Today Adeleya should be back. She, and the rest of the group, should be making a triumphant return with all their loot.

What if something happened to them? What if they got hurt? What if they aren’t coming back at all?

I shake the thoughts from my head with another spin of my blade, dancing around in the mud with such focus that everything else leaves me. It’s more motion training than it is combat training.

The conjurers are loath to waste their time picking up the pieces of their puppets, every time I head out into training fields, and they glare at my sword with a combination of fear and frustration. I’ve taken my stress out on them a little too much in the last few days.

The other mercs though have taken something of an interest in me, partly because of my adamant blade, partly because I’m an elf, and partly because I’m me. They’ve tried to start conversations a few times, I even spoke with that kid that I helped to save.

I talk, but they don’t really know me, and I don’t really want to admit to using dangerous magics. I can’t even show them Sandy so how can we get to know each other?

Other than the mercs, the kids wanting to be mercs are always clinging to me as well. They want me to show them how to fight and to tell them about surviving in the wild. They’re all so cheerful and happy, too. I don’t mind wasting my time with them, but they’re not my pack.

I spin around with the blade again, shifting my weight and changing direction as quickly as I can. Fighting with Theo has shown me the weaknesses of my fighting style. He’s able to fling me around by knocking my sword up and down, then hits me as I try to recover. I need better balance. Better control.

“Hey,” A girl calls to me from the side. I carefully finish my last motion, letting my momentum die down before I lift my sword and rest it on my shoulder.

“What is it?” I turn and, to my surprise, find a familiar young, elvish girl near to my own age.

“Anna?” The elves of this town have kept a distance from me, ever since I battled their elder.

“I want to train with you,” she says, walking up to me. “I want to be a mercenary, too.”

“You want to train?” I can’t see a sword or weapon with her, in fact, she looks dangerously underprepared. “Fist fighting?”

“…I’d rather not…” She replies, stepping aside and letting a little stone figure walk out from behind her. A rock golem.

I think back to what Alice has taught me in my lessons…

Rock golems tend to be easier to use than clay golems, as the rock funnels the æther more effectively. That said, they are much more difficult to make, with joints of mud and stone, the quality of which can heavily affect the strength and agility of the golem created.

Hers seems to walk just fine.

“He’s called Titan,” she says. “Ever since you left town I’ve been building him, then… then I came here.”

“You said you want to be a merc. Why?” I ask. If she’s just following me, then it’ll probably be bad for her, but I don’t mind having her as part of my pack.

“I want to be strong. Like you,” she says, “When there’s an emergency like with the ants, I want to be able to help.”

“Nice,” I smile and step up to her, holding her hand. “Syr will help.”

I still recall her following me into the fight with the ants. She was confident, and she was willing to act. She was weak, but that is the easiest part to fix.

“Y-yes, well.” She pulled her hands away quickly, “I’m still not strong enough yet, my parents never let me practice very much. That’s why I’m staying here with my aunt.”

“Oh,” I reply, realizing what it means for her to be an elf.

“Is it okay?” I ask her.

“What?”

“Talking with Syr. You won’t get in trouble or anything, will you?”

“I want to get into trouble,” she tells me confidently, “So treat me like you would anyone else.” She steps forwards and hesitantly takes my hand like I had hers.

She is strange for an elf, but a different sort of strange to Nadia.

Maybe we can be real friends…

“Okay, what do you want to practice?” I ask looking at the short rock figure.

“Like how everyone else does, my Titan fights you with your sword.”

That would be a slaughter again. I shouldn’t frighten her away like the other conjurers.

“Okay, I’ve got something,” I tell her, stepping onto the field, leaving my sword by the wall, away from the training field.

“Aren’t you going to use the sword?”

“You said you haven’t had much practice,” I tell her firmly, “Come, fight.”

Anna hesitantly stands by the side of the field watching her Titan closely. It moves slowly, stepping into range and jabbing with its arm. It is still impressive for the nature of a stone golem, but far too slow to be worth anything in a fight.

Stepping between Anna and Titan I slip my hand behind his back and trip him over my reinforced leg, sending him flying into the dirt. “You need to get a clearer sense of the battlefield. The other conjurers have trouble when they can’t see clearly, you should practice that stuff.”

“That’s not fair,” She accuses in a huff.

“Fair? What’s fair got to do with fighting?” I ask.

“It’s… nothing, I guess…” She grimaces but stands Titan back up, “This time…” She mutters as she charges at me with an impressive sprint. The Titan’s little legs work nearly as well as a persons.

Taken by surprise I react naturally, hardening my hand and leaping over the little golem, slicing off an arm on my landing.

“Nooo! Titan!” She cries out, running into the field.

“Ah.” I realize, a moment late, that I may have reacted a little strongly, rock golems are far more time consuming to make, especially ones made so well.

“Sorry,” I tell her, walking over to the injured Titan. The arm has come off completely, though my hand strikes aren’t strong enough to cut stone, I must’ve hit a weak point in the clay joint that caused the split.

“It’s fine,” she tells me, though she still sounds frustrated. “This is also what I wanted. I get to learn to fix him and make him stronger.” Her teeth quietly gnashing together. “Sorry, I didn’t make for much of a training partner.”

“It’s okay, it was fun.” I tell her, “Besides, the little Titan surprised me, he’s fast.”

“But he needs to be more than fast,” She responds wiping at her eyes.

“Do you want a hug?” I ask stepping in closer, “It helps.”

“I…” She pauses, looking over at me before giving a firm nod. She flinches a little in my arms but returns the hug well enough before pulling away.

“Are you feeling better?” I ask, stepping back.

Anna nods, wiping the last of her tears. The broken Titan between us sits dejectedly but doesn’t fall, she must be putting some focus into it, the other summoners never seem to be able to hold theirs together without looking.

“Anna,” I call out to her quietly, “You should get a hand weapon too. A shield.”

“I’m too weak, remember when I went out to help with the ants?”

“You should put some training into body strengthening. Titan is useless if someone can just hit you instead.” I say poking her lightly on the forehead. “Syr…no… I will help you when you want to train.”

“Thank you,” she says, bowing to me. I straighten her up and shake my head.

“No weird bowing, or any of that stuff.”

Afterwards, she walks Titan over to the side of the training field, looking over the broken arm and joint. She pulls out a set of tools from her bag and starts working on removing the remnants of the broken arm from its shoulder joint.

“Syr!” A boy comes running over while I’m distracted, a pair of wooden training swords swaying in his grip. “Can we practice again? I think I’ve figured it out this time.”

Anna’s repairs seem to be moving onwards, though I can’t tell how long it’ll take her. Other conjurers who’ve taken notice of her are standing by her side asking her questions about it, which she seems happy to answer.

I face instead Dore, the little town boy who wants to practice with me.

“Are you ready?” I ask, taking the spare wooden sword that he brought over. If I used my real sword, I’d accidentally kill him.

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He nods and then bows to me. I bow back.

Anna looks at me weirdly, but this time is different!

It’s the rules, of the fight. It means that we acknowledge each other. Anna was just bowing because of stupid elvish rules, it’s completely different.

“Let’s go!” Dore cries out as he charges at me with a downward swing.

Without my body strengthening, I’m at about an even match for the boy in strength and our sword skills are relatively on par with one another, too, me being poorly practised with proper swords and him being a kid. Still…

I raise my sword to meet his, stepping to the side and kicking when he’s still recovering his balance. This must be how Theo feels like when he sends me flying.

The boy doesn’t quite fall, my unstrengthened kick is not as powerful as usual.

“Again!” He yells, rushing at me slightly faster than Titan had. This time his sword is to the side, so I prepare to block it but he thrusts at me instead. My quick feet save me as I step aside just in time, striking his arm weakly before I regain my balance.

“It’s not that easy,” I tell him, pushing myself in for a light charge. I strike at him, but he deflects my wooden sword. I step forwards with another strike, he deflects again, and again I strike.

His stance is still weak, though better than the last time. After a few more strikes, he stumbles and I jab him as he falls.

Even though I have complete victory, we’re still both covered in mud.

Dore is breathing hard, even for how short our battle was. He’s still not very fit.

“How’s your magic training going?” I ask him after he’s recovered a little.

“Ugh, you’re just rubbing it in.”

“No,” I tell him firmly, “In a fight, it doesn’t matter if you are better at swinging a sword. What matters is whether or not you are more powerful. Strength. Magic. Stamina. Anything you can get, you use.”

The boy looks upset for a moment, before thanking me and rushing off. Others come after, but since I’ve already finished my proper training it doesn’t bother me too much. It’s a good way to distract from my worries. Adeleya’s face still insistently floats to my mind, but I try to ignore her.

“What are you doing here?” An elvish woman walks into the training area. Without armour, weapons, or the bearing that comes with them, she’s clearly not of the same ilk as everyone else here.

“I’m training,” Anna replies, still working on her rock golem’s broken joint.

“I told you not to come here,” the woman, her aunt, continues, walking up to her, “Come home, now.”

“No,” Anna replies, refusing to turn away from her broken Titan.

“I said come with me,” her aunt says a little more firmly, causing Anna to freeze. The air stills as the audience waits for one of them to make a move, neither does.

“Anna,” I call out, breaking the stalemate and walking up to her, and earning her aunt’s most violent of glares. “Can you show me how you do that?” I ask looking at the broken joint that Anna pulled off of Titan

“Sure,” she smiles, still a bit stiff. “Syr, have you ever worked with golems before?”

“I’ve fought them and watched people working on them before, but that’s about it.”

“Oh, well, about the joints…” She continues speaking in-depth, saying all sorts of terms that I’m not familiar with. In summary, conjurers have to work the stone into a shape that can accept æther flow in the right way for each joint, while still allowing motion with the clay joining it to the next stone.

Her aunt doesn’t stay around for long, looking about the grounds before huffing and walking off.

We continue fixing her Titan for a little while, the sun has burned away the last of morning’s cold and the training field has grown busy when Titan finally stands again.

He rotates his joints slowly, testing them, “He seems to be better.”

“He is, thank you.” Anna says, stretching after working, “Did you want to continue practising?”

“If you want to,” I reply, looking around at the equipment on hand.

“The same as before? Or…?”

If she’s going to fight, she needs to learn a few basics first. I can’t let her go out without practice. She needs to be strong, too.

I take up a wooden plank shield and kid-sized practice sword.

“What are you doing?” She asks me as I strap the shield to her arm.

“Can you use strengthening magic?” I ask her, as I swing about the practice sword, getting a feel for it.

“I… barely.”

“Then use it,” I tell her. “Try to keep Titan walking while blocking my attacks. If you don’t, it’ll hurt.”

“Wha-?” I wack her shield, and she stumbles a few steps back. Before she can gather herself, I push forwards again, hitting lightly at her undefended leg.

She squeals cutely, but I know it didn’t hurt.

We keep it up for a few minutes, and it’s more than enough exercise for Anna to be falling to the mud in exhaustion.

“What was that about?” She asks me in tired breaths.

“How well can you move Titan? How fast Titan can run? How strong is Titan? None of that matters if you’re dead,” I tell her. “Get Titan to defend for you, use a shield or get good at dodging, but you need to find a way to stay alive until Titan can beat the enemy.”

“That’s… Is that how it is?” She asks, pulling herself up from the muck.

“That’s how it is,” I tell her, lifting my adamant blade onto my shoulder.

She looks to me with a shine in her eyes, “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“I will be here,” I tell her, “Also, do you want to wear some new clothes?” I ask, and she gives me a hesitant smile in return.

I have some money, maybe not enough, but Nyla’s nice. It should be okay to look at least.

Anna is willing to come with me, but it takes her only a few minutes to run from the shop with her cheeks bright red. Nyla was happy to have us though, and if I can get Anna back, she’ll help me figure out the money issue, too.

Anna and I spend the whole day together, sitting at the gate as the sun falls to the horizon. Sandy perches on a branch at the edge of the forest, getting an even better view of the empty road.

“I have to go home,” Anna says when it starts getting cold.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. At the training field,” I say.

Even when Alice comes out to get me, the others don’t come back. I know it’s nothing big, the jobs can take more time, or maybe they were slowed by carrying all the heavy loot.

I feel sick.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s three days since they should have been back.

For three days, I’ve been glaring at the shapes written before me.

For three days, I’ve been swinging about my sword in the practice fields.

For three days, I’ve been playing with Anna, trying to pretend that everything is normal.

For three days, I’ve been burning up inside, with whirling thoughts and worries infesting my mind. Anxiety stewing endlessly within, while waiting for those familiar faces to be walking in the door, calling my name.

I should just run out there and find them.

But I can’t.

I have to trust them.

I have to do what they want me to do and become a proper apprentice, or whatever they call it.

Alice’s lesson doesn’t sit in my head like it should, even as she sits by my side her words feel so distant, the shapes before me even more so. Even though Sandy is watching the road for me, I can’t help myself but glare out that window to the distance where I know they’re fighting.

They’re fine, they’re strong after all, but still… I should be there.

“Syr.” Alice says my name as she pulls me in from the side for a hug, “They’re fine, alright.”

“Syr should be with them.” I say, looking up at her, “Syr will leave tomorrow, go find them.”

“No.” Her words are final. They always are to the mercs here, so they must be for me too. “As I said, they’re fine. If you go now, you’ll bother them.”

“Bother them…They won’t like Syr anymore?... Even then…”

“Syr.” Alice squeezes my hand and meets my eyes, “This is what it’s like for mercenaries like us, even when you want to be out there, sometimes you can’t. All you can do is sit back and wait for them to come home.”

“What if they don’t come home?” I ask her, but she looks away with another squeeze of my hand.

“You have to trust them.” She says, looking through the same dull window as I. “You have to trust them.” Her words feel weaker the second time she says them.

“You should get back to your reading practice. I’ve got more work to do,” she says, looking back at me a few times before leaving.

I try to study. I really do… but… I’m constantly watching through Sandy’s eyes instead. I’ve already pushed her to the limits of how far our æther bond can stretch just to get a longer view of the empty road.

The strange shapes on the paper before me hold no meaning, no value. Can they really make me stronger?

Tonight, I should go after them.

Even if they don’t like it. If they’re hurt out there…

I bite my lip and glare at the shapes that are keeping me locked in here. My eyes are dry as I try to glare the shapes into my head. If I can memorise these shapes, Alice will let me go.

If I can do everything she asks me to, then she has to let me go.

The shapes burn in my eyes. I guide the æther to my eyes thinking maybe it’ll help.

They left me behind.

But it’s my fault.

I’m not strong enough.

If they say that these letters will make me stronger, then I’ll do what they ask. I’ll learn all the shapes better than anyone. I’ll read every book in here, just don’t leave me behind.

I will get stronger.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A few dark shapes walk the road to Snowspring. Still small, still indistinct from anyone else even through Sandy’s clear eyes, but I know.

It’s them.

Rushing out of the room, leaving everything behind, I rush down the stairs and out the guild doors.

I run past the people on the road, dipping by a wagon that’s made its way to town. The people stare at me, but I don’t care.

Clearer by the second, I can see them in the distance, as I race through the town gates and out past the training fields.

“Adeleya. Nadia.” I say their names.

“Theo, Lothar.” I don’t even know why I care about those two, but after this long worrying, I can’t help but shout their names as well.

Nadia, looking further than the rest is first to notice me, lifting her arm and waving. I wave back as I race to them.

“Syr!” Adeleya calls, as their group hurries their steps.

“Adeleya,” I cry, leaping into her arms. “Nadia, too. I missed you!” I hold her tight, she’s warm and happy, and she hugs me back.

“Is there something wrong? An emergency?” Theo asks, ready to draw his weapon.

“You were late,” I say. “Syr waited.”

“Is that all,” Theo lets out a sigh, then a little chuckle. “Don’t startle us, I thought there was an attack on the town the way you were running at us.”

“You were late,” I say again, Adeleya messing with my hair.

“I did say that we might be late,” she says, “You didn’t need to worry so much.”

“How did you know we were coming?” Nadia asks.

“Sandy showed me,” I reply as the hawk swoops down and rests on a branch above.

“Ah… That so…?” Nadia replies slowly, she must be tired from the trip.

“Are you all okay?” I ask them, looking them over for injuries, but not seeing anything worrisome.

“We’re still in good condition,” Theo tells me, petting at my head. “It’ll be a while before you have to worry about us. Have you been studying?”

“Syr couldn’t study properly.” I finally let go of Adeleya but grip tightly to her hand instead.

“Do you want me to help?” Adeleya offers.

I nod quickly enough to make her laugh.

“Anyway, we still need to properly get to town,” Nadia interrupts, looking over at the distant town walls. “You did run quite a ways to us.”

“Syr was worried,” I can only reply.

“How about we have a meal when we get there.” Adeleya says, “You don’t need to be worried anymore, we can all relax over a warm meal.”

“Okay,” I grip tightly to her warm hand as we walk together back to town.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oh, you’re all back. I was wondering what had Syr running out so fast,” Alice says as we enter the guild hall. She’s sitting at the desk without a hint of concern. “How’d it go?”

“There were a few issues but we saw it through,” Theo replies, “We’ve collected the parts of a few Klora, though they’re a little singed.”

“Klora? Out here?” Alice asks with worry, “Did you burn the nest?”

“Don’t worry, it’s been dealt with. That said, we might want to extend some scouting parties further, ensure that there aren’t any other monsters like it moving in.”

“I’ll see what we can do,” Alice says, “I’ll need to talk with the headquarters about this. Anyway, the kitchens are open for lunch, so rest yourselves, seems like you’ll need it.

“And Syr.” She looks at me firmly, “You’ll be making up this study time.”

I nod, to show that I’ve heard her, but she continues to glare my way a little longer.

“Finally, it’s over,” Lothar moans as he sits and flops his head on the table, “Food…”

“Lothar, you did well,” Theo says but he can only give a weak grown to respond.

“Yeah, that third sense of yours saved our butts,” Nadia says, sitting beside him. “And Adeleya, that magic still is something.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do much without you three protecting me, though,” Adeleya shrugs.

I follow them to the table, sitting beside Adeleya, who continues to hold my hand throughout. Everyone is tired but still wound up from whatever fights they endured.

Fights that they endured without me.

“You all did well,” Theo tells them, looking to each of them in turn. “Those sorts of monsters are common in the west, it’s strange for them to cross the mountains. Even so, that nest was more dangerous than anything we’ve faced in the past, be proud of yourselves.”

They clap together the drinks.

I can’t reach out to them. My own cup is in hand as well, but… I don’t belong.

I don’t get any of what they’re talking about.

Their stories are meant for those who were there with them.

I wasn’t.

It’s strange.

Adeleya is smiling beside me, Nadia, Lothar, and Theo all around. Beyond that Alice is at her desk and a few familiar faces around the room eating their own meals. There are people everywhere.

Yet.

I feel alone.