---:: Adam ::---
“Danny! Where are you? For God’s sake, come back!”
I scream in the darkness but get no answer. My voice echoes in the forest, bumping against the rough slopes of the craggy mountain. Not even a bird chirps. No leaf rustles. The air is still, and the forest is deathly quiet.
Where is she? Where did she go? Anyone falling from that height, that place, must fall here. There are no trees blocking the path, no protruding ledges to halt her descent. It’s here she should fall, here, on this dark rock with no grassy cushion to shield the impact.
Had she fallen here, she would still be here, disintegrated to her bones, splattered into her own flesh and blood. That beautiful innocent face of hers would be frozen in shock. Those honey eyes would be staring at the stars in glassy stillness. Her soft lips would be sealed, unable to utter her signature complaint –
“Mr. Gru. This is unfair. You should at least have given me a chance.”
Falling to my knees, I hide my face with my hands. Yes. I was unfair to her. I should have given her a chance. Rather than wallowing in my own grief and letting her carry the burden alone, I should have come clean. Saving her was not enough. Arriving at the last moment to get her out of sticky situations was not enough. She deserved much more than that, most of all, the truth. It was her right and I denied it.
I suck a haggard breath as the scene on the clifftop replays in my head. I should have stopped her, held her before she fell. How frail she looked. How…haunted. Turning into that weak wolf, having spent the entire night in the forest alone in her grief, lying in some bog waiting for death. She was at the lowest and I played my part in sending her there. Had I just healed her beforehand, she would not have to suffer like this.
A moment passes as I scrunch my eyes, pulling a fistful of my hair with my fingers until it hurts.
Who am I kidding? Why am I lying? Healing Danny is out of the question. For that, I would have to accept her as a mate. And that is the one thing non-negotiable.
It was always a no-brainer considering my history with Ellaine. I promised on her dying breath I would never take a mate. I do not deserve one after what I did to Ellaine but that is a story for another time. Standing on the cliff, right in front of the broken girl, my heart went out. Yes, it was pity, it was a duty. It was all that she suspected, her clever mind connecting the dots like the fluent lines of her sketches. I could see her brain working. She knew I was lying. I had nothing to offer except empty promises and false hope.
She saw through me, yet I was brazen enough to offer to heal her. It was my last-ditch attempt to convince her to leave that cliff. It did not work. She preferred death to my fake promises.
I throw my head back and laugh. It’s a bitter, condescending sound that scares the shit out of me. I know I need to keep my head but how is the question. How do I keep my head when my heart is in tatters?
And why is it tatters, I still cannot fathom.
“Danny!” I scream again to the mountain, to the forest, to the winds and waters. To my own pathetic helplessness. I do not know why I am so restless now. Why, after being so cold and calculated through all this saga, I am still behaving like a lovelorn man. Yes, she is gone but I never acknowledged her. The bond from my side was a mere obligation. Then why this galling pain?
I scramble to my feet to make another round of the area. Was it the wind? Was it strong enough that evening to carry her somewhere else? It’s at least a thousand feet below the cliff from where she fell. Not even the most powerful wolf can survive this fall. I do not understand how she could disappear, unless… she was eaten by some hungry beast or worse, taken by those zombie slaves to feast on her frail body.
“Danny please. Answer me!” My desperation seeps through my cracked voice as I search the area, scuffling through every single ditch, every dark bush.
The bond...I tap the wretched thing for the thousandth time but it stays silent. I cannot feel the usual tug. From the day one of our meeting, when she crashed into me on that dark mountain night, it has buzzed constantly. Pulling, pushing, snapping, straining, sometimes loose and soft like a silken thread, other times tight and angry like a whip. It galled and goaded until I paid it attention. Once it was irritating, then it became a habit. It gave me a peep into her heart. She used the bond like a journal, logging each of her thoughts and emotions as if it was her sacred space. Little did she know she shared it with me. I heard everything. That’s the power of the bond her unsuspecting human heart failed to comprehend.
I have heard all her ramblings, rants. Her deepest fears and desires. I know of her dreams and her nightmares. It’s another thing I took advantage of my knowledge and used it to push her away. But then, I had no other choice. Some would call me a coward, having deceived an innocent girl. But I know what I am doing, why I am doing it.
Grunting, I move on, running my eyes through the thorny rushes. I do not expect to find any piece of clothing or any ornament. She didn’t have any on her when she fell. She was so bare… bare of body, bare of heart, her soul bare of emotions. Even her eyes were empty when she gave me that last look. Or maybe there was something in it that I failed to read. And now nothing of her is left here.
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A pain rips my heart as I stop to take a breath. I do not understand it. I do not…
“Adam. Are you not done? They need you at the shrine.” Billy’s voice startles me out. I turn, surprised.
“Are you not done searching?” His eyes narrow, taking me from head to toe.
“N...no.” I stammer uncharacteristically, as if caught in an illicit act. “I mean, she must be here somewhere. I just need to look more.”
He crosses his arms and waits, his face grim with a knowing look. I do not know how much he understands my situation, nor am I going to enlighten him. All I know is that I will find her if I look for her. She must be somewhere around. Where can she go anyway?
“You have looked enough. We all have.” Billy’s tired voice carries something like a warning. He is annoyed at me. Exasperated. “You need to get your bearings. Some would think you’ve lost your head, that you are searching for Ellaine instead of Danny.”
My irritation flares. What rubbish! Of course I am looking for Danny. Ellaine is gone and no one can change that fact. Six years ago, she died because of my mistake and now Danny too…
My heart quails at the truth, yet lies dance on my tongue. I am shameless that way. I have lived with lies for so long, they almost sound like truth.
“Do not compare Ellaine with Danny. Ellaine was my mate. Danny is…just another girl in the pack. I am just making sure we do not miss anything.”
“If you say so.” He shrugs, his face carefully blank.
I seethe. Yes, I say so. I, Adam Stevens, the Beta of the Silver Shadows declares that Ellaine was my mate and Danny is not. Usually, my word is enough to convince me of the truth. I like the sound of my voice. The authority. The conviction. The power that radiates each time I command the others. Danny’s accusation of arrogance was not untrue. I claim it. I own it. That’s how I rule the pack, to make them obey in father’s absence. Yes, my father is not a very strong Alpha, and his claim largely lies on my shoulders. But as long as I prop him up, I prop up myself.
But this time the words sound fake. How much ever I mean them, they sound hollow. My voice cracks and my face flushes red revealing my falsehood. I know it and Billy knows it too.
Danny is my mate and Ellaine was my love. My first and only love. It was when we were young, and I was smitten. I madly wanted Ellaine to be my mate and in an attempt to twist the fate, I lied to her. I told her that I felt the mate bond with her. Ellaine never felt it, but she loved me too much to deny me. I assured her she too would feel it one day. It was only when I was unable to heal her, and she died in my arms that she learned the truth.
Even then she did not blame me. She loved me too much for such petty things. It was I who almost died of remorse and vowed on her dying breath that I’ll never take another mate. I must now hold that promise. I cannot let Danny take her place.
That is my truth, but to explain all this to every layman is beyond me. And so I carry on with my lies. It’s easier to live with everyone’s sympathies than to admit the truth and be damned for life.
Coward! My inner self lashes. The word stings, but I ignore it. Lies upon lies upon lies, my life has become a Jenga pyramid. One mistake and the whole thing will come crumbling down, yet I must hold on.
“How are the arrangements going?” I change the topic to a more practical but equally agonizing one.
“Good.” Billy replies, noting my shift.
“The silver birch wood for mother?”
“We got that too.”
“And is it dry enough for the pyre to burn?”
“It wasn’t when we got it but…Serena helped.”
Even through my agitation, my eyes narrow. Serena. The witch whose arrival stopped the fight. We owe her big time. Her magic bound vampires and the wolves, rendering them powerless to continue the massacre. She is now helping with the cremations, but I know there would be a price. Not in the least because I lost Danny before Serena even laid her eyes on her. For some reason, Olivia turning into a full wolf has made the matters worse for Danny. Everyone wants her and keeps blaming me for losing her. She was there, right in front of me and I could not keep her.
I do not like their undue interest in Danny. A tiny part of me thinks it is good she is gone. Who knows what would have happened if she was here. Vasili is like a bloodhound on the tail of a deer. Serena the witch is by definition interested in any other female with a hint of mystery. Add to that the princess connection and that gives her full right to inspect our guests.
But then a much bigger part of me wants Danny back. I feel so…empty without her. As if a chunk of me is missing. As if my only purpose was to keep her safe and with her gone, my life has become aimless.
It’s really silly. I do not know what it is. Maybe it’s this mate bond on its last shreds that still has the effect of making my heart pine. This senseless needling is driving me insane.
I exhale, running a ragged hand in my hair.
Billy purses his lips. “Damien says Tammy must go with them regardless.”
What? When did this happen? My eyes flare. “How dare they…!”
“The wolf council agrees. They think the Silver Shadows have betrayed their trust and the only way to make up is to agree with the vampires. In case we don’t, they will de-recognise Silver Shadows.”
A sinking feeling grips my heart. De-recognise Silver Shadows. Meaning effectively casting us away as rogues. Have they gone insane?
“And who’s brainwave is this?” I kind of know and my suspicion is confirmed in a moment.
“Gerald’s.”
I exhale a frustrated breath. What a way he has found to punish us. Olly turning out to be Gabe’s mate could not have been more unfortunate. Now she has every right to stay with Silver Shadows and Gerald must find another way to extract his revenge. The forced mating of Myra and Jeff is not enough. He obviously wants more.
“He also wants Jeff to join his pack.”
“What??” My head swirls. What exactly is happening?
“Yes. He says Myra is his only child and he wants her to be with his pack. Silver Shadows are doomed anyway, he does not see the point of keeping her with us.”
Right. My heart burns. Are we really doomed? Ma is dead and father is injured. It’s not fatal as of now but the wounds are deep and with mother gone, he too seems lost. Their bond is a weird one. Brittle and scratchy but not without its essence. Maybe there was something to salvage in there but now it's too late.
I let out a shaky breath as tears cloud my vision. I do not understand why the goddess is punishing us this way. Why my parents are suffering, why my siblings must suffer. Why I must suffer when I never cared for the bond. Why my heart rips apart at her memory. Why it yearns to hear her voice.
“Adam-the-unfair Stevens. You failed me.” She says as she slides off that ledge into the creeping shadows. “I expected better of you, but you let me down. This is your punishment.”
A tear trickles down my cheek. Billy lets out a weary sigh.
“Come with me, brother. We need to get going.”
***** *****