A sea of darkness greeted me the next time I popped an eye open. Not a surprising thing, after my centuries of nightmares dragging me to consciousness at odd hours, I’d grown somewhat accustomed to it.

But that was the odd thing, a nightmare hadn’t been what’d woken me.

I wasn’t soaked in sweat that’d dry into an itchy layer later, my throat didn’t burn from the long screams I usually gave upon waking, and most importantly?

I raised a hand, noting the lack of shake with a decisive nod. That wasn’t a nightmare, but then what woke me?

Scanning the room, I found nothing of interest. Everything was painted in shades of ebony, shadows giving the previously extravagant space an eery feel. Maybe I’d had a lesser nightmare and woke from that?

Settling back into the sheets, I shrugged off the mystery to be considered more tomorrow, when I was running on at least three more hours of sleep. There were still too many things we needed to do for the kids and I couldn’t afford to be cranky with them.

Blindly reaching for Dimitrius, his natural radiating heat gone–knowing myself, I’d probably rolled away because I’d gotten too warm–only for cold, empty sheets to meet my palm. Awareness slammed through my veins, jolting me upright as I again took in the room.

Usually him being gone from the bed wasn’t something to worry about, Dimitrius was a man with many responsibilities, after all, but every hair on my body stood to attention as waves of unease burned below my skin. The urge to get up, to find him screamed like a siren as the wrongness increased by the second.

I needed to find him now.

Thankfully it didn’t take long, since he sat on the edge of the bed less than a yard from me. His back was bowed, elbows resting on his knees as he bent over the side of the bed.

Like air from a balloon, tension gushed out in a whoosh. Okay, so I’d greatly overestimated the danger, yay paranoia. Rubbing a hand down my face, I sighed, trying and failing to shake the itching in my veins.

One of these days I’d see a therapist, a magic one, just to get the mess that was me under control, but it sure as shit wouldn’t be in this decade. Or the next either, probably.

The more I tried to shove the feeling down, the harder it hit. Hundreds of spiders skittered just under the surface and I resisted the urge to start tearing at my skin on habit. Damn it, I didn’t want to deal with this today. Couldn’t I just roll back over and cuddle with Dimitrius?

A soft noise–choked, as if the owner hadn’t meant for it to hit the air–cut through the stifling silence, my attention swinging to it as the last of my previous exhaustion drained away. Freezing until not even my toes twitched, I waited.

Seconds ticked by and I held my breath, listening. I knew what that sound had been, impossible not to with how often I choked off my own sobs after particularly brutal nightmares. But as of yet Dimitrius hadn’t shown signs of-.

Another, louder noise came, the pain in it sinking barbs into my heart and tearing. Dimitrius’s shoulders shivered, my eyes adjusting to the dark enough for me to see the shiny trails sliding down his cheeks.

A blade buried in my chest, twisting with every breath. No doubting it now, Dimitrius had a nightmare. Not that I could blame him.

The things we’d seen were horrific, even for normal people, but for him? The man who’d lived firsthand what those kids suffered?

It would be so much worse.

When another rippling shudder rolled down his back, I steeled myself and inched forward. Yes, life sucked sometimes, but that didn’t mean he had to face it alone.

My knees sank into the bedspread before I hesitated, hovering behind him. Now how should I go about this? I doubted just grabbing him would be a good idea…

Sliding to sit at his side, feet flat on the floor and hands to myself, I waited. There was no telling how much touch he’d want right now, better to stick with none until he said otherwise.

He jerked, apparently not having heard me move, before turned sharply away as if to hide his tears. Too late.

Fisting the fabric of my borrowed shirt, I looked straight ahead–maybe I could spare him some pride, if nothing else–and spat the first words that came to mind. “Do you want touch or space?”

I wasn’t about to ask him if he was alright. He was shaking, crying and choking back sobs. That was as far from alright as anyone could get.

His hand drifted over to clasp mine, pulling me back to the present as his face stayed turned away. His voice, thick with tears and heavily congested, still managed to hold his usual refinery.

“I am fine. You should go back to sleep, tomorrow will be trying and I handled nights such as this alone for centuries.”

Okay, you know what? No.

Stroking my thumb along his hand, I squeezed lightly and snorted. “That’s not happening and you know it. The only way I’m leaving–by sleep or otherwise–is if you want that.” I paused, letting it sink in. “So, do you want that?”

I wouldn’t take offense. If he needed space I’d give it to him and check back in the morning. I of all people understood that sometimes you just needed your own space.

The hand clutching mine froze, fingers tightening until his nails dug sharply into my palm. “No, I do not.” His face stayed tilted away, but the exhaustion to his tone was clear.

Nodding, I leaned carefully into his side, relaxing when he all but melted into the contact. His free arm wrapped around my waist, a firm tug pulling me flush to his sweaty side.

That nightmare had taken a number from him. Pushing back the worry threatening to gnaw through my gut, I offered. “You don’t have to say anything, I get not wanting to talk about the shittier parts of your past, but if you need to talk about it–or even want to–I’m here.”

I sincerely doubted he would, but that was fine. I could bring him his favorite tea and maybe some chocolate too until he was ready to go back to sleep. However, just as started gearing to stand up, he nodding, taking me by surprise.

“I do not want to discuss this, but perhaps…it will help. I have suffered through this particular nightmare more times than I can count. Ignoring it changes nothing. A new approach is warranted.”

I stayed quiet, letting him get his words together while I focused on stroking his hand. After a few minutes of silence, he started.

“You saw the brand, but I never told you how it came to be.”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Jitters of rage flushed through my veins, the image of that raised and blackened skin rattling the bars of the cage I kept my blood lust locked behind. Fuck, if this was what the nightmare was about, keeping calm while he talked was going to be hell.

I’d do it for him though. He didn’t need me murderous and frothing at the mouth, he needed comfort and come hell of high water, I’d give him that.

It’d be my usual clunky brand of it, but there was no helping that.

His eyes stayed firmly locked on the far wall, now ignoring the wet trails on his cheeks as he swallowed. “As you would guess, my captor gave it to me. As a ‘monument’ to my being under his care for five years. The iron he used was one also wielded for cattle, he made sure I knew that was all I was, an animal for him to play with.”

Fisting my free hand in the sheets, magic boiling hot out of sight, I bit back the writhing force burning to jump out of me and hunt down the one who’d done this. He was well and truly out of my reach, but that didn’t stop the protectiveness from bubbling over to drown me.

Thankfully he kept going before my restraint failed, his grip turning bruising as another shudder wracked his frame.

The brand was not cared for properly and it became infected. I was too young to feed then, thus my healing was that of any other child. A fever gripped me for I know how long and throughout it he took claim to what was not his. Every waking moment was filled with violation. Pain and revulsion were constant companions of mine until finally, something changed.”

His tone dropped, voice hitting a low growl I’d never heard before. “By that point he was already immune to the effects of my heritage, but just as the fever threatened to take me, I fed and grew stronger.”

A hard smile curled his lips as he finally turned to face me. “I continued taking from him–with him none the wiser–honing the powers that began showing themselves. Tasting his desire sent revulsion the likes of which I had never known through me, but when the day came that I took control of his mind, his body…it all became worth it.”

Blood thirst oozed from the last bit and I finally let myself sink into the wrath boiling under my skin. “While I wish you’d never suffered through any of that, I’m glad you got to off that pathetic excuse for a man. Nothing was more fitting than him taking his own life.”

Dimitrius’s smile eased at the corners, becoming genuine as his eyes softened. That softness didn’t last long though. His gaze dropped to the brand sitting just over his hips, disgust clear in his features.

“The nightmares never stopped, even after I escaped and hunted down every last one of the people who had welcomed themselves to my body. There are times when they are more severe. What we saw yesterday added fuel to the fire, brought too many memories to the surface and thus this…”

He didn’t need to elaborate, I got it. The nightmare had knocked him on his ass. Before I could offer comfort–or what passed as it, coming from me–his teeth ground and frustration sparked through the air.

I didn’t have time to react before his hand rested on the brand, nails digging in sharply as he snarled. “Despite the millennium that has passed he still holds power over me. No matter how much time marches on, that does not change. I am still his plaything and I am weary of it.”

So saying, he dragged his nails across the raised skin, alarm slamming through me as blood welled under his fingers. Spitting a curse, I threw myself into his side and gripped his arm at the elbow, halting the self harm before it could actually take off.

With how calmly he handled everything I’d assumed he didn’t have issues like this. I lashed myself now for that naïve thought. He had years to learn to hide this, but that didn’t mean things were alright!

Keeping my hold firm, I grabbed his other arm too, just to be safe, and cut off the hate lingering dangerously under his tone.

“No, you are not. Listen to me, Dimitrius. I understand what it feels like, to have someone long dead hold power over you, but your captor lost that control the second you killed him. This?” I gestured as much as I could given our current positions.

“This is trauma and unfortunately she is a grade A, swamp cunt, bitch. It never feels like you’re over it and every time it rears its head it leaves you feeling like garbage.”

I paused, letting that sink in before meeting his eyes dead on, the lost look so painfully wrong on him that the knife in my chest twisted. “But it tricks you, because you are out from under their thumb. Dimitrius, you’re wading through a relationship for the first time despite that trauma and you’re making progress. That, more than anything, proves that he doesn’t have power over you anymore.”

The dangerous glint faded from his eyes, the hair raising awareness that’d initially woken me finally abating as he sank in on himself. His hands didn’t move to claw at the brand again as he leaned on me, the weight of the world resting on his shoulders finally becoming too heavy.

He’d carried this too long, aching for someone to share it with.

I was more than happy to be that person.

“You are right, but times such as this I am confronted by what I cannot do thanks to his touch. The vile essence still lingers to this day. If I were a regular man–a whole one–I could make love to you. I could feel you clutched around me in the throes of passion and linger in the aftermath with no fear or disgust.”

He dipped his head, nose brushing my throat as his weight settled on me, a tired sigh brushing my neck. “But I cannot, because of him.”

A lump clogged my throat at the open ache in his voice, an ache I knew all too well. I’d railed at the Lord in my earlier years for the magic that’d made me a ‘monster’, all while restricting me from defending myself as others of my race could.

Years were spent with that frothing rage, that frustration and hopelessness, especially when the council’s influence made life difficult. If it hadn’t been for them spreading my bad reputation far and wide I would have had an easier life, but looking at what ifs was useless.

We could only work with what we had and honestly? I had more now than I’d ever dared to dream of.

Reaching up to slide a hand into his hair, the locks twining and tangling with my fingers, I massaged his scalp. He melted into him, tension leaking off like water. When he’d all but morphed around me, I spoke.

“Yes, there are things you can’t do yet, but that’s the key word darling, yet.” Shifting him out of my throat, a hand cupping his jaw and pulling him to meet my eyes, I continued. “If someone told you a year ago that you’d be in a relationship with me and already doing what we are intimacy wise, what would you have told them?”

Dimitrius hummed, lips twitching in an attempt at a smile. “That it was impossible.”

I nodded, resting our foreheads together. “Exactly. Eventually you’ll be able to do all the things you want with me, but it’ll take time Dimitrius. And I’ll be here for it all. Whether it takes you years or decades, I will still be here. I’ll enjoy every minute, hour or day that we spend together in the meantime.”

Holy shit, my words were actually coming out right for once! Zero fumbling, stumbling or horrific word choices to be seen. I sent a prayer of gratitude heavenward for that.

Dimitrius looked so…beaten, so vulnerable. I couldn’t hurt him when he was like this, on accident or otherwise.

After a minute, the last of his tension eased and the furrow deep in his brow faded. The corners of his lips curled up into a tired, but content smile as adoring eyes locked on me.

“You are right and I will also relish in the time we spent together until then. There will be days I am frustrated, but with you…perhaps they will be easier to bear.”

I nodded, squeezing his hand before turning my focus to the still bleeding injury. We needed to handle that, pronto. Obviously he wasn’t in the mood to feed, so that left one option. Raising our joined hands, I dropped a kiss against his palm.

“I need to wrap that injury. Afterward we can read a book or watch a movie if you don’t feel like going to sleep again.”

His mouth opened, argument already on the top of his tongue–probably that I didn’t have to do this or other such nonsense–and I cut him off with a finger pressed to his lips. “I know I don’t have to do this, but I want to. No, I need to, because you’re important to me. So, shall we?”

Any argument he’d been building collapsed, letting me tug him up off the bed with no restraint as I led him into the bathroom. He leaned back against the counter as I flipped on the light, cringing internally at the bloody welts he’d left behind.

He avoided my eyes as I pulled out the disinfectant and bandages, shame and unease clear. I’d address that in just a minute. Thankfully the brand was high enough on his stomach I didn’t need to worry about touching areas that were definitely off limits right now.

Focusing entirely on the brand, making sure his underwear and pants stayed firmly below it, I dabbed it clean before sliding a bandage in place. It’d probably heal by tomorrow, but that was no reason to not make sure it was taken care of now.

Smoothing the bandage down, I glanced up.

He was watching now, honey orbs open and vulnerable as I leaned forward and dropped a kiss against the far edge of the bandage. Rising to his level again, I cupped his face and soothed the sick worry all but rolling in his eyes.

“While I hate seeing you hurt yourself like this, it won’t scare me away, darling. So stop looking so worried. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

The tension that’d built in his jaw dropped, a small exhale of relief brushing my cheek as Dimitrius nodded. “And I will evermore be grateful to have you. Now then, let us retire again. Tomorrow will be…long and we both need our rest.”

I didn’t fight him, happy to be tugged back to the bed and wrapped into his arms. There’d be hard times, trauma lingered in both our dreams more often than not, but as long as we were together we could handle it.

Together, we would stand through it all.