Cara stood in a dark blue dress atop the castle, peering over the side, the Vulkirian camp could be seen from this height. Countless rows of tents lined the hillside and disappeared from view. Erik was over there, probably sleeping at this hour, or so she hoped. She had noticed his haggard face and the look of exhaustion showed from his every move. They had barely spoken, except in the meetings. Their last real conversation was when he visited her after Asar had been killed.
Cara missed the young innocent boy. The boy who had nightmares and who she sang to for comfort. She missed Ulfrick.
A lump in her throat formed, “No. I won’t think about that now.” she muttered to herself.
Erik had come to her, wanting answers to how their parents really died. He had never truly believed they had died naturally. Cara never told him what really happened. She didn’t know how to tell him, wouldn’t… tell him. It had gnawed at her very soul and for years she had told the lie. The guilt it brought drowned her, nearly confessing on multiple occasions. Needing the truth to be told, Cara had let it slip to Erik and revealed only part of the story.
“Your majesty.” a guard approached from behind. “He’s here.”
“Thank you.” Cara turned. “Show him up.”
The guard nodded and backed away. Disappearing into the castle, the man went to fetch him.
She waited several moments, her mind racing, then a shadow flickered in the doorway, indicating he was finally here. Cara had arranged for him to be escorted to her in private so no one would know he was meeting with her. All the secrecy behind this meeting made her anxious but she had to speak with him.
He stalked from the doorway and into the shadowy walkway. Every torch had been doused near them, giving them privacy. Cara had wanted to speak with him the moment she knew he was coming to Calchester.
“Hello, Jebbin. I’m afraid there is no time for pleasantries, we must speak.” Cara said.
“Indeed.” Jebbin raised an eyebrow. “I was just confronted by Erik. He told me he knew about your parents. Apparently, he’s known for years.”
“Nearly two years. I told him before I was pregnant with Asar.” Cara admitted. “I’m sorry. I had to tell him something. He’s my brother.”
“Your majesty. No one can ever know. Not even your brother.” Jebbin emphasized. “I trust you haven’t said anything to Xerath?”
“No. I haven’t.” Cara sighed. “It would destroy him too.”
“Good, it must stay that way.” Jebbin encouraged. “Honestly though, I’m quite surprised your brother hasn’t taken action for revenge against Kligira if that’s what you told him.”
“He still suspects you though.” Cara informed. “His hatred for Kligira has been diminishing over the years, however, he does not fully believe the lie. He would not act in anger when he suspects something is amiss.”
“Ha.” Jebbin laughed. “Well, if your brother wanted to start a war he would.”
“You don’t know him as I do.” Cara assured him. “He would never endanger his people for personal revenge. I think he has given up on the idea. I deliberately kept any names out of it. He won’t go chasing after an assassin and risk the lives of innocence.”
“I pray to Hashem he doesn’t.” Jebbin sighed. “He hasn’t so far, I suppose you may be right about him.”
“Jebbin. My brother needs you.” Cara said. “You two might not like each other but you get along and he values your advice. I trust you, and he trusts me and that is enough for him for now.”
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“And I am honored by that trust.” Jebbin nodded. “He is a good man. Flawed as your brother is, he does what he thinks is right. Most wouldn’t if it smeared their good name. He didn’t hesitate to get us all to safety. And in doing so, has fractured the trust he once held by the people.”
“Will it be a problem?” Cara asked, worried.
“As long as no one stirs the pot.” Jebbin pursed his lips. “Most of the negativity falls onto deaf ears. The level-headed ones know all too well Erik’s loyalty to them. Fear not, my queen. Erik’s throne will be fine. Though he is not the boy you remember. Erik has grown into a fine king, but…” he paused. “After that night, he’s never been the same.”
They both paused, turning to peer over the wall.
“My brother is kind and sweet, he always has been. He’s had a hard childhood as you are more than aware.” Cara frowned. “Where he got his moral compass, only Hashem knows, but he needs someone to guide him.”
“As long as I live… I will be by his side.” Jebbin promised.
“I don’t know what to do!” Cara nearly burst into tears, overwhelmed by the memories. “I can’t keep living this lie.”
“You must.” Jebbin felt for her, saddened by her guilt. “The burden you bear is great, but I will help you carry it. It was my fault after all. I must take responsibility for that.”
“I never blamed you.” Cara cried softly.
“I know, child. But if I hadn’t tried to do things…” Jebbin hesitated. “You wouldn’t have been forced to be involved if I had done things right.” Jebbin said gently. “Don’t let it consume you. We both made mistakes that night.”
“Thank you, Jebbin.” Cara wiped away tears. “The fact that you know, gives me strength.”
“Always. If you feel you cannot bear it, write to me and I will come.” Jebbin offered.
“I will.” she replied.
There was a long pause between them. Cara controlled herself and wiped away the last of her tears.
“Your brother has given me authority in his absence.” Jebbin changed the subject, eager to discuss other matters. “Erik asked me to lead our people while he is away. He said he knows what he’s doing and to trust him.”
“Of course he does.” Cara sighed. “This whole thing with him having a connection with the Vog seems unreal. I’m still loath to admit he’s not crazy. If news about Brynd hadn’t come after the fact, I never would have believed him.”
“Nor I.” Jebbin admitted. “I was there though when it happened. It was frightening to watch but he spoke several words during his seizure and ‘Brynd’ was one of those words. I believe it to be true, as ludicrous as it sounds.”
“I trust your word then. My brother is many things but a liar is not one of them.” Cara said.
“Unless he is being manipulated.” Jebbin frowned.
“Then make sure someone you can trust goes with him.” Cara ordered. “Someone who will protect him.”
“I think he already has someone in mind.” Jebbin chuckled.
“Can we trust him?” Cara asked.
“Trust him? Yes.” Jebbin smiled. “But he is young. Inexperienced. I wouldn’t put my faith in him but Erik sees something in the young man. Something about saving him in Vlakias.”
“Well…” Cara smiled wryly. “I suppose that’s better than no one.”
“I best be going, your majesty.” Jebbin said, looking nervous.
“Oh, Jebbin. I’m sorry you must carry this.” Cara teared up again, hugging the old man. “Erik wouldn’t understand. He would never look at me the same nor Xerath.” her voice shook. “What would I do without you.”
“No, child.” Jebbin smiled sadly. “This is my burden to bear too and I will bear it gladly. In time, the pain will ease and heal. And don’t sell yourself short. You are stronger than you think.”
“But-” Cara started to protest further, unwilling to be convinced.
“It’s already been done. Let the past die tonight.” Jebbin interrupted her, his face looked sad and knowing. “I fear it will be some time before we meet again, child. Know that… I gave it my all. Whatever happens, never forget the good you have done. Take care of yourself.”
“I will.” Cara started to sob. “But I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Then don’t. I know and I understand you. I am grateful for that.” Jebbin sighed. “But don’t let it consume you. Forgive yourself. Asar wasn’t your fault either. You will have more children, and Xerath will always love you, as will your brother. Do not be afraid to lean on others for support. You can’t do everything alone.”
She wiped away the tears in her eyes and smiled at her mentor, her advisor, the father she never had.
With that, Jebbin twisted on his heel and quickly left Cara alone on the top of the wall.