Chapter Thirty Four
Heady warmth stuffed my head, the bond that’d been up and rolling for three hours now still raking claws along my resistance. I held firm, not a single waver despite the thrumming pulse between my thighs that echoed throughout the rest of me painfully.
Dimitrius–for his part–did not appreciate that sacrifice in his current state.
He’d been steadily chowing down on my arousal, the energy flowing freely into him as it ramped my lust higher by the minute, and it was fair to say I was a wee bit ready to rut into the bed and call it a day. Hearing his moans, the deep and throaty sounds rubbing in all the right places, and watching his hips grind open air had me biting back the urge to do just that.
I couldn’t, not until he was back to himself. For all I knew the second he was cut off from my arousal, his feeding source, he’d lose all the progress he’d made toward being normal again. And there had been progress, though painfully slow.
His thrusts and bucks were languid now, the feral glint having faded back bit by bit the more orgasms I dragged from him, and even now his glowing eyes were dulling. We were almost done now, I couldn’t give in and risk ruining everything.
It was sweet torture, being this close to him in the throes of passion, but it would all be worth it soon. Sweeping out my magic to test his aura, I nearly whooped in relief at its severely diminished state. Just a little more now and we’d be golden.
At least, I hoped we were almost done. All signs sure pointed to do it and if things dragged on much longer I’d soak the sheets underneath us. Then again, I glanced around at the already painfully drenched bed before correcting the previous thought, maybe it wouldn’t make a difference.
Dimitrius laid back, muscles relaxed to the point of cooked pasta as sweat and cum covered him. His hair was tussled, thrown in all directions from his rapid head tossing, and every spare inch of skin was flushed. To add to the overall picture of debauchery, his pupils were wide enough that only a thin ring of gold showed, and he looked as if he wanted nothing more than to roll us over and devour me whole.
In short, he was a sight straight out of every erotic novel I’d ever read and more than anything I wished he was looking at me like that while mentally sound. But he wasn’t and that thought had been what kept me in line over the past few hours of delicious torture.
Unfortunately, he noticed my distraction and capitalized on it, bucking up between my thighs as something long, hard and pulsing dragged with glorious friction over my clit. A gurgled, broken cry dragged forward, my hips snapping forward on instinct as I teetered dangerously on the edge before ripping myself back with pitiless determination.
Through the haze of the bond, his excitement scalded me, stroking between my legs as if to goad me on as he rocked upward again, the touch threatening to shatter me. All but throwing myself back, I sucked in lungfuls of air while resisting the itching urge to shove my fingers into my cunt and end it now.
But I couldn’t, not yet. The second he was back to being himself, I’d roll over and handle it, but not before.
His disappointed groan rang out, hips bucking weakly into open air as I snorted. “Yeah, you think you got it rough buddy.”
My voice came out scratchy from our earlier activities, the constant rubbing of his girth proving too painful after the first half dozen orgasms. Besides, I could only taste so much cum before I was ready to puke and I’d hit that threshold a long time ago.
Then again, doing it this way left opportunities like the one he’d just taken, so maybe I should go back to sucking his brain out through his dick…
Shaking that to the side, I reached between us, wrapping my fingers tight around his cock and pumping. He thrust up, eyes rolling back again as halting, sluggish hips rutted into my palm, nowhere near as driven or desperate as he was hours ago.
Compared to then he was almost drunkenly moving now and I could only hope it meant we were almost done. The foreign magic that’d hovered just on the edge of his own waned like a candle’s flame in the wind.
When I gripped tight and dragged down just how he liked, he bowed his back with a groan, streams of seed coating both of us though notably with less pressure this time as that flame finally doused. Feeling through his aura, hope sparked in my chest at the lack of foreign influence.
Readjusting him back into his trousers, I sat back and waited, keeping an eye on his every move. Just because I thought he was back didn’t mean he actually was and I wasn’t about to take any chances before dropping the magical restraints.
After a minute, his eyelids flicked open and hazy honey orbs locked on me, not a trace of the glow from before showing. Then, slowly, his wings began to shrink, shriveling back down toward his back. The points to his fingers and teeth followed suit, rounding back out as he finally spoke, voice every ounce as wrecked as mine.
“What happened? The last thing I remember is being sent through the spell, then nothing.” He moved as if to lean forward, only to pause, finally noticing the restraints holding his arms above his head. Slowly, he took in his shirtless state, his bound hands, and then he looked back to me with open uncertainty. No accusation though, thankfully.
I snapped, the magic holding him dissipating immediately as I flopped against his side, ignoring the hard pulse between my thighs for just a little bit longer to answer the question hovering behind his eyes.
“You were in some kind of sex craze. Vlad said it probably had something to do with your nature being suppressed and something waking it up. Honestly? I don’t care, I’m just happy you’re back. Don’t worry, I didn’t let things get too far.”
His frame eased, tension leaking off as he rubbed blood flow back into his arms. Noting his grimace, I shrugged. “Sorry, but that was the only was I could keep you from pinning me to the bed and fucking me. I figured you’d prefer the pins and needles to the alternative.”
He nodded, looking around the bed that was soaked in…well him, before wide eyes landed on me as he swallowed.
“All of this was from me?”
Sneaking a glance at the pretty well coated sheets, I supposed it would look daunting now that he was back to normal. If I hadn’t been there for every bit of it, I’d probably be just as surprised. Still, after hours of ignoring that fucking pulse, I’d earned the right to be a bit snarky.
“Well it certainly isn’t mine.”
As if to attest to that, I clenched, the ache growing by the second before I caught his decidedly ill expression. Only centuries’ worth of control let me shove the arousal soaking my thighs down. Comfort first, fuck the nearest pillow or dildo later.
“You alright over there?” I asked, not touching him just to be safe.
His lips screwed down into a scowl as he looked me over, hands trailing with a feather light caress over my chest that was every ounce as filthy as his was. “Physically, I am fine. Mentally? I do not like what happened.”
Biting back a snort, I let my head thump into his palm when he started stroking my hair, massaging fingers into my scalp as I purred. “No shit, being taken over like that isn’t a fun Monday activity for anyone, least of all you.”
However, to my surprise, he waved a hand. “Not that, though that was unpleasant as well. I meant what I did to you.” He brushed my neck, eyes flicking over me with disgust as something close to anger bubbled to the surface. “Your throat is raw and you are covered in this.”
If things had been different, I wouldn’t have minded that honestly.
Sitting up, I stroked his cheek. “Yeah, I am, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m just glad you’re back. My throat will heal with a popsicle and maybe a light healing spell from Vlad. As for this?” I nodded to the rest of me. “A shower will fix it. And look, your claws are receding.”
He held up a hand just as the last of the points disappeared, rounded fingers I adored flexing experimentally. “That they are, thankfully. I never expected tracking him would have such consequences.”
Neither had I, though had we been further in our physical relationship I would have handled that entire sex craze completely differently. But that didn’t matter, it was over now and I’d be happy for the things I had instead of the ones I didn’t.
Another clench came from between my legs, reminding me with sharp clarity that yes that was still problem, but before I could roll over to handle that–or go to the bathroom–Dimitrius’s hand landed on my hip. The touch was hesitant, his mouth set in a small, uncertain frown as worry filled the air between us. Before I could ask what was wrong, he spoke.
“You are not afraid, or disgusted?”
Ah, so that’s what this was about. Abandoning my orgasm for the umpteenth time, I hefted myself up to settle in his lap. Once there, I cradled his face in my palms, stroking some of the nerves away, and teased lightly.
“I’ve seen your library, my adored. You sort them by author last name and–on occasion–by how sad an ending they have. While the new form was surprising and the past few hours were a test in patient, nothing you do could make me fear you after that. As for disgust?”
I shrugged, inching forward to slide a kiss across his cheek, trailing back until my lips brushed his ear. “Whether you have wings and claws, or shape shift into a completely different person altogether, it doesn’t matter. You’re you–my Dimitrius–and that guarantees my adoration, no matter what form you take.”
His throat bobbed, wetness flashing across his eyes as he blinked it back to rumble, arms pulling me tight to his chest. “Had our positions been changed, I would feel the same. No matter what you look like, you are Julian–my Julian–and I love you for it.”
All thoughts came to a screeching halt to make room for those words, their echo sounding through my head. I love you. I didn’t have to wonder when the last time I’d heard it was, my mother, and hearing not from him eclipsed that pathetic memory with a joy unlike any I’d experienced before.
It lit me from the inside out, heat grabbing around my heart and squeezing as I struggled to breathe through the all encompassing rightness. My tongue felt like sandpaper as I swallowed, taking in the open adoration all but gushing from his eyes as I finally managed to choke out.
“I love you too.”
It came out raspy for reasons other than my throat being sore, emotions pulsing hot under the surface as my lips formed around the foreign words. Though maybe soon they wouldn’t be so rare…
My mother’s voice whispered at the back of my mind that it wouldn’t last. Eventually, he’d get tired of me as everyone else had, then I’d be left with the pain of rejection just like before. An instinctual fear rose up at that, but I shoved it to the side.
One glance in his eyes confirmed what I already knew down to my soul, he would never hurt me like that. Love like I’d never seen burned brightly for me–only for me, the greedy part of soul whispered–and the more I looked, the further back my doubts shrank.
If this ended in pain or rejection, then so be it. At least I’d enjoyed this while it lasted and besides, I had an entire world of love to gain from taking the chance. It was worth it.
Leaning our heads together, I said the sappiest thing I’ve ever dared to utter. “Hope you’re ready, because nothing you do is getting rid of me now. I am irrevocably and completely yours.”
My hands brushed his stubble as I soaked in the new feelings. I’d never given myself over so wholly to someone before, but as he smiled at me–beaming as if I’d given him the moon and stars–I knew I wouldn’t regret it.
Falling into those eyes, I only broke away when he dipped forward, sucking me into a soul melting kiss. Tongues and teeth slid against it each other, the balance of tender and carnal carefully controlled as I slid fingers into his hair and hummed, relishing in the new depth to our kisses as I shifted to lie completely against him.
Not an inch of space sat between us, which meant there was no buffer when something rose to prod my core through my clothes. Dimitrius stiffened above me and immediately, I started to disengage. After what just happened and his will being compromised, it made sense that he wasn’t in the mood for being rubbed against like this.
I respected that, though the redoubled pulse between my thighs would have to be handled. Ten minutes, at the most, and I’d be back at his side. My attempt to dismount came to an abrupt stop, his hands gripping the points of my hips and yanking me back to him. Understanding dawned a minute later when he ground upward, his tip dragging right where I wanted him.
Lust blitzed hot through my veins, demolishing everything in its wake as Dimitrius rocked up against me again, air rushing from my lungs as if I’d been punched. The urge to roll us over and pin him to finish what he was starting rage, but I forced it back. There’d been a reason I hadn’t done that before and I kept in mind now as I hissed.
“Now is not the time of this, you just dropped out of a spell and for all I know this is that talking.”
I barely finished the words before he crushed me to him, mouth locking over mine in a dominating kiss as he rolled us over. Once he sat astride me, the position pushing al the right buttons, he pulled away long enough to growl.
“The spell has worn off, that I assure you. Anything I choose to do is entirely up to me and rest assured I have wanted you since I nearly lost you.” His hand cradled my jaw, eyes softening slightly as he continued.
“Right then I knew that living without you would was not truly living. Now I know that wasting a single minute when the next is not promised is foolish. I have shown not a speck of disgust or fear of you so far. I want to continue. Not because of spell, or to fee. But because I love you.”
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Catching my breath after the rough kiss, I stared up at him, taking in the burning desire in his eyes. Ravenous hunger the likes of which I’d never seen on him stared back at me as he waited for my response.
It didn’t take long for me to come to my decision.
I’d never tried to make his decisions for him yet and that wasn’t about to start now. He said the spell was gone and I didn’t feel any of the aura from before. On top of that, the wings and claws were now completely receded, further backing up his claim.
If he really wanted things to go the full way, I wouldn’t be stopping us.
Staring resolutely into his eyes, noting the desire to dive into me and claim everything as his own, I gave in. “Then take me, but you’d better be sure its what you really want. Once I’m yours, it’s all yours. The snippy me that’s going to get bitchy with you when I’ve had a bad day, the reckless me that’s first instinct is to jump in because waiting has never been my strong suit, and even the distrustful part that will always make me fear what you could do to me if you ever chose to.”
I bit my lip, hesitating slightly before throwing caution to the wind. I’d already spilled this much, may as well throw all my chips in and hope for the best. “There is not halfway here, if you want me than you can have me, but it’s all or nothing.”
Instead of being put off–as any sane person would be–his eyes glowed, not with lust but devotion, and he lowered his mouth to mine again. His words were hardly a whisper, brushing my lips before he claimed me in another brutal kiss.
“I would accept nothing less and you shall have the same from me.”
His tongue twined around mine, sucking until iron hit my tongue, my muddled mind too buzzed to figure out who it’d come from. The flavor and his sudden ferocity jolted something new in my awake, the feral want to claim what was freely offered roaring to the surface.
Done holding back, my restraints snapped and my hips ground up against his, both of us letting out shuddering moans at the friction. Forcing my scrambled brain to find words, I bit out. “We can take things slow and easy later, take what’s your so I can do the same.”
Because if we waited much longer I’d be flipping us over and taking the lead.
Thankfully, he didn’t make me do that.
A shudder ripped through him at me being his, before his mouth slid down my neck with devastating effect. His hands were a blur as they fisted his clothes, shredding them to ribbons before repeating the treatment with what was left of mine.
Breaking the kiss to stare down the line of his body–the brand momentarily catching my attention before I ruthlessly shoved down the instinctual rage–to the v of his hips, I swallowed back a moan. His cock stood to full attention, head flushed, vein pronounced while bobbing enticingly against his stomach.
A clear drop of liquid trailed down the bulbous head, sliding slowly across his skin, over the protruding vein, before resting near his sac. My mouth went dry with the urge to follow it with my tongue. Letting my head slump back in submission, I sucked in a rattling breath.
He could do whatever he wanted with me as long as he hurried.
“Fuck.” It was the only word I could say, but considering how gorgeous he looked, completely uninhibited and ready to reduce me to a screaming puddle, I couldn’t bring myself to care about the lack of eloquence.
A slow smirk curled his lips, a growl rubbing against my core sensually. “Yes, fuck.”
Any other time I’d bust a gut laughing at the sound of him cursing in such a modern way, not at all as creative as he usually was, but given the current setting, all it did was pull another moan from me.
Fingers reached out blindly to trace his stomach, the muscles bunching under my nails as I trailed them to his sides. Gripping tight, I dragged him forward, shuddering in relief when he finally shifted between my thighs.
I spread them, bolts of lightning shooting through my veins as well muscled hips leaned into me, awareness making my skin tingle everywhere he brushed. Something thicker than his fingers brushed my clit, running along it teasingly before finally dropping to my sopping folds.
I’d never been wetter, arousal slicking my thighs and now him, and the tip popped past my first ring of muscle with laughable ease. It stretched me, pushing against all the right spots as my eyes rolled back, euphoria whiting out my vision.
His hand clutched mine, chest looming over me as he all but vibrated in place, giving me time to adjust. If I hadn’t been wound up over the past few hours I would have needed that, but his cock slid deeper with little resistance. When he stayed frozen another minute, I hooked my legs around his hips and snapped upward, the delicious stretch and rub bowing my back clear of the bed.
Full, fuck I’d never been so full. And when he gave a small buck of his hips, the motion nudging against a swollen bundle of nerves deep inside, a choked moan wrangled from my throat. He wasn’t even moving yet and I was already teetering on the line of orgasm, the last few hours’ worth of frustration demolishing my stamina.
Oh well, if I came first I’d sit back and enjoy the show. There’d never be a sight I relished more than this, after all.
His thrusts were small–stilted with inexperience and hesitation–but I didn’t prod him on, reveling in every tentative move as his head dropped to rest in my shoulder. Soft hair tumbled down, tickling my throat and face a he started a halting rhythm.
His teeth ground audibly next to my ear, stuttering breaths puffing my skin as he sucked in air like a man suffocating. Then, the air around us shifted, my only warning before drugging warmth gushed through my head. The haze of feeding clouded my mind, his soul easing in next to mine as I shuddered. Sinking further into the bed, I waited for his emotions to brush mine, his love.
Only it never came.
Arching fear and disgust cleaved through the pleasure haze curling through me, dropping a bucket of ice water over my ardor. Those…those weren’t from me.
Snapping my eyes open, I took him in again, this time looking closer for the signs I already knew would be there. Sure enough, I found them after hardly a second of watching.
Dimitrius wasn’t just trembling, he was quaking. The shakes took on new meanings as his thrusts lost the little rhythm they’d had, his sharp blade of fear surging up in time as he flagged. Like fire against my skin, his terror branded me, ripping away the desire from before as ruthlessly as an ice bath.
He wasn’t slowing down.
I could feel his disgust–the crawling feeling of thousands of bugs under his skin–and the memories of past rapes just on the edge of his consciousness, but. He. Wasn’t. Stopping.
He snapped his hips forward again, something close to a sob brushing my shoulder as he tried to push himself through the trauma, ignoring the shards of pain shredding him as he did.
Pain flooded my veins next, hot tears burning the backs of my eyes as he softened, but still didn’t stop. As if possessed, he kept rolling his hips, frustration biting through the bond when he couldn’t harden again.
Wrong. This was wrong.
This time it was my skin that itched, the urge to claw at it growing by the second as realization of just what he’d tried to do settling like sour milk in my stomach. He’d tried to force himself through, ignoring our agreement to speak up if either of us wanted to stop.
Poignant hurt raked claws over my heart then, a spark of anger following on its tail.
Did he think I wanted this? That I wanted sex so much as to ignore him shattering over me, breaking into millions of pieces?
A shudder of a different sort rolled down my spine, tears finally rolling down my cheeks as I snapped out of my stupor.
No more, He wasn’t ready, that was plainly obvious, and I wasn’t about to just sit back while he broke himself trying to push through something he shouldn’t be. My hand shook as I trailed them up his sides, my legs dropping like lead weights against his thighs–good God, I’d pulled him closer when he was like this–as I planted a palm on his chest directly over his heart.
It was trying to beat out of his chest, the pace stampeding as new waves of revulsion hit my senses. I‘d let this go on too long and as he let out another choked noise–eerily similar to a wounded animal–I finally spoke through the tears.
“Dimitrius, stop.”
The words cut through the air like a whip, his body freezing, cock still buried deep even as it softened the rest of the way. Tremors violently shook him, his face staying curled in my shoulder as he tried and failed to hold himself together.
Meanwhile, I lashed myself internally. I should have known that now wasn’t the right time, no matter what he’d said! He’d just been forced into a lust crave, for fuck’s sake!
Guilt lanced through me, shame following on its tail before I pushed both away. They wouldn’t help this, but I knew what would.
Reaching down, I gently disconnected him, watching as the now flaccid length hung limp between us. Silence rang through the room, Dimitrius refusing to raise his head as horrible, stifling tension built to suffocating levels.
I stayed quiet, grappling for the right words that’d fix everything while knowing they didn’t exist. We’d have to talk about this, without a doubt. He couldn’t ignore his own comfort–his own boundaries–not for anything.
The bond flared again, his fear finally abating as wave after wave of relief smothered it. He dropped fully on top of me, the weight comforting as I stroked along his spine. The tremors from before lightened, as did the pace of his breathing, as his nose turned to curl into my throat.
Something warm and wet hit my skin then and with it, my heart gave another twist.
I didn’t need to be a genius to know what those were.
Pain chewed through my chest like a wild animal as I hummed lowly, hoping to soothe the last of his fear. It did, to my relief, but before I could relax, scalding hot shame seared through the bond next. He moved to pull back, a swell of self disgust and frustration pushing against my mind as he avoided my eyes. When he opened his mouth to apologize, I cut him off.
“Dimitrius this isn’t something to be sorry over.” Aside from his not stopping when I asked him to, that was, but we wouldn’t get into it right now. Even I knew that the timing wasn’t right.
Instead of calming, he ripped himself away, eyes moist and burning with inwardly directed anger. He crouched, form towering in a way that would have been imposing, if it weren’t for the way he still shook.
The air crackled with emotions, his aura flaring with the tangled mess of feelings overwhelming him, before he finally grit out.
“Oh? We were about to make love–were in the middle of it–and I went flaccid. You are still aroused, I can practically feel it saturating the air and I cannot sate you. But that is nothing to apologize over?” His tone sharpened, cutting lines into my heart as his usually soft eyes turned hard, shooting unease through my blood.
This wasn’t my Dimitrius. Even now all he seemed to care about was ‘sating’ me, as if I could ever enjoy this while he was so painfully ripped open. The thought soured any remaining dregs of arousal, the dull throb between my thighs finally fading back as I shook my head.
“No, it isn’t. Because I went into this knowing that sometimes we’d need to stop. I expected situations like this, Dimitrius.” I paused, hot tears burning the back of my eyes at the hurt still stinging deep. “What I didn’t expect was for you to try to shove your way through.”
We’d promised not to do this and yet here we were.
I didn’t mind stopping–that came with dating someone with a history of rape–but this? Knowing that he would have shoved himself through it without telling me that he needed to stop? It was so much worse.
Dimitrius shuddered, shame doubling as my hurt cut through the bond loud and clear. Before he could sink into the barbed depression already waiting with open arms to greet him, I sat up to be level with him
Reaching for his hand, I paused, hovering over it while waiting for permission. He’d been sobbing into my shoulder not five minutes ago while drowning in his own revulsion, to say he may not want touch right now was the understatement of the century.
His eyes trailed down to my hand, a rueful twitch curling his lips as he intertwined our fingers and squeezed. Then, he spoke.
“I am sorry, for all of this. I wanted you, all of you, and when it began to be too much, I refused to listen, sure it would fade if I pushed through it…a foolish thought.”
He didn’t need to elaborate on ‘all of this’, the self hatred dripping from his tone more than got the message across.
Tugging on his arm, I guided us to lean back on the headboard, our sides brushing as I settled our hands in my lap. Once settled, I started. “Again, an apology isn’t needed. Not for this.” When he looked away, scowl still tightening his lips, I cupped his cheek and gently brought those wounded eyes back to mine.
“Please, listen to me Dimitrius.”
He grimaced, but didn’t look away, eyes heavy with all his centuries as they bore into me. Taking that as my go ahead, I continued. “I don’t want sex if you’re not ready. What we’ve done together is already more intimate than I’ve ever had before with anyone else and even if we never managed more than that, I’ll be happy.”
Frustrated at times, but happy all the same. Arousal could be handled in other ways, but the disgust I’d felt earlier? It had no business being in our love life. Not while I still lived and breathed.
His scoff was sharp, breaking me from my thoughts. “I sincerely doubt that.”
Now he did move to look away, but I stopped him, meeting his gaze again with a ferocious scowl. “Doubt it all you like, that doesn’t make it any less true. Everything I’ve done before you has been purely physical, no emotions involved whatsoever. And Dimitrius?”
I paused, waiting to make sure he was still listening before I continued. “It was empty pleasure. I didn’t love them. What we have is more than that, more than anything, because it’s you and me. You’re not some random person who looked passed me being the ‘useless mage’ long enough for quick fuck. You’re Dimitrius Valentina, the incubus who stole my heart, and you want me for me. There’s nothing I could experience that would make me happier than that knowledge.”
He sucked in a shuddering breath, fragile warmth blooming as adoration and something I’d only ever felt from myself bubbled to the surface.
Love.
He’d told me he loved me, but feeling it was…something else entirely.
It swelled, growing until it encased every corner of my being, filling the cracks I’d long forgotten until I ached with the fullness of it. Then it vibrated, glowing from deep within me and I could only hope he felt mine just as clearly.
I’d never loved anyone, not since my mother’s betrayal, but staring into eyes that all but oozed adoration, I couldn’t summon the trepidation this would have brought even a month ago.
This was Dimitrius, my heart was safer with him than it’d ever been before.
Leaning to rest my head against his, I gently nudged the conversation back on track. “There’s no time limit for this. Take as long as you need to, but please don’t try to force yourself again. For me, if not for yourself.”
Feeling his disgust had nearly ripped my heart from my chest and I’d just as happily never feel it again.
Relief burst like a balloon when he nodded, raising our joined hands to his lips as he did. “You have my word, I will not repeat this mistake again.”
Relaxing into his side, my head coming to rest on his shoulder, I let the tension gripping my lungs go. So that’d gone…absolutely horrible, but I suppose we were due for a stumble in this regard. Though I wished it hadn’t been this massive, for his sake more than mine. Shaking aside the useless frustration, I focused on the now.
“Do you want to get a shower?” We were still covered in him and he’d admitted on more than one occasion that he wasn’t comfortable being covered in such things after his childhood.
To my surprise, instead of agreeing, his arm inched around my shoulders and pulled me closer to his side. Warmth seeped through the touch as his chin rested on my head, mouth brushing the top in a brief kiss as he denied.
“No. Soon, I will, but right now I wish to feel you here. I may not be able to claim you in the way I wish, but this will do as its stand in.”
A ferocious ache unfurled through the bond, perfectly mirroring mine. The open longing to have all of me burning between us. Swallowing past the hard lump in my throat, I twisted to better face him, cuddling closer as I did. His arm curled around my waist, lifting me into his lap with ease as he shifted around me. Once settled, I nestled my nose into his throat and offered.
“You don’t need to make love to me to have me. Everything I am and everything I will ever be, it’s already yours.”
He paused, turning that over, before giving a slow nod. Warmth burst back through the bond as the previous longing abated.
“You are correct. The physical intimacy… will come when it comes.”
Acceptance breezed over me and with it, I finally melted into him, absolutely certain now that there’d be no repeats. Yeah, things would be hard, but all the best things were. We’d take our time and get through it together, at whatever pace he needed.
Dimitrius leaned his head back against the headboard, soaking in the warmth from the now fading bond, his arm locked tight around me. Usually this would be where I bowed out, showering and disappearing before I could start to sink into post sex cuddles.
Stealing a look at his peaceful expression, a tiny smile curling his lips that swept flutters through my gut, I knew I’d be doing no such thing. We were forever now, I didn’t have to leave for fear of developing deeper feelings because it was too late for that.
“I love you.” The words were barely more than a contented sigh, but he still heard them. One honey eye opened, taking me in with a lazy joy that warmed me throughout as he bent just enough to kiss my head.
“As I love you.”
I’d never get tired of hearing that.
Cuddling into his chest, I listened as he reluctantly pulled us back to reality and away from our bubble of happiness. “My darling, we need to discuss what I learned.”
His tone was every bit as unwilling to destroy the moment as I was, but this was important. Children and mothers were dying in waves because of that sick fuck, we could cuddle later.
Forcing myself off of him, I eyed the sticky substance coating us with amusement. “Well, a shower is in order before we do anything else. Vlad and Sera would never let us live it down if we went out like this.” Glancing over at him, gauging his emotional state, I offered.
“Want to join me?”
I didn’t bother adding that there’d be no funny business. After what’d just happened, it was painfully obvious now wasn’t the right time for it. Even without the ‘potential end of the world’ threat looming over our heads, he was still too emotionally rung out and to be honest, so was I.
He nodded, no hesitation as he took my offered hand, not dropping the contact as he all but dragged us to the bathroom. “Yes, while I am in no mood for amorous activities, your presence is soothing and I will never turn it away.”
Again, flutters awoke in my chest, but I paid it no mind. Let my heart spin in its cage all it wanted. Happiness all but glowed off me and after the past centuries of murky pain and loneliness? I’d earned the right to just enjoy it.
“Right back at you, now let’s go get clean. The faster we finish that, the quicker we can finally put this entire mess to bed.”