart was right. If I just consider myself a petulant child, I might be able to let go. If I just consider myself unreasonable and unworthy, it would be easier to accept my fate.

I clench my fists as a hot tear rolls down my cheek. Gerhart leans in to wipe it with a gentle finger.

“There is a way, but I am not sure how feasible it is.”

My head lifts in eagerness.

“You curse can be undone if you find your mate.”

For a moment, I blank out. This seems like I am coming a full circle. Did he say a mate?

“You have spent some time with the wolf pack. You must have heard of mate bond.” Gerhart continues without noticing my numbness. “It’s a bond that forges a connection unlike any other. Mates can heal one another, and I think that is the solution to this problem.”

“Mate?” I repeat the word like it’s a sick joke the Moon Goddess is playing on me. Gerhart exhales, his face rapt with focus.

“Yes. A mate will love you unconditionally and their willpower is the only thing that can conquer any other. It’s a force that even the death must acknowledge. I think rather than looking for a cure in these books, you need to look for a mate.”

I squint my eyes. It seems Gerhart has not heard my exchange with Adam on that cliff. If he had, he would not have suggested this remedy.

I smile, shrugging as if I have not the faintest idea what he is talking about. “All that is valid if I have a mate. Unfortunately, I haven’t. And considering my weak wolf, the goddess is unlikely to grant me any.” And even if she does, what is the guarantee he will want me? I utter the last line in my head. Gerhart grunts as a weariness creeps his face.

“In that case, I would suggest you keep looking. As of now, a mate is the only one who can save you.”

***** *****