Chapter Thirteen

Every step burned as I trudged through the house, its echoing interior still not something I was used to despite the months I’d spent here.

My everything ached, but at least today was a success.

We’d found documents on the kids who were taken and they’d definitely sped up the process of finding their families. Though after we went back through some of the older papers, I noticed something. Whoever was behind this never grabbed a kid that wasn’t an incubus or succubus. Not one mess up despite what looked like years worth of papers there.

They had a way of knowing which kids had the bloodline and if we could just figure out how they did it, we could use it to our advantage. Rubbing a hand through my hair, I let the thought go with a sigh.

Thinking about it did nothing. We needed more information before we could form any kind of hypothesis. With any luck one of the guards would have info. The cynical part of me doubted it though. Life rarely handed me things so easily. Unless I’d sweat and bled for it, it wasn’t meant to be mine.

Shaking that off, I forced stiff and aching legs to hold my weight. Dimitrius stood not far from me, making arrangements for the kids to all go home. An air of exhaustion lingered around him as well, but he held himself straight, not an ounce of weakness showing.

It was impressive and right now I envied it.

Sparing a glance to where the kids huddled in the corner, haunted eyes that’d seen far too much lingering over each of us in turn, I bit back a sigh. They’d need therapy and a good support system, but at least they were free.

That was the best we could do and every step forward from where they were was one in the right direction.

Today had been a success, no matter how much it didn’t feel like it.

Footsteps approached, snapping me back to the present as Dimitrius’s face lost its neutral mask. The weight of centuries settled over him like a shroud, lips tugging down into a tired frown that mirrored mine. Once he stopped at my side, he offered. “While the children will need further aid, you must remember that we saved them. My people will be sure they have the care they need and their parents will be informed of the things to be wary of as they grow. You cannot let scenes such as this cripple you.”

A weary snort huffed from my lungs. “Are you trying to tell me that or yourself?” Because from where I stood we both looked equally beaten down.

His lips twitched into a parody of a smile. “Both, I suppose.”

Silence rang between us, before I broke it, muscles screaming with every minute I stayed standing. “Welp, today has been a shitshow of epic proportions. I’m going to get pissed on some good alcohol and find someone to cuddle against until today feels like a demented nightmare. Care to join me?”

One of his brows rose, intrigue chasing away the exhaustion. “I do happen to have top-shelf brandy aging in the basement.”

Gesturing for him to lead on, I ignored the steady pulse of pain rolling through me. “That’ll work, though I guess your lack of comment on the other bit means I’ll have to find someone else for cuddles? Shame.”

While my tone was teasing, he had no idea how real that ache was. The idea of curling against him and falling asleep was entirely too appealing. So, it was probably better he didn’t agree, for the sake of my emotions if nothing else.

I was just tired enough to ignore the logical part of me that said I should avoid touching him, lest my infatuation become worse.

Before I could change the subject he took me by surprise, eyes hesitant though curious.

“That entirely depends on what you identify a ‘cuddle’ as.”

And now we’re talking about cuddling as if it were a scientific field. Not how I’d seen today going, but whatever. Ignoring logic screaming for me to shut up, I answered. “My head in your lap, preferably with your fingers combing through my hair until one of us falls asleep.”

He probably wouldn’t want that, what with the whole ‘no touchy’ thing and the horrific things we’d just seen, but the image was nice to ponder all the same. Before I could head to my room for a solid sixteen hours of sleep, he spoke again, sending me to a skidding halt.

“That sounds acceptable, shall we retire to the study then?”

I nodded numbly, following as I fought past my surprise. So much for him not wanting to do this, he’d agreed near instantly and to say my resistance was pathetic when it came to him was an understatement.

I should call this off before we get started, say I changed my mind and go back to sleep off the sickening heaviness in my chest, but I did none of that. Instead, I stayed quiet, following without a word as he led the way.

I’d probably regret this later, but honestly? Fuck it. Everything ached, I’m tired in a way no amount of sleep will cure, and after seeing the grotesque scenes earlier I burned for touch from someone not trying to kill me. If Dimitrius wanted the same then I was all in.

We stopped outside his study not two minutes later, his hand hesitating on the knob for a split second. I almost offered to call this off, but before I could get a word in he’d opened the door and breezed to the couch.

Taking his seat, he got comfortable before looking at me expectantly.

The ache for touch grew at the offer, but before it could suffocate everything else, I forced myself to ask. “Are you sure? I know you don’t prefer touch.” No matter how nice it’d be to curl into his lap and sleep, I couldn’t let myself if this was outside of his comfort zone.

He tipped his head in acknowledgement even as he patted his thigh. “Generally you are correct, but as I stated before you are an exception. This is not beyond my comfort zone and should that change I will inform you at once.”

Welp, didn’t have to tell me twice.

Easing myself down onto the couch, my head settling in his lap, I bit back a sigh of bliss. Pulsing pain eased back into a dull throb, careful fingers twining through my hair as I fought the urge to drift off. The exhaustion from before came racing back, dragging my lids down as sleep threatened to one shot KO me.

One of the downsides to solitary life? I never got minutes like this. Having the chance to relax against someone, soaking in the most innocent touches…it was a pipe dream after the years of being hunted by magical and prosaic people alike.

I wouldn’t get it often now either, so I’ll have to soak it up as much as possible. Leaning into his hand, a quiet noise of approval dragged from my throat as he dug deep into my scalp and massaged. Straddling the line of sleep–his hand in my hair never stopping its stroking–I nearly slipped off.

The clock’s chime dragged me back just as darkness edged my vision. I needed to move or I would fall asleep on him. Cracking an eye open, I glanced at Dimitrius’s contemplative expression. I should go to my room, but yet again I voiced the exact opposite. “Do you want to switch?”

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His hand paused, confusion clear before understanding chased its tail. A slow smile curled his lips before he offered a hand up. “If you would not mind?”

Oh honey if only you knew just how much I don’t…

Making tired muscles work, I hauled myself out of my new happy place. Once I was sitting up–much to the loud complaints of my body–I gestured to my lap with a flourish. He didn’t hesitate, head situating itself as my fingers curled into his hair.

I’d wondered before how it felt. Would it be soft and fluffy like it looked? Or maybe it’d be dryer? As silky strands coiled my fingers, stroking along battered nerve endings, I resisted the urge to melt into the couch as the truth hit.

It was divine and without a doubt, I could get spoiled off of this. The infatuation that never seemed to leave pulsed sharply, expanding out to grasp anything it could grab a hold of until it throbbed like a second heartbeat.

Again logic screamed for me to separate, but I slapped it down. We weren’t doing anything intimate. Lots of friends did things like this and I wasn’t deluding myself into thinking it was more than it was.

Even without his history in the mix, I doubted I could be anything more if I tried. Years–centuries–spent on the run with no one for company made me socially inept, missing important cues that others caught with ease.

Most of the magical community hated me, and when you combine those with my naturally sparkling personality it was no wonder carnal relationships were the only ones I bothered with. Nothing else would last and I wouldn’t hurt myself by thinking otherwise.

“Are you alright? You seem distraught.” Dimitrius said, yanking me from thoughts of my non-existent love life. Pasting on a smile, I shrugged, giving a half assed answer.

“I’m fine, just thinking about what we saw earlier.” And the raging emotional hard on I have for you, but we’re not getting into that.

Realizing I’d paused in combing his hair, I went to continue, only for his hand to reach up, fingers lacing with mine as a frown tugged his lips. “You have a kind heart, Julian. While it is harmful to you now, never be rid of it. We may not have spared those children from everything, but what we achieved was better than nothing.”

Warm gooey affection slid through my veins like heated molasses, my heart twisting with the urge to bend down and sneak a kiss. Shaking it off with extreme difficulty–good God this man couldn’t keep saying things like that while expecting me not to react–I resumed the stroking.

“Thanks, and for the record you’re kind too.”

Silence came after that, time sliding by in a blur as I reveled in the easy intimacy of the moment. After who knows how long though, a soft snore came from my lap. Glancing down to see Dimitrius’s features relaxed in the grip of sleep, I bit back a smile, that pulsing affection branching out further.

We’d only known each other a handful of months and he already trusted me enough to fall asleep near me. It was heady, that trust. Had anyone–aside from Seraphina–done that? Had that level of faith in me?

After a brief minute of thought, I came to the sobering realization that no, no one had. Aside from the nights I slept beside Vladimir, this was the only time. It was odd, good odd, but still. The fact I had an undying crush on the man only made it more special, though I’d die before I’d admit that.

Settling further into the couch, I got comfortable–as much as I could given the deadweight now pinning my legs–and relaxed. I’d deal with bandaging all my injuries tomorrow. I wasn’t actively bleeding out and this was nice. Unless absolutely necessary I wouldn’t be stopping it early.

Letting my hand rest in his hair, I let the darkness of sleep reach up to grab me. It’d been…too long since I’d slept with someone, though in this case things were far more innocent than I was used to. Maybe, if I were really lucky, he’d want to do this again.

Shaking the hope to the side, I huffed. The odds of that were extremely low, as in I’m not calculating it because that’ll be depressing low. Better to just be happy in the moment and expect nothing afterward. It’d hurt less that way.

Sunlight burned the backs of my eyes the next morning, pulling me into consciousness with pitiless force. Sharp pain poked at my neck from the odd angle I’d slept at and that pang quickly echoed through the rest of me. Right, injuries. I’d forgotten about those.

Dragging crusty lids open, I paused, taking in the peacefully dozing incubus in my lap. The deep lines smoothed from his face, leaving only clear skin and peaceful features as he slept on. Eyes that bore the weight of centuries stayed shut, removing some of the alertness I’d gotten used to from him as soft puffs of breath hit my thighs.

He’d rolled over at some point, nose brushing my stomach, and the pose did absolutely everything for the affection still twining tightly around my heart. I allowed myself to bask in that warmth for another few seconds, before I shoved it down with ruthless efficiency.

I had no room in my life for a relationship, especially not one with Dimitrius. Anything with him would be all consuming and the last thing I needed was to be broken down again. My mother’s rejection nearly shattered me and I wasn’t up for round two with Dimitrius.

Like a ghost from the past, her voice came to me. Never give anyone your heart. They will drop it, every time.

Ironic from her, since hardly three years later she’d all but ground my heart into the dirt. Shaking the sobering thoughts to the side, I focused back on Dimitrius, his eyelids bunching as he started coming around.

Taking my hand from his hair, I waited.

His jaw flexed, quickly followed by his nose scrunching up into a pout of confusion as he realized he wasn’t in his bed. One honey eye opened, taking in our positions with a lazy flick. Slowly, I saw the memories come to him, before his other eye opened and he rolled to lay on my legs again.

“Good morning, though I feel I should apologize for falling asleep on you in such a way.”

I shrugged, rolling my shoulders and wincing when it pulled on one of the injuries from yesterday. “If I’d minded I would have woken you. On that note, how’d you sleep?”

He settled further into my lap, a flush of pleasure curling through me at the action, as he hummed. “I slept well, surprisingly. I doubt you could say the same.” Guilt twinged his tone, but before he could sink into it I poked his jaw and teased.

“We really need to work on your habit of taking the world on your shoulders. I’m fine, if I minded sleeping like this then I would have booted you off before heading to bed. I actually didn’t sleep too badly, considering what angle my neck was at.”

Not a single nightmare despite the things we’d seen yesterday, a feat, considering how often I had them on average. If a crick in my neck was the price to pay for a night of peaceful rest then I’d happily pay it every day.

As Dimitrius hefted himself out of my lap though, I knew the nightmares would be visiting again tonight. He’d been the reason I’d slept so well, without a doubt, but I wasn’t getting this again and now that I knew how soothing it was, how safe I felt with him, I would ache for it endlessly.

I should have left last night before I’d gotten a taste for the forbidden fruit, because now I wanted everything that Dimitrius hadn’t offered.

Forcing a smile, I stretched. “Well, we have prisoners to question and I have to let that mage out of the alternate dimension I shoved him into. With any luck, one of them will have useful information and we can finally start getting somewhere in this mess.”

Rising from the couch, needing space from the object of my frustrating affections, I hardly made it four steps before a tight grip on my wrist stopped me. Looking back, I locked eyes with Dimitrius as his brow furrowed.

“Julian, should you ever wish to ‘cuddle’ again, feel free to seek my company. This will not be the only disturbing thing we witness on our mission and…” He trailed off, before his features settled into a determined mask. “I enjoyed last night. Should you wish to do so again, I would be more than willing.”

Well, there went my whole martyr speech about not getting that again. Anticipation warmed my blood as I nodded, the greedy want for more not abating as I spoke. “I’ll definitely be doing that. Next time it’s my turn to fall asleep on you though.”

His eyes softened with a warmth I wasn’t ready to analyze. The grip eased around my wrist as he stood, towering over me like always. “More than fair. Now then, if you would release your captive in the basement I will begin to question them. Feel free to shower and freshen yourself as I do.”

Good, I needed time to get my head on straight and a shower was perfect for that. I nodded, but before I could put some much needed distance between us, he held up a hand. A stern frown curled his lips as he eyed my side. “After you shower I will assist you in wrapping your wounds as you do not heal at the same rate I do. No arguments.”

I clicked my mouth shut from where I’d been about to do just that. It’d take some getting used to, having someone who cared about me, but I wouldn’t complain. Gesturing for him to lead on, I blinked in surprise when–instead of walking in front of me–he offered an arm. Something about his expression, an almost hopeful glint to his eyes, set a fire in my chest as I accepted.

It wasn’t anything to get excited over, I reminded myself. He’s offered his arm plenty of times before…

But not after you slept with him.

The tiny voice pitched in again, always when I least wanted it to. Still, it had a point and as we walked to the basement the truth sank deep to my core. I was falling for him, fast. The only thing that’d stop it now would be to completely separate myself from him, but even without the mission hanging over our heads, I couldn’t do that.

Dimitrius wouldn’t understand the reason for my sudden distance and I couldn’t explain it to him. Knowing the man how I did, he’d probably blame himself despite not knowing what was wrong and I couldn’t allow that.

No, I’d just have to outlast the crush until it dried up. It would go dead eventually, it couldn’t stick around forever, after all.