“They don’t recall Syr, not from the Cildr incident, at least,” Lothar whispers to Theo. “There’s no mention of necromancy or the undead. She’s safe.”

“You’re sure?” Theo asks.

“I’m sure, they’re scared and tired, but they’re not lying,” Lothar says.

“Good.”

“I still don’t agree with this,” Lothar says. “How many people will suffer if necromancy comes back because of us?”

“We voted,” Theo says. “All we can do is watch over her.”

“Syr,” Adeleya rubs my head and steals my attention. “Even with the fighting over, we still have to help with the clean-up. Come along with me and we can find something to help with.”

She takes my hand and pulls me away. It’s a simple touch, but the pressure is comforting.

I know that I’m not alone anymore, I know that even if everyone leaves me today, there are other towns to go to and other people that I can meet if I just follow the roads. I’m not trapped in that small valley anymore, but still, I don’t feel free yet. Talking with people and feeling the warmth of a touch helps, but I don’t know when I’m going to lose all this.

Even over all the years that I spent trying to remember what it was like I couldn’t even dream of another person’s warmth. I don’t want to lose it again.

It's proof that I’m free of that valley, proof that this isn’t a crazy dream.

The mercs leave me again, ‘just for one more night’.

Just for a little while.

I can’t cause them problems, I smile and I pretend that everything is fine. At least I have Anna with me, or that’s what I think until she falls asleep the moment it’s time for bed.

“Anna? Anna?” I call out to her, but she’s silent.

Crawling up to her side, I hold her hand. She doesn’t wake up, but it’s enough. I close my eyes and force my worries down.

Dreams float by, never holding me for long and slipping away again just as easily as they’ve come. All sorts of feelings wash through me, disappearing just as quickly, and when morning comes, I pull my mind together from the pieces that were scattered in the night.

Something is wrong.

My furs aren’t right, my weapons aren’t nearby. I sit up and check the door, if a bear is trying to break into my home… No, I’m safe. There are no bears here in town. I’m safe.

“Syr?” Anna calls out quietly, looking back at the door behind which her parents are sleeping. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” I say, proud of myself for remembering to speak properly. “I need to leave.”

“Leave?” Anna asks. “You’re truly not staying with us?”

“No, I can’t. I won’t,” I say shaking my head. “Your parents don’t like me.”

After we returned and her parents found out about what we were doing out there, they threw a fit. I forgot what it’s like to get yelled at like that—bandits don’t count, they’re not people. Adeleya was there to help me get through it, but I still hated every moment of it.

Anna had it just as bad, but for some reason, she wasn’t as affected by their yelling. Is she used to it, maybe?

“They won’t throw you out,” Anna says. “Unlike the other races, we look after each other, right?”

“I wouldn’t know,” I reply, “but I don’t want to be a part of this family. It’s uncomfortable here. I’m going to follow the mercs instead, they already said that they’ll accept me.”

“Do you think that I…” She shakes her head and stares down at her feet.

“You can come, too,” I tell her, reaching for her hands, but she backs away again. She still hates touching people. “They can’t tell you what to do.

“You should become strong, too. Join my group, or pack, or party, or whatever it’s called.” I say. I want a big group with lots of people, and Anna is nice enough to be part of it. I’ll let her join and we’ll make a really big home, a town, with big walls.

“I… I can’t. I can’t just leave like that…” She says, shaking her head.

“You can,” I say, but she steps back away from me again.

“I’ll think about it,” she says. “If you want to go, then maybe you should leave before mom and dad wake up. They’ll try to stop you.”

I nod, gathering all my loot and leaving without saying goodbye. I feel her eyes warming my back until her little house is lost in the hazy darkness of the night that comes just before dawn.

The moon is obscured by a thin layer of clouds, and a slight drizzle has proven enough to dull the sounds and scents of the town. The darkness that veils the town does not frighten me as it would have before.

Slow and careful steps prove necessary to cross the uneven ground, but it still doesn’t take long to find the main road and the gates out of town. The guard doesn’t notice me, he seems dazed and he’s only looking outwards. I don’t want to talk to him, but it’s good to have even this quiet company.

I sit with my back to the wall of a house so that I can see the gate and the road. While I leave the guard to his duty, I set up my own watch inside the gates.

Adeleya and the others didn’t tell me where they are staying, and I haven’t been able to figure it out, but if they leave the town they’ll come through here. I won’t let them leave without me.

The light rains settle into my new cloak, Anna’s parents might not like me much, but they still gave it to me without hesitation. I don’t know why. Do they see me as part of their pack? Are they like White who stayed with me to teach me healing and help me survive?

I don’t know.

I can’t spend too long trying to figure it out.

The rain and the wind are chilling, it cuts through to my bones, but I’m used to it and the wall gives me some protection at least. There are no monsters that are coming to eat me, and there aren’t even many bugs here crawling all through my hair. Being in town is nice, but at the same time, I don’t truly belong here.

The thin rain steals away sound, it darkens the slowly rising dawn, and it separates me from the others living here. They’re different to me; they have their families; they have their homes. The guard lending me his distant company fades away as the rain separates us.

Maybe… maybe, I should just leave. If the mercs keep leaving without me then I probably don’t belong with them. No… I definitely don’t belong with them.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

But it’s warm in Adelya’s arms. It’s comfortable to have other people nearby. I don’t want to let go of them.

I don’t want to be alone again.

“Syr.”

I turn to the man. It’s not as if he’s snuck up on me, but I still feel unprepared to face him. He’s the one who was so adamant about leaving me behind.

“Lothar…” I reply, expecting what is to come. “Syr should leave…”

“What do you mean?” he asks, leaning against the wall beside me and wiping the rain from his brow.

“Syr… wasn’t needed in the fight. That’s why you all left Syr here. That’s why you’re going to leave Syr here, isn’t it?” I ask him, looking up to where he stands.

“You…” He sighs deeply, as he looks down at me, “You won’t consider staying here? I’m sure that elvish family would take you in.”

“No. That’s not for Syr.”

“Not for Syr, huh?” He replies as if resigning himself to something. “You’re not the sort to be able to settle into a normal life anymore. What you did yesterday was good work. You saved those two people, but I’m still not sure I can trust you.”

“Why not? What does Syr need to do?”

“You… that magic of yours. Do you know how much trouble it can cause us?” He asks as he spits down into the mud, “Most think of it as a dead magic, destroyed through generations of effort. Every tome burned, and every chant forgotten. If anyone learns that you use it, it’s not just you, but us too, who will suffer for it.”

“Wolven do it all the time.”

“It’s different for an animal to do it than for a human to do it,” he insists. “Give it up. Bury it. Forget all about it. I don’t want to regret having let you live.”

With these words he fades back into the haze, leaving me alone again. The truth is, I know I can’t do as he says. I can’t even consider it.

I can’t be weak again.

Cycling my æther through my body, I practice using the magic that I know how to use while I wait for the others to come out here too. It doesn’t take long.

“Syr?!” Adeleya cries, driving away the cold, damp loneliness of this early morning town. “What are you doing out here this early, and in this weather?”

She wraps her arms around me, smothering me a little, but I don’t mind.

“You’re soaked, and you feel so cold! How long have you been out here?”

“Syr didn’t know where you were, and you can’t leave town without passing here, so Syr waited,” I tell her, as I absorb the warmth in her arms. I keep trying to speak properly, but every time I let my guard down I’m back to speaking like a stupid kid again.

“Syr?” She hugs me tighter, “Did… did you think we’d leave you behind? Without even talking to you?”

“You did yesterday.” She freezes up for some reason. I don’t blame her for leaving me here. They just didn’t trust me, and it’s my fault they didn’t trust me.

“Just… We’ll tell you first from now on, okay?” She says with a pained smile.

“Okay.”

She still doesn’t trust me.

“Syr,” she begins, but she loses her words as she looks into my face. She squeezes my hands in hers, she’s so very warm.

“You’re ready to leave?” Theo interrupts before she can ever find what words she’s lost, Nadia and Lothar follow after him. “It’s best to use what sunlight we can get.”

“I’m ready,” I heft my bulging pack onto my back, my feet sinking deeper into the mud from the weight. Adeleya stays by my side, holding my hand, but every time she glances down at me it feels like there’s something wrong.

Together we make our way towards the closed town gates. The guard seems to be in the process of swapping shifts. The town is waking up behind us.

“You’re leaving?” One of the rising villagers calls out to us as we get to the gates.

Evelyn, with the smaller Mary behind her. The girls who I’d had to protect against the army of ants.

“We’re heading back to Snowspring, with as many days as it’ll take us to get there, we need to use what time we have,” Theo says, but she seems to have her eyes stuck to me the whole while.

“Is that so…” As she responds, Adeleya gives me a little shove on the back, pushing me towards the woman.

“Syr,” she says my name hesitantly. It’s still nice to hear it.

“Thank you.” Mary squeezes past her and bows to me, “You saved me. Thank you so, so much. Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

Evelyn pushes ahead of her sister a little, “If I’d gone on my own, I’d have died, too. Thank you so much.” She bows like her sister. “Vern would say thanks too, but he’s still recovering.”

It’s nice that they’re thankful and all that, but I don’t like the bowing. The people of my village used to do that sometimes, but it feels like I’m back there again.

Tears drip from their eyes, as they keep their heads low.

Though they’re a little weak, and stupid; they’re still nice people. I don’t like to see them crying and sad.

“Hugs are better,” I say, and as they lift their heads I rush in and wrap my arms around them. It’s a little tight, and they’re a bit bigger than me, but it is warm and comforting.

They’re soft and warm.

“Thank you,” they insist on thanking me over and over again, as Theo tries to get us through the gates.

“I’ll be back someday,” I say. A warm bubbling feeling rises in my guts as I say goodbye.

I can come back here. This town will still be here, the people will welcome me, and even though I’m not going to be a part of their town. I’m not going to be one of them, they’ll still be happy to welcome me when I come back.

“Come back in a few years and we’ll share a few drinks,” Evelyn says. “Don’t let those mercs drag you into any more trouble now.”

“They don’t need to drag me,” I say.

“Now that’s not true, we need to drag you away from the trouble,” Adeleya grumbles with a smile. “We’ll take care of her.”

Theo rushes us out of the gates and onto the road leaving behind the town. I remember the look of it and the path that we take away so that I can come back someday when I’m stronger.

After I’ve found my home.

The long dusty roads aren’t well marked, and monsters cross our path more often than I thought they would. The ants we keep a distance from, the bears we scare off by waving our weapons about and making a lot of noise, and the wild hounds we kill from a distance.

The others kill from a distance. I’m still no good with the bow or with cast magics.

Winter’s grasp on the world weakens as the sun burns warm in the sky, but when night falls the cold winds roll down from the icy mountains. The chill never quite leaves the air, and when the rains drizzle overhead it almost feels like winter again.

I train every chance that I get, using my sword, my magic, and learning the bow and arrow. I get some hits in now and again, but it’s still not good enough to use in a fight.

I will master the bow, no matter how long it takes!

The magic training with Adeleya comes after, and I repeat the chants that she teaches me, but the sounds are nothing more than sounds to me. I can’t feel any magic to them, even while they somehow make my æther run more smoothly to form the magic at the end of the staff.

After I train with my bow and magic, Theo and Nadia advise me on how to think with my sword and not just swing it about as hard as I can.

Training by myself I’ve come a long way, and I already did think about my actions before taking them, but they want me to think differently. To read my enemies and try to anticipate and respond to them. They’re also working to get me to develop proper patterns with my swordplay, strikes and sequences that I can repeat over and over again until perfect.

As the days of travel turn to weeks, I develop my sword work more and more, but Theo is still too good for me.

Nadia is still trying to get me to learn a new style of sword fighting, she wants me to use a smaller and stabbier sort, but Theo is on my side. He insists on helping me improve my long sword movements, and the punches and knife hand stabs that I use with the sword.

“You’re fighting technique is reminiscent of the Adamant fighting style,” he says, rubbing at the hair on his chin thoughtfully.

“Eh, you sure about that?” Lothar asks. “Isn’t Adamant about wearing heavy armour and just fighting in formations and stuff? The royal guard is famous for it, and it doesn’t look anything like what she’s doing.”

“Movement, balance, and momentum,” Theo says. “The adamant style is centred around these principals, but they choose to employ heavy armour to stabilise themselves. Limiting their own movement and making them immovable.

“Syr is using a similar strength to boost her agility, but it means that the momentum of swinging her heavy weapon moves her around just as much as the weapon. It takes a different approach, but it’s still focused on controlling movement, balance, and momentum through overwhelming force.”

I don’t fully get what he’s trying to talk about, but I do know that I have to control how I move better.

When we train, he keeps knocking at my sword, to throw off my balance. Before I can recover, he comes in for a follow-up strike to take me out. It’s his favourite way of beating me, and I know that there’s a way to counter it.

He instructs me on the best times to throw in a hand stab, and how to take notice of feints. Trying to feint for myself is still a little much for me.

Day turns to night, and turns back to day again. I train, and I learn, but there’s still a distance between me and the rest of them. They’re welcoming, they’re nice, and they don’t say or do anything mean or hurtful, but… I’m not one of them.

Not yet.

The villages we pass are welcoming, they’re happy enough to sell us food in trade for shiny coins. They’re all cheerful at the news that the bandits are gone, they sing and cheer and celebrate our victory against the bandits. My victory.

We never stay for long, usually only staying the night inside the walls. A much larger town waits ahead, and we’re all eager to get there, I cling to Adeleya’s hand and gaze forwards, looking beyond the horizon.

We arrive sooner than I thought we would.

Tall, wooden walls stand resolutely around a vast town that must contain hundreds upon hundreds of people. It’s built upon the slope of a mountain, though it is a gentle enough slope that people can walk along the roads comfortably. A small stream flows down one side of the town’s walls, overflowing with the water from the melting snow higher up on the mountain.

“This is Snowspring,” Theo tells me, “We’ll introduce you to the guild headquarters here and see if we can’t help get you started as an apprentice.”