They’re arguing again. Raised voices reaching upstairs. Words clear as day. She watches her reflection change. The girl in the mirror sad and wanting everything to be different. And she’d change things if she could. Except she can’t go back in time. Can’t undo the things that have made her brother resent her father. Nothing can make the situation more bearable. No matter how she wishes it so. Instead she finishes getting cleaned up and goes to get dressed for school. There’s a pause in the argument before it picks up again. More heated than it already was. At this rate, things will get physical. Grabbing her backpack she heads straight for the top of the stairs. Put on your best smile. Pretend you heard nothing. You do this every day. She hurries down the steps making sure every step is loud enough for the two to hear. Just as with every day prior they stop. Barely composing themselves. She catches the space between them and the looks on their faces before they look at her.
“You ready to go?”
“Yep.”
“Have a good day at school sweetheart. Both of you be safe.”
“Aren’t I always safe?”
Her father kisses the top of her head. Hugging her just a little tighter before she follows her brother out. Her brother who says nothing as he walks out the door. The smile she wears falters, but she’s quick to pick it up. And follow him out into the crisp morning air. They’re quiet as they make their way to the bus stop. While she’d like to ask why they’re always fighting, she’s aware that her brother will pretend to not know what she’s talking about. So instead, she attempts to piece together what little she heard. Still, none of it is enough to give her an idea.
The bus stop is empty. Probably a little early for us to be here. Beside her, her brother is scrolling through his phone. His way of avoiding talking about what’s bothering him. Or in this case to get her to not ask about the argument. Typical. He’ll avoid the topic for the rest of the week. A smile is still plastered on her face. It’s all she can do to not fall apart. To keep from having a meltdown where so many people can see her. The only way she can hide without a game of 21 questions. So no one will ask what’s wrong, or if she’s okay. Just like everything else. Pretend you’re okay. Pretend nothing is wrong. You’re fine. Everything is fine. There are people who have it worse.
As more people arrive, she manages to pull herself together. None of them need to know anything about what’s happening with her family. She doesn’t want pity or for anyone to use it to make fun of her. They do enough of the latter without knowing anything about her. Kids whose lives aren’t picture perfect either doing whatever they can to feel good about themselves. Aware that they use everything as ammunition she keeps quiet. I can hide in the back of the bus like I usually do. No one will notice.
The bus rolls to a stop. Everyone hurriedly tries to fit through the door.
“Bye Ella.”
“Bye Sebastian.”
She climbs on and goes straight to the back of the bus. Plopping into the empty seat. Anxious eyes watch the retreating figure of her brother as the bus begins to pull away. The joy she usually has in her heart gone. Dissipated. Nothing makes sense today. All she did was follow her usual routine. Yet, today he seems so distant. Almost like being around her bothers him today. Meticulously, her brain goes over the morning. Trying to figure out where she might have made a mistake. Nothing registers. As far as she can tell, she did everything right. She sighs quietly, glancing around to make sure no one’s watching her. The last thing she wants to do is give any one the impression that something’s not right. Not that they haven’t already found something to make fun of. Their eyes glimpse over her. Mocking. The jokes are already making their rounds. No surprise the bus the driver doesn’t say anything. From the sound of it, she’s not directly today’s topic. Rather they’ve chosen to use her brother as a way to get to her.
“Funny how you like to target someone else’s family. Joking that he doesn’t know English. And yet half of you have C’s at best in that very same class. And at worst some of you can’t even read. Those of you who can, read at a fifth-grade level. And that’s just from listening to you talk about yourselves. Since you’re so curious. Sebastian got nothing but straight A’s in all classes. That includes English. He speaks not on, but three languages. And if he really wanted to he could get a government job that pays more than what your parents make in a month. If you’re done trying to make me feel like shit you might want to make sure you did your homework.”
The bus goes silent. No one dares to look at her or say anything. Some of them red with embarrassment or anger. If not both. A few have shocked expressions. Every other week is like this. They’ll leave her alone for awhile, forget she put them in their place and start up again. Thing is, she doesn’t care if they bully her. She won’t stand for them going after her brother. I don’t get why they just don’t ignore someone if they don’t like them. That’s not too hard to do.
“Motherless bitch.”
It only takes a second. Just one, for her to process that the comment is meant for her. Another for her to pounce on the boy who dared to utter the sentiment. Punching him hard enough in the face to knock loose three teeth, bust his, lip and give him a nose bleed. It’s ten minutes before th police arrive and pull her off of him. Best they’ll do is suspend me. She doesn’t say a word to police or anyone as the boy is put in an ambulance and taken away. Her face betrays nothing as she’s taken to the station so they can call someone to pick her up. The two men do their best to try and convince her to explain herself.
“You realize his family can press charges, correct?”
Silence. She’s seen enough shows to know what may happen if she tells them. It’s not really self defense. Plus she doesn’t have anger issues. Doesn’t need counseling. Her father shows up not five minutes later. And he looks both concerned and puzzled. Even more so as the police explain in further detail what happened.
“What could that boy have possibly done for you to attack him? Ella?”
Plenty, but I’m not about to incriminate myself. I know what will happen if I say anything. I know my rights.
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“According to the young man she attacked, it was unprovoked.”
“Did any of the other students say anything. She’s not a violent girl. Doesn’t ever get in trouble.”
“Not yet. The school may be willing to cooperate, but without information from her, there’s very little to go on.you’re more than welcome to take her home sir. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if the family tries to press charges.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Ella, car. Now. Thank you gentlemen.”
She doesn’t hesitate to get in the car. Happy to not be sitting in a police station. She tells herself it’s worth it. That if it were to happen again she wouldn’t change a thing. Just like the walk to the bus stop with Sebastian, the car ride is silent. Uneasy. Not this again. It agitates her. Makes her want to scream. However, she resists the urge. Bottling it up for later. Remaining quiet even as they pull into the driveway.
“Are you going to pretend I didn’t ask you what happened?”
He’s not given a response as his daughter climbs out of the car and goes in the house. For a moment longer he sits before doing the same. In the living room both children are sitting on the floor. Only Sebastian looks as unnerved as he feels.
“Ella, what happened? You were fine when you got on the bus.”
“She’s ignoring you too?”
“Why is she not at school?”
“All I know is the police had to pick her up from the bus for violently beating on a boy.”
“You’re lying. Ella’s not violent. Maybe a bit wild, but never violent.”
“What am I gaining by lying to you? I picked her and her things up from the police station.”
“Sure you did. It’s always something with you! You can’t use her to get what you want from me!”
“STOP IT! JUST STOP! It’s always the same thing with the two of you! You’re always fighting and then pretend nothing is wrong! I’m tired of it!”
Their faces drop. Neither realized that she knew about the constant arguing. The tension that remains whenever they have these heated moments. Didn’t realize that she was even picking up on these things. Or that it was affecting her in anyway at all.
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t realize.”
“Of course not! The only time you stop fighting is when I’m around! And then I get treated like crap because you’re mad at each other! It hurts! But I pretend I’m fine because I know it’ll lead to more fighting. I’m just a kid. I’m not meant to hold a family together. That’s not my job.”
Tears well in her eyes as she gets to her feet and storms upstairs. The door to her room slamming shut. Both are left staring at their feet. This is the first either have been left speechless in the same instant. That she had kept how she felt from them for so long. Neither can bring themself to say anything. Rather, feebly sitting in the living room with their thoughts. Empty air that’s too heavy to breathe in or left alone. There are no words to describe the way they feel for unintentionally hurting her.
“Did they charge her? Or whatever?”
“Not as far as I know. She wouldn’t even answer their questions.”
“She’s too smart for her own good.”
“I would hope so. She has you for a brother. Not that I’d be disappointed if either of you failed at something.”
“Sure…”
“I mean it. Your mother raised you extremely well. There’s nothing you can’t do from what I’ve seen. Ella adores you. To no end, I might add.”
“You’re saying that to get on my good side. Ella doesn’t need me.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true and I know that if anything happened you’d take good care of her. It’s hard to come by siblings who are as close as the two of you are.”
Sebastian eyes the man. Struggling to understand why this man hasn’t just thrown him out. He’s proven to be more than difficult to deal with. All he knows is that it’s got to do with more than just Ella. Possibly more than his mother too.
“She didn’t kill him, did she?”
“Not that I’m aware of. The family may press charges, but as far as I know he’s still alive. Just in a lot of pain.”
“That bad?”
“Three teeth, a busted lip, a bloody nose, and several future bruises. That’s all I did. Doesn’t even cover what I should have done.”
“What gave you enough energy to knock a boys teeth loose?”
She hesitates. The phrase still stings. Burning her skin and searing her heart. Even thinking about it hurts her. And the what-ifs running rampantly through her head.
“He called me a motherless bitch, so I beat him up.”
“Car. Now.”
“Wait. What? Ella?”
“Both of you. Car. Now.”
They don’t make him repeat himself. Twice is more than enough. He rarely ever gets angry. When he is even Sebastian knows to back off. It’s not that he’s violent. No, it’s something different. Simply put, if he really wants to, he can ruin lives. Not a word is spoken as they head in the direction of the hospital. I shouldn’t have said anything. The car is parked so calmly that if they didn’t know the situation, they wouldn’t suspect a thing. It’s almost impossible to keep up with his long gait, but they do so. His interaction with the receptionist is so brusque, that for a moment he falters before giving the information requested of him. What have I done? The woman in the room jumps to her feet. She’s furious. Dark eyes on Ella.
“But of course, an immigrant. Probably doesn’t even-”
“Your son called my daughter a motherless bitch before she beat on him. And I can see why he thinks that’s okay behaviour. His mother is just as bad, if not worse. Apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
“The audacity! My son would never!”
“Your son doesn’t even make better grades than me and ends up in detention every day.”
“You insolent-”
“You’ve one time to say something disrespectful to or about either of my children. Ella, tell the nice lady what happened and why her son didn’t end up in a coma instead.”
Containing her excitement, she explains what happened on the bus. How instead of just keeping his mouth shut he said something that nearly got him killed. Sebastian clenches his fists at his sides. This is the first he’s hearing bout her being bullied by school mates. She always smiles so he never guessed this was going on. She smiles through everything. Not only did she defend him and their mother, she allowed herself to be picked on just to spite kids like this. If the boy wasn’t already in a hospital bed and badly beaten, Sebastian would deal with him himself.
The boy’s mother’s face falls. From the bathroom comes her husband. And he looks as disappointed as she does astounded. All he can do is shake his head. Something tells Ella this is not the first instance of their son doing something terrible to someone else.
“Did I not tell you he’d probably done something.”
“Don’t patronize me! That doesn’t mean she had to beat him up! What if she’d killed him?!”
“Be happy she didn’t. You can attempt to press charges if you want, but let me just warn you. It’ll be a hard battle to win on your part. Both emotionally and financially. I’ve nothing but time on my hands.”
Before leaving he hands the family a business card. Scrawled across the front in perfect elegant golden letters is the name, Michael Carson. Satisfied when the woman blanches before turning to her son. Her screeching anger at his behaviour slowly fades as the elevator doors close.
“Am I still in trouble?”
“I’ll let this one go. Since you’re probably suspended for a bit you can help you brother with his chores. And the next time I say be safe, that also includes not getting arrested.”
“Right…”
“Other than that, I’m proud of you. I know how much it can suck to be in your brother’s shadow. And on top of it you’ve been dealing with a lot. There are some who wouldn’t have done anything hearing someone talk bad about their sibling. And you chose to defend him. Despite everything you’ve been feeling.”
“He’s my brother. They don’t know us. And never will. All they’ve got are their words. Siblings have to stick together. I can’t expect someone else to speak up for him when he’s not around and I am.”
“Smart girl.”