The room was huge, the sheer size of it dazing me as I took it in. A four posted bed sat against the far wall, its kind mattress only taking up a small amount of the room. The other walls were lined with bookshelves, colorful and dark spines reading titles of nearly every genre.
Curiosity itched up my neck, the urge to explore just which books he liked so much as to have them in his room nearly overwhelming. Dimitrius squeezed my hand, stopping me from drifting to the shelves as his lips quirked up in amusement.
“Later, I will happily show you my personal library, but we have things to discuss.”
Right, no drooling over his private library, at least not yet. If all went well, I’d be spending more time in here with him and I could explore then.
Turning to face him, I pulled in the breath to shove through this topic as quick and painlessly as I could, only for him to hold up a hand.
“Am I correct in assuming this conversation is uncomfortable for you?”
That was an impressive understatement. Was I uncomfortable discussing the witch hunts I’d accidentally started and the betrayals that followed? Yeah, definitely. Biting back the bitchy comment on the tip of my tongue, I nodded.
He nudged off his shoes, stripping his blood stained shirt with a grimace, before moving to sit with his back against the wall on the bed. Raising an arm in invitation, he nodded. “Will this suffice?” He barely finished the question before I was on the bed next to him, happily taking my new spot. The nonverbal response pulled a chuckle from him as we settled down for the talk ahead.
Once we were as ready as we’d get, I started.”I don’t talk about this often so it’ll probably come out clunky, but I’ll try to make it as easy to understand as possible.”
He stayed quiet, hand locking around mine as I considered where to start. The beginning was usually a safe bet, but maybe in this case starting at the worst of it and working out would be better. Steeling myself, I spat out the one thing I’d kept from him and prayed it wouldn’t change things between us.
“Before things get serious there’s something you need to know. The first time my magic showed itself was not ideal. I lived in Salem and I…”I trailed off, memories of innocent women hanging and bloodthirsty cries echoing from the past. Before I could completely fade into it, I finished the rest. “I started the legendary witch trials.”
From the corner of my eye, I caught his face slackening from shock, but I didn’t let myself stop. If I did, I’d never finish. “Not on purpose, but it was me all the same. My friends, mother and I were out for a walk when we were attacked by thugs. They killed one of my friends, violated another, and the fear of them doing the same to us made my magic awaken.”
Grimacing at the fate’s twisted sense of humor, I continued. “Only I didn’t cast a mid or low level spell how most children do. I went for broke and managed a banishment. Remember, the rift I opened on that guard during our first hunt?”
He nodded, saying nothing as I resolutely avoided his eyes. “That one. My mother and the other girls saw what I could do and from there, things went downhill. My ‘friends’ spread rumors, started faking fits while claiming I’d taken control of them.”
Old betrayal raked nails down my back as I remembered it. I’d saved them and that was my repayment, being an outcast for the rest of my life from both the magical and prosaic communities.
I almost wish I hadn’t bothered.
Shaking the sober thought to the side, I swallowed. “When they faked the fits, my mother believed them, all but threw me under the bus out of fear for what I could do.” Bitterness bubbled up to that and I snorted. “She hated what she didn’t understand and suddenly, that was me. Our relationship wasn’t great before that, but after?”
I sighed. “She offered me up to the town to be put to the rope. There were others too, innocent women who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The day they tried to hang us, I survived. Maybe I’m naturally sturdier or maybe I cast a barrier around my throat. The details don’t matter. What does is that now the town had proof that I wasn’t human.”
Memories of that day burned to the forefront. Walking up those wooden steps, tears blurring my vision as the town ignored my pleas, that I wasn’t a witch or devil spawn. I’d thought I would die then. But when the rope dropped me and I survived…that opened an entirely new field of questions to ask.
A hand closed around mine, anchoring me to the present as I finally looked up to meet Dimitrius’s eyes. Fiery anger glowed behind gold orbs, but it wasn’t directed at me. His lips pinched into a tight line as protectiveness all but oozed off him in waves.
Some of my nerves around telling him eased and I finished. “After that the fun really started. They tried all sorts of things to kill me, but nothing worked. I managed to get away after a week of being held captive in the city hall’s basement. Without thinking, I went home to my mother, thinking she’d shield me from the town’s hate.”
An ugly laughed rumbled through me. “I was fucking naïve and it cost me dearly. She screeched that I was a demon in her child’s skin and nothing I said would change her mind. Her howling caught the attention of the town. The nightmare you intervened on? That’s what that was. I was only sixteen at the time and in the space of a day, my entire life was gone. The town hunted me for years, even after the witch trials finished, and it didn’t take long for news to reach the magical community.”
Where I’d been quickly branded a traitor despite my repeated insistence that I hadn’t done it on purpose. “I’m sure you noticed I wasn’t anyone’s favorite person that day we were in the market. That’s why. I’d been protected by our minor laws, stopping the council from executing me, but there were no laws to stop them from spreading the rumor far and wide.”
I shrugged, as if it didn’t still burn. “They made my life hell in the only way they could, by branding me an outcast. At least lately I haven’t been getting spat at in the streets, so that’s an improvement.”
Finished with the worst of it now, I faced Dimitrius and continued. “It’s important you now this because eventually one of the idiots we fight is going to try to use it and I’d prefer you hear it from me.”
That, and if he reacted badly to it I could leave now with most of my emotions intact. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst, as the saying went.
The stormy expression stayed on his face as he shook his head in disgust. “I have read of the event you speak of and I always thought it was odd the town hunted so vigorously. They were spineless cowards and your mother should never have left you to face them alone.”
His arm tightened around me, pulling closer into his side as if to physically shield me from the past. Warmth eased through me, chasing away the cold fear as my head thumped soundlessly onto his shoulder. “I survived and that’s all that matters.”
To that, he nodded. “True and you will not face such things alone again. You have me now and should you face a threat, I will be there at your side.”
Safety came again, wrapping around me like a weighted blanket as I cuddled closer. “I’m glad, though hopefully we won’t have anymore incidents like that. I wont have the protection of being underage this time.”
Before I could relax, assuming the worst of my history discussed, his brow furrowed and he spoke. “Back when I fed from you, I heard what I assumed was a memory.”
I didn’t have to think hard on which one it was. Never give someone your heart. Dear God it sounded so cheesy now that I thought about it. Reluctantly, I nodded him on.
After a beat of uncertainty, he added. “I also felt your fears and wish to discuss them.”
Yup, this discussion was not going to be fun. I should have known I wasn’t getting out of it though, my issues were bound to come into play at some point so maybe it was a good thing he brought it up.
Leaning into his side for comfort, I gave into the inevitable. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”
With my permission, he continued, voice low and soothing. “You feared my rejection, but beyond that you worried for what I would do with your wellbeing should we become further attached. I wish to assure you that I would never harm you, willingly or otherwise.”
And I believed him, but sometimes people hurt one another when they didn’t mean to. Giving a tired smile, I considered how to explain something I didn’t fully understand myself.
“Consciously, I believe you, but there’s always a nagging voice at the back of my mind telling me otherwise. I didn’t expect my friends or mother to turn on me how they did. Anytime I trust someone with my life, it ends badly.” And I might take that out on him sometimes. I’d try to keep it from affecting us, but trauma was an insistent bitch and it demanded to be felt.
The arm around my shoulders shifted, sliding down around my waist and–before I could do more than blink–Dimitrius hefted me up. The feeling of weightlessness lasted less than a minute, and then I found myself perched in his lap, long legs on either side of me.
Once I settled from the momentary surprise, his hands cupped my cheeks, eyes burning with pent up intensity as he stroked his thumbs against my jaw. “You have past trauma from those who should have stood by your side; that is understandable. Should have difficulty trusting that I am different, I shall prove it through actions. I planned to do that already, so it is no hardship on my part.”
The easy way he swiped aside my concern–as if it really wasn’t that big of a thing–swept a wave of surprise through me. I bit my lip, adding on just to be sure he understood what potentially waited for him. “I might doubt you, even if you’ve done nothing to deserve it.”
He shrugged. “Then so be it. I will be here to offer comfort until such a time you no longer doubt me. You are safe with me, physically and emotionally. We have time for me to prove that.”
When a minute went by and the unrelenting determination didn’t waver from his eyes, hope burned to life. Safe. How long had it been since I was safe with anyone? Actually, second thought, I’m not thinking about that. The moment was nice and that train of thought would only bring it down.
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Instead, I focused on a far more positive topic, namely the relationship that looked to be forming already.
Offering a hesitant smile, I nodded. “Alright then, I’ll still try to beat it back but it’s nice to know you understand.”
His smile dropped, something dark and sharp ending into his eyes as his hands dropped to cradle mine. “I understand trauma and the many complications it brings to life. You have previous experience with betrayal, I have similar with sexual activities. We will both have things to overcome in a relationship, but I refuse to let my past stop me from pursuing what I desire.”
Here he paused, forehead leaning against mine as tender warmth shone through. “And I desire you. Things will be difficult and you will have to be patient with me, but I have full confidence that–with effort and time–we can be something awe inspiring together.”
I figured he’d have some trauma leftover so that wasn’t a surprise. His confidence bolstered my own, fanning the flame of hope higher as I nodded. “Sounds fine by me. Just let me know where the boundaries are and I’ll stay inside them until you say otherwise.”
Some of his tension eased, firm arms coming around me until we were pressed side to chest as his lips brushed my head. “Good, because that is non-negotiable. Before we begin discussing boundaries, I believe there are some things I should tell you.”
Getting comfortable against him, I waited in silence. He hadn’t flinched back from my past so the least I could do was give him the same courtesy.
He stayed quiet for a long minute, choosing his words carefully, before he started. “Much like you, my powers woke when I was young. Unlike you, my mother tried to defend me from those who sought to prey on me. You already know of the aura that naturally comes from me, but I purposefully neglected to mention the full impact it had on my upbringing.”
Old pain twinged his features as he paused, stuck in memories of a time long passed. I couldn’t change what’d happened, but I could offer comfort in the now. Taking his hand, I curled our fingers together before giving it a squeeze. He blinked back to the present, offering a tired smile.
“You already know of my violation, but I gave you no details. To a certain extent I will never speak of it willingly, but this you deserve to know.”
Okay, no. If he didn’t want to say something he didn’t have to. We’re cutting that bullshit off right now. Sucking in a breath to argue, his finger pressed to my lips, amusement flashing through his eyes as he shook his head. “No. You deserve to know the man you wish to court. There will be no surprises further down the road to tears us apart. It all comes out now.”
Damn it, that look was serious. Reluctantly, I nodded, and he continued, hand dropping to rest over our joined ones. “I do not remember my age when my aura first presented itself and the following years are a blur. My mother shielded me from the weak willed around us to the best of her abilities, but one day a governing figure came to our village. Just like the others before him, he fell under my aura’s spell.”
His lips twitched down, loss opening honey eyes into bottomless pools of pain. “He tried to force himself on my person, but my mother stopped him, attracting enough attention in the process that it ruined him.” Now a sad smile curled his lips, though the blade of pain didn’t abate.
“His last act before he was removed from office was to have my mother executed. By the time the neighboring towns were aware of the situation, it was too late. My mother was gone and with no other family to come to my rescue, I was left in her murderer’s custody.”
Fuck I could see where this was going. Tightening my grip on his hand, I resisted the urge to butt in. Silent, I would be silent until he finished. Even if I had to bite my tongue until it bled. After he finished, then I could froth and foam at the mouth, but not now.
Thankfully, Dimitrius continued quickly. “After years of violating me, my aura no longer affected him. With his mind clear, he planned. Since my mother cost him his position of power, he used me to build it back again. I spent several decades in captivity, only seeing people when he threw them in my room while I was bound and defenseless. This continued until I began to train my abilities in secret. When the man came next, I used my mental manipulation and made him take his own life.”
Horror and blood thirsty satisfaction curled through me as he spoke. The images painting behind my lids nearly sending me off the deep end of red zone rage.
That prick had better be ecstatic he was dead, because I would have personally ripped his soul from his body for what he’d done to Dimitrius. His passing was far too peaceful and painless for my liking, but I could appreciate that Dimitrius had finally gotten his revenge.
Blinking back the wrath threatening to shake me apart, I took in the dread on Dimitrius’s face with surprise. After all the time we’d spent together–and the many times I’d told him what I’d like to do to those child kidnappers–he thought I would judge him for killing his repeated rapist.
I bit back a scoff. Yeah, that wasn’t happening.
“Good, he got off easy considering what he should have suffered, but at least he died.”
Dimitrius blinked, the slight widening of his eyes the only sign of surprise, before he nodded. “That is true and afterward I spent the next dozen years tracking down those who took pleasure from me. With each one of them I killed, I received their properties by right of combat. When I finally finished the last of them though, I was hollow.”
Disgust crept into his tone as he looked away. “Despite my disdain for touch, I had to feed. It would be centuries before I found my alternative way of staying alive and during those years I dreaded nothing more than allowing those I fed from to have me. The day I discovered I could pull lust from the air was quite possible the first time I released my hatred for what I am. Since then I have refused to feed from any type of contact.”
Until today. The last bit hung in the air, unsaid but heavy between us as the enormity hit me like a brick. Earlier I’d only been worried about saving him, but knowing why he’d avoided feeding like that soured my stomach.
“I’m sorry.” The words slipped without my permission and he raised a brow, meeting my eyes as confusion strafed his.
“You had no hand in my violation, therefore your apology isn’t-.”
I cut him off, going back over the earlier feeding from a new perspective. He’d seemed into it, but maybe that’d been my lust misinterpreting things.
“I meant for earlier. I was terrified of losing you so I pushed where you weren’t comfortable. I can’t apologize for it either, because if it happened again I’d do the same thing.” Guilt was worth him being here with me.
His surprise faded, eyes softening as I looked away. Before the guilt could eat me alive, his hand stroked me cheek. “Yes, I was deeply uncomfortable with the situation.”
Another snap of guilt wormed through me and I moved to get out of his lap, only for his arm to tightened, yanking me tight to his chest as he continued.
“But my discomfort did not come from you or your actions.”
Confusion rose up, replacing the guilt as I waited for him to explain further. He did, after a minute of stroking his thumb along my cheek.
“Just as you will have difficulties with trusting me not to harm you, I will have my own hurtles to cross with being vulnerable in such a way. Earlier I was uncomfortable, not because you were making an advance on me, but because I was unable to defend myself in the worst case scenario. You proved you can hold to your senses through even my feeding on you. That will go a long way in soothing any fear I have in the future.”
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. It was a motto I lived by and thinking about him, laying on that bed, unable to do anything but hope for the best because he couldn’t physically move, made understanding slide into place. I would have been terrified too.
Some of the guilt stayed though and I muttered. “If it hadn’t been for how injured you were, I wouldn’t have pressured you. If you ever don’t want to do something in the future, please say so. The last thing I want is to be another regret to add to your life.”
He chuckled. “You will never be something I regret, though I promise to alert you if we ever edge into uncomfortable waters. Though now that we have discussed my history, I believe it is time to go over things we are–or are not–comfortable with.”
With that, he straightened, pulling me back enough for him to gesture down his frame. “I will not lie and say this will be easy. I have areas that touch is unwelcome, even from you. It will not always be this way, but for now, this is how it must stay.”
Then he tapped his chest, trailing down to just above his belly button. “I do not mind touch here or anywhere above this line.” He paused, lowering his hand until it rested over his groin. “But here and below are–to use a modern term–off limits. When they become not so, I will inform you. It would be wise to simply avoid my entire groin area until we are ready to bring our relationship further.”
His hand curled around mine again. “Most any other touch, I do not see a problem with. If I discover any problem areas, I will inform you post haste.”
Noting his limits, I set them in stone, before nodding. “More than fair and I’ll stay in those boundaries. For my part, I don’t think there’s anywhere I don’t like being touched. Don’t grip hard enough to bruise and don’t bite.”
An impish smile curled my lips as I teased. “It’s not necessarily an ‘off limits’ thing though. A nip here or that gets me going like no one’s business, but we’re not ready for that. If you bite me I’m taking that as your go ahead for me to drag you to the nearest flat surface to have my wicked way with you.”
His lips twitched up, but he said nothing, letting me finish.
“Other than that? No boundaries, touch me as much as you like. After my years on the run, I’m bound to enjoy anything that doesn’t hurt, as you’ve seen over the past few months.”
Heck, I all but melted into him whenever he played with my hair. It’d be kind of hard to miss.
His arms relaxed around me, the worst of the conversation done, though his brows furrowed less than a minute later. A question flared to life as he looked me over, but he didn’t ask it. When a minute passed and the curiosity stayed without him voicing it, I prodded.
“What’s stewing in that brain of yours? I won’t get mad for you asking something. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say so.”
A battle waged behind his eyes, before finally he questioned. “You seem to have a firm grasp on what you enjoy in the bedroom. When we come to that point most of it all of it will be alien to me. I suppose what I wish to ask if what level of experience you have in this care. If this is too personal, you are more than welcome to not answer.”
Considering we were discussing about a relationship, this wasn’t what I’d call too personal, though the answer probably wasn’t what he was expecting. “To be honest, I’ve only had maybe twelve partners over my three hundred years. Most of them were human and are now dead, but two of them still live. I don’t talk to them on any kind of regular basis though.”
Well, okay I talked to Vladimir whenever I needed help blowing shit up, but I wouldn’t exactly call us best buddies.
One of his brows rose to that. “Twelve? I find that surprising. You are beautiful, strong and intelligent. Is there a reason for the small amount of partners you have had?”
Oof, there was no way of saying this that didn’t come across as pathetic. “There is. You already know how much the magical community despises me. Those that don’t hate me for the witch trials turn up their nose at my magic type. That’s why most of my previous lovers were human. There was a problem with that though.”
I winced, remembering the various mishaps my magic caused. “When I’m completely lost in the moment, my magic expands out. When I finish, it explodes outward. This can cause a wide variety of oddities and humans generally notice when lights burst or the bed shakes. The only way to stop from outing myself was to either sleep with someone who knew about magic or not get lost in it. I had to choose the second option for obvious reasons, but it got to the point that restraining myself ruined the act. I stopped bothering with it, instead choosing solitude for my relief, and my one magic partner whom I visited occasionally.”
I shrugged. “So yes, twelve partners is low for someone my age, but there’s logic behind it.”
And now I was entering a relationship with Dimitrius. We were nowhere near ready for sex, but when that day eventually came, I wouldn’t have to hold back. I could experience it to the fullest without fear of what my magic was doing.
I couldn’t wait for that day.
Dimitrius scowled, growling protectively. “Your entire community is made of fools, but I have no complaints. Their ignorance is to my fortune as you are mine, as I am yours.”
Being referred to as his sent my stomach into a series of spins, flipping around like a fish on land as I reveled in it. “Yours, huh? I like the sound of that.”
Belonging had been something I’d chased for centuries and now it sank into my bones, seeping through like hot water until I all but melted against his chest. Sex could wait until he was ready, as long as I got to soak this in, I didn’t care.
His head dipped, lips hovering over mine before closing the distance. The kiss was slow, searching, and when my arms wound around his neck, he dragged me further into him. No tongues explored this time, the innocent pressure stroking along my nerves like a satin glove.
Through the quiet intimacy and feather light pecks, one thought rang clearly.
If this was what I had to look forward to, sex being off the table would be a walk in the park.
I could handle my own arousal until he was comfortable joining me, but this? The affection all but flowing off him to wrap me into a blanket of safety and warmth? I couldn’t replicate that. Even if we ad to wait years, it would be worth it.
Dimitrius was worth it.
Besides, there were plenty of other things we could do that weren’t sex and as he dragged me into him, bare chest pressing my breasts flat as he deepened the kiss, something told me it wouldn’t be long before he wanted to explore.
After three centuries of sleeping alone, the possibility of sharing a bed with him–with nothing else but sleeping promised–was divine. The physical aspect would come when he was ready. For now, I would revel in this and everything else he was willing to give me.