I am just doing some pullups on a tree branch as I see a girl elf approach me.

"Hey! Don't eat there." the girl scolds me. 

I drop from the branch and smile at her."Who are you? Because I know every sexy girl around, but I definitely don’t know you. But I feel like I should. So, what is your name?"

"I'm Apple." she blushes. "You can call me Apple Shortcake."

"Cool name."

"Thanks." she giggles.

I grab a few halters at the base of the tree and work on my biceps.

“Apple, do you believe in the adagio; a healthy mind in a healthy body?"

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"Hello?"I start to think she never studied Latin.

"Really, what do you mean?" she asks confused.

"Working out, getting strong. That's what I mean."

"Oh...I do work out... But not really.."

"Ah.." Of all the working out I get really sweaty and I remove some clothes until I’m standing there in oversized shorts and a tank top which is clearly too small for me. "Do you want a cookie?" I ask, immediately changing the subject.

"Sure!" she says happily.

I grab a cookie from my bag and offer her one.

"Thanks." she smiles and unwraps it.

"So what do you do to make yourself happy?" I ask, to change the subject again.

She blushes." I suck dick"

"Really?" I ask, "What makes you say that?"

"I... I like to suck Willys... I can make out really good with a guy and I'm pretty open-minded.."

I look at her, my mouth open. I quickly retain my heroic stance and smirk. I feel like putting it to the test and I decide to pull out my dingdong.

"Can I see it closely?" she asks.

I smile and say. "Behold, I call him George the Humomongous"

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

She drops down on her knees and grabs it firmly with her hand.

"Gross," she says.

I turn away, my face feeling hot.

She sighs. "Do you want my help or not?"

"George need all the help he can get"

Apple begins to pleasure my pecker. She puts it in her mouth and starts to hum.

It feels pretty good.

"Why do you like to suck dick so much?" I ask.

Her eyes turn blank and she reminisces for a while before answering.

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yeah."

She pauses again.

I look her in the eyes. "You can tell us."

She looks down. "I'm sorry, I can’t."

I nod and remain silent. She starts again.

"Do you want to kiss me?" I ask.

She nods.

She leans in slowly, then quickly kisses me on the lips.

"I really like you," I say.

She smiles and continues working my woody.

I shudder and gasp for air and fall flat on my back. My tool twitches a few more times, and she pulls her head off of it.

"I loved sucking your peter pecker," she says smiling.

I don’t know why, but I am glad she did anyways."I loved getting sucked" I just say.

She smiles, and I notice that her face is much longer somehow.

"Will you help me take over the world?" she asks.

"No," I say laughing, and I start walking back to the tree for some more exercise.

Suddenly I hear a thunderous roar and feel a sharp pain in my stomach. I turn around and Apple holds a smoking gun in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she says.

She pulls the trigger and blows half of my face off. I stumble back and look down at my chest. It's covered in blood, but I can still see my reflection.

"I'm sorry," I say

She laughs. "Too late. There's a rabbit army waiting for you in the South Pole, and they've got unlimited ammo."

I laugh, then feel a heavy pain in my head.

My vision spins around and I fall unconscious. When I wake up I find Myself on a huge sheet of ice, floating towards a fortress made of solid gold. A large group of snow gremlins cheerfully approach and poke me with sharp sticks.

"Where am I?" I ask.

I look around and find myself surrounded by snow gremlins. They jab sticks in my hands, feet, and face. One of them has a smartphone, I look up and read the screen. -February 3, 2022 -