I give him the finger. "You sat there and ate without complaint when I nearly shit my pants from fear."

He smirks. "I find haemorrhoids to be highly amusing."

I get up and stare at him. Menacingly.

The Emperor stands. "Look, I'm not searching for a fight."

"Well, that's good,” I say. “Because you're not scared of me."

I grab the bazooka that was conveniently lying next to the table.

"Whoa!" the Emperor says.

I raise the bazooka and pull the trigger. The bazooka explodes in my face.

"Sorry about that," the Emperor dryly says. "I forgot you wouldn't be able to see it coming."

"You sick son of a fuck. What do you want from me?"

The Emperor walks over, and pats me on the back."Nothing much. I just wanted to talk."

"About what?"

"Well..." the Emperor begins. "What would you say if I wanted to make a deal?"

"What's the deal?"

"I offer you your life, in exchange for your dignity."

"You want my dignity?"

"Yes."

I smirk. "Well, I already lost my Willy so yeah take my dignity. We have a deal"

The Emperor smiles.

"You're a very wise elf."The Emperor stands and pulls out a knife. He slices his hand open, letting blood pour out. He then points to the knife wound and smiles."You see this?" he asks.

I lick the wound. The smell of blood excites me. The Emperor laughs and pulls my head back by my hair.

"You silly boy! You want to taste your own blood?!"

"All I want is my John back"

The Emperor pulls out his knife again, and slices open the underside of my belly. I feel excruciating pain. He holds the blade up. It’s extremely sharp. "Boys, take him to the dungeon."

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The two guards appear on either side of me and grab my shoulders. I bite one in the throat and slurp up his blood. "You won't take me alive!"

I break the arm of the other guard. He screams in pain as I bite into his throat as well. I rip out the man's throat, he gurgles on his own blood.

I run away and leap out of the window.

After a fall, I land in a roll.

Thirty guards run up to me with plastic spoons in their hands. They peer down at me, and then one points to the moon.

"Satica!" he calls.

I hear a howl, as a fierce werewolf burst out of the wall. Twenty wolf children eagerly follow it.

"It's hunting time!"

I run the fuck away as the wolves begin chasing me. I’m run as fast I could whilst carry you, but the werewolves are faster.

"Stand back! If you kill me you will never know the secret!" I feel like a bad Western movie as I the wolves approach. Then, I get torn to shreds.

"Nooooo" Nothing happens. I didn't even get to say anything before I died again.

When I wake up, I’m in hell. The devil awaits me already.

"Ha! I knew it! You, humans, are too trusting. But I have to admit, killing you is a bit of a letdown. I was expecting an epic battle at least."

I stare him dead in the eyes. "Do you have any philosophies on growing up?"

The devil chuckles. "No."

"Do you have any advice on dealing with the disappointments in life?" I ask.

"Do you have any last words?" he asks as he pulls out his knife.

"Yes," I say. But to no avail. The devil charges at me and slices open my throat. I would have made a good snack for him, but he decided it would be more fun to kill and eat me instead.

As I choke on my own blood, the devil bursts into laughter."HA! That was hilarious! Thank you for this."

The devil stops to laugh once again as he pulls out a cigarette and smokes it while looking at my imminent death.

"All those who do must suffer the indignities of life. And you're that boy who thought he could become a swine herder!" he smirks. I hope I die already, but it seems the devil dictates that as well.

"Well, you can't and you will never become anything!"

The devil laughs again. Then it all goes black once more.